The Faceless Somebody
Entry 5
I can't sleep. No, it's not that I can't; I don't want to. I woke up in a cold sweat, my heart racing, breathing heavily.
He visited me again. He visited my dream- no. He visited my nightmare. The same nightmare that has been haunting my sleep since I was a young boy. Every night I fear of sleep for I know that this night could be the night when I see Him again. This could be the night when I relive my past and watch... Watch Him... Father and Mother...
I can't stand it anymore. How long will I have to live like this? When will I find the light in the darkness? When will I find the end to my struggles? When will I be able to have a real life? When will I finally be able to bring out the real me...?
I try to ignore it as much as I can, but there's a piece of me that has been in hiding and desperately longs to come out. It longs to show me what life is all about. It longs to show me how to live, and how to... love.
I need to get rid of it. I need to get rid of it before it takes over me and I lose what I have been seeking for all these years. Since the incident I haven't been pursing anything but revenge. I have not sought out friends for myself, nor have I sought out something to comfort my lonely heart. I decided long ago that I would no longer carry emotions or feelings. I decided long ago that those two things just hindered me from growing stronger.
Growing stronger is everything to me. Without strength I am weak. With weakness I cannot fulfill my objective.
But...
What will happen if I am able to defeat Him? What will happen after? Will I be able to go back to how I once was long ago? How I once was when the world was nothing like it is now? Will I ever be able to love again? And if I do, who will be my lover? Will it be... Her?
No, I can't dwell on these thoughts now. I must live for today, not for tomorrow. I must stay focused so that someday, someday I can...
Live for tomorrow.
Entry 5
I can't sleep. No, it's not that I can't; I don't want to. I woke up in a cold sweat, my heart racing, breathing heavily.
He visited me again. He visited my dream- no. He visited my nightmare. The same nightmare that has been haunting my sleep since I was a young boy. Every night I fear of sleep for I know that this night could be the night when I see Him again. This could be the night when I relive my past and watch... Watch Him... Father and Mother...
I can't stand it anymore. How long will I have to live like this? When will I find the light in the darkness? When will I find the end to my struggles? When will I be able to have a real life? When will I finally be able to bring out the real me...?
I try to ignore it as much as I can, but there's a piece of me that has been in hiding and desperately longs to come out. It longs to show me what life is all about. It longs to show me how to live, and how to... love.
I need to get rid of it. I need to get rid of it before it takes over me and I lose what I have been seeking for all these years. Since the incident I haven't been pursing anything but revenge. I have not sought out friends for myself, nor have I sought out something to comfort my lonely heart. I decided long ago that I would no longer carry emotions or feelings. I decided long ago that those two things just hindered me from growing stronger.
Growing stronger is everything to me. Without strength I am weak. With weakness I cannot fulfill my objective.
But...
What will happen if I am able to defeat Him? What will happen after? Will I be able to go back to how I once was long ago? How I once was when the world was nothing like it is now? Will I ever be able to love again? And if I do, who will be my lover? Will it be... Her?
No, I can't dwell on these thoughts now. I must live for today, not for tomorrow. I must stay focused so that someday, someday I can...
Live for tomorrow.