Chapter 11: Maybe the World's Not That Bad
When the rain had stopped, I got up and slowly ambled towards my room. My hand trembled with pain as I opened the door to my room. There sitting on her bed was Cheyenne. She was looking out the window and staring at the sky. The clouds had disappeared fast, revealing a myriad of dazzling stars.
Sometimes, I would catch Cheyenne counting the stars and would leave quietly to let her continue, but tonight I am too tired to think straight. I slumped into the room and collapsed onto my bed. Cheyenne was dreamily looking at the sky. I looked at her and felt a pang of jealousy. Why can't I be happy, too? Why is her guy not confusing? Why does life have to suck?
"Do you think Lucas has a twin brother?" she absentmindedly asked while gazing outside. After I made no attempt to reply, she turned around to face me. Her eyebrows rose up in shock. I was soaking wet and my eyes were red from crying.
"O my God, Haley... what happened?" she asked shocked at my appearance. I just looked at her emotionless. But then I cracked. Tears started to fall freely. My body shivered from the coldness.
"I ran into him..."
"Nathan?"
It hurt just hearing his name. A searing pain in my throat intensified, making me mute. I just slowly nodded my head and stared at the floor.
"What happened?" she asked firmly. Cheyenne could tell when I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown. That's what I loved, yet hated about her. She always made me tell her what was wrong. I could never hide from her questions. She would pry deep, but she would also help resolve them, too. Right now, I hated that quality about her more than anything. After a moment of silence, I mustered up the energy to talk.
"I saw him in the club and we started to argue... then he came near me and we were so close... o Cheyenne, it's so complicated... I had this rush and it felt so nice... like everything just clicked... but it scared me, too..." I told her quietly, the words barely escaping my mouth. She listened carefully to each word that was uttered. Each painful word.
"Why were you scared?" she asked. It must seem like the most obvious question, because even I was asking myself that, too. It took me awhile to tell her.
"When Nathan and I were in high school, he was so... intense... he always made me feel some kind of emotion... that scared me, because I never was a touchy- feely person. It's like he changed me..."
"Then what happened?" she asked cautiously.
"He was touching me cheek, and I felt so happy... all those sparks were flying... my stomach was filled with nervous butterflies... I just don't think I can handle him... with him, it was always drama... I just want peace, not pain... so I ran away."
Cheyenne looked at me and turned her head back to the window. The silence consumed us as we only heard the gentle swishing of the trees against the blowing wind. She then spoke with an eerie voice.
"Haley, do you ever think that the world is just messed up?"
"Yeah," I said softly.
"That we are destined to live in this world... a place filled with pain, drama, suffering... a place where we can't escape?" she slowly asked.
"I don't know if we are destined to this," I answered back honestly.
"When Chloe was sent to the hospital, I lost all hope... but then I realized that there's no point in moping around... Look, I know we live in a world with all that crap... but there are things that make it better for us... love, happiness, and joy... Haley, you have to let people into your life... they help bring those things... without them, you'd be empty."
I starred at her while she was gazing out the window. This was the second time she had talked about her twin sister. I didn't want to force Cheyenne to talk. Hell, I knew from my own experiences that it's hard to deal with the loss of a loved one.
Her advice swirled in my mind. The words kept on echoing and repeating... My own thoughts mingled with her words.
Maybe there is something good in this world... Maybe I don't even have to look hard to find it... Maybe it's right in front of my eyes... Maybe, I should face my fears... Maybe I should face Nathan and tell him my feelings...
Arggg... too many "maybe's". I have to go to bed. It's like 3 AM! O shoot, I have a morning class tomorrow. This is NOT good. Why does drama have to plague my life?
I slipped out of my drenched clothes and draped myself in soft fleece wear. I fell onto my bed and rolled the blanket on top of me. Too many thoughts were crawling in my mind. I took out the notebook from under my bed and started to write the flowing words.
When the rain had stopped, I got up and slowly ambled towards my room. My hand trembled with pain as I opened the door to my room. There sitting on her bed was Cheyenne. She was looking out the window and staring at the sky. The clouds had disappeared fast, revealing a myriad of dazzling stars.
Sometimes, I would catch Cheyenne counting the stars and would leave quietly to let her continue, but tonight I am too tired to think straight. I slumped into the room and collapsed onto my bed. Cheyenne was dreamily looking at the sky. I looked at her and felt a pang of jealousy. Why can't I be happy, too? Why is her guy not confusing? Why does life have to suck?
"Do you think Lucas has a twin brother?" she absentmindedly asked while gazing outside. After I made no attempt to reply, she turned around to face me. Her eyebrows rose up in shock. I was soaking wet and my eyes were red from crying.
"O my God, Haley... what happened?" she asked shocked at my appearance. I just looked at her emotionless. But then I cracked. Tears started to fall freely. My body shivered from the coldness.
"I ran into him..."
"Nathan?"
It hurt just hearing his name. A searing pain in my throat intensified, making me mute. I just slowly nodded my head and stared at the floor.
"What happened?" she asked firmly. Cheyenne could tell when I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown. That's what I loved, yet hated about her. She always made me tell her what was wrong. I could never hide from her questions. She would pry deep, but she would also help resolve them, too. Right now, I hated that quality about her more than anything. After a moment of silence, I mustered up the energy to talk.
"I saw him in the club and we started to argue... then he came near me and we were so close... o Cheyenne, it's so complicated... I had this rush and it felt so nice... like everything just clicked... but it scared me, too..." I told her quietly, the words barely escaping my mouth. She listened carefully to each word that was uttered. Each painful word.
"Why were you scared?" she asked. It must seem like the most obvious question, because even I was asking myself that, too. It took me awhile to tell her.
"When Nathan and I were in high school, he was so... intense... he always made me feel some kind of emotion... that scared me, because I never was a touchy- feely person. It's like he changed me..."
"Then what happened?" she asked cautiously.
"He was touching me cheek, and I felt so happy... all those sparks were flying... my stomach was filled with nervous butterflies... I just don't think I can handle him... with him, it was always drama... I just want peace, not pain... so I ran away."
Cheyenne looked at me and turned her head back to the window. The silence consumed us as we only heard the gentle swishing of the trees against the blowing wind. She then spoke with an eerie voice.
"Haley, do you ever think that the world is just messed up?"
"Yeah," I said softly.
"That we are destined to live in this world... a place filled with pain, drama, suffering... a place where we can't escape?" she slowly asked.
"I don't know if we are destined to this," I answered back honestly.
"When Chloe was sent to the hospital, I lost all hope... but then I realized that there's no point in moping around... Look, I know we live in a world with all that crap... but there are things that make it better for us... love, happiness, and joy... Haley, you have to let people into your life... they help bring those things... without them, you'd be empty."
I starred at her while she was gazing out the window. This was the second time she had talked about her twin sister. I didn't want to force Cheyenne to talk. Hell, I knew from my own experiences that it's hard to deal with the loss of a loved one.
Her advice swirled in my mind. The words kept on echoing and repeating... My own thoughts mingled with her words.
Maybe there is something good in this world... Maybe I don't even have to look hard to find it... Maybe it's right in front of my eyes... Maybe, I should face my fears... Maybe I should face Nathan and tell him my feelings...
Arggg... too many "maybe's". I have to go to bed. It's like 3 AM! O shoot, I have a morning class tomorrow. This is NOT good. Why does drama have to plague my life?
I slipped out of my drenched clothes and draped myself in soft fleece wear. I fell onto my bed and rolled the blanket on top of me. Too many thoughts were crawling in my mind. I took out the notebook from under my bed and started to write the flowing words.