To All My Faithful Readers and Friends:
There always comes moments in my life when I have to be honest with myself and others. I've been dragging this on long enough, wanting to deny the truth, and I owe many people an apology and thanks for their patience.
So the truth is that I have next to no interest in writing anymore. The sense of fulfillment and pride are gone. It was simply become a laborous task that I do because I feel like I HAVE to, instead of wanting to do. The whim may come upon me once and a while, but it never lasts long, and is focused more on my original writings. There is no urge to write, no enjoyment from it, and I simply can't force myself to do something that I don't want to do. Even when I try my hardest, I can't keep it up for long, and what I produce is usually more along the lines of meaningless dribble.
This is partially because of my loss of interest in anime. Really, I don't like it that much any more. I don't watch shows or read comics or even listen to Japanese music all that often. I can enjoy these things once and a while, but the occasion is rare for me now. I'm certain that a big part of having no new idea's for my fics is because I haven't willingly watched an anime for years and, as I said above, I can't force myself.
There are so many other things in my life of importance. Paying my rent and bills, paying off my debts, looking after my animals, being there for my family and friends. The 'anniversary' of my Grandmother's death is in a month, and I still sob when I just look at a picture. My best friend is going to be having a baby. My mom has no job and I'm helping to pull the extra weight, even though I still can't go outside without feeling like there is an invisible gun pointed at my head. Every day, I have to work up the energy just to look after myself, push myself to remember to clean and tidy and eat and make sure the animals have food and clean potties. I need to be able to work on building up my mental and physical health, and that takes more out of me than anyone could ever know.
And so, with apologies to everyone who had been waiting so patiently, please don't expect many fanfic updates from here on in. When the desire to write comes upon me, I'm going to focus on my writing career, instead of the pointless blithers that are my fanfics. I won't just drop them, I will work on them once and a while when I feel like it, but I want everyone to know that this feeling won't happen often.
A lot of you may not care, and some of you will be disappointed. However, I am not going to miss the "Are you doing to update? Are you going to update? Are you going to update?" factor in this. It's just as bad as a group of kids in the back seat on a long drive: "Are we there yet?" The vast majority of feedback from people is asking about updates. Even a few threats of "If you don't update in another month, I'm going to stop checking!". ; I'm not some endless writing machine. And I don't just have writers block. I don't want to write anymore. The pleasure of it has been entirely sucked out of me, and I don't want
to have to do it anymore.
Finally, thank you to everyone who has read my stories. And thank you to everyone who has given me worthwhile comments. However, as of today, I will no longer force myself to work on a fanfic. As I said, I'm not giving them up entirely. However, I will only work on one when I actually feel like it, and I won't pretend that this will be any time soon.
Thank you for your time.
Aqua
There always comes moments in my life when I have to be honest with myself and others. I've been dragging this on long enough, wanting to deny the truth, and I owe many people an apology and thanks for their patience.
So the truth is that I have next to no interest in writing anymore. The sense of fulfillment and pride are gone. It was simply become a laborous task that I do because I feel like I HAVE to, instead of wanting to do. The whim may come upon me once and a while, but it never lasts long, and is focused more on my original writings. There is no urge to write, no enjoyment from it, and I simply can't force myself to do something that I don't want to do. Even when I try my hardest, I can't keep it up for long, and what I produce is usually more along the lines of meaningless dribble.
This is partially because of my loss of interest in anime. Really, I don't like it that much any more. I don't watch shows or read comics or even listen to Japanese music all that often. I can enjoy these things once and a while, but the occasion is rare for me now. I'm certain that a big part of having no new idea's for my fics is because I haven't willingly watched an anime for years and, as I said above, I can't force myself.
There are so many other things in my life of importance. Paying my rent and bills, paying off my debts, looking after my animals, being there for my family and friends. The 'anniversary' of my Grandmother's death is in a month, and I still sob when I just look at a picture. My best friend is going to be having a baby. My mom has no job and I'm helping to pull the extra weight, even though I still can't go outside without feeling like there is an invisible gun pointed at my head. Every day, I have to work up the energy just to look after myself, push myself to remember to clean and tidy and eat and make sure the animals have food and clean potties. I need to be able to work on building up my mental and physical health, and that takes more out of me than anyone could ever know.
And so, with apologies to everyone who had been waiting so patiently, please don't expect many fanfic updates from here on in. When the desire to write comes upon me, I'm going to focus on my writing career, instead of the pointless blithers that are my fanfics. I won't just drop them, I will work on them once and a while when I feel like it, but I want everyone to know that this feeling won't happen often.
A lot of you may not care, and some of you will be disappointed. However, I am not going to miss the "Are you doing to update? Are you going to update? Are you going to update?" factor in this. It's just as bad as a group of kids in the back seat on a long drive: "Are we there yet?" The vast majority of feedback from people is asking about updates. Even a few threats of "If you don't update in another month, I'm going to stop checking!". ; I'm not some endless writing machine. And I don't just have writers block. I don't want to write anymore. The pleasure of it has been entirely sucked out of me, and I don't want
to have to do it anymore.
Finally, thank you to everyone who has read my stories. And thank you to everyone who has given me worthwhile comments. However, as of today, I will no longer force myself to work on a fanfic. As I said, I'm not giving them up entirely. However, I will only work on one when I actually feel like it, and I won't pretend that this will be any time soon.
Thank you for your time.
Aqua