A huge hand held my head still and my hair fell over my eyes, I could no longer see anything. I imagined that sword blade being held by the new king, hovering high over my neck. I waited for it to fall...
"Stop!" A voice cried from above me. I let out a sigh of relief as the white robed figure hurried down the staircase and over to where I was kneeling.
"Enough blood has been spilled" he called out to the guards as he pulled me to my feet. As my hair fell back from my face, I saw him smiling at me.
"Hello Sardwen" he said. "I did not expect to see you here. You can explain later." Mithrandir quickly took charge of the situation. He turned to the young king and explained who I was. The guards looked a bit sheepish when they realised they had been about to kill the daughter of a powerful elf.
I noticed Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli were also standing on the steps, but no hobbits. My heart sank. Did that mean that Merry and Pippin had been killed and burned with the orcs?
I caught Éowyn's eye for a second, but she quickly looked away. Did she still believe I was a spy, even now?
Mithrandir finished giving orders to the guards and turned back to me.
"I think you've got some explaining to do" he said as he escorted me by the shoulder back into the palace.
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A couple of hours later, Mithrandir had explained about the Balrog, and why he wasn't dead after all. He told me that all the Hobbits were safe, even though they were scattered across Middle Earth. He also explained what had happened with Théoden, and why he looked young again.
In return, I told him everything that had happened since he'd last seen me at the entrance to Moria. He listened as I told about Amladhron, about Boromir, about travelling down the river with Sméagol, about seeing Boromir die, about being captured by the orcs and then the Riders, finally about being considered a spy and Wormtongue trying to get information out of me.
He listened to the whole thing without speaking, waited for me to finish.
"...Are you going to tell Daddy?" I asked at last, looking at the floor. I dreaded to think what Daddy's reaction would be. He thought I was only going to Lothlórien, he absolutely forbade me to follow the Fellowship. He would be absolutely fuming when he found out.
Mithrandir still didn't speak for a while.
"I think your father already knows" he said at last. "News that you'd left Lothlórien was spreading ages ago. I think he would just be glad to hear that you are safe."
I sighed in depression.
"I bet he would be happier if I'd been killed by the orcs." I muttered under my breath.
"That's not true" Mithrandir said, tapping his pipe in my direction. "You are his daughter, he'd be very upset if he heard that you'd been killed."
"Not as upset as he would if it had been Arwen." I shot back. Mithrandir couldn't reply to this. Obviously he thought so too.
"Personally, I think it was a good thing that you left home" he said at last. "You've grown up since you've been away Sardwen, I think leaving your family behind was one of the best things you could have done."
I stared at him, trying to work out if I was really hearing what I thought.
"You mean, you think it was a good thing that I watched Boromir die, that I was captured by orcs etc?" I asked.
"That's not what I said" Mithrandir argued firmly. "I just said that you've changed since you've been away. And I think it's probably a change for the better."
"What do you mean?" I asked suspiciously.
"At the risk of sounding like a Grandfather..." he explained. "I've known you since you were a little child, I've watched you grow up, and I noticed that whilst Arwen got all the attention, you got more intelligence. However, in the last couple of centuries, you've been changing slightly, you were acting more and more like Arwen."
"Acting like Arwen?" I exclaimed. "That's not true!"
"What about taking her money to pay the psychiatrist? what about reading her diary? what about rising to the bait and fighting? What about your determination to get revenge?" he replied abruptly.
I gazed at the floor sullenly. How did he know about those things?
However, as I thought about it, I secretly knew that he was right. Just hearing them spoken aloud, they sounded like things Arwen did.
Mithrandir reached out and lifted my chin until he caught my eyes.
"That is why I am glad that you left Rivendell behind. You discovered a new way of life, both the happy times and the suffering. I am pleased to say that you no longer remind me of Arwen. You have become an individual person in a new place. I am sure that you will soon make friends who like you, rather than your sister."
"Like who" I muttered, still thinking about what he had just said.
"Well... There is Éowyn for one." Mithrandir claimed.
"But Éowyn hates me" I informed him. He smiled a secret smile as if he knew something I didn't.
"I would not be so sure of that, now she knows you are not a spy. I have a suspicion..." he trailed off.
"Are you going to make me go home?" I asked at last. Mithrandir thought for a moment.
"No" he replied. "I think you will do well here for the time being. I will send a message to your father so that he knows that you are safe, then I see no reason why you cannot stay."
That was good, it would give Daddy time to calm down before I returned. I smiled gratefully, then decided to leave Mithrandir for a while. I needed some time to think over what he had just said.
Met Éowyn in the corridors. She looked at the floor a bit sheepishly, took a deep breath, then apologised for treating me like a spy. She explained how much her brother meant to her and how she'd trusted his opinion without thinking herself.
"He doesn't normally make such a mistake" she stood up for him "I think he was just a bit preoccupied and not thinking properly. Besides, if Gandalf thinks you're harmless, then it must be true. After all, he did perform a miracle restoring our king."
Her face lit up as she spoke about Théoden, she looked really happy. Mithrandir can obviously do no wrong as far as she is concerned now. So he was right about Éowyn no longer hating me. But how did he know?
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Caught up with Aragorn today. He saw me from a distance, blinked a few times as if he was seeing things, his mouth gaping open. He was really disappointed when he realised it was me and not Arwen. He tried not to show it, turned quickly and marched off... straight into a little table. It looked really painful, but he still refused to acknowledge I was there, hobbling off down the corridor.
Saw Legolas and Gimli next. Gimli seemed friendly enough, greeted me cheerfully, asked me how I was and held a quick conversation. Legolas on the other hand was less welcoming. In fact, he hardly seemed to realise that I was there. Apparently gazing into space, far out across the mountains was more interesting. He turned eventually and stared at me blankly.
"Arwen?" he asked, puzzled. I left Gimli desperately trying to explain in simple enough terms that there were two of us, and I was Sardwen. He didn't seem to be having much success.
I stood on the walls and watched Éowyn riding over the plains. She looked almost as if she'd been born on the horse, so graceful, so natural. I suppose it's because horses mean so much to her people. I wish I could ride like that. I wish I could use a sword like she can too. In fact, I wish I could do loads of things that she can.
I made the mistake of mentioning this over dinner. She looked at me long and hard for a while, then offered to teach me. I snapped up the offer at once, but I'm not sure what I've let myself in for.
#####################################################################
I was rudely awoken this morning by Éowyn shaking me violently.
"Wake up" she whispered. "We need an early start."
I peeled back the covers reluctantly and peered blearily at her through the tumbles of hair covering my face.
"It's too early" I protested with a yawn. "It's still dark!" I snuggled back under the covers and closed my eyes.
"It's nearly dawn" came her reply. "I thought you wanted to learn to ride."
"I do" I sighed with another yawn. "In the morning."
Éowyn turned and walked away. I snuggled deeper thinking that I had won the argument.
Suddenly I felt icy cold water being flung over me. I let out a horrified gasp and sat up, dripping everywhere. Éowyn was standing in front of me laughing. She was holding an empty water pitcher.
"See you at the stables in 15 minutes she said." Then she left the room.
I finally managed to stumble out towards the stables. The sky was tinged with a rosy pink, the sky brightening behind the mountains. The air was chilly, I breathed out clouds of smoke.
I found Éowyn in one of the stalls, fixing the final touches to the saddle.
I leaned against the gate and yawned noisily, she straightened smiling.
"You made it at last!" she said. "Come on in, he won't hurt you." She indicated the horse. I entered the stall carefully and we eyed one another nervously. He backed up a couple of steps and snorted loudly.
"I thought we'd start you off with Slowcoach." Éowyn said soothingly.
"Slow what?" I asked in surprise.
"Slowcoach. Don't ask me, I didn't name him. He's one of the slowest, gentlest creatures in the stables. One of the horses we start our toddlers on, as they're learning to walk."
"He doesn't look particularly gentle to me" I said warily, watching his eyes carefully.
Éowyn ignored that comment as she stroked Slowcoach's mane.
"Now approach him slowly from the front" she instructed me. "Let him see your every move, and don't do anything sudden that might frighten him." I took a deep breath and shuffled a couple of steps towards the horse. He backed away slightly, his ears pricked, his eyes fixed on me.
"Come on," Éowyn encouraged me. She placed a gentle hand on Slowcoach's neck as if encouraging him as well. This time I managed to get close enough to reach out a hand and touch him. He looked terrified, trembling slightly.
"Look what I'm doing to him" I pointed out. "He's so scared of me. I know I'll never be able to ride a horse, perhaps we should stop torturing him."
Éowyn shook her head.
"I don't give up that easily" she said. "We'll get there eventually. She gently removed her encouraging hand from Slowcoach's neck. It was as if the spell was broken. Instantly, Slowcoach let out a whiney of fear and bolted to the other side of the stable.
Éowyn stood alone, hands on her hips, hair wafting slightly in the breeze. She turned her gaze from Slowcoach snorting and stamping in panic, to me huddled in fear, cradling my face in terror.
"This may take some time" she declared slowly.
Several hours later, Slowcoach finally allowed me to ride him around the stable, as long as Éowyn was standing right next to him. Éowyn seemed reasonably satisfied with this arrangement, she seemed happy enough to attempt riding outside. She quickly saddled up another horse and we took both out onto the plain. As long as Éowyn rode within a few meters away, Slowcoach would perform beautifully. As soon as Éowyn left the threshold, he would bolt wildly, normally throwing me off on the way.
For some reason, Éowyn seemed to find this hilarious. She would laugh as she helped me to my feet yet again.
"I've never seen Slowcoach go that fast!" she'd say as I shakily tested for broken bones.
It was hard to believe that this was the same Éowyn that I'd met a few days ago. She was laughing and smiling, we talked about all sorts of things, she seemed really nice.
The only time she returned to her normal expression was when we saw Mithrandir and Théoden standing by the grave of her cousin. Her expression grew cold and sad, I noticed her eyes were filling. She moved a little further away and Slowcoach bolted again. By the time she hauled me to my feet again, she was laughing once more.
"Perhaps it's time we had a change. How are your sword skills?" she asked. I looked at my feet, unsure how to answer.
"Ummmm..."
"You've got to pretend that the sword is part of you." Éowyn patiently instructed about an hour later. "Grip it, move with it, pretend it's an extension of your arm. That's what Lord Aragorn meant when he said I had some skill with a blade."
I allowed the heavy blade to touch the ground as I turned to look at her sharply.
"Éowyn, That's the third time you've mentioned Aragorn's name in 5 minutes." I leaned on the sword and smiled. "You like him don't you" I stated. She tried to meet my gaze firmly, but blushed and turned away smiling.
"Is it that obvious?" she asked.
"Éowyn..." I started to say. "I don't really know how to put this... but you're my friend... my only friend really... and I don't want you to get hurt..."
She looked at me curiously.
"The thing is... Aragorn's already got a girl... a woman he loves. The one who gave him the pendant he wears around his neck."
Éowyn stared at the floor. Her long blonde hair fell across her face and I couldn't see her expression. She didn't say anything for a long time.
"Do you know her?" she asked at last. Her voice was low and wooden. I hesitated.
"...Yes" I wasn't sure what else to say.
"What does she look like, is she pretty?" Éowyn continued.
"Well..." I said slowly. How could you describe Arwen? "She looks like... she looks… like me" I finished triumphantly. You couldn't get a more accurate description than that.
Éowyn's mouth opened in horror and her eyes filled with tears.
"You mean you've stood here and known what I'm thinking... and all the time you... I thought you were my friend!"
She turned and ran sobbing out of the stables.
I stared after her retreating figure in surprise. What was that about? What did I say?
By now, every muscle in my body was aching. I couldn't be bothered to train any longer. It wasn't as interesting without Éowyn.
I finally finished putting everything away and hobbled upstairs. I'd never been so stiff in my life. I popped my head around the door to the great hall. Éowyn was tending to a couple of half-starved children.
"I'm going to bed" I called. She didn't turn. "I said I'm tired and I'm going to bed!"
I repeated a little louder. Still no reaction.
Fine, I thought indignantly and stomped up the stairs. Ignore me, what do I matter?
#####################################################################
I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night and realised exactly what had gone wrong with Éowyn. Call me dense, but it never even occurred to me that she might think I was the one Aragorn cared about. I suppose describing Aragorn's girl as "looking like me" was a bit stupid.
I got out of bed and tiptoed along the silent corridors to Éowyn's room. The moonlight spilled through the windows, bathing the floor and tapestries in silvery light.
When I shook her awake, she was absolutely furious. Partly because she was still not speaking to me, and partly because it was the middle of the night. She screamed at me, calling me all sorts of names, then buried herself deep under the blankets waiting for me to leave.
I was made of sterner stuff than that. I'm used to insults, they don't affect me much anymore. I sat myself down in the middle of the floor, clasping my shoulders to stop myself from shivering. Then I started to explain. I started at the beginning and told her everything. I told her about Arwen and Aragorn, I explained the mistake and waited for a response. There was no reply, the huddle in the bed was silent. She was probably asleep, knowing my luck.
I sighed. Now I'd started talking I might as well continue. I told her about living with Arwen and the abuse I'd suffered over the years. I told her about how I'd always longed for Daddy to praise me for something I'd done, just once to earn his respect. For him to be proud of me. It's never happened yet.
I paused again, there was still no reply. I slowly got to my feet and silently headed for the door. My entire body was aching from the horse and the sword training. I was also absolutely freezing.
"There's a spare blanket in the corner, you must be cold." the voice came from the shadows in the bed. I turned. Éowyn was sitting up watching me, her tousled blonde hair flowing over her shoulders. I smiled, found the blanket, wrapped it around my shoulders and joined her sitting on the bed.
#####################################################################
Éowyn woke me again this morning. She came into my room, dark smudges under her eyes, but smiling cheerfully.
"We're moving." she informed me. "We're heading for Helm's Deep, everybody. Men, women and children. Apparently Saruman's about to launch an attack on us. We should be safe enough there."
"I'm too tired!" I complained. "My entire body is aching from yesterday's exercises, and I've only just returned to bed after talking to you all night. Let me sleep!" I huddled back under the blankets.
Éowyn reached out towards the water jug...
About an hour later I was walking out of the main gateway of Edoras with a huge party of people. Mithrandir had already gone, riding away to try and find Éomer. Éowyn was walking with Aragorn and Gimli, and for some reason, I was stuck at the end of the trail with the stragglers.
My eyes were blurry and I was hardly able to control my feet. I kept yawning, concentrating on placing one foot in front of the other without falling over.
I've discovered yet another elvish trait that seems to have skipped past me. What happened to the ability to shut down my brain and sleep whilst walking? Why can't I do it?
It's just not fair.