Guilt was like a shadow. Even when you couldn't see it, it was always there. Angel lay in bed wide-eyed. Sleep was nowhere near now as thousands of thoughts plagued his mind. The sound of Riley's cry when he was pushed into the knife, the look on his face before he passed out. How could he just leave him there? He had told Spike that he hated Riley for many reasons but that didn't mean Riley deserved to be attacked like that. What if he died from blood loss? That was a bucket of guilt that would stay with Angel forever, no matter how much time went by. No, he wouldn't let it get that far.
'Damn it!' he thought to himself. Without anymore thought, Angel sat up and pulled on his jeans and sweatshirt that he found on the floor. Looking toward his bedside clock that read 3:01 in bright red, he figured too much time had passed and he was now in a danger zone. Quietly sneaking out as to not wake his parents and soon remembering his car was still at the school, Angel started his walk to Sunnydale High.
"Riley," he called out. "It's Angel. Listen man, I know you probably feel like hell right now, I just wanted to apologize before I open the door. I didn't know it would go that far. I had no idea Spike was dumb enough to take out a knife and- wait, I actually did think Spike was that dumb but that's not the point," he explained. Moving his hand, he touched the metal and his whole body froze. He felt coldness seeping through the steel and for the first time his ears registered the slight hum of the motor running.
'It's a freezer!' his mind yelled. Without a second's thought, Angel grabbed the handle and pulled but the door didn't budge. Eyes finally trailed upward and saw the heavy lock that was keeping the door from opening. Where the lock came from, he didn't know. Going to the back of the freezer, he yanked the plug from the outlet to buy time. He didn't know how long someone could last locked in a freezer but he knew it wasn't long.
"I need to get the lock open now," he mumbled to himself. Opening drawers, he searched for something heavy enough to break the lock. All he found were kitchen utensils and whatnot. When he searched through some cupboards, he found a metal rolling pin and tested its weight in his hands. 'Good enough,' he though.
Raising it above his head, Angel used the end on the rolling pin to break the lock. Over and over again he used all his strength to hit the lock, hoping that it would give in and snap open. With one loud clang, the lock broke and fell to the floor. Angel threw down the rolling pin and threw open the door. Looking into the freezer, he gasped and staggered back a few steps.
There Riley Finn sat, surrounded by piles of meat. His eyes were wide open; staring into space as if knowing his time had ran out. The pieces of Angel's torn sweatshirt were still wrapped around Riley's arm and hardened lines of blood stained his arm. His skin was a sickening icy blue and Angel knew at once that he was too late. Riley Finn had frozen to death and it was all his fault.
"No, not just me. Spike," he said quietly and reached into his pocket for his cell phone. Dialing a number he knew by heart, he shut the door to the freezer without giving another glance to Riley.
"'Lo?" the British blonde answered from the other end of the line.
"Spike, get up now," Angel said. He could hear Spike groan and curse.
"You better have a bloody good reason for calling at 3 in the bleedin' morning mate," Spike said.
"Come to the school cafeteria. Now," Angel said and pushed END on his phone. Sighing again for the thousandth time that night, he waited quietly in the kitchen for Spike to arrive.
Spike had a better reaction than Angel thought he would have had. He just looked at Riley's form and shook his head.
"Well?" Angel asked. Spike pulled out a cigarette from his leather duster and lit it.
"You've got yourself a problem," Spike said. Angel slammed his hand on the metal countertop.
"We. We've got ourselves a problem," he clarified. Spike nodded his mistake and blew out a lungful breath of smoke.
"At least he won't get a chance to tattle on us now," he said. Angel glared at his friend for that comment. "Look, we can turn this anyway we want but he's dead Angel. It's done and over with. We can't help him now."
"So what do we do? People are going to get suspicious when he doesn't turn up for school Monday. We can't just dump his body in a river and get on with our lives. The cops will figure it out eventually," Angel yelled.
"Yeah, they will," Spike agreed. "But not if we lead them off the path first."
"What do you mean?" Angel asked. Spike walked over to the sink and wet a rag lying by the edge. Quickly, he wiped down the whole freezer and the floor around it.
"I don't think that's going to help Spike," Angel said. "I mean they're still going to look for a killer."
"Not if they already know who it is," Spike said.
"Huh?" Angel asked. Spike gave him an up-to-no-good-grin.
"Follow me," he said and shut the lights off. Angel knew something was not good but he didn't really feel like staying with Riley in the dark.
"Where are we going?" Angel asked after a few minutes. Spike walked over to a door and got out a lock pick. After a few minutes, he managed to get the lock open and the two went inside. Angel flipped the lights and saw they were in the computer lab. "Ok, you want to type something?"
"Look, we type a suicide note, typed to they can't compare writing, and we attach it to the freezer. When the janitor comes on Monday morning, the cops and everyone will assume he killed himself," Spike explained.
"What about the blood?" Angel asked.
"I'll clean the wound and make it so he's hidden. You type the note and we'll meet in 20 minutes," Spike replied. "Oh, but make sure you write it out first so you know what you're going to type."
"Ok. Meet you in a little bit." Angel said and sat down at one of the computers. Finding a blank sheet of paper and pen, he sat and wrote. After about five minutes, he finished and reread it. Liking the way it sounded, he pulled Microsoft Word on the computer and began typing:
Dear Mom and Dad,
I am sorry but I can't go on with my life. I feel like everything is just too much and I can't take it anymore. I guess I'm just not the perfect son you wanted. I love you both but I'm sorry. Goodbye. -Riley
Pressing the print button, Angel shut everything down and grabbed the freshly printed note. With one last look at the room, he turned off the light and closed the door.
Monday morning rolled around quite quickly to Angel and he dreaded the scene he'd arrive to in an hour. Arriving at Buffy's house as usual, he barely said anything to her when she got into his car.
"Hey Angel," she greeted. "Have a good day yesterday?"
"It was ok. I mostly slept," he replied. The rest of the ride was silent between the two. When they got to the school, they both saw police cars and paramedics all over campus.
"Wonder what happened?" Buffy asked. Angel nodded silently and parked his car. When they got out, Xander and Willow ran up to them with grim looks on their faces.
"Buffy, Angel, did you hear?" Willow asked.
"Hear what?" Buffy asked. Xander pointed to the police walking around.
"The cafeteria lady found a dead body in the freezer this morning," Xander explained.
"Oh my god! Who was it?" Buffy asked. Willow looked toward Xander and sighed.
"Buffy, it was Riley," she said. Buffy let out a gasp and covered her mouth with her hands. "I'm so sorry Buffy. They said it looks like he's been there for a couple days. The last time he was seen by anyone was Saturday night. He had practice and he didn't go home."
"Do they know anything else?" Angel asked. He kept his expression as grim as he could but kept on the lookout for Spike. Xander nodded.
"We overheard the paramedics telling Snyder that they found a note typed by him. They said it is a suicide," he said.
"Suicide? Are you sure?" Buffy asked. There were tears in eyes and she was trying not to cry but failing.
"Yeah. The note supposedly said that he failed everyone and life was getting too hard. Oh, but there was something else. A knife," Xander said. Angel looked up at the mention of a knife.
"What? A knife? What knife?" he asked Xander.
"The cops found a knife near his body. There was also a cut on his arm and blood everywhere. Looks like he cut himself first and tried to bleed to death. Instead he froze," Willow explained.
"Oh my god," Buffy whispered. Willow and Xander took turns in comforting her but Buffy was too much in shock.
"So what's happening now?" Angel asked, pulling Buffy into his arms and hugging her for support.
"I think they're canceling class today. I'm going to go see what the actual word is," Xander said. "Wanna come with?" he asked Willow.
"Uh, yeah," she said and took her boyfriend's hand. "Are you going to be ok Buffy?" she asked.
"I don't know Will. I just need to get out of here," Buffy replied.
"I'll take her home. Call me later to let me know what else they found ok. Keep me updated," Angel told Xander. After Xander and Willow left, Angel walked Buffy back to his car and helped her get in.
"Buffy, do you want me to take you home?" he asked her. Buffy wiped her eyes and nodded. "Are you going to be ok?" he asked her. A few fresh tears rolled down her face as she turned to look at him.
"Angel, all this time I thought he stood me up. Here I was all mad at him when he was actually dead. How could I?" she said.
"You didn't know. It just happened, no matter how much you think it's your fault. Don't blame yourself," Angel said. "Here, have some chocolate. It'll make you feel better." Buffy took the chocolate he gave her and started to eat it.
"Thanks Angel," she said after a few minutes. Angel turned to give her a smile but couldn't. Again, she was in pain because of something he did. Pulling up to her house, he silently watched Buffy get out and walk to the door.
"This is gone too far," Angel said aloud. Putting the car in drive, he sped toward Spike's house.