A/N – Hi guys!! I hope you enjoy Ron's diary!!
The Very Secret Diary of Ron Weasley
Day 1
Am on summer holidays at the Burrow. It's so disgusting here, I wish we had money so we could buy a good house, without the insect infestation. Fred and George really annoying. Keep telling me to look out the window at the UFO that keeps flying past but I miss it every time. Stupid slow reflexes. They keep laughing whenever I look. Don't know why, I didn't think UFOs were that funny.
Day 2
Mum made me clean the bathroom today. Does she not realize that I get enough of that at school? Stupid detention. Stupid parents, never let me do what I want.
Day 3
Cursed mum today. She was pissing me off so I put the Cruacius curse on her. Got in trouble with my dad though. Stupid dad. He belted me till my bum was red and roar. Owie!!!
Day 6
Am going back to Hogwarts in two days. Am so excited. Get to see Harry and Hermione again!! YAY!!! But I don't wanna see Malfoy again, coz he's a meanie. He bullies me about my family. Stupid blonde boy, who slicks his hair back.
Day 7
Yay I go back to school tomorrow. Mummy made a yummy baked hippogriff last night. Was very enjoyable. Although she didn't make enough gravy so there was not enough left for me after Fred and George had helped themselves. Stupid fat pigs. I had to have tomato sauce instead, did not compliment the delicate array of aromatic flavours though. Was thoroughly pissed off. Mummy made a chocolate pudding for dessert, was very yummy. I got my fair share of that which was good. Fred and George too full to eat any coz they ate so much GRAVY!!!!! No fair!! Oh well, more choccy pudding for me!! Yay!!
Day 8
Am on the train back to school! YAY, Harry so good looking these days. Hermione...well...yeah, she's really smart and has big boobies!! YAY! Fun to play with! Hehe. Although all the boys think that and so I do not get them all to myself even though I'm her BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!! Anyway...Hermione so sexy! Although I am starting to find Harry strangely attractive, but I must keep telling myself that boys as lovers is yukky and Malfoy will be meaner to me if he finds out I am sucking Harry's cock. Must keep my emotions in check. Am writing that on the back of my hand right now so that I will remember.
Day 9
Harry asked me why I had written "remember to keep your emotions in check" on the back of my hand. Could not think of smart, witty reply so I settled with – "Look there's a UFO!" while pointing out the window. Harry looked, and was so upset he missed the UFO that he forgot to keep annoying me about the message on my hand!! GO ME!!! I am so smart. Maybe being Hermione's boyfriend is making me smarter!!! YAY!!
Day 11
Malfoy pissed on me today. Was not pleasant. Now I smell like wee wee and cannot seen to get rid of the hideous smell. Was interested to see the sudden attraction between me and Harry after Malfoy did this inhumane act of disgustingness. As soon as I managed to escape Malfoy's grasp I skipped up to Harry and as soon as Harry saw me he looked all happy and he kept getting really close to me. Am thinking he might have a queer streak in him after all. YAY!! Will keep an eye on that.
Day 12
I managed to get rid of the smell of Malfoy's wee wee!! YAY!! GO ME! Go my useful bar of Dove extra soft soap! Although am interested to notice that Harry's attraction to me has disappeared. Harry asked me why I wasn't wearing my nice aftershave today, had to fess up that it wasn't aftershave I was wearing yesterday but it was Malfoy's urine. He seemed really embarrassed, and went trotting down some corridor to hide from the embarrassment.
Day 13
Harry did not come back to the common room til this morning. I asked him why and he blushed the colour of my hair. He mumbled something about Slytherin, being hungry for sex and Draco Malfoy. Am confused. What do those three things have in common??? Think Malfoy pissed on him coz he smell like Draco. Yukky.
Day 14
Hermione gave me great pleasure last night. Was very thrilling until Neville walked in on us and climbed into the same bed. Was slightly uncomfortable having my naked body rubbing against Neville. But Hermione seemed to enjoy it. When Seamus came to join in, I had had enough. It was getting a bit too crowded in my small bed. So Hermione climbed into Seamus's bed and gave him a wild ride. Was a bit upset that she was not faithful to me. Went off to try and find Harry. Could not find him so I ate myself into oblivion with lots of chocolate froggies. Mmmm choccy frogs.
Day 15
Think I have gained weight, can feel extra rolls on my stomach when I sit down. Must go and play with Harry's broom. (Quidditch that is)
Day 25
Have lost unsightly rolls of fat on my stomach. YAY!! Go me! Had detention with Malfoy tonight. He kept calling me Toilet Boy, because I had to lick Dumbledore's bathroom floor. Stupid (surprising attractive) blond boy. Damn this gayness of mine.
Day 30
Failed all my exams for this term. Mum will kill me when she finds out. So I put a memory charm on everyone so that they cannot tell her. YAY! Am I smart or what?
Day 34
Yay Christmas is tomorrow!!! I hope I get lots of exciting pressies!! I want to get an international standard broom like Harry's got, so that I can impress him with my moves.
Day 35
Am v. disappointed. Only got one present. It was a book from Hermione about sex moves. It was called the "Karma Sutra" Kinda boring really. Wish I could have got some chocolate body paint so that I could paint Harry then lick it all off. But no! I get the fucking "Karma Sutra!!" I'll kill Hermione! What kind of girlfriend gets her boyfriend a book like that? If you do, tell me where and I'll curse them!!
Day 36
Saw Harry and Hermione come out of the toilets together. They were looking very nervous when I looked at them. Harry kept stroking his fly. Interrogated Hermione until she told me she gave Harry a head job. Am relieved. At least she didn't give Harry a better present than she gave me. I gave Harry a red pencil. He didn't seem too pleased with it though. What did he expect? A head job from me?!?!?!? Wait a second...that's a pretty good idea!!
Day 40
Harry walked in on me and Hermione trying out the Karma Sutra, was a bit embarrassing. I tried to talk to him but he seemed very distant. Realise now that it was probably because I still had my penis hanging out of my pants.
Day 41
Is v. awkward between me and Harry. I wish he had the same "gay" tendencies as I do. We could try out the Karma Sutra together. Would be v. fun!!! Hermione keeps slapping me and telling me off for not locking the bedroom door. Does she not know that the door doesn't have a lock? Idiot.
Day 43
Yay!! Hermione and I are going to Hawaii! It was all her idea. I'd rather go with Harry, but anyway, should be a fun holiday!! Harry's all sad about us leaving him, keeps bursting out in fits of tears. Good excuse to give him a good cuddle!!! Hehe!!!
Day 45
Am on the Hogwarts Express. Hermione keeps making me go and fuck her in the corridors. Am getting v. sick of it. My dick hurts. Harry seems V. pissed off. Maybe it's coz I have a fuck partner and I'm going to Hawaii!! YAY! Am V. excited. I think he's upset coz he has to go back to his aunt and uncle's house. HAHA!! I mean...I feel really sorry for him. Have promised that I will send him lots of cards and pressies, although will probably not have enough money, dammit.
The Very Secret Diary of Ron Weasley
Day 1
Am on summer holidays at the Burrow. It's so disgusting here, I wish we had money so we could buy a good house, without the insect infestation. Fred and George really annoying. Keep telling me to look out the window at the UFO that keeps flying past but I miss it every time. Stupid slow reflexes. They keep laughing whenever I look. Don't know why, I didn't think UFOs were that funny.
Day 2
Mum made me clean the bathroom today. Does she not realize that I get enough of that at school? Stupid detention. Stupid parents, never let me do what I want.
Day 3
Cursed mum today. She was pissing me off so I put the Cruacius curse on her. Got in trouble with my dad though. Stupid dad. He belted me till my bum was red and roar. Owie!!!
Day 6
Am going back to Hogwarts in two days. Am so excited. Get to see Harry and Hermione again!! YAY!!! But I don't wanna see Malfoy again, coz he's a meanie. He bullies me about my family. Stupid blonde boy, who slicks his hair back.
Day 7
Yay I go back to school tomorrow. Mummy made a yummy baked hippogriff last night. Was very enjoyable. Although she didn't make enough gravy so there was not enough left for me after Fred and George had helped themselves. Stupid fat pigs. I had to have tomato sauce instead, did not compliment the delicate array of aromatic flavours though. Was thoroughly pissed off. Mummy made a chocolate pudding for dessert, was very yummy. I got my fair share of that which was good. Fred and George too full to eat any coz they ate so much GRAVY!!!!! No fair!! Oh well, more choccy pudding for me!! Yay!!
Day 8
Am on the train back to school! YAY, Harry so good looking these days. Hermione...well...yeah, she's really smart and has big boobies!! YAY! Fun to play with! Hehe. Although all the boys think that and so I do not get them all to myself even though I'm her BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!! Anyway...Hermione so sexy! Although I am starting to find Harry strangely attractive, but I must keep telling myself that boys as lovers is yukky and Malfoy will be meaner to me if he finds out I am sucking Harry's cock. Must keep my emotions in check. Am writing that on the back of my hand right now so that I will remember.
Day 9
Harry asked me why I had written "remember to keep your emotions in check" on the back of my hand. Could not think of smart, witty reply so I settled with – "Look there's a UFO!" while pointing out the window. Harry looked, and was so upset he missed the UFO that he forgot to keep annoying me about the message on my hand!! GO ME!!! I am so smart. Maybe being Hermione's boyfriend is making me smarter!!! YAY!!
Day 11
Malfoy pissed on me today. Was not pleasant. Now I smell like wee wee and cannot seen to get rid of the hideous smell. Was interested to see the sudden attraction between me and Harry after Malfoy did this inhumane act of disgustingness. As soon as I managed to escape Malfoy's grasp I skipped up to Harry and as soon as Harry saw me he looked all happy and he kept getting really close to me. Am thinking he might have a queer streak in him after all. YAY!! Will keep an eye on that.
Day 12
I managed to get rid of the smell of Malfoy's wee wee!! YAY!! GO ME! Go my useful bar of Dove extra soft soap! Although am interested to notice that Harry's attraction to me has disappeared. Harry asked me why I wasn't wearing my nice aftershave today, had to fess up that it wasn't aftershave I was wearing yesterday but it was Malfoy's urine. He seemed really embarrassed, and went trotting down some corridor to hide from the embarrassment.
Day 13
Harry did not come back to the common room til this morning. I asked him why and he blushed the colour of my hair. He mumbled something about Slytherin, being hungry for sex and Draco Malfoy. Am confused. What do those three things have in common??? Think Malfoy pissed on him coz he smell like Draco. Yukky.
Day 14
Hermione gave me great pleasure last night. Was very thrilling until Neville walked in on us and climbed into the same bed. Was slightly uncomfortable having my naked body rubbing against Neville. But Hermione seemed to enjoy it. When Seamus came to join in, I had had enough. It was getting a bit too crowded in my small bed. So Hermione climbed into Seamus's bed and gave him a wild ride. Was a bit upset that she was not faithful to me. Went off to try and find Harry. Could not find him so I ate myself into oblivion with lots of chocolate froggies. Mmmm choccy frogs.
Day 15
Think I have gained weight, can feel extra rolls on my stomach when I sit down. Must go and play with Harry's broom. (Quidditch that is)
Day 25
Have lost unsightly rolls of fat on my stomach. YAY!! Go me! Had detention with Malfoy tonight. He kept calling me Toilet Boy, because I had to lick Dumbledore's bathroom floor. Stupid (surprising attractive) blond boy. Damn this gayness of mine.
Day 30
Failed all my exams for this term. Mum will kill me when she finds out. So I put a memory charm on everyone so that they cannot tell her. YAY! Am I smart or what?
Day 34
Yay Christmas is tomorrow!!! I hope I get lots of exciting pressies!! I want to get an international standard broom like Harry's got, so that I can impress him with my moves.
Day 35
Am v. disappointed. Only got one present. It was a book from Hermione about sex moves. It was called the "Karma Sutra" Kinda boring really. Wish I could have got some chocolate body paint so that I could paint Harry then lick it all off. But no! I get the fucking "Karma Sutra!!" I'll kill Hermione! What kind of girlfriend gets her boyfriend a book like that? If you do, tell me where and I'll curse them!!
Day 36
Saw Harry and Hermione come out of the toilets together. They were looking very nervous when I looked at them. Harry kept stroking his fly. Interrogated Hermione until she told me she gave Harry a head job. Am relieved. At least she didn't give Harry a better present than she gave me. I gave Harry a red pencil. He didn't seem too pleased with it though. What did he expect? A head job from me?!?!?!? Wait a second...that's a pretty good idea!!
Day 40
Harry walked in on me and Hermione trying out the Karma Sutra, was a bit embarrassing. I tried to talk to him but he seemed very distant. Realise now that it was probably because I still had my penis hanging out of my pants.
Day 41
Is v. awkward between me and Harry. I wish he had the same "gay" tendencies as I do. We could try out the Karma Sutra together. Would be v. fun!!! Hermione keeps slapping me and telling me off for not locking the bedroom door. Does she not know that the door doesn't have a lock? Idiot.
Day 43
Yay!! Hermione and I are going to Hawaii! It was all her idea. I'd rather go with Harry, but anyway, should be a fun holiday!! Harry's all sad about us leaving him, keeps bursting out in fits of tears. Good excuse to give him a good cuddle!!! Hehe!!!
Day 45
Am on the Hogwarts Express. Hermione keeps making me go and fuck her in the corridors. Am getting v. sick of it. My dick hurts. Harry seems V. pissed off. Maybe it's coz I have a fuck partner and I'm going to Hawaii!! YAY! Am V. excited. I think he's upset coz he has to go back to his aunt and uncle's house. HAHA!! I mean...I feel really sorry for him. Have promised that I will send him lots of cards and pressies, although will probably not have enough money, dammit.