Thanks to:
XEvo Chic – Never read this fic before bed, hee hee…Is there more paedophilia to come? Yeah!
Steph14Wales – Beast and Amanda just seemed right, what with her love of fuzzy dudes!
Furygrrl – The idea of Beast being a closet WASP fan made me grin – and Evans therapy bills are gonna drive the Prof back to the booze! His therapist would think he was delusional. Wait, that means I must be delusional too!
Demon Maiden – Turning into Evan, OMG I'm sorry! I was gonna have Evan sing Patsy Cline, but I got a better suggestion and I'm not good at Broadway musicals, all I could think of was 'Jelicous (sp?) Cats' for some reason!
Southern Goth Gal – I do nasty pretty well, huh? (Laughs evilly) And I told you how my hysteria when 'Hanky Panky' came on the radio went down at work…maybe it's me who shouldn't be allowed to listen to music anymore!
The Son of Logan and Ororo – I was gonna use 'Crazy' by Patsy Cline, but your suggestion is miles better – I once followed one of my sisters around for four days singing it, so it brought back happy memories. Sibling torment rules!
Lildaisygirl24 – More Evan torture to come YAY! And you weren't disturbed? Guess I'll have to try harder…
Rogue14 – The second person who's sleep I've wrecked with that chapter – uh, sorry!
DemonRogue13 – I bet Beast hides all his cheesy hair metal albums behind the Mozart!
Special thanks goes to PomegranateQueen for a direct review – thanks! Glad you liked it and I'm always happy to get direst reviews when FF is being a pain.
Idea for this song donated by The Son of Logan and Ororo. Thanks!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
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It was fortunate that Tabby was an accomplished car thief. She managed to hotwire the X-Van in record time and soon the group were heading back to the mansion. Gabrielle had to drive as the various horny teenage couples congregated in the back.
In order to save any further mental torment, Evan chose to ride in front. He spent the first few miles trying to think of conversation, not easy when in the process of a mental breakdown.
"So…you were married to the Professor?"
"Aye, for about five minutes."
"Was he always into spanking?"
"Why do you think we got divorced?"
"Probably not just the spanking," mused Evan, his voice getting louder as he tried to drown out some suspicious noises from the back. "It's the way he's into weirdo's. I bet he'd ditch Callisto in a second if there was some one even stranger on the horizon, like an alien."
Gabrielle shot him an admiring look. "You're an unusually perceptive young man."
"No I'm not," grumbled Evan, looking at the floor. "I've gone insane, the pressure got to me when I saw all the X-Men pairing off and now I've lost my mind."
"Still, you seem to understand what we went through and how I felt."
"Maybe you ditched me in a past life."
"It would explain why you went crazy," replied Gabrielle, slightly flirtatious.
"And we lived in a big house in…New York!"
"That's not very imaginative."
"And I was a rich supermodel and you were a rich, uh, a rich mechanic!"
"Don't you think you're getting a bit carried away?"
"And you made my meals dressed in nothing but an apron and stilettos!"
"Hang on Evan, I…"
"And you left me because of all the groupies throwing themselves at me!"
"Uh…"
Evan: Remember when you ran away
And I got on my knees and begged you not to go
Because I'd go berserk…
Pietro put his head between the front seats. "Oh great, Daniels is having another episode."
Evan: WELL
You left me anyhow
And then the days got worse and worse
And now you see I've gone completely out of my mind…
"Y'think?" Pietro said sarcastically.
Evan: AND
They're coming to take me away haha
They're coming to take me away
Ho ho hee hee ha ha
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those nice young men
In they're clean white coats
They're coming to take me AWAY HA HAAA…
The group in the back had stopped what they were doing and were watching Evan in fascination.
"Uh, Pietro," said Lance. "Was he always this insane?"
"Oh yeah."
"I'm sure it's nothing a little mind-wipe wouldn't fix," said Jean thoughtfully.
Pietro snorted. "What mind?"
Evan: You thought it was a joke
And so you LAUGHED YOU LAUGHEDWhen I said that losing you
Would make me flip my lid…
Scott eyed Gabrielle suspiciously. "Why does he seem to think that you've dumped him?"
Gabrielle shrugged and laughed nervously. "I've no idea."
Tabby hit the back of the headrest. "Hey Evan, bring me back a T-shirt from la-la land!"
Evan: RIGHT
I know you laughed
I HEARD you laugh
You laughed
And laughed
And laughed
And laughed
And then you left
And now you know I'm utterly mad…
Pietro smirked. "Y'know Daniels, women don't find insanity attractive."
Gabrielle turned around quickly. "I'll have you know my son is insane and he's very attractive and he has many girlfriends with stranger hair than your girlfriend, so there!"
Scott looked nervous. "Uh, could you keep your eyes on the road? Please?"
Evan: AND
They're coming to take me away ha ha
They're coming to take me away
Ho ho hee hee ha ha
To the happy home
With trees and flowers
And chirping birds and basket weavers
Who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away HAHAAAAAA…
"Wish some one would take him away," muttered Tabby.
"We've wished THAT since the day he arrived at the mansion!" replied Jean.
Evan: I cooked your food
I cleaned your house
And this is how you pay me back
For all my kind unselfish loving deeds…
"You'd do all that for me?" Gabrielle smiled at the thought. "All Charles ever did around the house was polish the dungeon!"
Evan: HUH
Well you just wait
They'll find you yet
And when they do they'll put you in the ASPCA you mangy MUTT…
Rogue put her head in her hands. "Evan, you don't win a girls affection by insulting her!"
Jean gave her a look. "You'd rather see him with the Professors ex-wife?"
"Ah just want him to stop singing!"
"And you shouldn't all be so hard on him," said Gabrielle sternly. "He doesn't mean it, he's just carried away in the fantasy of being left by me. It's romantic!"
Evan: They're coming to take me away ha ha
They're coming to take me away
Ho ho hee hee ha ha…
"No one's going to take you away Evan," said Gabrielle, resting her hand on the back of the boy's neck. "I'll get you back to your old self again."
"Please don't," said Pietro.
Evan glanced at the woman shyly. "You will?"
"Oh yes! You're so sensitive and sweet, nothing like my ex-husband! I'll nurse you back to health."
Gabrielle leant over and put both her arms around Evans neck, looking deep into his eyes. The pair moved closer, their lips touching…
Scott leant forward, pointing out of the windshield. "THE ROAD!"
The X-van headed straight into a garden wall, crashing through a garden and tearing up several prize rosebushes before coming to a stop on the lawn. The eight teens in the back were thrown into a heap on the floor, proving that seatbelts are always a good idea.
Gabrielle ran a hand through her hair and laughed shakily. "Maybe I should have taken my foot off the accelerator while we were doing that."
Song is 'They're coming to take me away' by Napoleon XIV.