Something that's Mine
It's like what they had always said, once you tell yourself a lie over and over again you start to believe it yourself. Rachel took in the news of her predestined future with an eery calmness. She was the only one. Willow was devasted or so she appeared, shaking in the corning with Xander's soothing hand rubbing her shoulders. Even he couldn't stay strong enough to hold a straight face and eventually he caved and was racked with sobs or guilt and despair. But she didn't. Was that normal? Did she want to die? No not really she just knew like there was something in the pit of her stomach that this was her destiny. Her destiny. She liked that, for the first time in her life she had something that belonged just to her and no one else. The only one. There it was again that sense of being special in every way, being like her mother.
Of course there was Kevin and how she would miss Kevin but he was never truly hers alone, he had been Christina's, Roselands, Ashleighs and god knows how many other guys he had been with. Her father was never really hers to begin with, his heart belonged to her mother and her mother to him as Willow's was to her unborn child. So this destiny, as gloom as it may be was something she did not fear but embraced, well for now anyway.
So what do you say when you were just told you would have to sacrifice yourself for the rest of the world. When you are told demons really do exist and are after you alone. That you are the only solution to the problem, that you will never see those you love ever again including Kate and Ally and the man she came to love, Kevin. That the dad she just got back would lose her to the same thing that claimed his wife. That for the first time you might actually get to meet your mother up there in paradise when this is all over. What else then the facts.
"Will it hurt?" It just came out, it wasn't meant to hurt anyone or to be the victim it was just a statement, just a fact I needed to know.
Giles, this man I was told was like my grandfather took off his glasses and rubbed them furiously with the silk like piece of material and willow's sobs just got harder. I sobered up and rephrased my question.
"giles," I said patting him on the leg gently to assure him I was alright, "what will happen."
"It says here that you will be lured to a vampire nest and that they will kill you and it will stop the end the world. How? We aren't sure yet. When it happens it will just happen, but if you day before then, the world as we know it will be in peril."
"So, I have to survive until this "sacrifice" and all the beasties in town will be looking for Rachel Meat in the meantime?"
"Exactly." Giles nodded with concern.
"okay." And that was it. It was a signed sealed deal, I would save the world, die and see mom all in one day. And who ever said life was boring in Sunnydale?
With that simple phrase Willow ceased her sobs and Xander tore his head away from the shelter of her arms. With question in their eyes they looked at Rachel in disbelief.
"okay, I will do it." This time more confident.
"Rachel, sweetie we know, we know this is hard but honey you don't have to do it and are you feeling alright?"
Rachel sighed with a smile, she was going to die and she just couldn't mourn it, it was like this was her greater purpose she had been searching for so that her mother's death wasn't in vain. "I am positive, well hey I figure I don't die I will die along with the rest of the world, so why not do it sooner, die, and have the rest of the world live?"
"are you human, are you sure your not some saint incarnate?" Xander sounded somewhat serious and Rachel giggled.
"Smile Xander you are about to be a daddy!"
"Thanks to you kiddo, but you know in my heart you are like a daughter and I will be damned if I am going to say that I will be happy you are sacrificing yourself."
"Rachel, there's more!"
"More?" Her eyes bulged, what more could there be she was going to die and all.
"Your father, you mustn't tell him until it is too late to stop it, if he knows..." Giles trailed off.
"He will try to stop it, I know, that's why I don't plan on telling him at all."
'What, oh honey what ever your father did he deserves to know to say goodbye to mourn, you can't just fall off the face of the planet." Xander explained.
"He will be at more peace if he believes it was an accident, he can't lose both of us to the supernatural, it would destroy him." Rachel looked sad since receiving the news.
"Rachel..." for the first time Willow spoke in a hushed tone, "Xander and I can only pray that our son is as brave, crouageous like you."
Rachel's heart melted, she knew how hard this was on everyone what they couldn't figure out was why it wasn't on her.
"I have some homework to do so I am going to leave, if I don't want to die before next week I better ace this chem. Test or dad will!" She laughed and gathered her things giving willow a brief hug as well as Xander. When she got to Giles she hesitated but alarmingly he grabbed hold of her and squeezed till she had no breath.
"Ugh right-o so see you tomorrow." And he stepped out just like that.
Rachel looked to willow for an explanation, "he was your mother's adoptive father, you are like a granddaughter." Rachel made an O with her mouth and silently left the house returning to hers.
"daddy? Daddy are you home?" she looked around the vacant area and to her dismay he was not around. She had been wanting to spend as much time as possible with him before she died.
"O well," She sighed and decided to pick up the phone and do the first thing that made her want to change her decision. She called Kevin.
"Hello is Kevin there?" she asked her voice still struggling with the decision.
"hello?" A deep manly voice replied.
"Kevin." It was raspy.
'Rach, honey are you arlight? Where are you?" He knew right away something was wrong.
"I am at home, everything is fine." Boy was this going to be tough.
"So was there something you wanted to talk about, formal maybe?"
Rachel's heart clenched, formal it was two weeks away she wouldn't make it by then, her first formal and she would have to miss it.
"Kevin we should talk."
"well I think that is what we are doing, but define talking?"
"Kevin I want to break up." The phone went eerily silent, too silent and it was making her heart break.
"You want to what?" He shouted.
"I know you heard me," she sighed.
"I heard you but I am having a hard time processing it."
"I just need some space right now a lot is going on."
"Well I can help you through it."
She wanted him o gosh did she want him to but she couldn't do that to him, make him love her and then just die like that maybe if she broke up with him he would resent her maybe her passing would be that much easier on him. "You can't, I want you to, but you can't,"
"Do you love me?" he asked and waited, he waited so long he thought she had hung up.
"No." That was it, it was long and silent so silent almost untouchable and then she hung up she couldn't wait for his response she couldn't hear him, not now, Not now that she lied.
If life wasn't hell after that then what was. It was clear that Kevin was over her and had moved on to Regina Roberts head cheerleader. Oh yea smooth Kevin get to me by dating the biggest air head of life. O well as long as it wasn't Christina she was definitely okay. Her friends noted that she had been very distant lately but choosed to ignore it as they knew finals were coming up and everyone was feeling the stress while balancing their shopping for dresses for formal.
"Oh my god you would die my dress is straight out of a vogue magazine, its pale pale blue and is as light as air with frills on the capped sleeve." Ally bragged.
"Well mine is just to die for it's a little more, well sexy when I say sexy I mean skanky, its jade colour you know that funny looking colour of green and it has dark black beads at the bust. The back is cut just above my behind and comes with a flapper purse it really is awesome." Kate smirked and Ally just huffed.
"Rach, what's your dress look like, you would look slamming in a white dress with your tan skin and chestnut hair."
Rachel smiled nervously, she had seen a nice white dress that was her mother's when she went to her formal with her boyfriend at the time Riley. It was very cute and had an empire waistline but what did it matter.
"I am not going." She finally told them and watched as all three gasped.
"not going? What are you taking about not going you are one of the most populare girls in the school you are so going to get queen and Kevin will get king for sure."
"you don't know? Kevin and are aren't dating anymore and I am not going to formal because I don't want to end of story okay?"
"Okay, okay! We get it." Kate put her hands in the air defensively.
"Good, now what's for lunch?" Rachel swiftly adverted the topic.
And then it was Wednesday her second last full day on earth. 'What to do, what to do?' So Rachel went home and was able to catch her dad before she was out the door.
"Daddy?"
"Yes peanut?" Angel turned and smiled to his his daughter and it broke her heart, she was his light she was his buffy, it was going to destroy him.
"You think we could stay in tonight just you and me and watch some movies?" Angel glared at her, this was not normal almost 16 yr old teenage girl behavior.
"Don't you have plans with Kevin?" Rachel shook her head.
"Okay I will order pizza you get the movie!" HE was beyond happy that she would want to spend time with him.
"Sounds good I am just going to go and change be down in a jiff!" And she ran upstairs. Rachel put on some sweats and jogged downstairs with the princess bride tucked firmly underneath her arm.
"So what flick is it tonight?"
"Princess Bride what else?" She got a groan from Angel.
"what?"
"Your mother made me watch that move a zillion times."
"Then I guess once more can't hurt?" Rachel smiled and flopped down on the couch next to Angel.
Halfway through movie Rachel shifted, "dad, I want to let you know, I forgive you." Angel paused the movie, had he heard right?
"You fo-orgive me" he stumbled over the words.
"You may never forgive yourself but I forgive you and I want you to let it go, I love you dad and I forgive you." She said with a simple shrug of her shoulders. It was best to get it all out before she had no time left.
"Oh Rachel." He swept her small frame up in his big embrace and they dosed off.
Tomorrow was going to be her last full day.
It's like what they had always said, once you tell yourself a lie over and over again you start to believe it yourself. Rachel took in the news of her predestined future with an eery calmness. She was the only one. Willow was devasted or so she appeared, shaking in the corning with Xander's soothing hand rubbing her shoulders. Even he couldn't stay strong enough to hold a straight face and eventually he caved and was racked with sobs or guilt and despair. But she didn't. Was that normal? Did she want to die? No not really she just knew like there was something in the pit of her stomach that this was her destiny. Her destiny. She liked that, for the first time in her life she had something that belonged just to her and no one else. The only one. There it was again that sense of being special in every way, being like her mother.
Of course there was Kevin and how she would miss Kevin but he was never truly hers alone, he had been Christina's, Roselands, Ashleighs and god knows how many other guys he had been with. Her father was never really hers to begin with, his heart belonged to her mother and her mother to him as Willow's was to her unborn child. So this destiny, as gloom as it may be was something she did not fear but embraced, well for now anyway.
So what do you say when you were just told you would have to sacrifice yourself for the rest of the world. When you are told demons really do exist and are after you alone. That you are the only solution to the problem, that you will never see those you love ever again including Kate and Ally and the man she came to love, Kevin. That the dad she just got back would lose her to the same thing that claimed his wife. That for the first time you might actually get to meet your mother up there in paradise when this is all over. What else then the facts.
"Will it hurt?" It just came out, it wasn't meant to hurt anyone or to be the victim it was just a statement, just a fact I needed to know.
Giles, this man I was told was like my grandfather took off his glasses and rubbed them furiously with the silk like piece of material and willow's sobs just got harder. I sobered up and rephrased my question.
"giles," I said patting him on the leg gently to assure him I was alright, "what will happen."
"It says here that you will be lured to a vampire nest and that they will kill you and it will stop the end the world. How? We aren't sure yet. When it happens it will just happen, but if you day before then, the world as we know it will be in peril."
"So, I have to survive until this "sacrifice" and all the beasties in town will be looking for Rachel Meat in the meantime?"
"Exactly." Giles nodded with concern.
"okay." And that was it. It was a signed sealed deal, I would save the world, die and see mom all in one day. And who ever said life was boring in Sunnydale?
With that simple phrase Willow ceased her sobs and Xander tore his head away from the shelter of her arms. With question in their eyes they looked at Rachel in disbelief.
"okay, I will do it." This time more confident.
"Rachel, sweetie we know, we know this is hard but honey you don't have to do it and are you feeling alright?"
Rachel sighed with a smile, she was going to die and she just couldn't mourn it, it was like this was her greater purpose she had been searching for so that her mother's death wasn't in vain. "I am positive, well hey I figure I don't die I will die along with the rest of the world, so why not do it sooner, die, and have the rest of the world live?"
"are you human, are you sure your not some saint incarnate?" Xander sounded somewhat serious and Rachel giggled.
"Smile Xander you are about to be a daddy!"
"Thanks to you kiddo, but you know in my heart you are like a daughter and I will be damned if I am going to say that I will be happy you are sacrificing yourself."
"Rachel, there's more!"
"More?" Her eyes bulged, what more could there be she was going to die and all.
"Your father, you mustn't tell him until it is too late to stop it, if he knows..." Giles trailed off.
"He will try to stop it, I know, that's why I don't plan on telling him at all."
'What, oh honey what ever your father did he deserves to know to say goodbye to mourn, you can't just fall off the face of the planet." Xander explained.
"He will be at more peace if he believes it was an accident, he can't lose both of us to the supernatural, it would destroy him." Rachel looked sad since receiving the news.
"Rachel..." for the first time Willow spoke in a hushed tone, "Xander and I can only pray that our son is as brave, crouageous like you."
Rachel's heart melted, she knew how hard this was on everyone what they couldn't figure out was why it wasn't on her.
"I have some homework to do so I am going to leave, if I don't want to die before next week I better ace this chem. Test or dad will!" She laughed and gathered her things giving willow a brief hug as well as Xander. When she got to Giles she hesitated but alarmingly he grabbed hold of her and squeezed till she had no breath.
"Ugh right-o so see you tomorrow." And he stepped out just like that.
Rachel looked to willow for an explanation, "he was your mother's adoptive father, you are like a granddaughter." Rachel made an O with her mouth and silently left the house returning to hers.
"daddy? Daddy are you home?" she looked around the vacant area and to her dismay he was not around. She had been wanting to spend as much time as possible with him before she died.
"O well," She sighed and decided to pick up the phone and do the first thing that made her want to change her decision. She called Kevin.
"Hello is Kevin there?" she asked her voice still struggling with the decision.
"hello?" A deep manly voice replied.
"Kevin." It was raspy.
'Rach, honey are you arlight? Where are you?" He knew right away something was wrong.
"I am at home, everything is fine." Boy was this going to be tough.
"So was there something you wanted to talk about, formal maybe?"
Rachel's heart clenched, formal it was two weeks away she wouldn't make it by then, her first formal and she would have to miss it.
"Kevin we should talk."
"well I think that is what we are doing, but define talking?"
"Kevin I want to break up." The phone went eerily silent, too silent and it was making her heart break.
"You want to what?" He shouted.
"I know you heard me," she sighed.
"I heard you but I am having a hard time processing it."
"I just need some space right now a lot is going on."
"Well I can help you through it."
She wanted him o gosh did she want him to but she couldn't do that to him, make him love her and then just die like that maybe if she broke up with him he would resent her maybe her passing would be that much easier on him. "You can't, I want you to, but you can't,"
"Do you love me?" he asked and waited, he waited so long he thought she had hung up.
"No." That was it, it was long and silent so silent almost untouchable and then she hung up she couldn't wait for his response she couldn't hear him, not now, Not now that she lied.
If life wasn't hell after that then what was. It was clear that Kevin was over her and had moved on to Regina Roberts head cheerleader. Oh yea smooth Kevin get to me by dating the biggest air head of life. O well as long as it wasn't Christina she was definitely okay. Her friends noted that she had been very distant lately but choosed to ignore it as they knew finals were coming up and everyone was feeling the stress while balancing their shopping for dresses for formal.
"Oh my god you would die my dress is straight out of a vogue magazine, its pale pale blue and is as light as air with frills on the capped sleeve." Ally bragged.
"Well mine is just to die for it's a little more, well sexy when I say sexy I mean skanky, its jade colour you know that funny looking colour of green and it has dark black beads at the bust. The back is cut just above my behind and comes with a flapper purse it really is awesome." Kate smirked and Ally just huffed.
"Rach, what's your dress look like, you would look slamming in a white dress with your tan skin and chestnut hair."
Rachel smiled nervously, she had seen a nice white dress that was her mother's when she went to her formal with her boyfriend at the time Riley. It was very cute and had an empire waistline but what did it matter.
"I am not going." She finally told them and watched as all three gasped.
"not going? What are you taking about not going you are one of the most populare girls in the school you are so going to get queen and Kevin will get king for sure."
"you don't know? Kevin and are aren't dating anymore and I am not going to formal because I don't want to end of story okay?"
"Okay, okay! We get it." Kate put her hands in the air defensively.
"Good, now what's for lunch?" Rachel swiftly adverted the topic.
And then it was Wednesday her second last full day on earth. 'What to do, what to do?' So Rachel went home and was able to catch her dad before she was out the door.
"Daddy?"
"Yes peanut?" Angel turned and smiled to his his daughter and it broke her heart, she was his light she was his buffy, it was going to destroy him.
"You think we could stay in tonight just you and me and watch some movies?" Angel glared at her, this was not normal almost 16 yr old teenage girl behavior.
"Don't you have plans with Kevin?" Rachel shook her head.
"Okay I will order pizza you get the movie!" HE was beyond happy that she would want to spend time with him.
"Sounds good I am just going to go and change be down in a jiff!" And she ran upstairs. Rachel put on some sweats and jogged downstairs with the princess bride tucked firmly underneath her arm.
"So what flick is it tonight?"
"Princess Bride what else?" She got a groan from Angel.
"what?"
"Your mother made me watch that move a zillion times."
"Then I guess once more can't hurt?" Rachel smiled and flopped down on the couch next to Angel.
Halfway through movie Rachel shifted, "dad, I want to let you know, I forgive you." Angel paused the movie, had he heard right?
"You fo-orgive me" he stumbled over the words.
"You may never forgive yourself but I forgive you and I want you to let it go, I love you dad and I forgive you." She said with a simple shrug of her shoulders. It was best to get it all out before she had no time left.
"Oh Rachel." He swept her small frame up in his big embrace and they dosed off.
Tomorrow was going to be her last full day.