Chapter 10: Past Loves
Brooke sat down next to Jake and the four of us once again indulged ourselves in alcohol. We talked about the past, the present, and the aspiring future. I was actually surprised to learn that Brooke was majoring in secondary education. Jake was juggling between business school and Jenny. He went to Suffolk University and was well off.
After awhile, Peyton and Jake branched off of the conversation and were talking to each other privately. I smiled and took this as an opportunity to let them bond. I looked over at Brooke, who had also realized the sudden spark in Peyton and Jake's relationship. We looked at each other and wordlessly decided that it was our cue to leave.
"Hey Brooke, my drink is getting a lil empty. Wanna come with me to fill it up?" I asked her innocently. Smiling, she nodded and we walked over to the bar.
"Hey, can we have two Malibu Sea Breezes," Brooke ordered. Once the bartender provided us with the drinks, we turned around and faced each other. I was first to speak.
"Well this is odd."
"You can say that again," she agreed. Suddenly she looked behind us and shuddered. "Ewww... there is this complete creep checking you out," she squealed.
"O my God, is it the bouncer?"
"No, it's a guy with a Mohawk... why would it be the bouncer?"
"When Peyton and I were getting in, she physically forced me into flirting with that ugly red toad."
"Toad?" she asked smiling at my descriptive choice of words.
"O yes. Man, was he a toad!"
"Well Haley, how about you have a lil fun with your toad?"
"Dude, Brooke, I wouldn't go near that guy even if you guaranteed me a million dollars."
"Haley, Haley, Haley... you are so naïve. See if you flirt with the toad, then he'll let you in whenever you want."
"Well how about you do it?" I dared her, not really thinking she would actually go up to that hideously red beast.
"O you just watch and learn how the master works her prey," she said evilly while walking away. She went up to the bouncer and started to talk to him. I saw her laugh and place her hands along his buffed up chest. I laughed at how Brooke would do anything.
I turned my attention to the dance floor, but I felt a lil tired. Slowly my eyes scanned the room, until they finally locked onto a familiar pair of blue eyes. They captured my eyes and took the breath from my chest. My heart began pounding as a rush of adrenaline was let loose into my blood stream. A lump got caught in my throat as the man started to walk towards me.
I knew who he was. I had spent years hating him for all the terrible things he had done in my junior and senior years in high school. I felt the anger burn in my throat. My eyes reflected the fire of my fury. My skin tingled with his mere presence.
He always had this power over me. The power to control my emotions and make them go to the extremes. He could make me happy beyond my normal limit with a smile, angry beyond my normal limit with a simple remark, and sad beyond my normal limit with a frown. He made me feel so loved and hated at the same time. This scared me. I had never met anyone that made me so emotional before. Usually, I was sarcastic and calm, but he broke that barrier. He tore the wall down. He broke into my heart and made me feel pain, love, and hatred.
I couldn't take his intensity in high school, and I still don't think I can. When I told him that I couldn't be with him, he lashed out at me. He stole my heart. He ripped it to shreds, stomped on it, and then pulverized it in the garbage disposal. He made me feel and suffer his wrath.
He never understood my reasons for not being with him. He thought I was making frivolous excuses. He thought I didn't feel the sparks, the butterflies, and the electricity, but I did.
I told him our relationship would never work in a world filled with discrimination and social separation. He was from the richest family in town and I was from a common blue collar home. We lived in different parts of the town that were worlds apart from each other. We were even part of totally different cliques at school.
The only reason that we ever crossed paths was because he needed academic help. It started as just tutoring, but then it became something so much more. Something I had to deny for his and my own welfare.
He slowly approached me and once again it felt like time had stopped. His eyes were taking in everything about me. I saw them linger on my body and his eyes start to lust. Did he even know who I was? Did he remember? The terror of him not remembering started to haunt me. I never forgot each moment I spent with him. The good and the bad were locked in my memory. What if he forgot them? What if he forgot me?
My thoughts were brought to a halt when he finally reached me and stood there. I couldn't speak. My throat had tightened with nervousness.
His stare intensified deeply as I saw the realization dawn on his face. Relief swept through my body like a wave of ocean water over a golden sandcastle. He did remember me... but I'm beginning to see that maybe that's not so good.
I couldn't even begin to start breathing, let alone initiate this awkward conversation. Fortunately, he started it.
"Never thought I'd see you here," he said rather callously. My inability to talk had finally relented.
"Never wanted to see you here," I bit back.
"Honestly though, why are you here? Shouldn't you be studying with the rest of your people?" he rudely commented. I knew he only wanted to fire me up. That's how it always started. But this time it was going to be different. I wasn't going to let myself get burned this time. It was his turn to feel pain.
"Well I, unlike you, don't need to study. I am passing my classes with flying colors. But shouldn't you be seeing your tutor?" I asked without an air of kindness. His eyes were immediately engulfed with the flames of anger. Seeing him angry always scared me, but not this time. He stepped closer to me.
"Well, tutors never help me. They are only good to fuck. But once I'm done with them, they're useless as trash." O he knew how to push my buttons, but he wasn't going to win.
"O I see... you must only be seeing male tutors," I remarked, taking in his reaction with cruel satisfaction. He was shaking with fury. He took another step towards me and I could feel his warm breath. I could smell his invigorating cologne and it was driving me crazy. His anger was radiating off of him and it only encouraged me more.
That was until he had grabbed my wrists roughly. It wasn't violent, but I could tell that he was on the borderline of that. His touch had shocked me though. Little tremors of sparks shot through my arms. I could sense that he felt it, too. He let go of my hands and stepped back, horrified. He had felt it, the rush of sparks. We looked at each other for a moment. His hand slowly reached up and massaged my cheek. My body had numbed with the pure bliss of the moment. I couldn't make myself move. Suddenly, the past memories dashed through my head.
FLASHBACK I was sitting on my bed and silently crying. I had just found out that my grandma had been in a car crash. My parents weren't home and I felt lonely and lost. Lucas was in Georgia visiting Karen's sister so I couldn't call him. Nathan had called my house to set up the study date, but I didn't answer the phone. He had driven to my house to make sure I was safe and saw me crying.
"Haley..." He placed his strong arms around my crumbling self. That night, I cried on his shoulder and blubbered on about my grandma. He was there and had listened intently, offering all the comfort he could. END OF FLASHBACK
NEXT FLASHBACK We were sitting in his room and he was sprawled on his bed. I was leaning against the bed and sitting on the floor. He looked down at me and touched my back. I looked up at him and felt so captivated. He brushed a stray piece of my hair and lowered his head down. Slowly his lips came to mine and kissed me. I deepened the kiss and placed my hands along his neck.
I pulled back and stared at him. He looked back at me, completely bewildered. I stuffed my things into my backpack and left his house hastily. I couldn't do this with him. It was wrong. But why did it feel so right? END OF FLASHBACK
NEXT FLASHBACK I had just finished explaining to him why we couldn't be together. His eyes were void of emotion. That is, until he menacingly told me to leave. His body was rigid, his eyes were cold, and his voice was violent. He yelled at me to get out. I left scared of what he was going to do. I had never seen him so angry. With tears spilling down my cheeks, I ran out of his house, never to enter it again. END OF FLASHBACK
BACK TO THE PRESENT SITUATION Our eyes were still locked and his hand was still grazing my cheek. I stepped back, terrified from the memories. He was so intense and deep. I didn't know if I could handle him. I didn't know if I was ready for him.
I stepped farther and farther away. He stayed there, staring at me and looking into my soul. I turned my back to him and sprinted away.
I found Peyton and Brooke on the dance floor and wordlessly pleaded with them to take me home by just looking at them. Seeing the obvious pain in my eyes, they said goodbye to Jake and took me to the car.
The ride to my dorm was silent. When Peyton had pulled up to front of the building, she laid her hand on my shoulder.
"Haley, you can tell me what happened. Whenever you're ready, we'll be there..."I looked at her and Brooke. They were both worried. I just looked outside, up to the star-dotted sky. I breathed heavily.
"I saw Nathan..." was all I could say. The silence was ringing through my ears, as both Brooke and Peyton were speechless. I closed my eyes as the flashbacks of the night flooded my mind. Brooke broke my thoughts.
"Haley... that's pretty big. Do you want to talk about it?" she timidly asked.
"Later, I should probably go..." I looked at them again and opened the car door. I stepped out of the car and walked towards the dorm. I didn't feel like talking with anyone, so I sat on the wooden bench.
Gently, the clouds let drops of rain fall. The droplets lightly dripped onto my face and drenched my hair. Each bead of water soaked my clothes, but I didn't care. It felt like the sky was crying from pain and exhaustion. It was exactly how I felt.
Brooke sat down next to Jake and the four of us once again indulged ourselves in alcohol. We talked about the past, the present, and the aspiring future. I was actually surprised to learn that Brooke was majoring in secondary education. Jake was juggling between business school and Jenny. He went to Suffolk University and was well off.
After awhile, Peyton and Jake branched off of the conversation and were talking to each other privately. I smiled and took this as an opportunity to let them bond. I looked over at Brooke, who had also realized the sudden spark in Peyton and Jake's relationship. We looked at each other and wordlessly decided that it was our cue to leave.
"Hey Brooke, my drink is getting a lil empty. Wanna come with me to fill it up?" I asked her innocently. Smiling, she nodded and we walked over to the bar.
"Hey, can we have two Malibu Sea Breezes," Brooke ordered. Once the bartender provided us with the drinks, we turned around and faced each other. I was first to speak.
"Well this is odd."
"You can say that again," she agreed. Suddenly she looked behind us and shuddered. "Ewww... there is this complete creep checking you out," she squealed.
"O my God, is it the bouncer?"
"No, it's a guy with a Mohawk... why would it be the bouncer?"
"When Peyton and I were getting in, she physically forced me into flirting with that ugly red toad."
"Toad?" she asked smiling at my descriptive choice of words.
"O yes. Man, was he a toad!"
"Well Haley, how about you have a lil fun with your toad?"
"Dude, Brooke, I wouldn't go near that guy even if you guaranteed me a million dollars."
"Haley, Haley, Haley... you are so naïve. See if you flirt with the toad, then he'll let you in whenever you want."
"Well how about you do it?" I dared her, not really thinking she would actually go up to that hideously red beast.
"O you just watch and learn how the master works her prey," she said evilly while walking away. She went up to the bouncer and started to talk to him. I saw her laugh and place her hands along his buffed up chest. I laughed at how Brooke would do anything.
I turned my attention to the dance floor, but I felt a lil tired. Slowly my eyes scanned the room, until they finally locked onto a familiar pair of blue eyes. They captured my eyes and took the breath from my chest. My heart began pounding as a rush of adrenaline was let loose into my blood stream. A lump got caught in my throat as the man started to walk towards me.
I knew who he was. I had spent years hating him for all the terrible things he had done in my junior and senior years in high school. I felt the anger burn in my throat. My eyes reflected the fire of my fury. My skin tingled with his mere presence.
He always had this power over me. The power to control my emotions and make them go to the extremes. He could make me happy beyond my normal limit with a smile, angry beyond my normal limit with a simple remark, and sad beyond my normal limit with a frown. He made me feel so loved and hated at the same time. This scared me. I had never met anyone that made me so emotional before. Usually, I was sarcastic and calm, but he broke that barrier. He tore the wall down. He broke into my heart and made me feel pain, love, and hatred.
I couldn't take his intensity in high school, and I still don't think I can. When I told him that I couldn't be with him, he lashed out at me. He stole my heart. He ripped it to shreds, stomped on it, and then pulverized it in the garbage disposal. He made me feel and suffer his wrath.
He never understood my reasons for not being with him. He thought I was making frivolous excuses. He thought I didn't feel the sparks, the butterflies, and the electricity, but I did.
I told him our relationship would never work in a world filled with discrimination and social separation. He was from the richest family in town and I was from a common blue collar home. We lived in different parts of the town that were worlds apart from each other. We were even part of totally different cliques at school.
The only reason that we ever crossed paths was because he needed academic help. It started as just tutoring, but then it became something so much more. Something I had to deny for his and my own welfare.
He slowly approached me and once again it felt like time had stopped. His eyes were taking in everything about me. I saw them linger on my body and his eyes start to lust. Did he even know who I was? Did he remember? The terror of him not remembering started to haunt me. I never forgot each moment I spent with him. The good and the bad were locked in my memory. What if he forgot them? What if he forgot me?
My thoughts were brought to a halt when he finally reached me and stood there. I couldn't speak. My throat had tightened with nervousness.
His stare intensified deeply as I saw the realization dawn on his face. Relief swept through my body like a wave of ocean water over a golden sandcastle. He did remember me... but I'm beginning to see that maybe that's not so good.
I couldn't even begin to start breathing, let alone initiate this awkward conversation. Fortunately, he started it.
"Never thought I'd see you here," he said rather callously. My inability to talk had finally relented.
"Never wanted to see you here," I bit back.
"Honestly though, why are you here? Shouldn't you be studying with the rest of your people?" he rudely commented. I knew he only wanted to fire me up. That's how it always started. But this time it was going to be different. I wasn't going to let myself get burned this time. It was his turn to feel pain.
"Well I, unlike you, don't need to study. I am passing my classes with flying colors. But shouldn't you be seeing your tutor?" I asked without an air of kindness. His eyes were immediately engulfed with the flames of anger. Seeing him angry always scared me, but not this time. He stepped closer to me.
"Well, tutors never help me. They are only good to fuck. But once I'm done with them, they're useless as trash." O he knew how to push my buttons, but he wasn't going to win.
"O I see... you must only be seeing male tutors," I remarked, taking in his reaction with cruel satisfaction. He was shaking with fury. He took another step towards me and I could feel his warm breath. I could smell his invigorating cologne and it was driving me crazy. His anger was radiating off of him and it only encouraged me more.
That was until he had grabbed my wrists roughly. It wasn't violent, but I could tell that he was on the borderline of that. His touch had shocked me though. Little tremors of sparks shot through my arms. I could sense that he felt it, too. He let go of my hands and stepped back, horrified. He had felt it, the rush of sparks. We looked at each other for a moment. His hand slowly reached up and massaged my cheek. My body had numbed with the pure bliss of the moment. I couldn't make myself move. Suddenly, the past memories dashed through my head.
FLASHBACK I was sitting on my bed and silently crying. I had just found out that my grandma had been in a car crash. My parents weren't home and I felt lonely and lost. Lucas was in Georgia visiting Karen's sister so I couldn't call him. Nathan had called my house to set up the study date, but I didn't answer the phone. He had driven to my house to make sure I was safe and saw me crying.
"Haley..." He placed his strong arms around my crumbling self. That night, I cried on his shoulder and blubbered on about my grandma. He was there and had listened intently, offering all the comfort he could. END OF FLASHBACK
NEXT FLASHBACK We were sitting in his room and he was sprawled on his bed. I was leaning against the bed and sitting on the floor. He looked down at me and touched my back. I looked up at him and felt so captivated. He brushed a stray piece of my hair and lowered his head down. Slowly his lips came to mine and kissed me. I deepened the kiss and placed my hands along his neck.
I pulled back and stared at him. He looked back at me, completely bewildered. I stuffed my things into my backpack and left his house hastily. I couldn't do this with him. It was wrong. But why did it feel so right? END OF FLASHBACK
NEXT FLASHBACK I had just finished explaining to him why we couldn't be together. His eyes were void of emotion. That is, until he menacingly told me to leave. His body was rigid, his eyes were cold, and his voice was violent. He yelled at me to get out. I left scared of what he was going to do. I had never seen him so angry. With tears spilling down my cheeks, I ran out of his house, never to enter it again. END OF FLASHBACK
BACK TO THE PRESENT SITUATION Our eyes were still locked and his hand was still grazing my cheek. I stepped back, terrified from the memories. He was so intense and deep. I didn't know if I could handle him. I didn't know if I was ready for him.
I stepped farther and farther away. He stayed there, staring at me and looking into my soul. I turned my back to him and sprinted away.
I found Peyton and Brooke on the dance floor and wordlessly pleaded with them to take me home by just looking at them. Seeing the obvious pain in my eyes, they said goodbye to Jake and took me to the car.
The ride to my dorm was silent. When Peyton had pulled up to front of the building, she laid her hand on my shoulder.
"Haley, you can tell me what happened. Whenever you're ready, we'll be there..."I looked at her and Brooke. They were both worried. I just looked outside, up to the star-dotted sky. I breathed heavily.
"I saw Nathan..." was all I could say. The silence was ringing through my ears, as both Brooke and Peyton were speechless. I closed my eyes as the flashbacks of the night flooded my mind. Brooke broke my thoughts.
"Haley... that's pretty big. Do you want to talk about it?" she timidly asked.
"Later, I should probably go..." I looked at them again and opened the car door. I stepped out of the car and walked towards the dorm. I didn't feel like talking with anyone, so I sat on the wooden bench.
Gently, the clouds let drops of rain fall. The droplets lightly dripped onto my face and drenched my hair. Each bead of water soaked my clothes, but I didn't care. It felt like the sky was crying from pain and exhaustion. It was exactly how I felt.