Random Stupidity
by Ethra Esme
A/N: Yay. I think I'm starting to get the hang of author's notes. Basically, you just blather like a nincompoop, and the reader is completely at your mercy. BWAHAHA!
...Well, I guess they might stop reading. Of course, you'd get the small contingency of obsessive compulsive people who HAVE to read...but I want more reviews than that.
Anyway, thanks for the trophy, but next time can I have a pizza? Or maybe, a Pizza Trophy?
And, as to where "Esme" came from, its a name pulled from "New X-Men". One of White Queen's pupils. Ethra, well....came outta my ass.
Not literally, mind you.
Thank you to everyone who reviewed.
Oh, and also, sorry about the various typos. When I get back home, I shall fix them.
Chapter Eight
Oooo.....Detention
Ethra wandered down to the dungeons merrily, content that the author had decided to put aside canon and put in place something more entertaining for her.
So then she wandered into the potions classroom.
Snape looked up as she entered, obviously annoyed at himself for giving her detention with him. The author stood to the side holding a bamboo cane, however, so he decided not to change his mind at that juncture.
Snape stood and walked over to Ethra as she entered.
"Good. At least you are punctual. You will be dismembering horseshoe crabs for-"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ethra screamed. Loudly.
Snape's eyes became very wide and he backed so far away from her that he ran into his desk and fell halfway across it.
"....What the hell was that?" He demanded, trying to compose himself. Ethra, thanks to her operatic vocal training (YAY!) had a very. very. loud voice.
Ethra took a few deep breaths. She was stark white. A whiter shade of pale, in fact.
"I...am...DEATHLY...afraid...of horseshoe...cr-cr-crabs..." She shook terribly.
Snape finally managed to pull himself off his desk, pulling a few loose strands of greasy hair from his eyes.
"If I give you another task, will you promise not to scream like that again?"
"Possibly."
"Okay." He said, straightening up and striding toward the back of the class. "Follow me over here. You shall-"
Ethra was walking behind him when she got caught up in her robes and fell on her face with a loud thud.
Snape spun around and, just as he saw Ethra flat on her face, a piece of parchment rolled from her unconscious body and bumped into his right foot. Not the left one. The right one.
He stooped and picked it up. Being the nose he is, he opened it and gazed at what was written upon it.
It wasn't really writing. Well, some of it was. On the parchment was a very good likeness of himself, although...he wasn't clothed.
Snape's face began to turn a light greenish colour. She had stopped at the waist area, so it wasn't too revealing, but he wondered how she had figured out about his third nipple.
Just kidding.
About the nipple that is.
The author, at this point, wondered vaguely where movie!Sirius from Prisoner of Azkaban would have procured those nifty tattoos of his.
Realizing she was wondering aloud in her story, she stopped, and resumed writing about the Snape pseudo-porn.
She had actually done a pretty good job guessing what was under his robes, which made him slightly suspicious, except she was a little too generous with the small, er...butterbeer belly she had given him.
He looked down at his stomach, flattening his robes. "Maybe I HAVE gained a little weight..." He murmered to himself, then came back to his senses and glared back at the parchment.
He had a dialouge bubble.
her handwriting was scritchy and barely legible, but he was able to make out-
"'I am Snape, the sex- I mean, Potions Master.'" He read aloud.
Just then Ethra came to and rolled over onto her back, staring at the cieling. As she bent her left knee, her amply-lengthed black skirt dropped a little higher up her thigh and Snape remembered that she was legal. He growled at himself for that thought.
Ethra heard him and tipped her head backward, looking at him.
"Wow...upsidedown Snape..." She murmered. "Like, pineapple, only...Snape... Wooo.....Snapecake..."
Snape cocked his head at her, and she suddenly sat up, her back to him, and shook her head.
"Damn, I fall a lot in this story." She tried to stand but again got tangled in her robes.
"Son of a fucking hell damnit!" She cursed loudly, and ripped off her cape, throwing it to the ground. She turned around and yelled, "AND YOU, TOO!"
Snape reached for his wand, but realized she was talking to her Slytherin house tie. She loosened the knot and tried to pull it over her head, but it got stuck on her abnormally large and beakish nose (sigh).
"Mumbling...damn...fuck...mumble..."
Snape wondered to himself is she had indeed said 'mumble' aloud, and then just sat back and watched with amusement as Ethra fumbled with her tie.
After a good ten minutes or so, she ripped it off and flung it to the ground, stomping it a couple times for good measure.
"So THERE!"
Slowly, she looked up.
And was reminded where she was.
"Oh...um..."
"I am Snape, the Sex Master?"
Ethra blinked, her bosum still heaving from the tie-fight.
"Excuse me?" She wondered how bad her fall had been, when he helf up her drawing. She immediately turned a bright red.
"Er...good likeness, eh?"
Snape, in turn, turned darker green.
"Um...er... Go see Madam Pomfrey!" He took his wand and lit the parchment, which burst into bright flame and disappeared.
"HEY! That's mine!"
"Detention's over for tonight, on account of your stupidity. See you tomorrow."
Growling, Ethra gathered up her things and headed out the door. 'At least I don't have to disect hors-....those THINGS.' she thought.
Back in the classroom, Snape retreated to his office. Today had tired him out more than usual. That girl, that strange girl, had the ability to tire him out in the worst way.
He sat down at his desk and opened one of the drawers to fetch a spare bottle of ink. In the bottom, was a near-photo perfect sketch of himself, half naked, proclaiming himself "Sex Master".
He couldn't supress a giggle.
by Ethra Esme
A/N: Yay. I think I'm starting to get the hang of author's notes. Basically, you just blather like a nincompoop, and the reader is completely at your mercy. BWAHAHA!
...Well, I guess they might stop reading. Of course, you'd get the small contingency of obsessive compulsive people who HAVE to read...but I want more reviews than that.
Anyway, thanks for the trophy, but next time can I have a pizza? Or maybe, a Pizza Trophy?
And, as to where "Esme" came from, its a name pulled from "New X-Men". One of White Queen's pupils. Ethra, well....came outta my ass.
Not literally, mind you.
Thank you to everyone who reviewed.
Oh, and also, sorry about the various typos. When I get back home, I shall fix them.
Chapter Eight
Oooo.....Detention
Ethra wandered down to the dungeons merrily, content that the author had decided to put aside canon and put in place something more entertaining for her.
So then she wandered into the potions classroom.
Snape looked up as she entered, obviously annoyed at himself for giving her detention with him. The author stood to the side holding a bamboo cane, however, so he decided not to change his mind at that juncture.
Snape stood and walked over to Ethra as she entered.
"Good. At least you are punctual. You will be dismembering horseshoe crabs for-"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ethra screamed. Loudly.
Snape's eyes became very wide and he backed so far away from her that he ran into his desk and fell halfway across it.
"....What the hell was that?" He demanded, trying to compose himself. Ethra, thanks to her operatic vocal training (YAY!) had a very. very. loud voice.
Ethra took a few deep breaths. She was stark white. A whiter shade of pale, in fact.
"I...am...DEATHLY...afraid...of horseshoe...cr-cr-crabs..." She shook terribly.
Snape finally managed to pull himself off his desk, pulling a few loose strands of greasy hair from his eyes.
"If I give you another task, will you promise not to scream like that again?"
"Possibly."
"Okay." He said, straightening up and striding toward the back of the class. "Follow me over here. You shall-"
Ethra was walking behind him when she got caught up in her robes and fell on her face with a loud thud.
Snape spun around and, just as he saw Ethra flat on her face, a piece of parchment rolled from her unconscious body and bumped into his right foot. Not the left one. The right one.
He stooped and picked it up. Being the nose he is, he opened it and gazed at what was written upon it.
It wasn't really writing. Well, some of it was. On the parchment was a very good likeness of himself, although...he wasn't clothed.
Snape's face began to turn a light greenish colour. She had stopped at the waist area, so it wasn't too revealing, but he wondered how she had figured out about his third nipple.
Just kidding.
About the nipple that is.
The author, at this point, wondered vaguely where movie!Sirius from Prisoner of Azkaban would have procured those nifty tattoos of his.
Realizing she was wondering aloud in her story, she stopped, and resumed writing about the Snape pseudo-porn.
She had actually done a pretty good job guessing what was under his robes, which made him slightly suspicious, except she was a little too generous with the small, er...butterbeer belly she had given him.
He looked down at his stomach, flattening his robes. "Maybe I HAVE gained a little weight..." He murmered to himself, then came back to his senses and glared back at the parchment.
He had a dialouge bubble.
her handwriting was scritchy and barely legible, but he was able to make out-
"'I am Snape, the sex- I mean, Potions Master.'" He read aloud.
Just then Ethra came to and rolled over onto her back, staring at the cieling. As she bent her left knee, her amply-lengthed black skirt dropped a little higher up her thigh and Snape remembered that she was legal. He growled at himself for that thought.
Ethra heard him and tipped her head backward, looking at him.
"Wow...upsidedown Snape..." She murmered. "Like, pineapple, only...Snape... Wooo.....Snapecake..."
Snape cocked his head at her, and she suddenly sat up, her back to him, and shook her head.
"Damn, I fall a lot in this story." She tried to stand but again got tangled in her robes.
"Son of a fucking hell damnit!" She cursed loudly, and ripped off her cape, throwing it to the ground. She turned around and yelled, "AND YOU, TOO!"
Snape reached for his wand, but realized she was talking to her Slytherin house tie. She loosened the knot and tried to pull it over her head, but it got stuck on her abnormally large and beakish nose (sigh).
"Mumbling...damn...fuck...mumble..."
Snape wondered to himself is she had indeed said 'mumble' aloud, and then just sat back and watched with amusement as Ethra fumbled with her tie.
After a good ten minutes or so, she ripped it off and flung it to the ground, stomping it a couple times for good measure.
"So THERE!"
Slowly, she looked up.
And was reminded where she was.
"Oh...um..."
"I am Snape, the Sex Master?"
Ethra blinked, her bosum still heaving from the tie-fight.
"Excuse me?" She wondered how bad her fall had been, when he helf up her drawing. She immediately turned a bright red.
"Er...good likeness, eh?"
Snape, in turn, turned darker green.
"Um...er... Go see Madam Pomfrey!" He took his wand and lit the parchment, which burst into bright flame and disappeared.
"HEY! That's mine!"
"Detention's over for tonight, on account of your stupidity. See you tomorrow."
Growling, Ethra gathered up her things and headed out the door. 'At least I don't have to disect hors-....those THINGS.' she thought.
Back in the classroom, Snape retreated to his office. Today had tired him out more than usual. That girl, that strange girl, had the ability to tire him out in the worst way.
He sat down at his desk and opened one of the drawers to fetch a spare bottle of ink. In the bottom, was a near-photo perfect sketch of himself, half naked, proclaiming himself "Sex Master".
He couldn't supress a giggle.