A/N: welcome back! We're going to have more of the Faramir Variety Hour, which had been moved due their little adventure in the cave. So review!
"Hey, everyone, welcome back to my television show! I know you all missed me very much!" Faramir says. His face is covered in little Band-Aids and he has a bite mark on his hand.
"Ok, well we should tell them why we've been off-air." Boromir says. He is wearing a sling for his arm and is standing on crutches.
"Ok, Boromir. He's our story of how we sustained these injuries." Faramir says as a flashback begins.
/FLASHBACK!!/
"I am going to kill Legolas slowly and painfully!" Aragorn says, shaking a fist.
"I am going to chop his head off and mount it on a spike!" Boromir says.
"Like that uruk-hai thing!" Aragorn says.
"Erm, yeah." Boromir says.
Pippin and Merry are discussing what electric drills can do.
Faramir is muttering, "Bring wood and oil! Wood and oil! He's burning! Burning, I say! BURNING!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Everyone looks at Faramir like, "What the hell, man?"
"Erm, exposure to one pyromaniac is dangerous to one's health." Faramir says.
"LOOK! It's LEGOLAS!" Aragorn yells. Everyone pulls out torches and pitchforks, even though it is noon.
"Eep! You weren't supposed to show up alive!" Legolas says. "Did I say that out loud?"
"DIE, ELF, DIE!!!" Boromir yells, charging at Legolas and then stopping short.
"Where. Is. Your. Hair?" Boromir asks.
Legolas's hand runs over his head, which is now shining and bald.
"NOOO!!" Legolas screams, assuming the fetal position and rocking back and forth muttering, "No hair, no hair, no hair, no hair, no hair..."
The rest of the group runs over and starts to laugh.
"I don't get it." Pip says.
"You wouldn't." Merry replies.
"Ohh! Legolas is a BALDIE!" Pippin howls with laughter and rolls around.
Merry shakes his head in disgust.
"That's it, Hobbit!" Legolas yells, as he charges at Pippin. Legolas tries to beat up Pip, and Merry jumps in. Boromir and Aragorn scream, "Halflings!" And jump in, pounding Legolas. Gandalf and Elrond jump in, beating Legolas. Sam jumps in and gets a purple eye. Faramir jumps in and Legolas bites his hand.
"Well, Mr. Legolas, do you think it's funny to abandon your tour group in a cave?" Aragorn asks.
"N-n-no."
"And do you think it's funny that we almost died in there?"
"N-nn-no."
"And do you realize the seriousness of what you have done?"
"Y-yy-yes."
"Good. No further questions."
The group walks away. Suddenly, a shape is seen behind Legolas. Liquid splashes over Lego's body as a match is heard being lit. Tossing the match at Legolas, Faramir runs away cackling maniacally.
"No! Stay this madness!" Boromir grabs him and douses the bonfire that is Legolas.
"Nooo!! You cannot take this, erm, Elf, from, er, Gondor!" Faramir yells.
"Those are are lines!" Scream Gandalf and Denethor's voice.
"Freaky."
"CONTROL YOURSELF!!" Boromir screams, slapping Faramir across the face.
"Fine."
The group leaves Legolas there as they walk out. Legolas is left there soaking wet and dazed.
/UNFLASHBACK!!/
"Well. Now that the world knows that you're just like dear ol' dad..." Boromir says.
"IT'S NOT TRUE!!"
"Yes it is!"
"IS NOT"
"Oh, grow up!" Yelled Aragorn, running in front of the camera.
"That was surreal."
"Tell me about it."
"Well, we would have a program, except for the fact that there is no one scheduled to appear today. Why not go to the Library or rent a movie? I hear Spider Man is very good." Boromir says.
"You fool! We should encourage the rental of The Lord of the Rings, Parts 1 through 3, directed by Peter Jackson. Starring Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn, Elijah Wood as Frodo, Ian McKellen as Gandalf, Dom Monaghan as Merry, Billy Boyd as Pippin, Sean Astin as Sam, and, of course, David Wenham as Faramir." Faramir says.
"And, of course, Sean Bean as the ever-attractive Boromir!" Boromir says.
"Ever-attractive? Puh-lease!" Faramir says.
"Oh, grow up!"
"That hurt." Faramir says.
"Wait. Isn't it a bit freaky to advertise a movie where people play us? I mean, we're real and all, and no one has to play us in a movie! Couldn't they have asked us?"
"Yeah! I mean, come on!"
"This is disgusting! Don't rent Lord of the Rings! We should have been in it! They gypped us of movie status!" Boromir screams.
"Yeah! Talk about it. 'Oh, great casting! Couldn't have been better!' Yes it could have been! WE should have been in it!" Faramir yells.
"I know! What a gyp! That's disgusting!" Boromir says.
"It's simply wretched!"
"From now on, I'm only watching movies where the real people play themselves!"
"Good luck."
"Ok."
"Well, I think that this show is over." Boromir says
"Amen to that." Faramir replies
"Let's go see a play!" Boromir happily says.
"Which one?"
"Cinderella?"
"Ok!"
"WAIT! I have to give the credits: To all of this authoress's loyal reviewers of which there is a small amount, she is eternally grateful. Mwah!" Boromir says as he blows you all kisses, none of which are from me, seeing as I'm a girl and...eew.
A/N: Well, we shall now continue with the regularly scheduled events for this story. And I totaly want you all to watch Lord of the Rings, I just had to put that bit in. Yay!!