The sun was coming up when two men landed on the tiny island in the icy waters of the North Sea. As their vision cleared from their apparition, shivers ran up the spine of one of them. A strange sensation flowed through his body. His companion saw this reaction and asked. "One last time, are you sure you want to go through with this? We can turn back."
"No, I have to do this. I'm okay. I just never thought I'd be back here. Especially of my own choice." He patted his partner on the arm. "Come on let's go."
Snape grabbed Sirius' arm. "Why is this so important to you?"
"Severus, I have to let him know I'm not afraid of him. That he can't hurt me, that if he insists in this ridiculous vendetta just because I am Albus Dumbledore's grandson, then I'll take him down. I won't lose everything I've worked for."
"What makes you think you will lose everything?" Snape asked.
Sirius let out a long slow breath, "Because it's already started. Hermione is going to go stay with her parents and she has cancelled our wedding all because she can't deal with all this Malfoy shit."
"I'm sorry, Black," Snape said looking at the man next to him. "Let's go, but remember I can't be seen in there or with you."
"I know. You can wait for me by that larger boulder to the south of that gate." The two men began their journey to Azkaban.
The sun was also rising on a house in the suburbs of London. Hermione Granger rolled over and looked at her clock. Unable to sleep any longer, she climbed out of bed, took a shower, and dressed. She had decided the previous night she was going to go stay with her parents for a few days and get her head together. After packing a bag she headed down the stairs, where she would have a guard escort her. At the bottom of the stairs, she heard a noise coming towards her from the kitchen. She had hoped she wouldn't run into anyone, but there stood Remus and Alexia holding doughnuts and coffee.
"Going somewhere?" Remus asked raising an eyebrow.
Hermione sat her bag down and hugged her friend. "I need to get away for a few days. I'm going to go stay with Mum and Dad for a while."
Alexia looked at Remus then asked. "Does Sirius know you are leaving?"
She looked at the floor. "He knew I was thinking about it, but he doesn't know for sure. I can't handle all this right now."
"Don't you think you should tell him?" Alexia asked. Seeing the look on her new friends face she went on. "Hermione, I know we don't know each other very well, but I know he loves you. He is going to be devastated if it comes from someone else. You have to talk to him. Tell him what you feel." She looked at the man standing next to her. "I'm going to take Hermione into the kitchen for some coffee, you go upstairs and get Sirius."
Hermione let herself be led into the kitchen, while Remus headed up the stairs. A few minutes later he came back down with a worried expression on his face. "He's not up there. This was propped against his pillow." He handed Hermione an envelope with her name on it.
Taking the offered paper, she looked from one of her friends to the other. She slowly tore the end off and pulled out the parchment. She knew in a second it was Sirius' scrawl. Tears began to fall as she read the short note. Remus took it from her and read it out loud.
"Hermione,
Last night…well it helped me realize what I need to do. I can't lose everything I've…we've worked so hard for. I understand you not wanting me anymore. I've put you and Harry in jeopardy once again. I'm going to try and fix that. No matter what, I love you.
Sirius"
"That bloody damn fool," Remus swore. "Wonder where he went and what the hell he's up too? I've got to find Dumbledore." He kissed Hermione on the cheek, "Try not to worry, we'll find him." He then turned to Alexia kissing her. "Will you stay with her? I know it's a lot to ask, but …"
"Remus, just go we'll be fine. The guards are here." Alexia told him, and then turned her attention to Hermione who had started sobbing harder. "Remus will find him it's okay." She wrapped the younger women in a comforting embrace and let her cry.
It wasn't long before everyone was up and the story had been relayed of Sirius' disappearance. Harry and Hermione sat huddled together on the sofa in the den when Dumbledore and Lupin arrived followed closely by other members of the order, including McGonagall. When she arrived, she sat down between Hermione and Harry and tried her best to comfort them both.
Dumbledore talked to the members of the order for a few minutes then pulled a chair in front of the couch. "Miss Granger, did anything happen last night that might have upset my grandson?"
Hermione looked at the aging wizard and nodded her head. "He came up to talk to me after everyone left last night and I wouldn't talk to him. In my anger and confusion, I crossed out the date for wedding in my date book He saw that and asked about it. I told him I wanted to be alone and that I thought I would go stay with my parents."
Harry looked at her in surprise. "Bloody Hell, Mione. You didn't tell him you still wanted to marry him? You let he believe you were going to call the wedding off and leave? No wonder he's upset."
"Harry, there is no need putting the blame for my grandson's rashness on Hermione. He is responsible for his on actions. This time his actions just happen to be extremely foolish." Before he could finish there was a pop. Mad-eye Moody stood in the center of the room and shook his head. "Merlin, what are those two up too?" Everyone looked at Dumbledore to see what he might be talking about.
"What is who up too, sir?" Harry asked.
"Severus Snape seems to be missing as well." In the middle of it all he smiled a small smile. Then said softly, but where everyone could hear. "I told them to get along, work together. Looks like they are doing it." He turned to the order members, "Get out there and find them, both of them." He looked at Minerva and Molly Weasley, who had come as soon as she heard. "You two will stay here?" Both nodded and the room emptied quickly.
Sirius and Snape made their way to the large boulder several hundred feet from the back gate into Azkaban. Severus handed Sirius a bottle of potion and a bar of chocolate. "This will help with the dementors. Stay as far away from them as you can, they will know you aren't a prisoner; but that doesn't mean they won't try to suck the life from you. They could very well be on Malfoy's payroll. Good Luck, Black."
"Thanks." Sirius put the items in his pocket and headed for the north entrance.
He had no problem getting inside. He just showed his ministry credentials and went wherever he wanted. He did his best to stay as far away from the dementors as possible. Every now and then a memory would slap him in the face; and, he would have to remind himself that he didn't have to stay there. Once he had accomplished what he set out to do he could leave and go home.
It didn't take long for him to find the cell Lucius Malfoy was in. The blonde Deatheater sat up as he saw Sirius approach. "Sirius Black, what brings you back to Azkaban?"
"You bring me back here, Malfoy. You and your threats." Sirius hissed.
Lucius Malfoy gave an evil laugh. "I'm sorry, but I don't make threats, besides what can I do, I'm stuck here in this hell hole."
"Don't screw with me. I know what you're up too, I know you have people out there trying to kill me, but it won't happen."
"Being a little arrogant aren't we? Do you really think you can take on all of the followers of the dark?" Malfoy asked.
Sirius snarled, "I'm warning you, Malfoy. You leave my family alone. You keep your followers away from Harry and Hermione. They can come after me all they want, but stay away from my family."
"I don't know what you are talking about, I haven't given anyone any orders. Like I said I'm stuck in here." The evil wizard said. He saw Sirius was beginning to shake a little and had become very pale. "What's the matter, Black, can't take being back here?"
"I'm fine, Malfoy. Unlike you I can walk out and I will in just a minute. Before I leave, remember this: I'm coming after you if anything happens to my family." Sirius hissed. He was getting cold, his head ached, his whole body began to shake, and his mind was wondering. Every bad emotion he'd ever had in this place was beginning to over power him. Sirius gave his nemesis one last warning glance, then headed for the exit fully aware that his place was affecting him more than he thought it should.
By the time he'd made his way back to where Snape was waiting, he was sweating profusely and his thoughts were of unhappy things. No matter how he tried he couldn't find anything cheerful to think about. He had no joyous feelings, as memories of his time in Azkaban flooded his brain.
Severus noticed how pale he was, how sweat was dripping off his face, yet he was violently shaking and shivering, he was freezing, and how he had a far off look in his eyes. Not unlike the look he'd seen so many times on prisoners in the wizarding prison, but he'd never seen this effect on a visitor. "Black are you alright? What happened in there?" Sirius didn't answer him; he just sat on a rock and shivered violently. He gave his companion a piece of chocolate, but it didn't seem to help at all. "Bloody hell. I knew something like this would happen. We better get you back home. Dumbledore will be furious with both of us." Snape stood and wrapped an arm around Sirius, then apparated back to London.
Hermione, Remus, Alexia, and Harry sat in the dining room, while Molly, Ginny, Minerva, and Ron worked in the kitchen. They knew no one would eat the food being prepared, but they had to try. Everyone needs to keep his or her strength up. As the food was placed on the table, there was the pop of someone apparating.
Everyone ran into the library to find Servers Snape laying Sirius on the sofa. Hermione moved to where they were. "What the bloody hell did you do?" She snapped at Snape. "Not waiting for an answer, "Ginny go get me some blankets and Harry find Professor Dumbledore."
Remus took Snape by the arm and moved him a few feet from where Hermione was trying to talk to Sirius. "Severus, what happened?"
"Sirius called me last night and asked if I would help him. He wanted to go to Azkaban and talk to Malfoy. I told him it was a bad idea, but he said he was going with or without my help. I figured it would be better for me to go with him." He looked at Sirius shivering on the sofa with a terrified look on his face. "He was so confident when he went in but like this when he came out."
"Sirius, can you hear me?" Hermione asked smoothing his rumpled hair into place. He gave no indication that he heard her. Ginny arrived with a couple blankets and helped cover the shivering man.
It wasn't long before Albus Dumbledore arrived. Snape told him what had happened then apparated to Hogsmeade so he could go to Hogwarts to mix a potion that might bring Sirius around.
Albus Dumbledore gave orders to everyone then turned to his grandson. "Sirius, why did you do such a foolish thing?" He expected an answer, but was greeted with a blank stare. As he had done so many times before. He pulled a chair up to sit close. "What happened to you there? Where are you?"
An hour later, Sirius had been helped up to his room, given a sleeping potion and put into bed. Hermione sat nearby so she could be there when he woke up. Remus and Harry strolled in and out checking on both Hermione and Sirius. At one point Remus sat next to the bed. "What in hell prompted him to do something this foolish? Did he think he could waltz right into Azkaban and it would have no effect on him? You know I love him, but he's a bloody fool."
Later Sirius sat straight up in bed screaming, "Get away from me." Hermione moved to sit next to him trying to give comfort, but this seemed to increase his agitation. He shrunk back almost begging, "Don't touch me, please don't touch me."
Again Dumbledore gave him sleeping potion, and sent everyone to bed. Hermione protested, but was assured that someone would stay with him and if he woke they would send for her.
In her room, Hermione began to cry. Alexia heard her from the hall and went to see if she could help. The young witch was sobbing in Ginny's arms. "This is all my fault. If I hadn't pushed him away last night, he never would have gone to Azkaban and he would be alright now." Both women did everything they could to let her know it wasn't he fault and comfort her. They kept telling her over and over he knew what he was doing. Finally, she fell asleep. Alexia told Ginny that if she was needed not to hesitate to come and get her.
Sirius woke the next morning his head throbbing and he was freezing. Climbing out of bed he wrapped himself in his winter robe and headed down stairs. He entered the kitchen, grabbed a cup of hot coffee and headed for the library where he built a roaring fire. Remus who had been watching followed him in and sat across form him. "It has to be 80 degrees outside, why a fire?"
"I don't fucking care if it's 110 degrees, it's freezing in here." Sirius snarled. He wasn't sure why he snapped at his best friend, but he couldn't help himself.
The rest of the day went very similar to the morning with Remus. Every time some said anything to him, or even ask the tiniest question Sirius would snap at them. He'd brought Hermione to tears more than once. His rows with Molly Weasley were more like battles. He sat in the garden thinking to himself that these actions weren't him. He didn't act this way, why was he acting this way? The uncertainty distressed him even more. Hermione had asked at one point where her Sirius was. Where the man she'd fallen in love with was? He couldn't give her a verbal answer, but somewhere in his subconscious he was screaming, "I'm in here, I'm still here."
He decided he was better off being alone. He had to get his life back. How could that short hour at Azkaban do this to him? Sitting alone in his room, he thought. He thought of his school days, he thought of James and Lily. He silently whispered his apologies for not being there to protect them. He thought about Harry and his growing up alone in that miserable house on Privet Drive. Again he realized how cold he had become. Wrapping himself in a blanket, he sat back down. All the bad memories flooded his mind causing him to become colder and colder. Azkaban and the dementors had brought this out in him. As the horrors of his life flashed through his psyche, a happy memory would appear only to be squelched by more horror. He knew he had to fight the unhappiness.
Hermione knocked on his door, before heading for her own room. "I won't bother you, I just wanted to check and see if you needed anything?" She said apprehensively. He looked up and she saw something in his eyes. She didn't know what it was, but she felt for the first time that he was trying to seek help. Kneeling beside him, she laid her hand over his, shocked at how cold his hand was. "What is it love?"
"Everyone's right I shouldn't have gone there, but I had to try and protect you and Harry. Now…now I can't find pleasant thought or feelings. Just when I think I've found one it's gone and I'm left with misery and pain so deep it makes me want to die. Even when I was there those twelve years it didn't affect me like this." Sirius shivered and tiny sobs escaped.
"Let me see if I can help? Will you let me try?" Hermione asked. When he nodded she continued. "Lets start with something I know makes you feel good, happy." She got his attention. "Look at me, love. Think about the garden. The beautiful flowers, the luscious green plants that line the walk. Think about the way you feel when you are sitting out there reading or watching the birds." She saw him close his eyes as if picturing the scenes she was describing. Hermione looked up and saw Remus, Alexia and Harry enter the room. "We're picturing things that make him happy. Give him positive and warm feelings."
Harry sat on the floor on the other side of him, while Remus and Alexia sat in the chairs. Remus was the next one to speak. "Padfoot, think about Hermione here. Think about how she makes you feel. Feel the love she has for you and you for her." He nodded at the young woman and she moved closer and lightly kissed him. "Feel the warmth of her lips on yours." They all saw the small smile that had begun to form.
"Sirius, remember the fun you and Remus had last week when you pulled that prank on Molly and myself." Alexia added. "I remember the laughter and the warmth in your eyes and smile. Remember the pleasantness of being able to have that much fun."
Hermione smiled at her friends. She looked at Harry it was his turn. As Harry spoke of the times they had spent in Greece, she felt Sirius becoming warmer and warmer. His hands weren't cold any longer and he shed the blanket. On and on they gave him positive things to think about, further pushing the bad memories of Azkaban away.
Hours later he stood, turned to his friends and smiled. "Thank you. I think I feel better. I couldn't have made it back with out each of you. I just couldn't find anything good to think about." He hugged each one after reassuring them he really was better. Dumbledore and McGonagall had come up to check on him as well. After a straightforward lecture from his grandfather, on the errors of going to that dreadful place and another lecture from his grandmother of his recklessness, everyone said their good nights.
Hermione was about to leave as well when she felt a cool hand reach for hers. She turned to see Sirius looking at her with uncertainty in his eyes. "Are you still going to stay with your parents? Are you leaving me?"
She began to cry as she stepped into his trembling arms. "I was never going to leave you. I love you. I just need some time to think. I need to be away from all these people, from the Order, from the Weasley's, from…"
Before she could finish, he dropped his arms from around her and whispered. "From me." It wasn't a question. It was a straightforward comment.
Hermione saw the confusion and hurt in his gray eyes. "No love, not from you. I don't want to be away from you for a minute, but I can't stand always having some with me. I can't think with someone stuck up my nose all the time and frankly I'm surprised you can either."
"I know it's hard, but what do you want to do about it?" He asked open to suggestions.
She sat on the bed and pulled him to sit with her. "I want to get away. I don't care where or how, but away from here, away from the added people, away from the threat. If you aren't here and they can't find you, they can't hurt you." She saw he was listening and thinking. "Sirius, can't we go away, just for a few days. My parents have a cabin in the mountains in Switzerland. We could go and hang out there. Once we are there we will send word that we are okay and will be back in a few days. Please?"
He thought about what she had said. He knew his grandparents and friends would be furious at him, especially if something happened, but he owed this to Hermione. She was sticking by him, and she was the most important thing in his life. Sirius leaned in and kissed her. "Sure we can go away, just the two of us." He climbed into bed and pulled her with him. "We'll leave in a couple days. As soon as Grandfather lightens up on me a bit."
The next few days past uneventful. Sirius followed Dumbledore's directions and stayed out of trouble. He and Hermione kept things as normal as possible, planning and preparing on the sly. When the time came, and everyone was asleep, they proceeded to the garden where they could apparate without causing suspicion, both unaware of the figure in the shadows watching as they entered the Granger cabin.