Title: Shattered Illusions
Author: Kelly Port
Feedback: donas13aol.com
Category: Romance/Humor/Angst
Rating: R For use of explicit language.
Spoilers: All Seasons.
Summary: My interpretation of what happens after Grissom takes Sara home (Bloodlines). This is a WIP.
Disclaimer: "CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION" and other related entities are owned, (TM) and (c) by ANTHONY E. ZUIKER, JERRY BRUCKHEIMER Television, CBS Worldwide Inc., Alliance Atlantis Corporation, CSI Productions and CBS Productions, All Rights Reserved. I am just a fan, with spare time on her hands and am really not worth perusing for settlement against infringement.
Notes: To Rox and Ash, my beta readers, this story would not be without you! Any other mistakes are mine all mine...mmmwhahaha! LOL, couldn't resist!
Archived: Yes, please!
Feedback is welcomed. No flames please as I don't think my exposed heart could handle it!
Chapter 2 Admissions
Grissom did not know how long they sat there on the floor, all he knew was that he had hurt her so much, but he wasn't going to leave her now, and if she let him, he would never leave her again.
As she tried in one last effort to rid herself of Grissom, she felt herself stumble forward, and as she tumbled forward, she felt his arms tighten around her to stop her from falling. As much as she had always wanted to be in this very position, it was too late for that and so she began to struggle, but he only tightened his grip. Sara soon felt the last ounces of strength ebb from her body and the emotions that she fought so long to hold at bay defeated her last defences and soon the tears followed by the sobs that ravaged her frail form followed. She found solace in the one man that caused her all the pain to begin with. As the emotions flowed forth she felt her knees give away and thought for sure that Grissom would let her go, instead he held onto her as he lowered their bodies to the floor and there they stayed. For how long, Sara was not sure, it felt like only minutes and yet at the same time it felt like eternity.
Long after the tears stopped flowing and the occasional shiver replaced her shaking body, Grissom sat on Sara's kitchen floor holding her to him. Lost in thought, Grissom was unaware that Sara had shifted, even if ever so slightly and was looking at him. It wasn't until she actually spoke that he came back into focus and looked down at her. She opened and closed her mouth several times before she finally speaking.
"I love you, and yet all you ever do is throw it back in my face, I feel like an elasticized puppet and you're the puppeteer and you pull me close when you want me and then let me spring back on my own when you don't. For four long years, you would fill me with hope only to take it back again. I was ready to leave and you sent me a stupid plant, I stayed because of stupid plant, a stupid piece of vegetation."
"For what?"
"For you to continual rip my heart to shreds and leaving me feeling unwanted and less then everyone else. I will never be good enough for you...will I?" Sara said as she watched his clear blue eyes cloud and a single tear escape the now brimming threshold.
As the first tear fell, Sara sat up a little straighter looking at the man that no matter how he hurt her, she still loved. She watched the path the tear took as it streaked down his cheek before it was lost in the stubble of his beard, and when she looked back up into eyes, she was astonished to see more tears falling. One after another, and soon he could no longer look at her, she watched as his shoulders rose and fell and his head hung in defeat.
"I know that I am too late, but there are things that you need to know and I am asking for the chance for you just to listen without question as to what I have to say. I have loved you from the moment I meet you. I know that I have I betrayed us more times then I care to count. But at first I thought your feelings were that of a mentor to his student and then I realized that they were more along the lines of caring friends. I am not really sure when I concluded that you might share the same depth of feeling that I had for you, but it sacred the living shit out of me. I am so much older then you...and," Grissom paused if only for a second to watch Sara open her mouth and then bite her lip without saying anything and he hurriedly continued on. "...I know what you are thinking and what you are going to say that age does not matter and where I like to believe that would always be the case, I have doubts not to mention that, I am your Supervisor and how would that look for you and possibilities of promotions. And before you say anything, I know that as well does not matter to you and I also know that are no official departmental rules on that subject. But I know how the world works; I know how the politics work even if you all think that I don't. I wouldn't want to take away any future chances that might come your way for a relationship, I couldn't do it, and I wouldn't do it. But something has changed, when I worked the Debbie Marlin case, I thought, god...she was you and in her life less eyes I saw all that I would never have with you, if...if..." Grissom suddenly fell silent.
"I heard you, that day, in the interrogation room with Vincent Lurie. I know that you were talking about me, and I know that you will not risk it. I just wish..." but Sara was interrupted before she could continue by Grissom.
"I am."
"What, pardon?" Sara asked.
"I am willing to risk it; I am going to risk it all for you, if you will let me. I could have lost you once and tonight when I got that phone call, if you, if they had called to tell me...Sara, I might already have lost you but please, I am begging you to give me a chance, if only to make it up to you as a friend." His eyes never left hers, as they pleaded with her to understand, to raise the white flag.
"Please Sara," he whispered.
As Sara rose she watched Grissom, this was not what she thought would happen let alone not anything close to what she thought he would say. She offered her hand to him, and he took it. As he rose from the floor he looked at her and then quickly looked back at the floor.
"I need time," Sara said.
"I'll give you all the time in the world, I won't ever hurt you again, I promise," Grissom replied.
"Besides," he continued, "You're on a weeks leave."
"Goodnight Grissom," said Sara.
"I will call you before shift starts, ok?" he said hesitantly.
"Ok, I'll be here," Sara, replied as she watched him leave.
After Grissom left, she locked the door and turned off the light and headed for her bedroom where she slipped beneath the cool sheets and stared at the ceiling, until she fell asleep.
TBC...