Chapter 7:Clarification and Healing
Most of Sunday was a blur for Sirius. He tried to work on lesson plans, but couldn't keep his mind on it. The only thing he could think about was the parchment he'd found. He didn't wonder the castle or grounds like the other professors did on a day off. He didn't show up for meals. He spent most of the day in what had been named the Marauder's hole. Hermione tried to talk to him, but that didn't seem to help. He told her just having her there helped but she just saw him getting more disheartened. Finally she took matters into her own hands and sent an owl to Remus asking him if he could come straight away, Professor Dumbledore had agreed to allow him to use a portkey.
Once Remus had arrived and she found Harry, they made their way to the front hall of Hogwarts. "Where is he?" Remus asked.
"He's in the Marauder's Hole… well that's what I've named it. It's a room off the kitchen that he said James, you and he found years ago." She said. "He went there last night after Harry left him and that's where he's been since. I've tried to talk to him, but… "
"I know where you're talking about, let me go see what I can do." Remus said as he headed down one flight of stairs, but as he reached the bottom of the steps Sirius was coming through the main doors to the castle. Remus met him as the other two-stayed one landing up. "You okay Padfoot? Want to talk about it?"
Sirius looked up surprised to see his old friend. "Moony? What are you doing here?"
"Hermione was worried about you, so she sent and owl, I came straight away." Remus said as he saw Sirius look towards where Hermione and Harry were standing.
"Yeah, I need help in sorting this out before I go talk to Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall. How about we go to my room?" Sirius said moving towards the steps. He and Remus climbed the steps, but stopped when they approached the pair at the top. Sirius hugged Harry, then hugged Hermione kissing her lightly on the cheek he whispered, "Thank you for caring so much."
Remus took Harry by the arm and said as they all started walking. "We are going to Sirius' room to talk some of this out." He looked at Sirius who was now beside them, "I assume you are both welcome to join us?" Seeing his friend shake his head to confirm they all walked quietly to their destination.
Once they had all settled in, Harry and Remus in the chairs by the fireplace and Sirius and Hermione on the sofa, Remus asked. "Sirius… Padfoot… I know what you found, is it really all that bad?"
He looked into the fire and thought, "In time… no it won't… It isn't really now… but Remus; they've all lied to me. My parents… my family lied. Do you know how that makes me feel? How different my life as a child, my teen years could have been had I known?"
"I know your life could have been different and you think it could have been easier, but have you stopped to think of how hard it could have been too? This knowledge as a kid could have added a great weight to you and you might have been expected to be so much more." Remus was reasoning with him trying to get him to see all sides of the situation. He knew Sirius was a powerful wizard, but… "I think your best bet Padfoot is to go sit down with the professors and talk to them. Let them say their peace and then make your decision." He could see Sirius was listening and thinking hard about what he was saying.
Sirius stood and started to pace the length of the room. No one said a word while he contemplated his decisions. Stopping finally in front of the door he looked over at his friends. "I need a walk. I'll be back." Without waiting on anyone to say anything, he opened the door and left. Leaving his visitors to stare at the closed door.
Sirius didn't know how long he'd been walking but he'd done a lot of thinking along the way. He'd made up his mind to go back to his room, get Hermione for support and go talk to the headmaster. As he rounded the corner that led to the stairs he ran into Professor McGonagall. "Excuse me, I wasn't watching where I was going." He said helping to steady her.
When she realized who it was she smiled a sad smile and asked, "How are you Sirius? We haven't seen you for a couple days."
He didn't want to look her in the eyes, but something made him. He saw the pain and sadness. "I'm getting better." He remembered something he'd seen in her reaction in Dumbledore's office and decided to ask her about it. "Professor? Can I ask you something?"
"Why of course." She said, taking his arm and leading him into an empty classroom.
Sirius held an empty chair for the elder lady to sit in, and then sat in the one across from her. He didn't look at her but kept his eyes glued to his shoes. "In Professor Dumbledore's office the day I confronted you, I thought I saw something in your eyes. Something that may have said you didn't agree with all that was or had been going on, is that true? Was there a time when you thought I should have been told?" He finally looked up and into her eyes. He knew he would find the answer there. He would be able to tell if she was honest with him.
Sighing heavily, Professor McGonagall began to speak. "From the day you were born I thought you should know. I've always wanted to tell you, but for various reason and for your own protection I went along with not telling you."
Sirius reached over and took her trembling hands into his own. "What do you mean for my own protection?"
She suddenly felt her age and that was something she hadn't experienced in a long time. The older lady said, "I think you better let Albus explain more to you. Why don't we go to his office and talk more? Maybe then you will understand." She stood and reached for his hand.
Standing, Sirius walked to the door. "I need to go find Hermione, we'll meet you there in thirty minutes. Okay?"
"Yes, that will be fine." Professor McGonagall said as she exited through the door, turning around to look at him. Placing her hand tenderly on his cheek, she said, "No matter what, remember, you were, you are and you will always be loved." She then turned and walked away from the younger man.
Sirius thought about what she had said all the way back to his room, once there he told the others what had happened. He then turned to Hermione, extended his hand and asked, "Well you come with me to Dumbledore's office?" No words were needed. She took his hand and was instantly at his side. He saw the love and devotion in her expression. He then turned to the other two and said, "Wish me luck. I'll let you know everything when we get back. You're welcome to wait here."
Hermione and Sirius walked not touching and in silence to the entrance of the Headmasters office. Sirius looked around to make sure no one was watching, then leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Hermione's lips. "Thank you." Not waiting for a reaction or reply he mumbled the password and stepped inside. As the stairs began to move, Hermione reached down and intertwined her fingers through his. He looked at their joined hands smiling. Then gave hers a slight squeeze.
The stairs stopped moving and the door opened to reveal the two professors sitting. Dumbledore stood as the visitors entered. "Please have a seat. Miss Granger it's nice to see you." He smiled at Hermione then turned his attention to Sirius. "Professor McGonagall tells me you've spoken to her and are ready to talk things over. Hear the reasons for your not being told everything from the beginning?" He waited until both Hermione and Sirius sat down, before sitting himself. "I know you have many questions but if you will indulge an old man and let me try to explain as much as I can before you start asking I'd be thankful for it." Sirius didn't speak, only shook his head slightly.
Professor Dumbledore stood and started walking around the room, "I guess the best place to begin is at the beginning." Stopping in front of Fawkes, he petted the bird several times then moved back to his seat. "A long time ago just like you now, I fell in love with one of my students. We chose not to act until she graduated. Shortly afterwards we married in a very private ceremony, kept it quiet as long as possible. We did a fine job of it until time for our child to be born, and then we had to let a few people know. We had a beautiful baby girl. When our daughter was two, my wife started teaching here and we raised our daughter in private until the time she was to start Hogwarts. We wanted her to have every advantage, so we enrolled her under my mother's maiden name. She knew we were her parents and she knew our beliefs. As she grew she had ideas of her own and made friends with some we didn't approve of, but we tried to let her become the witch she was destined to be. She met Leo Black and began to believe in all he stood for, which you yourself know all about. Though she had been sorted into Gryffindor she soon became more of a Slytherin, spending more and more time with Mr. Black and his friends. Soon it became clear that she was going to abandon all the things we'd taught her. As soon as she graduated she married Leo and a year or so later she had the most beautiful baby boy, you. When you were born we were allowed to see you, once in a while, but we were told that you were never to know who we really were because she wanted you and your brother to grow up believing their beliefs not ours. She told us that as long as we agreed to her terms we could watch you and Regulus grow up and that you could both come to Hogwarts also about that time Voldemort was recruiting, the Order thought it would be best of no one knew who you actually were. Though your parents were not death eaters, they believed in much of what Voldemort stood for. Your parents were furious when you were sorted into Gryffindor; they blamed me for trying to control you, which was untrue. The sorting hat saw the good in you. You were predestined to become a powerful and talented wizard, it is in your blood. When you came to Hogwarts it was obvious that you were your own person and wasn't about to do something just because it was what your parents believed." Dumbledore stopped for a minute. Mumbling something about being just like his mother and her parents. He looked up to see Sirius and Hermione watching his every move. "It became clear also that you were running from something. We watched you and we were sure something wasn't good in your home life so we tried as we could to make things right for you here. I was happy that you were making friends with young men like James Potter and Remus Lupin. Yes we were both hard on you as well because we knew what you could become. So we stood back and watched. Then you ran away from home and we both wanted to tell you and let you come stay with us, but again we were told that if we did, we'd never see you again. It was clear that there was a difference made between you and your brother. He was what they wanted you to be, but you didn't want to be. It was at this time I was thrilled that you had James as a friend. I made sure you were able to stay with his family for as long as you needed. Still we sat back and watched. Watched as you got high marks, watched as you pulled prank after prank. We watched as you grew into a fine man and graduated. We watched and were very proud of you as you fought the dark ones. We were so proud of you when you became young Harry's godfather. Then came the murders you were accused of committing. This news broke our hearts and Minerva here…" He looked down and rubbed the shoulders of his wife. "… refused to believe it. She always believed in you, even while you were in Azkaban. I myself wanted to believe that you were not capable of betraying your best friend and committing the most horrendous crime of murder, of killing those closest to you and muggles; Muggles who you had always protected. We watched when you were here how you always stood up for the muggle born. Neither of us wanted to accept that you committed those crimes, but again we were forced to stand back and say nothing. Then as time went on it got easier and easier not to say anything. When you escaped from Azkaban, came here with Mr. Potter and friends, I was only too delighted to help you make your get away. When you fell through the veil and we thought you had died it was devastating to all of us. Minerva maybe more than most, but she never let on in public. In private for a long time she blamed me. Blamed the order and me because she never was able to tell you and get to know you the way a she should have been allowed to. She had never been allowed to love you, as you should have been. When we found out that you were indeed alive and you came here to teach she began to plead with me to tell you. As you and I grew closer, she began to see so much of myself in you, again she implored with the order and myself that you should be told. Again the order thought it was best not to, but I was ready to tell you. Before we could arrange a time to sit you down and explain, you found the parchment in that old book. The rest as they say is history."
Sirius looked over at the headmaster, "Why was… is it so important to the Order for me not to know that you are my Grandparents? Do they know how different my life might have been had I known. I might have felt like I was worth someone loving, I might have felt like I had a family of my own and I wouldn't have had to always rely on the Potters." He asked. There was no anger in his voice, he had understood why his mother and father didn't' want him to know, but he needed to know why the Order didn't want him told.
Dumbledore began to walk around the room again. He stopped briefly to place his hand on Sirius' shoulder, this time he didn't feel the younger man tense as he had at other times. "The order thought that if others, namely the dark side and the death eaters knew that they would use you to get to me. That's part of the reason so few know Minerva and I are married. Also the fact that you are our Grandchild makes you as special as any wizard who ever lived. You are powerful and talented. They were afraid that the wrong side would get a hold of you and use those talents. One problem with you not ever being told is that you were also never really given the chance to develop your talents. Sure you learned to be an animagus on your own, but there is so much more you could and should have learned. Sirius, I don't know what else to say to you. I'm sorry all these years have past and we haven't been able to know each other as we should have, but I would like to try to make up for it. Can you forgive an old fool?"
Sirius sat in his chair, so many things going through his mind. He was watching Hermione's hand rub up and down his arm tenderly. She was his source of strength right now. He thought about how these first couple weeks at Hogwarts had completely changed his life. Besides Harry he now had a very young and very beautiful girlfriend, even though he couldn't tell anyone about it until she graduated and now he found out he had Grandparents and they were the headmaster and deputy headmistresses of the school. Until today he didn't even know they were married. Now he found they had been married a very long time. He saw Hermione look at him with concern and question in her eyes; he smiled reassuringly at her then turned his attention to the elder couple in front of him. "Wow, this is a lot to deal with. I think I understand everything. I do forgive you, but please keep in mind it's going to take me some time to get used to the idea I have family."
McGonagall smiled a truly happy smile. "You take all the time you need. I am just happy it's all out in the open."
Sirius opened his mouth to speak then closed it again. It was as if he were trying to choose his words carefully. "You said that the Order was afraid the Deatheaters would get a hold of me and use the powers I have. Then you said that I was never given the chance to develop my abilities. What talents do you think I have?" He directed this question to Dumbledore.
Dumbledore chuckled and his eyes danced with merriment. "Oh my boy, there are so many hidden skills in you. If you were willing, I'd be most honored to help you learn and develop those gifts. I think we would both…" he said gesturing to McGonagall "…would like to spend some time getting to know you and you getting to know us. Of course this would be in your time and when you are ready, and Ms. Granger is more than welcome to join us. I can see the devotion you two have for one another, even if it is a new relationship."
"I'd be honored to have you work with me on developing my skills, and I think I'd like to spend some time getting to know both of you." He looked from one to the other. Everyone in the room smiled, then Sirius stood. "It's getting late and we have Remus and Harry waiting for us in my room."
Both Professors stood and made their way around the desk. "Very good. It will be time for dinner soon." Dumbledore commented reaching for the door, but not opening it yet. He watched as Minerva approached Sirius and opened her arms looking at him questioningly. Without saying a word he stepped into her arms to be embraced by his Grandmother for the first time. Too soon for her, he backed away. They said their good byes and he and Hermione left the office. He didn't see the relief and happiness on his Grandparents faces as they hugged.
Sirius and Hermione again walked the halls of Hogwarts in silence. Upon arriving at his room, they entered and were greeted by Harry and Remus. Hermione filled them in on most of what was said. Sirius told them he was glad he had gone to see and talk to them. "It feels good to know that even with all I went through growing up that in a way I had someone looking out for me, even if they couldn't tell me." The group talked for a while longer, before Remus said he needed to be getting back. He had plans for that night. Harry agreed to walk him out, and stated that he would grab Ron and meet Hermione in the great hall for dinner. He also told Sirius he expected to see him there.
After Harry and Remus left, Sirius took Hermione's hand and led her to his sofa. When both were seated, he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. "Thank you for being there with me. It means a great deal to me to have you care so much."
Hermione, pulled away just enough to be able to look into his amazing eyes, eyes that were shining brightly, brighter and clearer than they had in two days. "Sirius, I'll always be here for you. I know I'm young, and I know when people find out about us they will all say the odds are against us, but I think that we have a very good chance of making it. Never doubt the depths of my feelings for you." She laid her open palm against his cheek. "Never question the love I have for you, because it's so very real. I know we have to take things slowly and we can't go public until I graduate, but Sirius, I do love you, I really do."
He saw the very feelings she was talking about in her piercing eyes. "I don't doubt your love, you've shown me so many times." He took her face in his hands, "Hermione, I love you too." He lowered his mouth to hers. Placing kisses on her soft, sweet lips. He began to deepen the kiss and slowly ran his tongue across her lower lip. She instantly opened her mouth to allow his tongue to taste and explore her. Then she surveyed his. He slowly began to break the kiss, but not before expertly kissing her upper, then lower lip. Placing his forehead against hers, both were breathing hard, he knew kissing was as far as he could allow things to go. Kissing her lightly again, he stood and pulled her up with him. "It's time for us to go to dinner. You know what Harry said."
Hermione laughed, "Yes, I do. We can't have an angry Harry now can we?"
Both laughed and headed for the door. Before opening it, Sirius pulled her into another searing kiss. When they broke apart, he opened the door and as she stepped through it she heard him whisper, "I love you, Hermione." She just smiled and they made their way to the great hall. He left her to enter through the staff entrance. She met Harry and Ron outside and they took their seats next to Ginny.
Harry had told Ron everything he'd missed and as they were sitting all three looked to the staff table to see if Sirius was there yet. He wasn't. The seat to the left of Dumbledore was empty again. Hermione tried not to worry; she knew he would be there. He was in such a good mood when she left him just a few minutes earlier. Ginny caught the expression on the trio's faces and asked, "What's wrong with you three?"
Harry leaned over and said, "We'll explain it all later Ginny." This seemed to pacify her and they all watched the staff table. A couple minutes later one of the doors opened and Sirius stepped through it. They noticed he now had on a robe, which he wasn't wearing when he left his room. They all watched as he approached the table.
Sirius knew he was late; he had to go back and get a robe. Entering the staff area he noticed Hermione, Harry, Ron and Ginny looking at him. He knew they still had concerns. He decided to lie some of those to rest. He walked up to Professor McGonagall, leaned down kissed her tenderly on the cheek, "Good evening, Grandmother." He then turned to Dumbledore and nodded, "Grandfather." He said before seating himself in the seat next to his mother's father. Both professors beamed with love and pride. If any of the other staff noticed the display of affection from the young professor or heard him refer to them as he had, they didn't act upon it. Hermione, from her place at the Gryffindor table blew Sirius a kiss, which was noticed only by a grandson and his grandparents.