3. Tides turn.
T: Part three, a little more delayed that I had though but that's real life unfortunately. Not mine, am sad about this fact and do not wish to talk of it for fear that it shall give me a complex. The slash becomes more evident from now on and Merry and Pip make for comic tinges that are nice respites amid the sap.
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'I never truly thought about how much a part of my life Frodo had become until a year after that. The very year that you came at last into the world Master Peregrin. I was with Bilbo when the messenger came, flushed heavily from running and such a smile on his face that Bilbo guessed quickly what the fuss was for.
"It is a son then."
"Oh yes, the fairest of bairns that could have been asked for." He replied, his Tuckborough accent odd to my ears.
"And what have they named him?"
"Peregrin. I was asked to invite you to see him as soon as way convenient by the Thain and then Master Meriadoc asked that you came quicker than that."
"Then of course we shall accompany you on the return journey. It would not do to upset the future Master now would it?" He enquired as he stood and then recalling that I was there lent to grasp one of my hands in his own and with a wistful smile said,
"You shall forgive that I have to take Frodo from you at such a short notice, and indeed will have to retract my tutelage. Yet these things shall happen and of course I shall reimburse you as quickly as I might." And I took the hint and left, saddened by the loss of both Bilbo and of the odd security I had begun to find in seeing Frodo each day. Security that I later learned was spawned by fear of not seeing him again, of fear that he was going to leave me for some abstract ideal and never return.
'Without that feeling of security and without Bilbo's lessons as an outlet for my creativity I soon learned to love gardening and found that with the simplest changes in minerals I could cause plants of similar types to grow taller or of a different shade to their fellows. I learned to love the soil again, learned to see that no matter the hardships in my life the Shire would endure, would grow and change a solid foundation for my heart and hopes. Foundation that solidified once the Quest began and became all the more important once it had been disturbed, sullied by the shadow.
'When Frodo returned he had brought company, something Bilbo had pre-warned us of and that brought a bite of anxiety to my stomach. For I feared that a visitor would rock the fragile friendship that had just began to be built between Frodo and I.
' I was in the garden when the high peal of Frodo's laughter told that they were at last approaching and as I gained my feet to greet my Masters I took the opportunity to take in both the change in Frodo and the Hobbit sat at his side. Frodo looked healthier than we had first met, Bilbo's well stocked board bringing a healthy glow to his face and a roundness to his face that was pleasant rather than odd. The Hobbit at his side was a bubbly young thing with wild auburn curls and sharp grey eyes that were always sparked with some thought or another.
'Bilbo spotted me first and once he had drawn the trap level with the gate he dismounted and flashed me a bright and heart warming smile.
"Ah, Sam, I am glad you are here. Indeed I see by the wondrous display that you have often been here while we were away." He said. At the mention of my name Frodo turned from his charge and allowing me one cautious smile dismounted and took the child into his arms. The young Hobbit struggled wildly and this only helped to bring a wobble to Frodo's step as he came to stand at the other side of the gate from me.
"Frodo! Let me down will you! Let me down!" The child was saying, the lilt in his voice confirming both his origins and his status. Frodo complied with some reluctance and set the lad to the floor before he gave me another, more apologetic smile and said,
"Sam, this is Meriadoc Brandybuck. Merry, this is Samwise Gamgee." You gave me a look then, Merry, that I did not know then, but I would later come to recognise as an assessment as to whether you would make a good victim that day for one of his innocuous pranks. I was apparently that day, not looking in quite the right mood to receive a prank and thus with the most innocent of smiles he extended a small hand and said,
"A pleasure I am sure. Father says that Bilbo is very lucky to have someone like you working for him and he wishes that he could buy you away."
"T'is a shame then is it not, little Master, that my family and I are loyal to the Baggins?" I enquired. You wrinkled your nose at that and with a haughty distain that Pippin tried to mimic each time we talked of it afterwards you said,
"I am not your Master, nor will I ever be unless you think of coming to Buckland once father has passed on and even then I shall not be your Master, but rather The Master." And that little speech made it rather hard to keep a strait face and looking to Frodo I saw that he too was wrestling with a smile.
'We'd laugh about it each time after that when I called you Master and you gave me that look, laughed not just for the mirth in the memory but for the excuse of having something to laugh about amid the darker times.
'We moved into the kitchen after that for scones and so that I might wrap myself again within the familiarity of having Frodo so close and the safety I felt from that proximity. Eventually once the silence was more companionable and the faint traces of laughter had escaped out of my system I ventured what turned out to be rather a prickly question,
"Is he a fair child, truly?"
"It depends on who you ask. I think he looks very much average for Took stock, right down to that head for trouble that they are so famed for. Merry, however…"
"Believes you are being unfair. I held him the most of anyone and I think there is something captivating about him despite that fussy name they've stuck him with."
"What of the name you have chosen for him?"
"Pippin suits him very well for it is merry and he shall always be merry." Merry responded and Frodo mumbled something under his breath and then proceeded to turn in on himself.
'For myself I found such a dedication and such a fondness for one so young a heartening thing. For it would teach this young Hobbit lad responsibility if nothing else and would ensure that his charge received nothing but pure unadulterated love. That was something Frodo could not see, for he did not wish to lose your support in his own life, Master Merry, but as time moved on and as he spent time with Pippin his eyes cleared and he let you go.
'You allowed him that time, both later and in that moment, yet I could not sit idle as he shut in on his emotions again. Thus when Bilbo called you to his study to see some map or sketch, Merry, I took the opportunity and asked if Frodo might like to see what I had done with the blooms in his absence.
'Once in the garden he allowed his concern back onto his face and with the barest of glances to me enquired,
"Might we go a little away from here, Sam? I need a moment to think." And though I could almost hear the word "alone" tapped onto the end of the sentence I knew he did not mean for me to leave him be, not truly at least.
'I walked silent at his side as we tracked the perimeter of the part field and stopped when he did before the great oak that sat where once my mighty Mallorn now grows. He stared hard at the old weathered tree as if he were seeing it for the first time and then he made a small turn in the grass and then settled against the trunk. I went to leave him then for he seemed to be lost in his own little world, but as I made the first steps away he called my name and as I turned I saw him tap the soil close to his side.
'I hesitated and then after a more insistent gesture from Frodo I set by his side, aware that he would not take no for an answer. He was silent only a moment more before he said,
"I went to Tuckborough expecting to see Merry and to have him back again in my life. But that hope lasted only until the smallest wisp of a Hobbit lad was placed within his arms. His eyes became so focused, as if he was holding something beyond precious and was so fearful of letting it tarnish that he could not look away, would not.
"I felt cold and angry and so very jealous. Merry was mine after all, my kin, my friend and all but my brother. But then I heard your voice in my head, hard and insistent, you said 'The best way to prove your love is to let go' and I knew it for the wisdom it was and allowed my feelings to fade for the joy evident in Merry's eyes. If he was happy then I was happy also." He smiled a little at that and I felt a little comforted for that. Those words you will never have heard before, yet they have been spoken once between Frodo and I since that time, as the sea breeze tore away at my tears and our time was at last ending.
'That time is still a little ways away, however, as far as this tale is concerned and I do not wish to think on it until I have to and thus I move on. I looked at him as his eyes closed and the sunlight dappled across his skin and I found that I had wish to hold him, if only a moment, to ensure myself entirely that he was alive. I did not want to disturb his peace, however, and I gained my feet again and this time managed to cross into the row before his hand upon my shoulder halted my steps yet again.
"I wanted you to know that I wish to be your friend. I know we do not really know that much of one another, but I have a feeling that I can trust you Samwise Gamgee." He said as I turned to look at him.
"We can try, Sir." I replied and he chuckled then,
"As blunt as always." He replied and then I was laughing as well.
'That was the very last stone in the foundation of our friendship and from that point on it built and grew until it was so very strong. Until I felt that I did not really have a life without Frodo. And of course from that day on you were a part of my life also, Merry and I learned quickly how to react to your pranks and how just to take all the fun from them and thus have the best of revenge.
'A routine was set and you would come to Bag End in the summer months, Merry and Frodo would return with you in the winter, each separation harder than the last and each enduring longer as Merry lingered for Pippin's sake.
'Then on the year of my fourteenth birthday the routine changed again, for Merry brought his Took with him when they came. As the last time we had had warning that there would be one more than had been expected and when the entourage would be coming back.
'Thus I was at Bag End deliberately early that day, hoping I suppose to calm my wildly beating heart by the time Frodo came home. Yet though I had calmed when the sound of the hooves announced the coming of the trap, one peal of Frodo's laughter set it again into a tempo one could dance to.
'Dusting my hand against my trousers I came down again to the gate and was greeted again with Bilbo's smile and then with Frodo, hale and happy as he always was and I gave him a smile when I saw him, such a smile that I could not stop nor had wish to.
"Welcome home, Sir." I said and he smiled himself for the greeting,
"Thank you, Sam."
"Do I not get a greeting also?" Merry enquired as he appeared at Frodo's side. He had grown well over the years and now there was as much Brandybuck sensibility to his nature as well as Took mischief.
"Hoy! If any should get a greeting it is I." The voice was young still and edged in such a heavy Tuckborough accent that I could not decipher certain words until I was used to it. At the sound of the voice, Merry's face lit up a little and spinning on his heals he dipped and when he turned there was a Hobbit child within his arms. It was the oddest of echoes back to when I had first met Merry, though the child was not struggling out of the older Hobbit's grip, but pulling closer.
'He was fey of face, with both the deep russet tinged curls and bright green eyes that denoted the Took lineage, he was indeed fair to perceive, though as Frodo had said he was nothing more or less than others of the Took line.
"I'm Pippin." He said, leaning enough from Merry so that he could offer his hand, "And you are all these two have been able to talk of since we began on the way here."
"If it is comfort then I should tell you that you are all Merry can talk of for his entire stay here."
"Really, do you truly miss me that much, Merry?" You enquired Pippin, bating him as you always did when given opportunity. And as always Merry you rolled your eyes and responded as unconvincingly as you could manage,
"Of course I do, Imp." And that brought a wicked smile to Pippin's face and Merry winced,
"Then you are only teasing, when you say you would be better off without me."
"Of course he is, Pippin, for he so does love to get a rise out of you. Of course you are still a little young to realise that." Frodo said.
"Young indeed, I shall be five in the winter and that is a grand old age is it not, Merry?"
"The grandest, little terror, but you must recall that Frodo is an old man and can not recall what it was to be such a good age."
"Old man! I am but twenty six and there are a good seven years between me and adulthood."
"But, Frodo, that is old to us, for Sam and I are in our tweens yet and the monster is just pushing five."
"I can see this argument carrying on all day lads, let us drop the subject shall we before we all freeze." And that was Bilbo, ever the voice of reason in situations such as these. Merry nodded and setting Pippin to the ground he opened the gate and the pair raced past Bilbo into Bag End. Frodo lingered a moment to enquire,
"Will you come in, Sam?"
"No, Sir, t'is best that I go home. The weather is setting in as Mr. Bilbo has said and the Gaffer will want me safe."
"Of course. Will you be up tomorrow?"
"Yes, Sir." I replied and he nodded before following on his Uncles heals.
'Once the door to Bag End was closed I stared at it a moment and tried to comprehend the rush of emotions that had swamped me as I'd listened to the argument. What was this that I was feeling? Why would it not stop? And why could I think only of Frodo? Taking a shaky breath and setting my hand to the gatepost I tried to find control in the madness and a snuff for the mild heat burning in my heart. But I could not, not without destroying myself also and it was then with as much certainty as was available to me then when I was so young, that I knew. I loved him and whether he cared for me or not I would continue to love him in this way.'
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T: Next chapter will be up on Tuesday as I'm almost done typing it as I post this, which means I have a swing at last. Yay!
RR please it gives me happiness and I always appreciate the suggestions.