I was sitting in my room writing when a great crash and banging came from Arwen's room next door. It was much earlier than she normally returned to bed. Arwen is one of those annoying life-of-the-party girls. Everyone spends most of their time hanging around her. Half the elves goggling at her as if they had never seen a female before. I assumed it was Arwen and some elf she had picked up for yet another midnight feast. If I was a nasty, sneaky sort of elf, I might wonder what Aragorn would say if he knew about all Arwen's "midnight feasts?" But I'm not like that, so I guess I'll never know.
I banged on the wall, telling them to shut up, but the noise continued. I added a stream of elvish words that shouldn't be repeated on this paper. (It's amazing what vocabulary you can pick up here. Because it's the last homely house we get all sorts of travellers coming through)
The noise stopped for a moment, obviously surprised by my outburst. then it started up again.
By this time I had had enough. I left my room and pounded on the door. "Shut up" I screamed, "Some of us are trying to sleep" I kicked that door, (imagining it was my sister) when suddenly it flew off its hinges.
The room was deserted except for Glorfindel hanging from the ceiling by his legs. When he saw me he cried out "Arwen, release me please." Once I'd got over the shock of seeing him in that position, I was about to give him a mouthful for calling me Arwen, when I decided to let it pass. (He was upside down after all, maybe it was harder to tell us apart.) I also wanted to know what he was doing in there.
Suddenly a whirlwind swept past me laughing her head off. I stumbled against the door and watched her taunt Glorfindel. I finally understood. Arwen had suspected someone of sneaking into her room and reading her diary. She had set a booby trap to find out who it was. (I was very glad that I had decided against reading her diary this morning.)
I sneaked back to my room. This event had raised a few serious issues for me. I saw nothing wrong in occasionally looking at Arwen's diary, but what if someone was doing the same to me. I couldn't bear this record of my private feelings to be exposed to the public.
I know, I'll set my own trap. Then I'll know if anyone's coming in.
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No one has set off my trap today.
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Or today.
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Or today. No luck on the husband front either.
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Or today. Does anyone want to read my diary, or am I totally unimportant?
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Still no one has set off my trap. That's it, I knew I was turning invisible. No one cares about me, I might as well be dead.
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Returned to my room late last night, couldn't find a candle and blundered straight into my trap. Arwen came in to find me hanging from the ceiling and screaming my head off. She collapsed with hysterics in front of me and refused to cut the rope. I'll never set a trap for my diary again.
It was Glorfindel who released me in the end. I hate being in his debt, but the only reward he wanted was for me to help him sneak into Arwen's room one night. I told him about the Ivy plant reaching up to her bedroom window, and he went off with a smile on his face. I don't think even he is stupid enough to try it out.
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I was wrong. Glorfindel is now in the medical wing of the house, being treated for numerous broken bones. He tried to climb up the Ivy, but it came away from the wall. Sometimes I really wonder if I am the only sane person here.
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I've got a sneaky suspicion that Arwen is reading my diary. I inspected the Ivy plant and discovered that it had been cut. How else would Arwen know that Glorfindel was going to try to enter that way?
I must hide this diary somewhere really safe. Where she will never, ever find it.
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[Several months later]
Sorry I haven't written in you for a long time Diary, but I have only just found you. I hid you so well, that I couldn't remember where on earth I put you. I have just turned my room upside down and found all sorts of things I'd lost. A lock of Granny's hair, a clump of dried Athelas, a couple of shards from Narsil (I'd better put them back before Aragorn finds out), and a plastic replica of the ring Daddy used to wear on his finger. (Unfortunately it doesn't do the big water splashy thing like Daddy's)
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Someone called me Sauron today. Of all the nerve!! I'm sick to death of being called after my twin sister. But to be called after that evil, dark thing in Mordor is going too far!!! Why can't people remember my real name?
Sardwen.....Sardwen....Sardwen....It's not that hard to remember.
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I have solved the mystery. Arwen wasn't reading my diary. It was that Erestor, chief of Daddy's counsellors who has fancied her for ages. He was so jealous when he realised that Glorfindel was going to climb the ivy that he cut it himself. Unfortunately, the tree branch he was leaning from snapped as he cut through.
He has only just hobbled out of the medical wing. What a shame!
Serves him right for invading my privacy!
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I was walking along the terrace when Erestor hobbled up and threw himself at my feet. "Arwen," he cried, "Love of my life, please do not ignore me any more." I suppressed my great desire to throw him over the edge of the balcony. Gritting my teeth, I explained that I was not Arwen, I was her twin sister and if he called me by that name again, he would find the quickest route to the ground floor.
I stormed off and bumped into the woman herself hiding behind a curtain. She had a huge grin over her face. "Thanks Sardine" she said flinging her arms around my neck. "That stupid elf has been following me for ages, I couldn't stand it any longer." before I could say a word, she had walked off. She stopped at the corner only long enough to tell me that I should improve my flirting and chat up lines if I ever wanted to find a husband.
Can you believe it? I was so angry, that if she hadn't grinned and run off to find Daddy, I would have flung her over the balcony as well. I visualised the image of her body spread-eagled all over the rocks with plenty of blood flowing out instead.
It made me feel much better until Glorfindel stopped hobbling by on his crutches, to ask me who I was dreaming of with that stupid grin on my face.
One day, I'll get my revenge....