Chapter 5: Secret Agent Men

Afterwards, Calvin finished his breakfast, while Hobbes snuck off to try to find Rosalyn's cell phone. As he stared at the cookie jar, now on a shelf above the counter that was as tall as a refridgerator, an idea suddenly came to him. Maybe, just maybe, his Mom had forgotten to tell Rosalyn about the punishment. "Hey, Rosalyn, I finished my breakfast. Can I have a cookie?"

"Sure, squirt, why not?" Rosalyn began to climb up on a chair to get the jar.

YOU WILL GET ME A COOKIE! YOU WILL NOT KNOW ABOUT MY PUNISHMENT! YOU WILL SET THE JAR DOWN ON THE TABLE SO I CAN TAKE IT! THEN YOU WILL GIVE ME TWENTY DOLLARS! Calvin silently willed his babysitter. Rosalyn took the jar and gave Calvin a cookie. "Hey, Rosalyn, could you set the cookie jar down on the table."

"Why?" she said.

"Um, so I could admire the beautiful pottery skills and hard work that went into it."

"What do you think I am, an idiot?" she asked suddenly.

"Do you really want me to answer that?" said Calvin.

"Your Mom told me about how you were punished for your little incident, buddy. Looks like your little plan failed." she said, putting the jar on the shelf. "Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah."

"Sorry, Madame Moron. It's just that I thought you were as stupid as you looked, so naturally I assumed my plan was a gem."

Apparently, Rosalyn was very sensitive to cracks about her appearance. Her face suddenly turned red and a vein in her forehead was throbbing. "That is the last straw, bucko! Get up to your room right now and don't come out if you want to see the age of twelve!"

"You have to catch me first, you teenage barracuda!" he sneered. "Hahahahahahahaha!" Calvin took off through the house faster than lightning until he found himself back in the kitchen. Rosalyn was gone, no doubt fruitlessly looking for him. "It seems that once again, the grand, exalted Calvin has prevailed over teenage tyranny. What a loser. She'll be lucky if she ever graduates from high school! I bet they'll send her back to elementary school. Maybe then there will be someone who gets worse grades than me! AH-HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Hello, Calvin." Calvin slowly turned around to see Rosalyn behind him. He gulped.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Calvin grabbed Hobbes, who was digging in Rosalyn's purse for her cell phone, and ran upstairs with Rosalyn in hot persuit. She only stopped chasing him when he bolted in his room, shutting and locking the door. "Wow. That was scary." said Calvin, panting. "She must've taken track this year. Quick, Hobbes. Tie the sheets together and we'll take Rosalyn's car to Kentucky with Mom and Dad."

"No good," said Hobbes. "Her car keys are in her bag."

"Man, she makes me mad! Just because she's older, she thinks she can boss us around."

"Well," said Hobbes, "maybe this doesn't have to be so bad. We'll go downstairs and compromise with her. You both can agree to be nicer to each other. Then maybe we can play Calvinball like we did last time."

"I don't know you." Calvin stared out the window. "I think what we need to do is find a way to take that cookie jar."

"Taking the cookie jar won't solve our problems, you know. Rosalyn will still be mad," Hobbes explained.

"It's not the cookie jar ITSELF, Hobbes. The cookie jar is a symbol. If we take the cookie jar, even though the odds are against us, it will show Rosalyn that we're smarter than her. We're more cunning. We're better." A car pulled up in the driveway and beeped the horn two times. Who's that? thought Calvin. Mom and Dad don't have a car like that. Rosalyn came outside and a teenage boy got out. "Hey, it's Charlie!" Calvin remarked. He and Rosalyn started talking.Obviously, they had made up for the incident involving the imaginary "Rich". "Charlie's here! They'll be talking for ages. Now is a perfect time to make a plan to snatch that cookie jar!We'll call it G.R.O.S.S Mission: Sugar Rush!"

"You're nuts. Rosalyn will kill us if we slip up again."

"Come on, Hobbes! It will be like we're secret agents."

"No."

"I have a brand-new box of crayons you can use."

"Throw in some tuna and you have a deal!"

So they went to work. "OK, Hobbes. We need something that will stick to the wall so we can walk up it and grab the jar. Preferably something that includes a miniature helicopter and some firearms for protection."

"Why not something easy, like glue? Or a giant suction cup?" suggested Hobbes.

"That's a good idea! With a set of robot legs with giant suction cups on them, we can't go wrong!"

"Um, I was referring to just tying your feet to suction cups," Hobbes explained.

"You know, Hobbes, you have no imagination. But I suppose your idea is worth trying. Let's think. Where can we get giant suction cups?" Calvin scratched his head. "Hey, how about a plunger?"

"Yeah! Go get them. I'll find some string." But before he left, Calvin checked on Charlie and Rosalyn.

"Still talking," he reported. "I hope they don't start kissing on our front yard or else I might get that stomachache all over again." A little later, Calvin was back with a plunger. "We only have one plunger in the whole house! Can you believe that? My parents are so cheap."

"Guess you'll just have to hop up the wall, then. Here's some yarn. I'll tie your feet to it." said Hobbes, who started wrapping the yarn around his feet and the plunger.

"You'll have to carry me down the stairs. It's hard to move with this on."

Hobbes balanced Calvin on his shoulders all the way to the top of the stairs. "Oof! You must weigh a ton! Did you eat concrete for breakfast or something?"

"Shut up and carry me. At least I don't cough up hairballs."

"Actually, for that insult, I'll just let gravity carry you down the stairs."

"What? What are you doing? Put me down! Stop it! AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHH!!!" Hobbes threw him down.

Clunk!

"Calvin!" called Hobbes, "Are you O.K?"

"Decide for yourself, you great lunk!" said Calvin. Fortunately, he landed on his feet. Unfortunately, because of the plunger, he was stuck to the floor. "Hobbes! Hobbes! Help me!" Calvin shouted, moving back and forth on the plunger.

"What? First it's 'At least I don't cough up hairballs'," said Hobbes, mimicking Calvin in a whiny voice, "and now it's 'Hobbes! Please help me!' Well, forget it! You can save yourself."

"I'm going to get you for this." Calvin leaned forward, and the plunger came loose with a pop. He fell face-first onto the floor and pulled himself up with the banister. "There. Now come on. There's no time to lose." He hopped into the kitchen and Hobbes followed.

Calvin faced the wall underneath the shelf with the cookie jar. "Well, this is it. If you'll just attach me to the wall, I can start to scale it." Hobbes picked him up and stuck him to the wall.

Calvin tried to hop up the side of the wall, but nothing happened. "Mmmmph! It's not working!" He shook up and down, trying to move. The wooden handle of the plunger came down and clonked Hobbes in the head.

"Owww! Watch out, will you? That hurt!"

"That's payback for heaving me down the stairs!" Finally, after a few more minutes of trying to hop up the wall, Calvin finally sighed. "OK, Hobbes. Take me down. We'll have to think of another plan."

"That's fine with me," said Hobbes, who was now holding an ice pack on his head.He grasped the handle and gave it a sharp tug.

RRRRRRRRIP!

"What was that?" asked Calvin. "It didn't sound too well."

Hobbes finished untying him. "Beats me. Maybe it was...OH MY GOSH!" He stared at the wall. A piece of the wallpaper had been torn off when he had pulled Calvin down.

"Oh no!" said Calvin. "Well never be able to cover this up!" He put the piece of wallpaper back in place, but it was no good. Anyone could tell it had been ripped.

"I think we'd better go and think up another plan. REALLY fast."

"I agree," said Calvin, dashing up the stairs.