Wow, this story went over better than I expected it to. That's definitely a good thing! And it seems there are some people who out there who wouldn't mind seeing Miroku and Inuyasha in a speedo. Seems like Miroku rubbed off on many of you! Well I hope you enjoy this chapter as much, or more, than you did the last one!
Disclaimer: Don't own him.
Just a little warning: This chapter does contain some sexual references. Nothing too extreme (as it is PG-13), but some words are said here and there. You have been warned. But what is uttered adds to the fun, so definitely read it!
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Speedo!
Chapter 2: Bras, Zippers, and Socks Oh My!
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An hour later Kagome dragged her feet down the stairs looking thoroughly exhausted. 'I'm thinking we should have come back 2 days early instead of one.' She plopped down on her couch and waited for her friends to come downstairs. It had taken an hour to get ready because none of them knew how 'modern age' clothes worked. Kagome had started by giving them all a set of clothes, assuming that they were smart enough to figure out how everything worked. That was one assumption she never should have made.
Flashback"Kagome! What is this thing?" yelled Sango from Kagome's room, sounding completely frustrated. When Kagome entered her bedroom she saw Sango waving around a bra angrily. "What the hell is this thing for? I see no practical purpose for it!"
"Sango, it's a bra."
"So? Is that suppose to mean something?"
"It's to support your breasts."
"Why do I need support?"
"With the shirt you are gonna wear you need it."
"Why?"
"Well let's put it into a scenario you would understand. Imagine hundreds of Miroku's wondering around. Now imagine wearing a shirt that was sort of see through. A bra is there to give another layer of covering. As well as support your breasts so they don't bounce around when you move."
During Kagome's whole explanation Sango's face was bright red. When she was done Sango looked back up. "Ok, works for me. But how does this blasted thing work?"
Right before Kagome was going to answer her a shrill scream sounded throughout the whole house. And it wasn't a short scream. It was long, drawn out, and full of pain. Kagome immediately ran out of her bedroom, searching for the source of the screams. She followed them to Sota's bedroom, which was where the boys were supposedly changing. She couldn't figure out what could cause one of them to scream like that. It sounded like a limb was being sawed off. Or their eyeballs were getting picked out of there head. Or…like they had caught their penis in a zipper. When Kagome saw Miroku screaming in pain she immediately turned red, fell on her butt, and backed out of the bedroom. However, it was too late as Miroku had already seen her.
"Kagome! Help me! It hurts! Please help or I'll never be able to have children!" he wailed, tears of pain coursing down his face.
"I'm thinking that could possibly be a good thing," remarked Inuyasha.
"How about you get your penis stuck and see you say that," replied Miroku through clenched teeth.
"Nah, I think I'll pass."
"Whatever. But Kagome! Help me!"
"I'm not helping you! Just pull the zipper down!" said Kagome, speaking to a wall.
"I can't! It hurts!" cried Miroku, clutching his crotch in pain.
"Have Inuyasha cut the pants then."
"Eww. I'm not getting anywhere near the monk."
"No! What if he…misses?" gulped Miroku. "I don't want to be a eunuch!"
Kagome cautiously walked to Sota's desk and pulled out a pair of scissors. When Miroku saw them his face grew white.
"NO! I won't allow you to cut it off! It's mine! Mine!"
"Shut up Miroku. They're so you can cut the pants," screamed Kagome over Miroku's cries of pain.
"Oh. Well how do you suppose I go about doing that?"
"How the hell am I suppose to know? I'm a girl. I don't have that kind of problem," Kagome crossly said, handing the scissors to Miroku while still staring at the wall. "Now I'm leaving to go see if Sango has managed to make any progress yet." Kagome moved to Sota's door and as she left the room she called out over her shoulder, "and Miroku? Next time try putting on underwear first." As Kagome walked she could hear Miroku's whimpers all the way back to her room. When she got back in her bedroom she sagged against the wall. 'Oh man, I never wanted to see that much of Miroku!'
"Um Kagome? Help?"
Kagome opened her eyes and groaned. Sango hadn't moved an inch since she had left. She was still dumbly holding the bra in one hand. Kagome threw up her hands in frustration and stalked over to Sango. "Take off your shirt!"
"Wha…"
"Just do it!" screamed Kagome.
Too afraid to argue Sango quickly shed her shirt and waited for further instructions.
"Now put your arms through these," Kagome pointed to the straps, "and pull them up to your shoulders. Now it should seem pretty self explanatory from here."
Sango quickly nodded, biting her tongue to keep from asking any more questions. Pleased with this response Kagome walked behind her and clasped the bra. "There, now put the rest of your clothes on. I need to go check on those idiotic boys again."
Kagome once again made the trek to Sota's room. When she got there she slapped her forehead and groaned in pain. Miroku was leaning against a wall, pantless. His shirt went down to his thighs so it did saved Kagome from another embarrassing situation. Inuyasha had his shirt on backwards and his socks over his hands. And Shippo had one sock over his tail and had a pair of underwear over his head.
"So how did we do?" asked Inuyasha.
"Do you really want to know?"
"Uh huh."
"Ok, first Miroku, where are your pants? Second, Inuyasha your shirt is on backwards which is kinda hard to do since it's a button down, and those socks, which are on your hands are suppose to be on your feet. And Shippo. Poor, poor Shippo. Somehow you got a hold of Miroku's undergarments. That is his sock on your tail and his underwear on your head."
At this revelation Shippo immediately fainted.
"Hey, I didn't wear them yet!" replied Miroku indignantly.
"The thought is disgusting enough," responded Inuyasha.
Something then registered in Kagome's mind. "Hey Miroku, where's your other sock?" she asked hesitantly, not sure she wanted to know.
Miroku's face turned red at this question and Inuyasha laughed.
"Haha! I told you that you were wrong!" said Inuyasha gleefully.
"Well you were wrong too!" retorted Miroku.
"Wait, wait. Wrong about what?" asked Kagome, already dreading the answer.
"Well me and Inuyasha each thought of different uses for these 'socks' that you gave us. Neither of us had a clue what they were actually for, so we guessed," said Miroku sheepishly.
"And?"
"Well as you can see Inuyasha thought they went on your hands."
"And you?" asked Kagome nervously.
For his answer Miroku turned towards her and removed his hand from his crotch. She had previously thought that he was holding himself because he was still in pain. She was wrong. Very wrong. She watched a sock slowly slide down to the floor. Where it previously was you could probably guess.
"Oh. My. God." Kagome uttered, holding a hand up to her mouth.
"It was a little big," mumbled Miroku.
"Ha, or maybe you're just a little small," teased Inuyasha.
"Never! Besides, I highly doubt that you could fit in that sock either," replied Miroku, trying to defend his honor.
Inuyasha an eyebrow at the sock, almost as if mentally putting it on. "You're right," he finally said.
Miroku cheered in victory, but it was short lived.
"I would need a bigger sock."
Miroku's jaw hit the floor and Kagome attempted to back up out of the room. However, she forgot where she was and instead backed up into a wall. But she seemed unaware of this as her feet kept moving.
"You lie!" shouted Miroku.
"Why would I lie?" asked Inuyasha.
"Maybe because you're really very small. So to make up for it you lie about your size," suggested Miroku.
"You're just jealous."
"SHUT UP!" screamed Kagome, finally realizing that she wasn't going anywhere. "Just shut up. And put on your underwear Miroku."
When Miroku looked confused Kagome pointed to Shippo's head. Miroku's eyes followed her finger to see that his underwear was still on Shippo's head. He walked over and yanked it off Shippo's head. He then attempted to put them on.
Kagome sighed. "Miroku?"
"What?"
"You're putting them on backwards."
Miroku huffed in frustration and immediately tried to pull them back down. However, somehow in the process of pulling them down he lost his balance, flailed for a moment, and then fell over onto his face. And while falling his shirt flew up, flashing his butt to Kagome.
"Oh lord," came a voice from behind Kagome.
Kagome turned around in time to see Sango faint. 'Well, at least she's dressed properly,' thought Kagome wryly. When she turned back around she was pleased to see Miroku was back up with his underwear gone from his hands, presumably on correctly.
"Kagome, I need new pants. My other ones got all cut up," said Miroku, pointing to a pile of shredded clothing lying in a corner.
"Why did you cut them up so much? Wait. Never mind. I don't want to know. I'll go get you new pants. While I'm gone Inuyasha fix yourself up. And try to wake Shippo up."
"What about Sango?" asked Miroku.
Kagome glanced at the fainted girl. "Just leave her there for now." Kagome quickly left the room before any more stupid questions/comments could be made. She climbed up into the attic and pulled out another pair of her dad's pants. She then walked back to Sota's room, taking a deep breath to prepare herself for whatever chaos the boys decided to create next. She was pleasantly surprised when she saw Inuyasha had successfully corrected his clothes. Shippo was just beginning to wake up and Miroku was leaning against a wall, patiently waiting for some pants. She stepped over Sango's prone figure and tossed the pants to Miroku. "Here, put those one. And be careful this time."
Miroku looked at the pants, a look of fear on his face. He then gingerly put his legs in the pant legs and pulled the pants up. Then he got to the tricky part. He had his left hand in his pants protecting his favorite body part while he used his right hand to pull up the zipper. Sadly this didn't work as the pants weren't loose enough to allow Miroku's hand in. So everyone was treated to the enjoyable sight of Miroku hopping up and down, fighting with his zipper. He soon gave up and gave Kagome a plaintive look. "Kagome! These pants are too small! The zipper won't go up!" he cried.
"Maybe…you should…take your hand…out of….your…PANTS!" snorted Kagome between bouts of laughter.
"What? Never! What if the zipper catches you know…"
"You put your underwear on, correct?"
"Yeah…"
"Then don't worry, your precious…thing…is safe," said Kagome, she couldn't bring herself to say Miroku's favorite body part.
"Oh…" and Miroku quickly pulled his zipper up. "Hmm, that wasn't too hard."
Kagome smacked her forehead and turned to the kitsune. "How are you doing Shippo?"
"Umm, not too good. Everything is too big for me and my tail gets in the way," he cried.
"Oh damn. I was afraid of that."
"Kagome what am I suppose to do?"
"Well can't you change yourself into a boy?"
"I'll try." Shippo then changed…into a creature that sort of resembled a boy. His version of a boy had bright orange shaggy hair, pointed ears, and a big, bushy tail. "So how do I look?" asked Shippo, twirling around.
"Um…hehe…heh," responded Kagome.
"You look like a bigger version of yourself with human looking arms and legs," replied Inuyasha. He then decided to be more specific. "You look horrible. Something like a cat might spit up."
Shippo than happened to glance in a mirror. And immediately changed back. "Well, I'm still young. My powers haven't fully developed yet." He turned to Kagome with tears sparkling in his eyes. "Kagome what am I suppose to do?" he wailed plaintively.
Kagome took three deep breaths so she wouldn't scream in frustration and then happened to get an idea. "Shippo, you know I have a little brother, right?"
"Yeah…"
"Well how would you like to hang out with him for the next few days?"
Shippo appeared to be in deep thought for a few seconds. "Alright."
"Good. Now I'm going downstairs. Finish doing whatever you want and come down. Oh, and someone bring Sango too."
End Flashback
Now Kagome waited until her idiotic friends came downstairs so she could torture herself some more by taking them shopping. Shippo had just come down and was sitting quietly beside her. Now she only needed everyone else to come down. She didn't have to wait long.
"Put me down you lech! I'm perfectly capable of walking!"
"But Sango what if you have a relapse of earlier? I don't want to see you fall down the stairs when you faint."
"I only fainted because I saw your HAIRY BUTT!"
Kagome looked at the stairs and laughed. Miroku had Sango slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and was trying to keep his footing while Sango pounded on his back. All while Inuyasha followed them, his hands clasped behind his neck while laughing hysterically at the scene in front of him.
"Why Sango, I didn't realize you were watching. If I would have known I would have put on a better show."
Sango groaned in annoyance and then decided to yank Miroku's ponytail.
"Ow…ow…ow…ow…OW!" Miroku miraculously didn't fall the last five steps, which was truly amazing because his face was pointed towards the ceiling as Sango pulled his hair. When he reached the bottom he quickly put Sango down and rubbed his head. "You know you didn't have pull so hard!" he whined.
Sango simply glared at him than sat down in a huff next to Kagome. "So when are we going?"
"Whenever we are ready," came the reply.
"Then let's go," said Inuyasha.
Kagome stood up and abruptly sat back down. That earned her more than a few weird looks from her friends.
"Why Kagome, if you cannot walk why didn't you just tell me? I would be more than happy to carry you!" exclaimed Miroku.
Kagome stood up, walked over to Miroku, punched him, than sat down again. "See? I can still walk."
"Well than are we gonna go or not?" pestered Inuyasha.
"Can't go yet," replied Kagome.
"Why not?" asked Sango.
"Can't drive."
"What's drive?" asked Miroku.
"Never mind. But we have to wait for my mom to come back so she can take us to the store." Kagome slumped against the couch, definitely not looking forward to having to explain what a 'car' is.
"Oh. Well where she is?" asked Miroku.
Kagome glared at Miroku who gulped. "Sit down. Shut up. And wait patiently for my mom to come back," she replied dangerously.
Miroku and Inuyasha immediately sat down, both of them trading nervous glances with each other. Five minutes later Inuyasha started fidgeting. When Miroku wasn't looking he quickly tied the unsuspecting monk's shoelaces together. When Miroku looked at him he grinned innocently.
"What did you do?" asked Miroku suspiciously.
"I said NO TALKING!"
Inuyasha grimaced in pain and lowered his ears to his head. Five minutes later he was fidgeting again. This time he poked Miroku in the side.
"HAHA! That tickled!" squealed Miroku.
"NO TALKING!"
Miroku glared at Inuyasha who simply smiled back. He was about to seek his revenge when the front door opened. 'Damn, there goes my thought of revenge.'
"Hello Kagome. You're back early. Oh you brought your friends with you. That's nice," said Kagome's mom cheerfully walking through the door with Sota on her tail.
"Oh cool Kagome! You brought Inuyasha back!" shouted Sota, who eyes then happened to land on Shippo. "Oh wow! Is that Shippo? Can he play with me? Huh? Can he?!"
"Of course. That's why he came. He's going to hang out with you while we go shopping and go to the pool party," replied Kagome, giving Shippo a nudge.
Shippo immediately jumped off the couch and ran to Sota. "You want to play?" he asked excitedly.
"Of course!" Sota grabbed Shippo's hand and they ran up to his room.
"Hey Mom? Do you think you could take us to the mall? We all need bathing suits for tomorrow," said Kagome.
"Of course dear. Are you guys ready to go now?"
"Yeah," Kagome replied jumping up.
Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku followed her lead and all stood up as well. Inuyasha and Sango than walked to the front door. Miroku tried but sadly fell on his face. As he sat up rubbing his nose Kagome glanced at his shoes.
"You know Miroku, you're suppose to tie each shoe separately, not together," she remarked wryly.
As Miroku retied his shoelaces everyone laughed at the embarrassed monk. When he was finished he stomped outside. When he passed Inuyasha he whispered in the hanyou's ear, "just you wait Inuyasha. I'll get you back."
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Now wasn't that a perfectly pointless chapter? I'm hoping you guys thought it was as funny as I did. If not than I'll feel sad. The next chapter has the group going to a shopping mall. Can you say doom? Well as always, please review and I may have the heart to post the next chapter soon!