Disclaimer: Insert humorous way of saying I own nothing here.
AUTHOR NOTE: This chapter is the reason I have changed the rating to an R. If you are easily offended, please skip this chapter. If you choose to read on, you may need many years of therapy to recover from the experience.
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Callisto and Evan went into the rec room, not quite believing the sight that they were greeted with. Amara was still sat on Fred's knee, making out in a PG-13 kinda way. Magneto was lying on the floor while Rahne chewed playfully on his neck. Gambit and Pyro were heading out of the room to look for girls to sing to. Wanda was pulling Logan from the room by his pants, while a dishevelled-looking Jean and Lance had just returned. Pietro was looking around in confusion for Rogue, and the Professor was wrestling with Beast for control of the whisky.
"If I'd known this kind of thing was gonna happen, I would never have left," said Evan.
"Evan! You're back!" Storm hugged him joyfully.
"Temporarily. It's mayhem in the tunnels! If anyone else sings 'Deeper Underground' I'm gonna scream! What's the sitch?"
"We, uh, don't know yet." Storm glared at Beast. "For goodness sake, get him away from the alcohol!"
"He's surprisingly strong, y'know!" grumbled the Beast as the Professor won custody of the bottle and cradled it to his chest.
"And surprisingly handsome too…" mused Callisto, shooting the Professor an admiring glance.
"Oh no. No. No. No." Pietro saw his chances to do a song growing ever slimmer as Callisto shimmied up to Professor Xavier.
Callisto: Some girls they like candy
And others they like to grind
I'll settle for the back of your hand somewhere on my behind…
The Professor gazed up at her in confusion. "Uh, what?"
Callisto: Treat me like I'm a bad girl
Even when I'm being good to you
I don't want you to thank me
You can just – spank me…
"He can just WHAT?" yelled Evan in horror.
Callisto turned her back to the Professor and began waving her butt in his face. Beast took the opportunity to snatch back the whisky.
Callisto: Some guys they like to sweet talk
And others they like to tease
Tie my hands behind my back and ooh I'm in ecstasy…
Pietro bolted from the room, terrified by the image that had risen unbidden into his mind.
Callisto: Don't slobber me with kisses
I can get that from my sisters…
Beast perked up slightly. "Sisters?"
Callisto: Before you get too cranky
You'd better like hanky-panky…
Storm: Hanky-panky!
"Auntie O!" yelled Evan. "Stop encouraging her!"
Callisto: Nothing like a good spanky…
Storm: Spanky!
"Auntie O!"
Callisto: Don't take out your handkerchief
I don't wanna cry
I just wanna hanky-panky
Like hanky-panky…
Storm: Hanky-panky!
Callisto: Nothing like a good spanky…
Storm: Spanky!
"Auntie O! STOP IT!"
Callisto: Don't take out your handkerchief
I don't wanna cry
I just wanna hanky-panky guy…
Callisto began grinding her ass inches from the Professors nose. Xavier began to feel uncomfortably warm. How did she know about the contents of his closet?
Callisto: Please don't call a doctor
Coz there's nothing wrong with me…
"Damn!" cursed the Beast.
"Oh shut up," returned Ororo. "You're not a doctor anyway."
"Yes I am!"
"No you're not!"
"Yes I am!"
"Would you two SHUT UP!" yelled the Professor. "You're killing the mood!"
Callisto: I just like things a little rough and you'd better not disagree
Coz I don't like a big softy…
"No problems there," replied the Professor weakly.
Callisto: I like some one mean and bossy…
"No problems there either," muttered Evan.
Callisto: Let me speak to you frankly
You'd better like hanky-panky…
Storm: Hanky-panky!
"You can stop it now Auntie O!"
Callisto: Nothing like a good spanky…
Storm: Spanky!
"Quit it already!"
Callisto: Don't take out your handkerchief
I don't wanna cry
I just wanna hanky-panky guy
Ooh yeah
That's interesting
My bottom hurts just thinking about it…
The Professor managed to stop the singing by leaning forward and belting Callisto across the ass. She jumped and spun around, eye blazing…then grinned and leapt onto Xavier's lap.
"I've been a bad girl," she told him.
"Then I've got something in my closet to show you." The Professor wheeled himself and Callisto out of the room, running a wheel over Rahne's tail. She yelped and bit rather too hard on Magneto's nipple. The Professor, who was enjoying Callisto removing his top, ignored the screams. The rest of the mutants grimaced, save for Amara and Fred, who hadn't noticed a thing.
Song is 'Hanky-Panky' by Madonna.