It took me a long time to wake up this morning. I lay in the huge 4 poster bed and enjoyed the comfort of silken sheets. After sleeping out in the open, this bed was paradise. I snuggled under the blankets happily. Even with my eyes closed I could almost see the dazzling light of Lothlórien. I could hear some people singing in the distance, their voices rising and falling in a beautiful melody. I was lying there, enviously wishing that I could sing like that too, when I finally caught the words. I jerked upright in bed, my eyes wide open, listening intently. I feverishly hoped that I had misheard the words. I'd probably just made a mistake....Please let me just have made a mistake...

My eyes filled with tears as the words continued. No...please no....

I threw back the covers and flung on a morning gown as I rushed towards the door. I ran down the polished wooden corridor, my hair and gown flowing out behind me. In the distance I saw Grandpa standing alone on the balcony. He was obviously listening to the singing as he gazed out over the city. I rushed towards him and skidded to a stop before I fell over the edge.

"Mithrandir?" I panted desperately. Grandpa turned to look at me sadly, he nodded slowly.

"I too greatly wished to speak with him" he said, before turning back to gaze over the city.

I stood frozen to the spot, unable to believe my ears. This wasn't possible, Mithrandir couldn't die. Not Mithrandir, not one of my closest friends. Not before I could tell him about Amladhron.

I turned and fled back to my room, tears streaming down my face.

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I spent most of the day locked in my room. I couldn't bare to face anyone, especially when I kept spontaneously bursting into tears with no warning. What's wrong with me? I've cried more in the last couple of days than I have for the last couple of centuries. Maybe I would be better off at home. Arwen is horrible and makes me angry, but at least she can't ever make me cry. I suppose I might have some reason for the tears, I mean, how often do you get hopes of happiness dashed and closest friends dying at the same time?

Granny decided that she could actually be bothered to see me today. I told the messenger that I'd just heard about Mithrandir and couldn't face seeing her now. I thought that she might have a little mercy, what with her reputation for being so kind and gracious.

But no. The messenger came back to say that Granny's diary was fully booked for the next few days. Therefore she insisted to see me now. Apparently she didn't want me wandering around before she had time to instruct me with dire warnings to behave.

So I was practically dragged before Granny. She looked at me disapprovingly and asked coldly why I looked as if I had just got out of bed and cried all morning.

I could feel my temper rising again, what did she expect? I told her coldly that my appearance looked like that, because that was what I had been doing.

Her eyes narrowed in my direction. She told me off for being cheeky. I hate Granny's eyes, they're so creepy. Half the time you feel like she's reading your mind and can tell exactly what you're thinking, the rest of the time she's instructing you, telling you off, her voice vibrating round and round your head.

She started off on her long, long list of rules and regulations, apparently I was literally forbidden from doing anything. I tried to listen and appear interested, but her voice droned on so slowly, I could feel my eyes growing heavy. After a while I could no longer distinguish the words, her voice just became a monotonous drone in the background.

Suddenly I realised she was finishing and jerked awake.

"...So I'll see you tomorrow morning" she concluded. I nodded dumbly, wondering desperately what was happening tomorrow morning.

She rose and started to leave. As she reached the doorway she turned and gazed back at me shaking her head.

"Why couldn't you be more like Arwen?" she muttered sadly.

Great. Just the way to make me feel so much better!

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Arrgh! I hate Granny, how can she be so evil?

I'll give her "see you in the morning". What she didn't tell me was how she was going to turn me into a granddaughter she could be proud of. In other words, a total replica of Arwen - not just physical appearance, but everything.

She made me sit and sew for hours, apparently it is a 'socially acceptable', 'ladylike' occupation. I hate sewing, I stab myself so many times that there is more blood on the cloth than stitches. Then when I had suffered enough, she found the time to talk to me about temper management and how to behave courteously at all times. Unfortunately she's heard stories of my recent behaviour such as stamping on people's feet and attacking my "darling" sister. Somehow, she'd even heard about me knocking over Glorfindel on crutches. Honestly, is there anything she doesn't know? She wouldn't give up on that for ages. How could I, her granddaughter and the daughter of Elrond treat a poor, injured elf in such a disgusting manner. By the time she'd finished, I wished I'd thrown Glorfindel himself into the waterfall pool, closely followed by Granny!

By the time she let me go I was absolutely fuming. I stormed upstairs, scribbled a sign to go on the door "DO NOT DISTURB....OR ELSE..." and locked myself in. I vowed to stay in there forever....

or at least until Granny apologised...

or until someone appreciated me for who I was...

or until I got hungry...

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I hadn't been in my room for more than two hours when someone knocked on the door.

"Can't you read!" I screamed. "The sign is on the door for a reason!"

"Sorry," came a voice apologetically. "I can't read elvish." I heard footsteps start to move away. I lay on my back thinking. Who on earth in this elvish city couldn't read elvish? Even Aragorn was fluent and he was human.

Unless....

I ran to the door, drew back the bolts and flung it open.

"Boromir?" I cried. He turned and looked back at me.

"I heard that you'd arrived here and were upset." he explained. "I don't want to intrude."

I called him back and apologised. We sat in my room talking for ages. I found myself telling him everything, even about Amladhron and finding out about Mithrandir's death. By the time I'd finished I was crying...again!

He took me in his arms and rocked me like a baby. I felt so stupid, so pathetic...but it was so nice to feel that somebody actually cared about what I was going through.

It was dark by the time we finished talking. He rose to leave and looked back at me.

"I know it's hard..." he started to say "But try to forget about Amladhron... he doesn't deserve you..." there was a silence, then he continued.

"You are a very special person Sardwen. No matter what people say, you are so much more than a replica of your sister... You... I..."

He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but closed it again, looking away in embarrassment.

I rose to my feet and stood close before him

"Yes?" I asked, prompting him to continue. He looked about anxiously and ran a hand through his hair.

"I don't know how to say this." he said at last. "Normally I'd say... I'd do..." He broke off again.

"...But I'm about to go away..." he tried to continue "...It's not right to say anything then leave with no promise when I'll be back..."

My heart was beginning to beat faster, was he really saying what I thought he was saying? I tried to meet his eyes.

"I'll wait..." I said softly, hoping I wasn't making a fool out of myself again.

He stopped still and looked straight at me.

"You would wait?" he repeated incredulously. I nodded slowly. He reached out a hand and cupped my cheek gently.

"I have little to offer you." he said "My father's realm is crumbling, my people are suffering. I cannot offer you safety and protection"

"I don't care" I replied.

It was true. How many years have I lived in safety and protection at Imladris? Was I happy? Wouldn't it be better to live somewhere more dangerous if I was with someone who loved me?

"But... your immortality..." Boromir said at last.

I was silent for a moment, I had forgotten about that. But as I thought about it, I realised that I didn't care. Why would I want to live forever if I was unhappy? Wouldn't it just be best to spend one happy lifetime rather than a thousand unhappy ones?

"I don't care about that either." I said at last. The thought of dying terrified me, but I wouldn't have to worry about that for a long time. If Lúthien, my great, great grandmother was the first elf to die, why couldn't I follow her?

I looked back at Boromir

"I'd rather be with you." I said at last with a smile.

"I almost... almost wish I wasn't part of the fellowship now" he said softly. "I hate leaving you... but..."

"But the ring must be kept safe." I sighed. Boromir jerked his head upright.

"How did you know about that?" he hissed anxiously. "Does anyone else know?"

I shook my head.

"I figured it out some time ago" I replied. "I haven't told anyone, I'm not stupid."

He relaxed again and I couldn't help feeling another wave of anger towards Arwen. If she didn't have to have such a huge, valuable engagement ring, then no one would want to steal it. Therefore the fellowship, including my Boromir, wouldn't have to risk their lives trying to keep it safe.

It was all her fault. Everything was her fault.

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I couldn't sleep properly, I kept thinking about Boromir. I decided to stand out on my little balcony. It was so peaceful, the trees rustling gently in the breeze, the silver lights flickering across the city. Everyone was asleep.

Except...

I saw someone walking slowly across the grass far below. Eventually I realised it was Granny. I was quite surprised, she didn't strike me as the sort of person to be awake in the middle of the night. Maybe she was sleepwalking?

I watched as one of the hobbits, (Frodo possibly?) followed her down to the hollow where she keeps her mirror. Was she going to let him look in it? I remember looking once when I was very young, I'd been staying at Granny's and I got homesick, so she let me look and see mother at home. Obviously I couldn't talk to her, and the image I saw could have been an image in the future, but it served its purpose. I was no longer homesick.

I turned from the balcony and wandered back to my bed slowly. I hadn't thought about mother for ages. It's about 500 summers since she left over the sea. I still miss her sometimes, I'm sure Daddy does. He loved her so much and tried so hard to heal her.

He loved her so much that he let her go... so that she would be happy. It must be wonderful to be loved like that. I wonder if I'm finally going to find out what it is like?

The only problem, is that if I give up my mortality to be with Boromir, I'll never see mother again. I'll never be able to tell her how happy I am. I'll always be totally cut off from all my people. Most of them I can't wait to leave, Erestor for example and possibly Granny. But to never, ever see mother again.

Am I strong enough to do this?