She's Back... - Chapter One
Lady Nakosha
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For a few weeks or so while I'm revising the chapters and adding more (yay!), the chapter count and blah, blah, blah will be messed up. Repeat: They WILL be all screwed up and weird. But rest assured that the content is right. So the count is wrong (unless otherwise noted), but the chapter substance themselves are okay. :)
ALL STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY
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Five Years After Prologue
Usagi woke in a cold sweat and touched her face only to find it drenched in her sweat and mixed with her tears. She had been crying in her sleep. Again. She'd had that same dream, or rather nightmare, again. The same dream that refused to leave her alone and leave her memories of the past and pain to rest.
That was all in the past! They had only recently started up; Usagi wondered if coming back to the very place onslaught of dreams. It wasn't her choice to come back to Tokyo, however. In fact, when Usagi had heard from her supervisor that she, along with seven others, were the lucky designers chosen to fly all the way from New York to Tokyo for a once-in-a-lifetime experience in designing the new spring-line for outrageously famous, internationally known models, Usagi had tried her hardest to subtly, but desperately squirm her way out of it. But it had been no use because getting out of the trip would have put her job and her credibility as a rising and quickly becoming designer on the line. And losing her position, as a notable designer was one thing Usagi couldn't afford.
After all, Tokyo was where her life had revolved around before she left in a rage, anxious to start her life anew where she was unknown and no one who she loved... and hated... were attached to her any longer. But still... why did her dreams have to keep reminding her of something that she so desperately wanted to forget altogether?
Usagi stood and stretched her sleepy limbs before she trudged to the bathroom and stared into the mirror, taking in her appearance. It was amazing; sometimes she failed to recognize herself. Her eyes had darkened to a deep blue with pale flecks of gray surrounding the pupil and held the wisdom and mysteries of someone years her senior.
Her hair was still that glorious, pale blond that you only see on the heads of toddlers, but shortly after arriving at New York, Usagi had forced herself to go to a professional hair dresser and had her chop her beautiful locks off to her mid shoulder and from then on, visited every three months or so to have her perm redone. She hadn't put her hair up into their familiar meatballs in years, but instead she opted for a more sophisticated look of curly and short, a changed look that reflected the changed person that she was. Putting her hair up into the trademark style that she was recognized for almost hurt now, it symbolized her more naïve, past self that she could never be again.
But there were things that hadn't changed and that never would. She still shared the same porcelain, unblemished features that she had when she was a teenager struggling to keep up in school and at the same time live up to be the savior she had been destined to be...
Splashing icy cold water on her face, she groped her way around the bathroom for a washcloth as water blurred her vision and dripped from her long, curly lashes.
"Damn, where is that cloth?" Usagi clenched her teeth in irritation as she finally grabbed one off the toilet seat and dried her face off.
Glancing at the clock on the nightstand from the corner of her eye, she read the digits and rolled her eyes. Waking up so early and going to sleep so late was going to start taking its toll on her complexion, Usagi was sure of it.
She'd never be able to get back to sleep. Not with the kind of luck with dreams that she was having. Scratching the back of her head venomously, she grabbed her cell phone, detached it from the charger and dialed the number that she had just begun using and had committed to memory.
Sighing in relief as the dialing tone stopped and someone answered; Usagi put her cheeriest and most persuasive voice on and dove in for the kill. "Motoki? It's Usagi."
Motoki's grumble turned into a yawn mid way. "Usa, the sun hasn't even risen yet!"
"Oh, is it really that early? I hadn't noticed! But anyway... I was wondering if you would, you know, mind meeting me outside the arcade for a nice, two AM walk with a friend?"
With mock annoyance, Motoki agreed, but only after making an even bigger deal over the fact that he was losing sleep and was going to become sleep deprived. Usagi let him yammer on until he felt she had received her earful of complaints and that she had apologized and thanked him more than a few hundred times before they finally hung up.
She hummed merrily as she changed into her most worn jeans and a random gray tank top before heading out. Their early morning conversations seemed to becoming a reoccurring, daily ritual that Usagi was actually becoming used to. Minus the horrible dreams that were set out on reminding her about her mistake of putting so much love and trust into one man that ended up breaking her heart in the end anyway.
With a resigned sigh, Usagi realized that not only was she in a war against her dreams, but now with her thoughts.
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Checking her watch for the millionth time it seemed; Usagi peered out into the muggy darkness, hoping that Motoki would get there soon. Her mind was playing games with her; every questionable shadow that crossed her vision seemed to be yet another disguise for a prowler or shady character that was lurking in the darkness, waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce her.
He was already ten minutes late. Motoki was a very punctual person; he was never more than--
"I see that you still don't trust the darkness since our meeting yesterday." A familiar, deep voice rumbled playfully from behind her.
Startled, Usagi looked up and smiled slowly as her hands' shaking lessened. His tousled blond hair looked as if he had just rolled out of bed--which he had--and his eyes still had that sleepy-eyed look. His lean, yet muscular figure loomed over Usagi by more than just a few inches.
Relief poured into Usagi at the sight of someone so familiar and someone who was... home. "Thank you for coming." Usagi remarked meaningfully. "But you are late." She teased good-naturedly.
He smiled, his eyes sparkling. "Well, well, look whose talking! The former queen of unquestionable lateness herself. And besides, you're the one who called me two in the morning. I suggested a later time, maybe sometime when restaurants were actually open so that we could eat breakfast and so I could properly get ready, not be so tired and look like hell, but that's not how Usagi works." Motoki grinned wickedly. "I didn't know I was so irresistible that you couldn't stay away long enough for the sun to rise..."
Usagi rolled her eyes exaggeratedly. "You are so full of it sometimes, I swear."
"I am, but I have every right to be since you made me come up--"
"Okay, okay, I get it already." Usagi laughed as she linked her arm through his as they started making their way down the empty street. They fell into a comfortable sync; but both of them knew that the joking, lighthearted part of their conversation had come to an end as more serious issues played at them. "So how's everyone doing?" She asked softly, soft enough that Motoki almost didn't catch it.
Motoki unlinked his arm with Usagi and wrapped it around her waist and pulled her closer (in a brotherly fashion, he wasn't sure). Motoki was mildly surprised at himself when he noted that her hair smelled vaguely of strawberries and warm vanilla. Despite that he knew of pain that Usagi was being forced to bear, he couldn't help but to be attracted to her undeniable beauty, both inside as a person and outside, physically. "Fine, I guess." He finally answered. "They talk about you a lot." He lifted her chin so she was looking him in the eye. "Maybe you should think about contacting them, Usa. You wouldn't even have to tell them that you're here, just that you're okay and to reassure them. They miss you terribly."
Usagi looked away, her eyes unexpectedly filling with tears. The thought of seeing them again, the same girls that had sworn their undying loyalty and friendship to her, only to be disappointed by her cowardly nature to run away from the pain that threatened to overwhelm her...
Usagi wasn't sure of which she couldn't face more: the shame of dropping her friends and leaving them without so much of a goodbye or the torture of seeing the two people that had put her in the position to stay and bear the humiliation, the horror or to disappear and still bear the humiliation and the horror. "Well, they wouldn't miss me if Rei and--" She broke off and dropped her head in frustration. "I promised myself I wouldn't talk about them, or much less cry. I made a solid promise and here I am talking about them and... and... crying about it too!" She angrily rubbed the tears away from her face. "It's been over five years, Motoki. It's been five years and yet it still feels as if they stabbed me in the back just yesterday."
Motoki took her hands in his and gently dried her face with his fingertips. "Maybe you should talk about it. Maybe it would help."
Usagi rubbed her temples in aggravation. "I already dream and think about it twenty-four-seven. I don't think I could handle talking about it and having them take up every aspect of my life."
"Right." Motoki looked thoughtful, as if he was contemplating the complexities of women. "When you're ready, Usagi, I'll be here or wherever you need me to be to listen."
"I know," Usagi murmured as she began to lose herself in the tide of her memories, every sweet and heart-wrenching memory.
He bit his lip. "I didn't tell you before... but..."
Usagi looked at him, her eyes glassy with vulnerability and ache, her mind had yet to register what he was trying to say. "Does she mention me at all?"
Motoki's heart squeezed for her. In spite of Rei's betrayal, it was obvious that Usagi, deep down, beneath the layers of hurt and anger, still cared for her longtime friend. "Yes. She talks about you often." Motoki hesitated. "Mamoru also--"
Usagi turned away from him, he felt her shut down completely at just the mention of her ex-boyfriend's name. "Please, Motoki don't say his name."
Motoki nodded, he understood that she still needed time. "I'm sorry." He looked away, partly embarrassed and partially because of what he still had to tell her. But it wasn't time yet. She obviously wasn't ready, nor would she be any time soon, Motoki realized.
Motoki looked over at Usagi and noticed that she was fighting a losing battle against not crying. "Are you okay?" Motoki bristled at himself quietly; of course she wasn't crying! She was still mourning the fact that her boyfriend—the former love of her life--and her best friend had done the naughty (bad choice of words, forgive me )!
Motoki was standing in front of her, both hands on her shoulders and gazing down at her, his eyes filled with concern.
"Yeah, yeah, sure, I'm okay." She reassured him, her continual flow of tears giving her away.
Despite his skepticism, he let it go. She didn't need any more pity or interrogation. "Okay."
She nodded, this time more firmly. "Yeah, definitely, I'm totally fine. Just a little emotional is all."
Talk about the understatement of the year, Usagi thought bitterly.
She let him envelop her in a tight, breathless hug. She clung to him and took in mouthfuls of air. Usagi's thoughts took an interesting turn from wallowing in self-pity to the sudden assault of foreign feelings that suddenly didn't feel so foreign, odd enough. She had always held a fondness for Motoki, a childish crush, but after her feelings for him had begun to dull, Usagi had thought that her teenage crush had come to a close, but now...
Her heart skipped a beat and drummed in her breast, uncertain, as his eyes softened with smoldering look of adoration and affection, the hairs on Usagi's neck rose as the warmth of his body against hers disappeared and was instantly replaced by the cold of loneliness when he stepped back half a step.
She watched him with haunted, half-closed eyes as he lowered his face towards hers, his fingers gently holding the tender outside of her arm. Usagi's throat closed as she fought against an open display of emotion. The way he was holding her; God, she hadn't been held in so long... not since she had seen Mamoru and Rei, at least...
Instead of kissing her, as Usagi had originally expected, he rested his forehead against hers, their noses were brushing each other's and she could feel his breath on hers as he watched her dissolve into a puddle of tears and desire for happiness at the same time.
He was witnessing her pain, the secret misery that she had managed to quell until now, until Motoki had opened something within her and released everything that she had put away into the dark of her heart.
Motoki understood something that Usagi herself still failed to understand and see, herself. But she realized, if nothing else, that Motoki had brought out the weakness in herself that she was so desperate to hide, and he was willing to help her overcome it, no longer how long it took, and for that she was thankful.
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Motoki had been so close, his heart and mind had come to an agreement that this was what he wanted, but when he saw her eyes, tortured by what had been done to her, he knew that he couldn't do it.
He couldn't make her pain stop, even if her eyes unconsciously begged him to, he couldn't give her something that wasn't his to give in the first place.
But as he watched her struggle and war inwardly with herself, he promised himself that when the time did come and when she was ready, whenever it was, he would give her his heart, as she would give him hers.
Her hands stroked the nape of his neck as his arms softly held the small of her back, pressing her to him. It was almost as if their bodies were having the conversation that they themselves could not speak. Usagi cleared her throat; it felt clogged and unused. "Thank you for meeting me, Motoki. I... I..."
Motoki nodded slightly, it wasn't an easy task as his painfully bumped against hers when he tried. "I already told you, its fine."
Motoki kissed her forehead tenderly, implying that there was more of that to come. Usagi began trembling, he was so careful with her fragile feelings, he didn't push her too hard, but at the same time, he didn't abandon her at first sight of a rocky journey ahead. Usagi broke away from him, her cheeks heated to a pink hue. "Well, I don't want to keep you any longer than I have. You've done more than you've had to do already."
"Really, I..."
Usagi didn't let him finish. "You have to go anyway." Usagi smiled softly. "You need your beauty sleep, remember?"
Motoki nodded in reluctant agreement. Had he said that? "Yes, as usual, you're right, I guess."
"I'll call you at two in the morning again tomorrow, okay?" Usagi weakly joked, trying to break the tension between them.
Motoki gave her a lopsided smile, but simple as his words were, they didn't have the same teasing demeanor. "Anytime, Usagi, anytime."
Spinning on her heels, she ran off towards the direction of the hotel she was staying at, the past hour blurred past her; Usagi bit her lip, if her dreams were bad before, she hated to see how they had progressed from bad to worse.
Her heart always seemed to be getting her into impossible situations and yet again it hasn't proved her wrong.
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Usagi stared at the abstract painting dreamily as she went over each detail of the night before in her mind. Sipping her decaf hazelnut latte, she wrinkled her forehead in deep concentration. It was amazing how much could change in such a short amount of time.
A sharp intake of air jerked Usagi from her dream-like reverie. Usagi glanced up indifferently, but when she spotted the odd, yet unmistakable hair color that Usagi knew could only belong to one person, Usagi gasped in surprise and the coffee cup she had been drinking earlier slammed down on the mahogany table with an audible thud. "Ami!" She uttered, taking her friend's slightly taller, but still skinny frame in.
Ami's eyes twinkled in amusement, but anyone within a ten-mile radius could tell that her calm front was quickly crumbling to the ecstasy beneath. "You haven't changed one bit." Ami scoffed happily.
Instantaneously Usagi was up on her feet and hugging one of her best friends with all her strength. Surprisingly, Ami hugged back with the same amount of vigor, she could feel herself becoming teary-eyed. Usagi had envisioned the first meeting with one of her friends, but never had she thought that so much emotion would overwhelm her and play such a large role.
Even though leaving was the best, and perhaps only decision that Usagi could have made, she couldn't help missing the closeness with her best friends more than anything.
"I've missed you so much!" Usagi blurt out, her cheeks flushing. "I couldn't help it." She mumbled, subdued for a split second before overcome with disbelief and excitement all over again.
Ami wiped her sweaty hands on her jeans and touched Usagi's arm in amazement, wondering if she was having another dream. Ami shook her head shakily, finally sitting down after convincing herself that this was truly real and her mind wasn't creating another illusion. "I missed you so much...everyone does."
Usagi looked down at her clenched hands. "I missed most of you too." She said quietly, putting quite a bit of emphasis on her words.
"You didn't miss Rei-chan or Mamoru-san any?"
Usagi cocked her head to the side, blankly, as if she hadn't heard the question. "How did you find me?" She hissed, the question if anyone else knew flitted across her mind, but Usagi decided that if they did know, there was nothing she could really do about that and they would have at least made an attempt at notifying her long ago.
Ami said wryly, "The United States, huh? It's amazing how much those newspapers talk about the 'young and beautiful, quickly-becoming, in- demand' clothing line designer." Usagi blushed, but Ami continued. "Your hair is really what completely... just changes you, Usa-chan." Ami was completely glowing. "It looks so amazing, though. So very grown-up."
Usagi shrugged. "I had to do something. Something different and wild... for me, at least. Once you've live in New York for more than a month or so, you tend to never be surprised by anything anymore because you feel like you've seen it all and nothing really shocks you anymore."
"And that's any different from us, how?" Ami giggled.
Usagi gave her an approving look. "You've gained a sense of humor, I'm impressed." She leaned towards her mischievously. "Have you been pardoned from your murder sentence of 'studying too much' yet?"
Ami chuckled. "Not a chance. I've still got these major projects coming up and my work is never done. Plus, New York sounds amazing. I'm going there when I finish getting my degree. They have outstanding medical institutions and programs that I plan on taking up and visiting. And it wouldn't be any use to me to visit those programs if I gave up more than two years' worth of classes."
At Usagi's confused look, Ami squealed, "I was accepted into the Ph.D. program!"
Usagi smiled half-heartedly, but her thoughts took a darker turn. She wished she could have been there to celebrate her friend's accomplishment and share the happiness of the news itself. I'll never get that back... all thanks to certain people, Usagi thought bitterly.
Ami squeezed her shoulders comfortingly. "It doesn't matter if you weren't there." She said, reading Usagi's thoughts. "It just matters that you're here now."
"I guess." Usagi mumbled, not quite fully believing her own words.
Usagi started to slowly sip her coffee that had been momentarily forgotten when Ami made a sound as a realization hit her. "Makoto is waiting for me. In all of this excitement... I forgot all about her!"
Usagi choked on her coffee. "What?" She sputtered hoarsely. "Wait. Makoto is here? Where is she? Does she know--"
Ami laughed. "Well, at least your way to bombard someone with questions hasn't changed. Yes, she's here, but she's in the store next door to here, waiting for me. She must think there is hell of a line because I'm taking so long."
Usagi leaped to her feet and nearly dragged Ami out of her seat and towards the door. "Well? What are you waiting for? Get your coffee and go!"
"But we've just reunited and they need to know that you're--"
"Nooo, no, no." Usagi repeated as she pushed Ami towards the cluster of people. "Ami, please don't tell anyone I'm here. None of the girls or Luna and Artemis, I don't think I can stand seeing any of them yet. I have to go to my family first, and then I'll see about talking to them." She added darkly, "Please, Ami, respect my wishes."
Ami sighed with strong reluctance. "I'm only staying quiet until you tell your family and then its fair ground, okay?"
"Yes, thank you." Usagi patted Ami's cheek once and scribbled her hotel number down on the back of her business card. "Call me sometime, okay?"
Ami nodded, close to tears. It felt like she was losing her beloved friend all over again. "I will, don't worry."
Usagi smiled one last time at Ami before disappearing into the throng of people.
Usagi sighed in resignation on her way out. It had begun.
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"What took you so freaking long?" Makoto grumbled as she took the steaming cup of coffee from her.
Ami shrugged. "Massive line."
"The line didn't look that long from out here." She added suspiciously. "Who were you talking to? Do I know her?"
Ami looked at her sharply. "You saw me with somebody? Did you see her face?"
Makoto blew on the steaming cup. "Nope, I just saw you hugging someone."
Ami relaxed. This game of secrecy with one of her closest friends was tricky and probably not one of her best decisions to play in the first place. For Usagi, Ami thought, solidifying her conviction to keep Makoto from knowing the truth. Ami realized in that moment that if Usagi asked her to do something... anything... she'd do it. She'd hesitate and perhaps question her reasoning, but in the end she'd do it. "Yeah, she was just someone I hadn't seen in a long time," Ami stammered.
"Anyway, we've got a meeting in twenty, so we better head back." Makoto stopped and examined Ami closely. "Ami, are you listening? It's not like you to daydream. You looked really spooked."
"I'm fine." Ami snapped angrily. "Can we just go? Am I allowed to think without someone giving me a Goddamned third degree?"
Makoto squinted at her, bewildered. Whoa. Someone needed some Midol. "Are you sure because we could just skip it, you know..."
"Can we just go already? I'm tired as it is and I have a lot of homework and I don't have time for this chicken shi--"
Makoto held her hands up in surrender, her coffee sloshing over the edge on onto her fingers. Makoto nearly dropped the coffee and yelped.
"Makoto." Ami sighed. "Why can't anything just be simple without something go--"
"Okay, okay, we're going, Jesus, it's just some spilled coffee for heaven's sake...!"
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Usagi closed her eyes, trying to visualize the scene between her and her friends when they would all finally meet face-to-face for the first time in five years. She could only come up with fifty different scenarios, each one crazier and more annoying than the last.
"Miss Kingsley? Ms. Kingsley?" The voice called out insistently, this time more impatient.
Usagi's eyes flew open and she blinked several times as the bright, florescent light flooded into her vision and seared her eyes. "Yes, yes, God, I'm sorry I was just--"
"Well, whatever happened, don't let it happen again." Her 'superior' received a few polite titters and snorts. Usagi blushed. "Ms. Kingsley, would you give us the designs you've made up?"
Usagi began opening her portfolio when the realization smacked her full force. She didn't finish it! She had been so busy thinking about Ami's discovery, her friends, Motoki... she had totally forgotten about finishing her designs last night!
Usagi kept rifling through her papers, even though she was well aware she wouldn't find it. She hit the palm of her hand to her forehead and put on her best face of innocence and sudden understanding. "I--I think I may have left it on my table next to my computer because I was in such a rush to get here, I..."
"Well, then I suppose you should go and get them, until then, this meeting is dismissed. We'll be set back people, but there is no other way to continue it without the designs. Usagi, please get those designs and put them in my box."
Usagi lowered her eyes. "Yes, sir, I apologize again." She shoved her papers into her folder and left the room as quickly as she could without running.
"Hey, Usa, tomorrow you have an appointment with--"
Usagi waved her personal assistance off. "Belle, I'm sorry, but I don't have much time to talk."
Belle spoke quickly, as if she was used to this type of hasty chatter and treatment. "At six-thirty in the evening tomorrow you have an appointment with that model, oh crap, what's her name again? I just had the paper... it was something like Melanie? No, no, it was Rena...no, it couldn't have... it started with a 'm' and was a really... oh here it is! Her name is Minerva Charles."
Usagi blanched. Minerva Charles...it couldn't possibly be her...could it?
"She's called Mina for short. You've heard of her, right? Tall, blonde, beautiful, super model..."
Usagi tuned her out. Yes, of course she knew her; Mina was one of her best friends! "Belle, I have to run, so I'll see you later..." She was already out the door before she could finish her sentence.
Usagi steeled her nerves for the next few hours. Mina may have tendencies to make questionable decisions, but Usagi knew that she wasn't stupid, especially when it came to her modeling career. In fact, she was one of most intelligent, yet one of the dumbest peoples that Usagi's ever met before.
An interesting combination, but would it work to Usagi's favor?
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I hope you enjoyed the first chapter that is a combination of chapter one, two, and three. Please review and let me know how I'm doing.
06/28/04
Lady Nakosha
--- --- --- --- --- ---
For a few weeks or so while I'm revising the chapters and adding more (yay!), the chapter count and blah, blah, blah will be messed up. Repeat: They WILL be all screwed up and weird. But rest assured that the content is right. So the count is wrong (unless otherwise noted), but the chapter substance themselves are okay. :)
ALL STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY
--- --- --- --- --- ---
Five Years After Prologue
Usagi woke in a cold sweat and touched her face only to find it drenched in her sweat and mixed with her tears. She had been crying in her sleep. Again. She'd had that same dream, or rather nightmare, again. The same dream that refused to leave her alone and leave her memories of the past and pain to rest.
That was all in the past! They had only recently started up; Usagi wondered if coming back to the very place onslaught of dreams. It wasn't her choice to come back to Tokyo, however. In fact, when Usagi had heard from her supervisor that she, along with seven others, were the lucky designers chosen to fly all the way from New York to Tokyo for a once-in-a-lifetime experience in designing the new spring-line for outrageously famous, internationally known models, Usagi had tried her hardest to subtly, but desperately squirm her way out of it. But it had been no use because getting out of the trip would have put her job and her credibility as a rising and quickly becoming designer on the line. And losing her position, as a notable designer was one thing Usagi couldn't afford.
After all, Tokyo was where her life had revolved around before she left in a rage, anxious to start her life anew where she was unknown and no one who she loved... and hated... were attached to her any longer. But still... why did her dreams have to keep reminding her of something that she so desperately wanted to forget altogether?
Usagi stood and stretched her sleepy limbs before she trudged to the bathroom and stared into the mirror, taking in her appearance. It was amazing; sometimes she failed to recognize herself. Her eyes had darkened to a deep blue with pale flecks of gray surrounding the pupil and held the wisdom and mysteries of someone years her senior.
Her hair was still that glorious, pale blond that you only see on the heads of toddlers, but shortly after arriving at New York, Usagi had forced herself to go to a professional hair dresser and had her chop her beautiful locks off to her mid shoulder and from then on, visited every three months or so to have her perm redone. She hadn't put her hair up into their familiar meatballs in years, but instead she opted for a more sophisticated look of curly and short, a changed look that reflected the changed person that she was. Putting her hair up into the trademark style that she was recognized for almost hurt now, it symbolized her more naïve, past self that she could never be again.
But there were things that hadn't changed and that never would. She still shared the same porcelain, unblemished features that she had when she was a teenager struggling to keep up in school and at the same time live up to be the savior she had been destined to be...
Splashing icy cold water on her face, she groped her way around the bathroom for a washcloth as water blurred her vision and dripped from her long, curly lashes.
"Damn, where is that cloth?" Usagi clenched her teeth in irritation as she finally grabbed one off the toilet seat and dried her face off.
Glancing at the clock on the nightstand from the corner of her eye, she read the digits and rolled her eyes. Waking up so early and going to sleep so late was going to start taking its toll on her complexion, Usagi was sure of it.
She'd never be able to get back to sleep. Not with the kind of luck with dreams that she was having. Scratching the back of her head venomously, she grabbed her cell phone, detached it from the charger and dialed the number that she had just begun using and had committed to memory.
Sighing in relief as the dialing tone stopped and someone answered; Usagi put her cheeriest and most persuasive voice on and dove in for the kill. "Motoki? It's Usagi."
Motoki's grumble turned into a yawn mid way. "Usa, the sun hasn't even risen yet!"
"Oh, is it really that early? I hadn't noticed! But anyway... I was wondering if you would, you know, mind meeting me outside the arcade for a nice, two AM walk with a friend?"
With mock annoyance, Motoki agreed, but only after making an even bigger deal over the fact that he was losing sleep and was going to become sleep deprived. Usagi let him yammer on until he felt she had received her earful of complaints and that she had apologized and thanked him more than a few hundred times before they finally hung up.
She hummed merrily as she changed into her most worn jeans and a random gray tank top before heading out. Their early morning conversations seemed to becoming a reoccurring, daily ritual that Usagi was actually becoming used to. Minus the horrible dreams that were set out on reminding her about her mistake of putting so much love and trust into one man that ended up breaking her heart in the end anyway.
With a resigned sigh, Usagi realized that not only was she in a war against her dreams, but now with her thoughts.
--- --- --- --- --- ---
Checking her watch for the millionth time it seemed; Usagi peered out into the muggy darkness, hoping that Motoki would get there soon. Her mind was playing games with her; every questionable shadow that crossed her vision seemed to be yet another disguise for a prowler or shady character that was lurking in the darkness, waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce her.
He was already ten minutes late. Motoki was a very punctual person; he was never more than--
"I see that you still don't trust the darkness since our meeting yesterday." A familiar, deep voice rumbled playfully from behind her.
Startled, Usagi looked up and smiled slowly as her hands' shaking lessened. His tousled blond hair looked as if he had just rolled out of bed--which he had--and his eyes still had that sleepy-eyed look. His lean, yet muscular figure loomed over Usagi by more than just a few inches.
Relief poured into Usagi at the sight of someone so familiar and someone who was... home. "Thank you for coming." Usagi remarked meaningfully. "But you are late." She teased good-naturedly.
He smiled, his eyes sparkling. "Well, well, look whose talking! The former queen of unquestionable lateness herself. And besides, you're the one who called me two in the morning. I suggested a later time, maybe sometime when restaurants were actually open so that we could eat breakfast and so I could properly get ready, not be so tired and look like hell, but that's not how Usagi works." Motoki grinned wickedly. "I didn't know I was so irresistible that you couldn't stay away long enough for the sun to rise..."
Usagi rolled her eyes exaggeratedly. "You are so full of it sometimes, I swear."
"I am, but I have every right to be since you made me come up--"
"Okay, okay, I get it already." Usagi laughed as she linked her arm through his as they started making their way down the empty street. They fell into a comfortable sync; but both of them knew that the joking, lighthearted part of their conversation had come to an end as more serious issues played at them. "So how's everyone doing?" She asked softly, soft enough that Motoki almost didn't catch it.
Motoki unlinked his arm with Usagi and wrapped it around her waist and pulled her closer (in a brotherly fashion, he wasn't sure). Motoki was mildly surprised at himself when he noted that her hair smelled vaguely of strawberries and warm vanilla. Despite that he knew of pain that Usagi was being forced to bear, he couldn't help but to be attracted to her undeniable beauty, both inside as a person and outside, physically. "Fine, I guess." He finally answered. "They talk about you a lot." He lifted her chin so she was looking him in the eye. "Maybe you should think about contacting them, Usa. You wouldn't even have to tell them that you're here, just that you're okay and to reassure them. They miss you terribly."
Usagi looked away, her eyes unexpectedly filling with tears. The thought of seeing them again, the same girls that had sworn their undying loyalty and friendship to her, only to be disappointed by her cowardly nature to run away from the pain that threatened to overwhelm her...
Usagi wasn't sure of which she couldn't face more: the shame of dropping her friends and leaving them without so much of a goodbye or the torture of seeing the two people that had put her in the position to stay and bear the humiliation, the horror or to disappear and still bear the humiliation and the horror. "Well, they wouldn't miss me if Rei and--" She broke off and dropped her head in frustration. "I promised myself I wouldn't talk about them, or much less cry. I made a solid promise and here I am talking about them and... and... crying about it too!" She angrily rubbed the tears away from her face. "It's been over five years, Motoki. It's been five years and yet it still feels as if they stabbed me in the back just yesterday."
Motoki took her hands in his and gently dried her face with his fingertips. "Maybe you should talk about it. Maybe it would help."
Usagi rubbed her temples in aggravation. "I already dream and think about it twenty-four-seven. I don't think I could handle talking about it and having them take up every aspect of my life."
"Right." Motoki looked thoughtful, as if he was contemplating the complexities of women. "When you're ready, Usagi, I'll be here or wherever you need me to be to listen."
"I know," Usagi murmured as she began to lose herself in the tide of her memories, every sweet and heart-wrenching memory.
He bit his lip. "I didn't tell you before... but..."
Usagi looked at him, her eyes glassy with vulnerability and ache, her mind had yet to register what he was trying to say. "Does she mention me at all?"
Motoki's heart squeezed for her. In spite of Rei's betrayal, it was obvious that Usagi, deep down, beneath the layers of hurt and anger, still cared for her longtime friend. "Yes. She talks about you often." Motoki hesitated. "Mamoru also--"
Usagi turned away from him, he felt her shut down completely at just the mention of her ex-boyfriend's name. "Please, Motoki don't say his name."
Motoki nodded, he understood that she still needed time. "I'm sorry." He looked away, partly embarrassed and partially because of what he still had to tell her. But it wasn't time yet. She obviously wasn't ready, nor would she be any time soon, Motoki realized.
Motoki looked over at Usagi and noticed that she was fighting a losing battle against not crying. "Are you okay?" Motoki bristled at himself quietly; of course she wasn't crying! She was still mourning the fact that her boyfriend—the former love of her life--and her best friend had done the naughty (bad choice of words, forgive me )!
Motoki was standing in front of her, both hands on her shoulders and gazing down at her, his eyes filled with concern.
"Yeah, yeah, sure, I'm okay." She reassured him, her continual flow of tears giving her away.
Despite his skepticism, he let it go. She didn't need any more pity or interrogation. "Okay."
She nodded, this time more firmly. "Yeah, definitely, I'm totally fine. Just a little emotional is all."
Talk about the understatement of the year, Usagi thought bitterly.
She let him envelop her in a tight, breathless hug. She clung to him and took in mouthfuls of air. Usagi's thoughts took an interesting turn from wallowing in self-pity to the sudden assault of foreign feelings that suddenly didn't feel so foreign, odd enough. She had always held a fondness for Motoki, a childish crush, but after her feelings for him had begun to dull, Usagi had thought that her teenage crush had come to a close, but now...
Her heart skipped a beat and drummed in her breast, uncertain, as his eyes softened with smoldering look of adoration and affection, the hairs on Usagi's neck rose as the warmth of his body against hers disappeared and was instantly replaced by the cold of loneliness when he stepped back half a step.
She watched him with haunted, half-closed eyes as he lowered his face towards hers, his fingers gently holding the tender outside of her arm. Usagi's throat closed as she fought against an open display of emotion. The way he was holding her; God, she hadn't been held in so long... not since she had seen Mamoru and Rei, at least...
Instead of kissing her, as Usagi had originally expected, he rested his forehead against hers, their noses were brushing each other's and she could feel his breath on hers as he watched her dissolve into a puddle of tears and desire for happiness at the same time.
He was witnessing her pain, the secret misery that she had managed to quell until now, until Motoki had opened something within her and released everything that she had put away into the dark of her heart.
Motoki understood something that Usagi herself still failed to understand and see, herself. But she realized, if nothing else, that Motoki had brought out the weakness in herself that she was so desperate to hide, and he was willing to help her overcome it, no longer how long it took, and for that she was thankful.
--- --- --- --- --- ---
Motoki had been so close, his heart and mind had come to an agreement that this was what he wanted, but when he saw her eyes, tortured by what had been done to her, he knew that he couldn't do it.
He couldn't make her pain stop, even if her eyes unconsciously begged him to, he couldn't give her something that wasn't his to give in the first place.
But as he watched her struggle and war inwardly with herself, he promised himself that when the time did come and when she was ready, whenever it was, he would give her his heart, as she would give him hers.
Her hands stroked the nape of his neck as his arms softly held the small of her back, pressing her to him. It was almost as if their bodies were having the conversation that they themselves could not speak. Usagi cleared her throat; it felt clogged and unused. "Thank you for meeting me, Motoki. I... I..."
Motoki nodded slightly, it wasn't an easy task as his painfully bumped against hers when he tried. "I already told you, its fine."
Motoki kissed her forehead tenderly, implying that there was more of that to come. Usagi began trembling, he was so careful with her fragile feelings, he didn't push her too hard, but at the same time, he didn't abandon her at first sight of a rocky journey ahead. Usagi broke away from him, her cheeks heated to a pink hue. "Well, I don't want to keep you any longer than I have. You've done more than you've had to do already."
"Really, I..."
Usagi didn't let him finish. "You have to go anyway." Usagi smiled softly. "You need your beauty sleep, remember?"
Motoki nodded in reluctant agreement. Had he said that? "Yes, as usual, you're right, I guess."
"I'll call you at two in the morning again tomorrow, okay?" Usagi weakly joked, trying to break the tension between them.
Motoki gave her a lopsided smile, but simple as his words were, they didn't have the same teasing demeanor. "Anytime, Usagi, anytime."
Spinning on her heels, she ran off towards the direction of the hotel she was staying at, the past hour blurred past her; Usagi bit her lip, if her dreams were bad before, she hated to see how they had progressed from bad to worse.
Her heart always seemed to be getting her into impossible situations and yet again it hasn't proved her wrong.
--- --- --- --- --- ---
Usagi stared at the abstract painting dreamily as she went over each detail of the night before in her mind. Sipping her decaf hazelnut latte, she wrinkled her forehead in deep concentration. It was amazing how much could change in such a short amount of time.
A sharp intake of air jerked Usagi from her dream-like reverie. Usagi glanced up indifferently, but when she spotted the odd, yet unmistakable hair color that Usagi knew could only belong to one person, Usagi gasped in surprise and the coffee cup she had been drinking earlier slammed down on the mahogany table with an audible thud. "Ami!" She uttered, taking her friend's slightly taller, but still skinny frame in.
Ami's eyes twinkled in amusement, but anyone within a ten-mile radius could tell that her calm front was quickly crumbling to the ecstasy beneath. "You haven't changed one bit." Ami scoffed happily.
Instantaneously Usagi was up on her feet and hugging one of her best friends with all her strength. Surprisingly, Ami hugged back with the same amount of vigor, she could feel herself becoming teary-eyed. Usagi had envisioned the first meeting with one of her friends, but never had she thought that so much emotion would overwhelm her and play such a large role.
Even though leaving was the best, and perhaps only decision that Usagi could have made, she couldn't help missing the closeness with her best friends more than anything.
"I've missed you so much!" Usagi blurt out, her cheeks flushing. "I couldn't help it." She mumbled, subdued for a split second before overcome with disbelief and excitement all over again.
Ami wiped her sweaty hands on her jeans and touched Usagi's arm in amazement, wondering if she was having another dream. Ami shook her head shakily, finally sitting down after convincing herself that this was truly real and her mind wasn't creating another illusion. "I missed you so much...everyone does."
Usagi looked down at her clenched hands. "I missed most of you too." She said quietly, putting quite a bit of emphasis on her words.
"You didn't miss Rei-chan or Mamoru-san any?"
Usagi cocked her head to the side, blankly, as if she hadn't heard the question. "How did you find me?" She hissed, the question if anyone else knew flitted across her mind, but Usagi decided that if they did know, there was nothing she could really do about that and they would have at least made an attempt at notifying her long ago.
Ami said wryly, "The United States, huh? It's amazing how much those newspapers talk about the 'young and beautiful, quickly-becoming, in- demand' clothing line designer." Usagi blushed, but Ami continued. "Your hair is really what completely... just changes you, Usa-chan." Ami was completely glowing. "It looks so amazing, though. So very grown-up."
Usagi shrugged. "I had to do something. Something different and wild... for me, at least. Once you've live in New York for more than a month or so, you tend to never be surprised by anything anymore because you feel like you've seen it all and nothing really shocks you anymore."
"And that's any different from us, how?" Ami giggled.
Usagi gave her an approving look. "You've gained a sense of humor, I'm impressed." She leaned towards her mischievously. "Have you been pardoned from your murder sentence of 'studying too much' yet?"
Ami chuckled. "Not a chance. I've still got these major projects coming up and my work is never done. Plus, New York sounds amazing. I'm going there when I finish getting my degree. They have outstanding medical institutions and programs that I plan on taking up and visiting. And it wouldn't be any use to me to visit those programs if I gave up more than two years' worth of classes."
At Usagi's confused look, Ami squealed, "I was accepted into the Ph.D. program!"
Usagi smiled half-heartedly, but her thoughts took a darker turn. She wished she could have been there to celebrate her friend's accomplishment and share the happiness of the news itself. I'll never get that back... all thanks to certain people, Usagi thought bitterly.
Ami squeezed her shoulders comfortingly. "It doesn't matter if you weren't there." She said, reading Usagi's thoughts. "It just matters that you're here now."
"I guess." Usagi mumbled, not quite fully believing her own words.
Usagi started to slowly sip her coffee that had been momentarily forgotten when Ami made a sound as a realization hit her. "Makoto is waiting for me. In all of this excitement... I forgot all about her!"
Usagi choked on her coffee. "What?" She sputtered hoarsely. "Wait. Makoto is here? Where is she? Does she know--"
Ami laughed. "Well, at least your way to bombard someone with questions hasn't changed. Yes, she's here, but she's in the store next door to here, waiting for me. She must think there is hell of a line because I'm taking so long."
Usagi leaped to her feet and nearly dragged Ami out of her seat and towards the door. "Well? What are you waiting for? Get your coffee and go!"
"But we've just reunited and they need to know that you're--"
"Nooo, no, no." Usagi repeated as she pushed Ami towards the cluster of people. "Ami, please don't tell anyone I'm here. None of the girls or Luna and Artemis, I don't think I can stand seeing any of them yet. I have to go to my family first, and then I'll see about talking to them." She added darkly, "Please, Ami, respect my wishes."
Ami sighed with strong reluctance. "I'm only staying quiet until you tell your family and then its fair ground, okay?"
"Yes, thank you." Usagi patted Ami's cheek once and scribbled her hotel number down on the back of her business card. "Call me sometime, okay?"
Ami nodded, close to tears. It felt like she was losing her beloved friend all over again. "I will, don't worry."
Usagi smiled one last time at Ami before disappearing into the throng of people.
Usagi sighed in resignation on her way out. It had begun.
--- --- --- --- --- ---
"What took you so freaking long?" Makoto grumbled as she took the steaming cup of coffee from her.
Ami shrugged. "Massive line."
"The line didn't look that long from out here." She added suspiciously. "Who were you talking to? Do I know her?"
Ami looked at her sharply. "You saw me with somebody? Did you see her face?"
Makoto blew on the steaming cup. "Nope, I just saw you hugging someone."
Ami relaxed. This game of secrecy with one of her closest friends was tricky and probably not one of her best decisions to play in the first place. For Usagi, Ami thought, solidifying her conviction to keep Makoto from knowing the truth. Ami realized in that moment that if Usagi asked her to do something... anything... she'd do it. She'd hesitate and perhaps question her reasoning, but in the end she'd do it. "Yeah, she was just someone I hadn't seen in a long time," Ami stammered.
"Anyway, we've got a meeting in twenty, so we better head back." Makoto stopped and examined Ami closely. "Ami, are you listening? It's not like you to daydream. You looked really spooked."
"I'm fine." Ami snapped angrily. "Can we just go? Am I allowed to think without someone giving me a Goddamned third degree?"
Makoto squinted at her, bewildered. Whoa. Someone needed some Midol. "Are you sure because we could just skip it, you know..."
"Can we just go already? I'm tired as it is and I have a lot of homework and I don't have time for this chicken shi--"
Makoto held her hands up in surrender, her coffee sloshing over the edge on onto her fingers. Makoto nearly dropped the coffee and yelped.
"Makoto." Ami sighed. "Why can't anything just be simple without something go--"
"Okay, okay, we're going, Jesus, it's just some spilled coffee for heaven's sake...!"
--- --- --- --- --- ---
Usagi closed her eyes, trying to visualize the scene between her and her friends when they would all finally meet face-to-face for the first time in five years. She could only come up with fifty different scenarios, each one crazier and more annoying than the last.
"Miss Kingsley? Ms. Kingsley?" The voice called out insistently, this time more impatient.
Usagi's eyes flew open and she blinked several times as the bright, florescent light flooded into her vision and seared her eyes. "Yes, yes, God, I'm sorry I was just--"
"Well, whatever happened, don't let it happen again." Her 'superior' received a few polite titters and snorts. Usagi blushed. "Ms. Kingsley, would you give us the designs you've made up?"
Usagi began opening her portfolio when the realization smacked her full force. She didn't finish it! She had been so busy thinking about Ami's discovery, her friends, Motoki... she had totally forgotten about finishing her designs last night!
Usagi kept rifling through her papers, even though she was well aware she wouldn't find it. She hit the palm of her hand to her forehead and put on her best face of innocence and sudden understanding. "I--I think I may have left it on my table next to my computer because I was in such a rush to get here, I..."
"Well, then I suppose you should go and get them, until then, this meeting is dismissed. We'll be set back people, but there is no other way to continue it without the designs. Usagi, please get those designs and put them in my box."
Usagi lowered her eyes. "Yes, sir, I apologize again." She shoved her papers into her folder and left the room as quickly as she could without running.
"Hey, Usa, tomorrow you have an appointment with--"
Usagi waved her personal assistance off. "Belle, I'm sorry, but I don't have much time to talk."
Belle spoke quickly, as if she was used to this type of hasty chatter and treatment. "At six-thirty in the evening tomorrow you have an appointment with that model, oh crap, what's her name again? I just had the paper... it was something like Melanie? No, no, it was Rena...no, it couldn't have... it started with a 'm' and was a really... oh here it is! Her name is Minerva Charles."
Usagi blanched. Minerva Charles...it couldn't possibly be her...could it?
"She's called Mina for short. You've heard of her, right? Tall, blonde, beautiful, super model..."
Usagi tuned her out. Yes, of course she knew her; Mina was one of her best friends! "Belle, I have to run, so I'll see you later..." She was already out the door before she could finish her sentence.
Usagi steeled her nerves for the next few hours. Mina may have tendencies to make questionable decisions, but Usagi knew that she wasn't stupid, especially when it came to her modeling career. In fact, she was one of most intelligent, yet one of the dumbest peoples that Usagi's ever met before.
An interesting combination, but would it work to Usagi's favor?
--- --- --- --- --- ---
I hope you enjoyed the first chapter that is a combination of chapter one, two, and three. Please review and let me know how I'm doing.
06/28/04