A/N: I'M BAAACCKKKK!!! HOORAY! Did you miss me? I hope so... Well, I now move on to this chapter's warnings. We have some rather interesting religion stuff, so if you're devoutly religious and can't take a joke, don't read this. Also, there will be profanity (as always), alcohol and drunkenness, 1x2, 3x4 mushiness, and once more EXTREME RELIGIOUS DESTRUCTION. And, if you're confused at the beginning, good. And, I have to credit the 'terrible flood' line to the Blues Brothers. I just love when Jake's making excuses at Princess Leia's gunpoint-in a sewer, no less. =D
Also, forgive the beginning. I'm kind of out of the swing of things, so sorry about that. The end's better though.
(And, as always, please please review.)
Disclaimer: While you may not think it's so,
The characters I do not own.
I made a bad poem. It has no rhyme scheme. How lovely.
Dawn to Dusk
Chapter 8
The Devil's Five
The devil hated not being drunk. Damn God for not letting him drink without a mortal's permission. He sat at yet another bar, ignored and bored in his normal trench coat and hat. He missed Duo. Duo was cool, and fun, and just morbid enough to not be creeped out by the devil.
The devil rolled a coaster through his fingers absentmindedly. He probably should be out corrupting people and stealing people's souls and just being a pain in the ass to God, but the devil was actually feeling a bit depressed. And over a human, no less. Rejected by the person he was trying hardest to corrupt absolutely.
"You know, after a while you get used to rejection," said a grumbling voice behind him, and the devil didn't even have to turn around. He'd heard that voice for nine billion years, almost.
"Hey, G," the devil said, and the pissed-off deity sat down next to his nemesis. God was looking royally ticked off today. "What happened today? Someone else burn down a church?" God just sighed, massaging his temples. "If it makes you feel any better, Duo's holding up."
"Not really. You've still got four more tries," God sighed, and the devil smiled...well, devilishly.
"And they're gonna be good, too. I'm sure you'll just love the next one," the devil said excitedly, and God groaned.
"It's not another stupid SURVEY, is it," he whimpered, and the devil whacked God upside the head. "Stop that, or I'll smite you." Pouting, the devil dropped his hand. "Aww, come on, Lucy. You know I'd never really do that. I'd end up bored to infinity." The devil shrugged.
"Well, consider yourself still invited to the viewing. I've got to go torment Duo and the gang right now, anyway," the devil said, looking down at his golden watch as God smiled. Seven tries for each mortal's corruption had been the standard ever since the Job Incident. (1) And now, the devil (Lucifer to his friends, and Lucy to God, since he was the only person the devil couldn't smite on sight), was already down to five.
"I'd like that. I need a break from being me," God said, and in a flash was gone, most likely to the Jumbotron Of Earthly Events that stood in limbo. It had been centered around Duo Maxwell for the past three days, or in other words since the competition had begun. The devil, with another sigh, flicked the coaster into the wall.
"I hate my job," he grumbled, and disappeared in a poof of black smoke.
Meanwhile, Duo Maxwell sat in class, being forced there by a (surprising) alliance between Quatre and the now purple-haired Sarah. Somehow, she'd dyed her hair in twelve hours since he last saw her.
"Well, I was thinking about your visit last night, and I decided, 'why not go with the flow?' So, I dyed my hair and decided to become a lesbian," Sarah said with a shrug, and Duo looked around uncomfortably.
"Ummm, normally that's not how it goes. See, I'd suggest you figure out this stuff by yourself, not by what all the cool kids are doing," Quatre said, looking flustered. He was probably blaming himself for this, Duo decided. Sarah just shrugged.
"Well, I guess I'll see then," she said, and turned back to Duo. "So, how'd last night go? Did Heero faint on the way back to your room, or not?" There was a collective gasp from the class as all eyes snapped to the braided girl who was as red as mars.
"Let's talk about that later," he said. Class continued on, but Duo could see the constant glances back at him. Shit, now he was publicly sleeping with Heero. Not that he didn't want to, but that could complicate things. Duo couldn't help but wonder what would happen to Heero now.
In fact, the next class period Heero had, the issue came up. If he wasn't undercover, he'd have shot every kid in his class. It had started innocently enough.
"So, I heard you and Dea Maxwell were seen together the past two nights," a uniformed kid said, smiling childishly. "You going out?"
As usual, Heero ignored the kid.
"I think she's hot," the kid's best friend said, and Heero barely glanced at him. The first boy laughed. "I mean, she's got those legs, and that hair! God, it'd be a hot night I had THAT wrapped around me." The boys laughed, and Heero was getting pissed. Another joined in.
"What drives me crazy is that sexy walk of hers, how she just-"
"Sutoppu, maro chikan," Heero said menacingly in Japanese, barely holding back his murderous rage as he glared death at them. Trowa, sitting in the middle of the room, heard Heero's outburst of "Stop, you pervert" and snapped his head back quickly from his work. The three boys looked at Heero, confused.
"What was that crazy talk," one of them asked haughtily, and Trowa was striding to the back of the room just in time to hold Heero back from reaching for the gun he stored...somewhere. The mystery remained.
"Heero, let it go," Trowa said quickly, and Heero, with one final glare, sat back down. The rest of the class looked on, whispering. Trowa shook his head as he sat back down; the only person he'd ever seen provoke Heero was Duo, and that was always playfully. This was sort of scary. And when Heero turned back to Japanese, you know something's either very bad, or about to be shot.
"So it's true, you guys are going out," the first kid finally said, eyes glinting mischievously. "I have no idea what she sees in a guy that looks like you." Yes, Heero was still bruised, although he looked much, much better today.
"No kidding. You look like you ran into a tree," the second one said, and Heero began to sharpen his pencil more, deciding to stab the boy's eye out if he said another word.
And then, class was over, and Heero stormed out of the room, only to run straight into Duo when he turned a corner. The lay sprawled in the corridor for a moment, Duo blushing furiously, and Sarah laughing so hard she was gasping for breath. They stood up quickly.
"I just came by to see if you wanted to get lunch," Duo said, still blushing, and Heero nodded quickly.
Meanwhile, Trowa stood still in the hall, staring straight at Quatre, who was staring straight back at him ten feet away. Finally, after regaining his wits and remembering they were sleeping together, Quatre grabbed Trowa's hand and they walked down the hall together, people looking at them confusedly. Finally, after one of the kids in his gymnastics class motioned they were holding hands (like they didn't know...), Quatre exploded.
"We're going out! Allah, half this school is gay! What's so damn confusing about this," Quatre yelled, and now everyone really WAS staring at them. Quatre just sighed, and the two continued down to the lunch room.
And then, the devil getting bored with just peer pressure, inserted his own little nasty idea to get Duo to really, really hate being a girl.
"OH MY GOD, DEA," Sarah screamed, and pushed Duo into the bathroom, leaving the three boys staring at each other confusedly.
A half hour later, Duo came out very pale, and very, very pissed off.
"That was the nastiest thing I've ever heard of," he grumbled, and Sarah gave him a half-hug of reassurance as they sat down.
"You okay," Quatre asked concernedly as Trowa and Heero stared at the girl's blue hair, and Duo blushed.
"I swear, if Winner Enterprises or whatever makes tampons, I will kill you," Duo said coldly, and all three boys quickly sat straight up and looked at Duo. "If anyone ever says guys have it harder than girls, I will decapitate them, too. This is just so wrong. I mean, the CONCEPT is just..." Duo shuddered, and pushed away his food. "For once, I'm not hungry." Sarah giggled.
"Well, at least you've only got it during the day," she said matter-of-factly. "We normal gals got it twenty-four hours. And besides, most likely it'll only be for today. I wish I switched genders."
"No you don't," the other four replied instantly, and Wufei sat down at the table, avoiding Duo's violet eyes.
"Hey, Wuffles, I wanted to say thanks," Duo said cheerily. "So, if you want, you can choose your nickname! You can have Wuffles, Wu-bear, Wuzzy, or Wu-man."
"My name is Wufei," Wufei said coolly, as always. "Call me Wufei. Not Wuffles, not Wu-bear, not Wuzzy, WUFEI."
"Wu-man it is, then," Duo said happily, and stretched. "Well, I'm off to bed now. Have fun being studious. God knows I never do." With that, Duo walked up to his dorm room, only to be stopped upon entry to his hallway.
A woman in a crisp gray suit and brown bun stood outside his door, looking haughty and all-around unpleasant.
"Miss Maxwell, I assume," she said airily, and Duo nodded. Shit. "I'm here to inform you that there will be several changes today."
It sounded like the talk Sarah had given him an hour ago.
"First of all, you are to be moved into the girl's dormitory as of Friday," the woman said. Fuck. The day he turned male. "The second, is you need to go see our counselor right away. I expect your things to be packed on Friday night and ready for easy transport."
"I have a problem with that," Duo said hurriedly. "See, my...uhhh...twin! Yeah, my twin will be coming back on Friday, and we'll be switching full-time. See, I'm only here to take notes and stuff for him, because he's been...umm...sick! In the hospital! Our house got blown up! There was a terrible flood! Please, please don't move us." The woman gave him an appraising look.
"We'll see. If your...twin, shows up to a meeting Saturday morning, I won't move you. Now, go to the counselor. She's expecting you," the woman said condescendingly, and as she disappeared down the hall, a familiar shiver went down his spine.
"Damn it, leave me alone," Duo yelled. He was on the edge.
"What, you didn't miss me? Come on, admit it. You wanted me around, even if it was just to end the spell," the devil said, and as Duo turned around, he was astonished to see the devil was...a girl? Today, the devil was most certainly feminine in a slinky red dress and costume horns, along with the regular black wings.
"You're a girl when I'm a girl," Duo asked, horribly confused, and the devil snorted.
"You wish. I just felt like being a girl today," the devil shrugged, and sat in mid-air. "Anyway, how'd you like your first taste of real femininity?" Duo glared at the devil.
"Get to the point. I'm done with the mind-games," he said, leaning against his door. "I'm not going to give you Sarah's soul, and I'm not going to be the devil for you, and I'm not going to stay like this, so basically you being here is pointless." The devil shrugged.
"Whatever. I just wanted to tell you, my last four tricks are going to get...well, vicious. And don't think they'll be just on you," the devil said, pointing sternly at the boy/girl. "You're putting everyone at risk. EVERYONE."
"...So what can I do to keep them out of it," Duo finally asked. The devil floated closer to him, smooth legs crossed.
"...I'm not normally this twisted, you know," the devil began. "You just piss me off, Maxwell. Frazzle my old brain...I really have no gender, you know. You make me feel inadequate, just because I'm me." Duo paled, and wished his back wasn't against the wall. Oh shit, where's Heero and his gun when you need him. "It might just be your eyes...those big, pretty violet eyes. And I just love your braid, too..." The devil got off her invisible floating chair, and stood on the floor, black eyes burning. "Kiss me, and I'll leave your friends out of it."
"NO," a voice said firmly, and before Duo could look to see who it was, the devil had been shot in the hip, and screaming, disappeared in a giant, crackling poof of black smoke. Duo, panicked, ran down the hall a few feet, but screamed and fell down as his stitches opened up again.
"Goddamit, first the devil hits on me and now this," Duo yelled, ripping off his shoes and socks to check the injury. He winced as the sock pulled what was left of the stitches out with a quick, horrific yank. "OWWWW!"
"Take your gun with you wherever you go," Heero's voice said, and Duo realized Heero shot the devil. "You're asking for trouble without it."
"Yeah, yeah," Duo grumbled. He was sick of all these damn psychos and their hormones. Except Heero, of course. His hormones were always welcome. "Hey, do me a favor and follow me for the next day and a half. We need to watch out."
"We," Heero asked, and Duo nodded.
"Most definitely we," he said grimly.
Two hour later, it was only three or so, and Duo was getting pissed off. Again. He was stuck in bed, bleeding in TWO areas, and still a girl (obviously, from the bleeding). Heero was busy on his laptop, and Duo was busying himself by singing the theme songs of old TV shows, torn between the motives of making Heero shoot him or Heero kiss him. Right now, he was feeling miserable enough to take either.
The phone rang.
"Hello, Dea, this is the counselor. I'm just wondering why you couldn't make it to our meeting," she said too happily. Duo groaned.
"Well, the stitches in my foot broke, so I'm sitting on my bed with a towel wrapped around it, waiting for Heero to get off his laptop and re-stitch it, since my normal physician's missing," Duo said. "So, I'm kind of immobile at the time."
"I'll come to you, then," she said cheerily, and hung up. Duo groaned, and put his head back on the black pillow. He later screamed, as Heero began to re-stitch without warning him.
"I thought you said you've done this before," Duo yelled, and Heero looked up at him, smirking.
"That doesn't mean I'm good," he said simply, and Duo's head fell back onto the pillow. This would be a hell of a day. And the night would just get worse.
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(1) Look it up in the bible. Basically, God let the Devil torment a guy to prove Job (the tormented man) wouldn't turn his back on christianity. Kind of stupid way to say 'I'm better than you'...
Speaking of reviewers, I'd like to thank: (Once more, in order of appearance)
Kate Maxwell (no more hugging, I swear...)!
Regina!
Duo-23!
Lomiothiel!
Pretty Pilot!
CPfeb!
Thanks for your continuing support! Affectionate high fives!!!
Thanks to all you anonymous readers, too. Please review; I promise to dance around like an idiot if I get up to fifty! (Great incentive, huh?)