Disclaimer: All characters mentioned are the property of JK Rowling. We own nothing. Also, Nicola and the Viscount is the property of Meg Cabot.
A/N: Sarah and Sophia here. We're terribly sorry for the late update; we've been extremely busy the past week. Yay! We got 11 reviews! 10 more than we thought we'd get! Many thanks to our new reviewers: luvmenot (Thank you!) and Krissi (Glad you think so!). Also, our sincerest thanks to the "Old Faithfuls", Charles Weatherby (Laur, we're glad that you made an exception for us!), Miss Piratess (We worship you! lol), RWHG- Shipper- SCSR (Glad you liked! And only an 8? Aw...), Yellow Brick Road (Hi Alex! Thanks!), Pepperstepper16 (We'll be careful), HiddenFlame42 (Thanks! And AU means Alternate Universe, which is why everyone is acting differently. In this one, Hermione's never met Malfoy. Oh, and thanks for the thought, but we think we'll keep it R/Hr! Thanks, though!), NC Psychick (Sure! Call us that, we like!), and to Portmanroxsmysoxs (We hope so too). In response to Hunni07: Thanks for the tip. We'll try to fix our formatting a little. However, we'd prefer to keep Draco's moniker as "the God", rather than the "Sex God". As amusing as that would be, we don't think that Hermione would be so vulgar as to call Draco the latter. Thank you, though!
MAJOR WARNING: This chapter is full of cheesiness and purple prose. As much as we hate writing those, it had to be done. We kept cracking up every couple of sentences while writing this. Just keep that in mind, that's all. Oh, yeah, and we're trying out a new format. Tell us what you think of it. Enjoy!
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Chapter Two: A Special Invitation
Dear Mum and Dad,
I've just settled in at Hogwarts. Everyone here is very nice. Ginny took me to Hogsmeade over the weekend. About the 'Gwenor's Magical Tooth Polish' I sent you last evening...don't use it, please. I had forgotten that Zonko's was not the place to buy gifts for your family. But if you already did, don't worry; your teeth won't stay purple for long. At least, that's what I think...
Anyway, I got sorted into Gryffindor! Can you believe it? And there I was, thinking that I was going to Ravenclaw all along!
Here Hermione paused, smiling as she remembered her Sorting Ceremony. The Hat actually had considered putting her into Ravenclaw. "Hmm...very intelligent, Ravenclaw would be proud to have you," it had whispered in her ear, "But then...why do you wish to go to Slytherin? Oh...you are blushing. It's because of some boy, is it not? You are thinking of Malfoy? Hm...I don't quite think that he is the one for you. But if you really don't want to go to Ravenclaw, better be in...GRYFFINDOR!"
And so, she had ended up joining her cheering friends at the Gryffindor table. "And it's quite nice to be in Gryffindor. I'd never get to see Harry, Ginny, and Ron quite so often if I hadn't," she mused. However, a small, guilty, part of her wished that she could have gone to Slytherin instead, if only to be near the God! And what had the hat meant, by saying that the God wasn't right for her? Of course they were perfectly matched! After all, he was Draco Malfoy, and that meant that he was perfection itself, right?
She chewed her quill pensively, trying to think of what else she could write. She decided that she would definitely put in something about how nice the Weasleys were. After all, they were such a wonderful family. "Should I put something in about Ron?" she asked aloud. Then she shook her head at her sudden lapse of sanity, "Why should I put in anything about him?" she scolded herself. "He's nothing but an insufferable prat!"
But the God...ah, that was a different matter. What would she say about him? Perhaps she should mention just how handsome he had looked that morning, with his golden hair shining in the sunlight, and the way his eyes were a stormy grey that grew dark when he was angered, and bright when he smiled. "Only the God could have such gorgeous eyes," Hermione sighed to herself.
Suddenly, a hand appeared in her field of vision and waved energetically. Rudely awakened from her daydream, Hermione bristled in her seat and glared at the figure in front of her. Seemingly unaffected by her freezing glare, Ron gestured towards the door, "C'mon, Hermione, supper's in five minutes, and they're having shepherd's pie! Let's go!" With that, he bounded out of the Common Room. Hermione sighed. What a cretin! Ah well, she'd continue her letter later. She stood and followed Ron to the Great Hall.
Observing his striding figure from the corner of her eye, Hermione tried to discover exactly why Ron was so insufferable. Did he take pleasure in making others angry? In fact, he teased Ginny mercilessly as well! If the God had a sister, she was positive that he would treat her with the respect that she would deserve. In fact, the God was always unfailingly polite to Pansy!
What irritated her even more about him, Hermione decided, was that Ron did not look like the cretin he was. In fact, with those blue eyes and flaming hair of his, Ron could look quite hand.... presentable. Yes, presentable. And she couldn't even think of a nickname for him! Hermione had a private name for most of the men in her life. Snape was 'His Greasiness', Harry was "the Sweetheart', Draco was 'the God', of course, but she simply couldn't think of a name for Ron. 'Lapdog' didn't work, because Ron was his own person, despite being with Harry most of the time. She had tried 'Broomstick,' because of his obsession with Quidditch, but that was too sexual. Not that she'd think of Ron in a sexual way! Of course not! Even 'Cretin' didn't stick. He just stubbornly remained, "Ron" in her mind. Damn him.
However, she brightened as realized that she would see the God at dinner. "I could stare at him all day," she sighed to herself. Ron looked at her oddly. "You could...what?" he asked incredulously. "I said...isn't it a beautiful day?" Hermione replied quickly, her cheeks flaming with mortification. Still looking faintly suspicious, Ron sat down at the Gryffindor table. Luckily for her, his focus was solely on his food. Seeing her chance, Hermione glanced over at the Slytherin table.
Sure enough, he was there, in all his golden glory. 'He looks just like a dove among crows, sitting at that table,' Hermione thought dreamily. Then she sat up straighter, shocked at her previous thoughts. She sounded just like a schoolgirl with her first crush! Ugh! No, she would handle this affair with the dignity befitting a Granger. She would not go to pieces at the sight of the God, she would not...
At that point, the God looked up from his conversation with Pansy, and smiled at her from across the room, seemingly lighting up the Hall with his charm. Hermione immediately forgot about her virtuous thoughts. Oh, if only the God would look at her that way all the time!
Then, the God stood up and started walking...towards her! Time seemed to slow as he approached the table.
"Miss Granger, would you give me the pleasure of introducing you to my acquaintances?" he asked. Hermione sighed with delight. He even spoke like a Victorian gentleman, just like the people in her novels! Hermione stood up, almost tripping over the bench. "With pleasure," she replied, trying to hide her embarrassment.
As they walked away, the God stuck his godly tongue out at Harry and Ron. However, Hermione failed to notice this most un-Godlike behaviour, as she was too busy taking smug satisfaction in the fact that Ron seemed ready to explode with anger.
At the Slytherin tables, four smirking faces were waiting for them. "Angel," Draco said suavely, "this is Pansy, Crabbe, Goyle, and Blaise." Pansy nodded at the mention of her name, the smug smile never leaving her pug-like features. Crabbe and Goyle merely grunted, while Blaise looked at her penetratingly, then seemed to dismiss her. "Well!" Hermione thought indignantly, "you'd think that his friends would have better manners than that, being around the God so much!"
In a dignified manner, she ignored the rather ugly looks that they were giving her, promising herself that she would slap Pansy's hard whenever she got the chance. But then, the God caught her attention again. "Angel, how about you and I go to Hogsmeade tomorrow?" he asked, gazing meltingly into her eyes. "Yes!" Hermione cried, resolutely ignoring the fact that she had just gone to Hogsmeade the other day. The God smiled even more brightly at that, and Hermione left the Hall with a joyous heart.
Once she had reached her room, Hermione squealed with delight. She was going to Hogsmeade...with the God himself! She then continued her letter to her parents:
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Mum, Dad, I am going to Hogsmeade again tomorrow with one Draco Malfoy. You might get to know him a little better in the future. That's all I'll say for now.
Love, Hermione
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As Hermione tied her letter to a school owl and watched it wing away into the night, she sincerely hoped that her words were true.
But there was no time to stand there dreaming; she had to get back to Gryffindor Tower. She was shockingly behind on her homework!
-TBC-
A/N: (S&S puke violently). God, we can't believe that we wrote that! Ugh, how cheesy! Well, you asked for it, and we did want to make Draco a Stu. We'll try to include less purple prose next time. Don't worry; Hermione will be more like herself later, when she's out of the corrupting influence of the God. Note to Charles Weatherby: The fic on our "Les Dilettantes" account has been updated. Until then, read and review!