Everyone, I am so so SO sorry that it took me so long to update! I know that I promised I'd update fast, but I couldn't find my goddamn disk!! And now... I am in a bad mood 'cause I just beat a hard friggin' boss in Tales of Symphonia, and then I died before I got a chance to save! Grr... Curse my mother and her mo-fo vacuuming in front of the damn TV. Anyway... enough of my being pissed off, this is a FUN story! Let's move on...

[in the background, Lady-Drakin is shouting about how sh– Draka... returns to the story soon]

Disclaimer: I do not own the Soul Calibur characters... nor Tsukasa from .hackSIGN... nor the Teletubbies... but do you know who I DO own? Namika!

Warrior Island

Chapter 9 – Wipe Out

Yeah... you know where we left off. Surfing... enough said. And, oh, hey! Look at that... Nightmare fell off of his surfboard. "AAH!!" he screamed, as there was a loud 'SPLASH!'.

Namika sighed as she held her hand to her forehead, "It was only matter of time..." she murmured. "Nightmare! To shore with ye! I mean... ya... I mean... Get your ass over here!" Nightmare grumbled German profanities as he dragged himself to the shore.

Link spontaneously raised his sword towards the sky in a triumphant pose; the rays of sun reflected from the lustrous surface of his- Ow! Oh... was that too much? Okay, so he just screams, "Tsuyaaa!!"

Kilik gasped in astonishment, "Did you hear that? He said Tsukasa!" he exclaimed proudly.

"WHAT?!" shouted everyone else, as they stared in confusion.

"Wait..." Kilik paused, tilting his head, "Maybe it was... 'I want pasta'..." The warriors all sighed upon the realization that Kilik was having issues with this particular translation. "Or maybe... 'You're a bastard'? I don't know." Our favourite fighters and fightresses shook their heads to themselves as the staff-wielding man continued to contemplate Link's word.

Taki suddenly recalled something, "Ooh! Did you know that ((A/N: Warning! .hackSIGN spoiler!)) Tsukasa's a girl??"

Mina's jaw dropped in horror as she gaped at Taki in disbelief, "What?! That's impossible... you're lying! Please tell me that you're lying!!"

"Nope," Taki shook her head, "Her role-playing character's a guy, but in reality..."

((A/N: End .hackSIGN spoiler.))

"NOOOOO!!" Mina fell to her knees on the surfboard, "Say it ain't so! Not Tsukasa!!" Taki casually shrugged, holding one of her hands up in a 'hate to have been the one to tell you' manner. Mina sobbed uncontrollably until it happened... She fell into the water.

Yunsung looked at Mina with an expression of pity, "I told her that her obsession with Tsukasa would bring out the worst case scenario one day..."

"Mina, you're out!" Namika announced through the television.

Charade was standing on his surfboard with an amazingly good sense of balance. Yoshimitsu pouted which observing the shape-shifting eye, "Unfair! Charade can turn into whomever he feels like! Even some surfer dude by the name of... uhm... Chad... Surfer... Dude..."

Kilik glanced over to Yoshimitsu and nodded in approval, "Chad Surfer Dude... Nice name, man," he commented with a blunt hint of sarcasm. "Anyway... the only chance you have of getting Charade out is by you jumping off of your board, and knocking him off of his!"

Heavenly music played in the background as Yoshimitsu's already-glowing eyes lit up, "That's TRUE!!" he gracefully leapt off of his board and tackled Charade into the water.

Namika rolled her eyes, "Yo, genius! You're OUT!"

"ME?!" Yoshimitsu yelled in disbelief.

"Yes!"

He retorted, "Why?!"

Namika groaned, "Because you jumped OFF of your board!"

"B-but Kilik said..." Yoshimitsu struggled to get out, but ended up sounding like a complete and utter babbling idiot.

"Kilik said that if you jumped off of your surfboard and knocked Charade off of HIS board... Charade would be out. That is indeed the truth, but Kilik failed to mention that you would also be out," Namika explained, "End of clarification."

"Are you saying that...?"

"Yes. Kilik did indeed trick you," Namika muttered, "Too bad, so sad... Now get back to shore!"

Yoshimitsu sniffled as he swam closer to shore, and lumbered his way onto the sand. Charade quickly used the technique of the backstroke to shore, and then shook like a dog. Nightmare pet Charade on the head, "Good Charade!" he praised.

The living fragment of Soul Edge smiled as best he could, which caused all of the girls to swoon, "Aw! How cute!!" they exclaimed in unison.

Maxi grouchily kicked some sand while looking downwards, and murmured, "Stupid Charade... little pet... thinks he's all that... Lousy bastard!!" He lifted his head to see the grotesque sight of Astaroth making a sad attempt to smile cutely as Charade had. "Ugh..." Maxi wrinkled his nose in distaste, "You're not cute... at all... no... Go away now."

Tears welled up in Astaroth's eyes, "Mean, worms!!" he shouted and stormed off, facing in the opposite direction of everyone else.

Sophitia heaved an agitated sigh, "Oh no... now he's cranky..."

"I don't care," Maxi grumbled.

"You're don't CARE?!" Sophitia shrieked, grabbing a hold of the collar of Maxi's shirt, "You do not know the hell of dealing with children his age when they're cranky! They scream, and scream and say 'Mommy, I want ice cream! Give me ice cream or I'll run away!' Then – as always – Rothion isn't available, so I'm stuck bringing the kids to go and get ice cream! And during the entire walk to the ice cream parlour, they just whine: 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Mommy, my feet hurt! Carry me! Oh, carry me, too! Mommy, walk faster! Mommy, mommy, MOMMY!!' I can't take it! AH!!" Sophitia released Maxi and sat down on the sand, hugging her feet to her chest and rocking back and forth.

Everyone was left speechless from that display... But thankfully, the silence did not last long when a random hamster ran across the beach and squealed gleefully, "I'm drunk!"

Link's eyes glistened in curiosity; his wonder was clearly apparent, "Ya!! Hya, shaaaa, yaa!!" he jumped off of his surfboard and swam to shore, and then proceeded to chase the hamster.

"If anyone wanted to know... he said, 'Yay! Hamster!! A drunk one! They're as rare as a sober Goron!'," Kilik translated with extreme drama.

Necrid blinked a few times, "Uhm... what's a Goron?" Everyone else shrugged.

Cervantes looked over to the television, believing that Namika could possibly provide the response that they were searching for, but she was not there. "Why isn't the girl on the TV anymore?" Cervantes questioned, pointing to the television. Everyone else – once again – shrugged.

Namika reappeared on the idiot box ((A/N: Heh...)) with a piece of pizza in her hand, "What'd I miss?" she asked upon noticing that all eyes were on her.

"Vlaaash daaa!!"

"He wants to know where you were," Yoshimitsu clarified.

"Pft!" Namika scoffed, "I think it's quite obvious that I was bored and went to go and get a pizza! Because pizza is good... and has lots of cheese... especially when you purposely get extra cheese on an already- cheesy pizza!" The warriors all sweatdropped as the hyperactive teenager went on a rant about how great pizza and cheese were... Eventually, she stopped, "Oh! Hey, look! Only Kilik and Taki are left!"

Yunsung sighed, "Well observed..."

Namika beamed, "Now it's all a matter of who can ride that big-ass wave!"

Kilik and Taki's eyes widened, "Big...ass... wave...?" they gulped and cautiously turned their heads to catch sight of a crazy-huge wave that could be described as a tsunami despite the fact that that would be incorrect because that would make all of the warriors dead... Anyway, it's a big wave. Very big. And now... time for the rather delayed reaction of... "AAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!"

Sploosh... Crash! Whoosh! Sboosh! Fllssssh...

"And the winner is..." Namika watched as Taki's still-breathing body washed up onto shore, as Kilik sat on top of his surfboard in the water with spiral eyes, "...Kilik!!"

Kilik looked over in a complete daze as he also washed up onto shore, "Wha...?"

Xianghua ran over to him and hugged him tightly, "Oh, Kilik! You won!!" she exclaimed. Kilik gave some incomprehensible response, which earned a few perplexed stares.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Cassandra.

Ivy assured, "He'll be fine."

Cassandra picked up a random piece of driftwood from the sand and poked Kilik with it. He did not move. "Are you sure?" she insisted that something was wrong.

"No."

Link then ran by again, still chasing the drunken hamster. "HYAAAA!!"

"He says... come back..." Kilik managed to translate before collapsing into a state of not... being... conscious.

Necrid nodded slowly, "He suuure did."

"I'm wet," the dignified Frenchman whined.

"We're all wet," the opposite-of-dignified samurai stated plainly.

Raphael held up his rapier in a challenging stance, "I'm wetter!"

Mitsurugi raised an eyebrow and unsheathed his own weapon, "I'm the wettest!" he announced, confident that he had shown up his rival.

"I'm the wettest time infinity!"

"Damnit!" Mitsurugi returned his katana to its place in defeat.

Raphael laughed in triumph, "HAHA!! I win!"

Assassin sighed sadly and sank down to the ground, "I'm so alone... You're ignoring me AND I'm not wet at all!!"

"Aw... poor Assassin!" Talim rushed over to the masked fighter's side and gave him a biiiig hug. As a reaction on the notion of a 'biiiig hug', the four colourful Teletubbies walked up and joined in, chorusing 'biiiig hug!'.

Assassin flailed wildly, trying to be released from the pudgy creatures' and Talim's kung fu hug grip. "Ah... crushing... me..." The Teletubbies dispersed and hissed, revealing their demonic fangs, and then ran away while giggling. Talim and Assassin watched as they disappeared into the forest scenery. "If anyone asks... that never happened." The wind priestess nodded in agreement.

"Now rest!" Namika's voice returned the atmosphere to normal... by this island's standards, "For tomorrow, you will be in for a BIG surprise!"

"Glash vaaaa?" the heinous beast that we called Voldo questioned.

Yoshimitsu translated, "Uh... is that a good thing?"

Namika shrugged, "How the hell should I know? I haven't a clue what the surprise is going to be! Duh... that's why it's a called a 'surprise'! Well, anyway... good night!" A blanket of black covered the television screen, hiding Namika's image for the night.

Assassin got up from his spot on the ground, "All right! You heard the girl! To bed with you all! Sleep where you stand!" he clapped his hands twice, and then returned to his spot from the ground once again. The other warriors lied down where they stood, as commanded by Assassin, and turned in for the night.

---As the warriors slept...---

Two glowing red eyes in the trees spied over the sleeping figures, "To bed... to bed... to bed... yes. She goes now to bed. Do I? No. I await the sunrise to frighten the warriors. My scenes, I memorize and quote. Strike fear... strike curses... yes... soon..."

End of Chapter 9

Ooo... suspenseful... although it's pretty obvious who it is... I think... o.0 No, it's not Gollum.

Random reader: Yes it is!!

The Zelda Master: No!!

Random reader: Yes!!

The Zelda Master: Oh, screw it! You'll have to wait to find out! [taunting wink] Until then, I depart by saying: Please review and damn the complexity of Tales of Symphonia, and– Wow. Complexity is a word... Anyway, here a responses to a few reviews. (Man, there were so many for the last chapter...)

To Satanic Mechanic - Yes! The Family Guy humour! Ah, man. I'm glad that my story is somewhat like that... although I could never meet up to those standards. Anyhoo, glad you enjoy this. My randomness only gets better as we go on!

To Lady-Drakin - [points at you] You're a tomato!! [runs away]

To WolfPerson - At one point or another, every character will be picked on... just some more than others. [smirks]

To SpoiledPrincessBlue - Talim/Yunsung... Now, I love that pairing, and I may fit some in if the chance comes up. And bless you for understanding that every word with 'ass' in it is funny!

To Sir Dik-Dik - Your review songs rock, dude. You're awesome! Rock on!! [makes 'rock on' sign with her hand]

To Xenomina - Yunsung shall be made fun of in a wide variety of ways...

To Sokol - Unfortunately, my YYH CYOA did indeed get the FanFic boot. But I am working on reposting all of the chapters on mediaminer under this penname!