Disclaimer-If this was an original piece, than WHY would it be on a Fan
Fiction site?
"Harry," Ginny asked nervously, "Are we in a-"
Fortunately, Harry's ADD kicked in right about now, therefore saving the author from loss of a story after some 'awkward' explanations.
"OH BOY, FIRE!" he exclaimed, and ran over to the hearth to stare into the flames. He quickly leapt back as his chin implants began to melt. The entire Gryffindor Common Room all rolled their eyes collectively. Was this imbecile really a hero?
"You know, boy, you should really consider a career in piracy." A lighthearted voice suggested from behind them once again. As usual, the entire Gryffindor house turned their heads (their necks were really getting tired) to see a man clothed in black; black 'breeches', a loose black shirt, and a black mask to cover his eyes. But what fascinated the students was the delicate sword hanging from his belt.
"Wow," Ron breathed, completely entranced by the sword. "Can you, like, fight with that?"
"Quite possibly. It depends on if there's an enemy. Are any of you my enemies?" the mysterious man asked in a crisp English accent. "Oh, no." Katie Bell giggled, trying to recall a spell that would unbutton buttons on a shirt, "We're definitely not your enemies." "Well then." The man inquired politely, not wasting a bit of time, "Why the bloody hell am I here?" Hermione herself suppressed a giggle and pointed to her wand-happy friend. "Harry cast some spell to make hot book characters come to life." "Hot?" he asked. "Actually, I feel quite cool at the moment..." "Oh no, you're definitely hot." Angelina stated, a blush rising into her cheeks. "Who's the man in black?" a high voice came from the portrait hole. Everyone turned once more to see Dennis in the doorway, dripping wet. They all turned back to the man in black, wanting an answer. "I am the Dread Pirate Roberts, also called Westley. Don't ask." He said cheerily. "Now, can anyone tell me where I might be?" "You're at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." Ginny said matter- of-factly. "I wouldn't mind having you stick around for a while." From the giggles and nods of the girls, they seemed to agree. But not everyone agreed. "But Hermione," Ron whined, "I'm so pathetic without you. I'll fail all my classes, and be all lonely, and..." he then lost track of what he was saying. "So?" Hermione scoffed. "If I can stare at this can of hot stuff all day, who cares about you failing classes?" "My mum?" he guessed. "She'll...she'll...she'll stop sending you Easter eggs!" Hermione rolled her eyes. "And how will I ever live without them?" she cynicized. Harry thought fast. He needed to find some way to get Hermione to remember that they needed to kill this, Pirate Westley character. "Hermione, if you don't help us kill this guy, Ron will whine at you constantly!" At this, Hermione's eyes widened, and the girls let themselves be interrupted from gazing at the man to gasp. Would he really use such a dirty tactic? Hermione took one last longing gaze at the now very confused man, who was pulling out his sword, and sighed. "Fine. Better him than me." "Yay!" squealed Dean and Seamus with a hug. "Now let's get killing!" "Wait, are you going to kill me?" Westley-or whatever his name was-asked.
Harry nodded. "We kind of have to." He said, trying in vain to sound comforting. Ironically, Farmboy smiled.
"Why are you happy?" Lavender asked. "I mean, this certainly makes our job easier, but-"
"Well, my dear" Farmboy interrupted. "Death cannot separate me from my dear Buttercup."
"Buttercup?" she squealed. "You love someone with the name of a plant? Then you will definitely love me, too! I won't let any of you harm him!" To prove her point, she grabbed his sword and stood in front of him. Hermione, on the other hand, was not going to let Farmboy live.
"Hey, wait a minute. Since when is his name Farmboy?" Neville asked.
"Since I said so." I replied with a smirk.
"Oh. Carry on, then." Neville said sheepishly.
"DAMN RIGHT!"
Anyway, Hermione was not going to give Ron any chance to whine at her. It was a Hell only matched by the notoriously ugly Franken-Beaver. Westley, too, did not want to be a prisoner of this frilly schoolgirl.
"Really, girl, you're sweet, but-" he didn't get past that far. When he spoke, Lavender turned to watch his sweet lips move, forgetting that she held the sword. When she turned, the sword slashed across his torso. And according to the author, that made him die with relief.
"Nooooooooooooo!" Lavender wailed. But before she could attack his now-defenseless body with kisses, it vanished.
"So," Dennis repeated from the doorway, "Who was that?"
"Harry," Ginny asked nervously, "Are we in a-"
Fortunately, Harry's ADD kicked in right about now, therefore saving the author from loss of a story after some 'awkward' explanations.
"OH BOY, FIRE!" he exclaimed, and ran over to the hearth to stare into the flames. He quickly leapt back as his chin implants began to melt. The entire Gryffindor Common Room all rolled their eyes collectively. Was this imbecile really a hero?
"You know, boy, you should really consider a career in piracy." A lighthearted voice suggested from behind them once again. As usual, the entire Gryffindor house turned their heads (their necks were really getting tired) to see a man clothed in black; black 'breeches', a loose black shirt, and a black mask to cover his eyes. But what fascinated the students was the delicate sword hanging from his belt.
"Wow," Ron breathed, completely entranced by the sword. "Can you, like, fight with that?"
"Quite possibly. It depends on if there's an enemy. Are any of you my enemies?" the mysterious man asked in a crisp English accent. "Oh, no." Katie Bell giggled, trying to recall a spell that would unbutton buttons on a shirt, "We're definitely not your enemies." "Well then." The man inquired politely, not wasting a bit of time, "Why the bloody hell am I here?" Hermione herself suppressed a giggle and pointed to her wand-happy friend. "Harry cast some spell to make hot book characters come to life." "Hot?" he asked. "Actually, I feel quite cool at the moment..." "Oh no, you're definitely hot." Angelina stated, a blush rising into her cheeks. "Who's the man in black?" a high voice came from the portrait hole. Everyone turned once more to see Dennis in the doorway, dripping wet. They all turned back to the man in black, wanting an answer. "I am the Dread Pirate Roberts, also called Westley. Don't ask." He said cheerily. "Now, can anyone tell me where I might be?" "You're at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." Ginny said matter- of-factly. "I wouldn't mind having you stick around for a while." From the giggles and nods of the girls, they seemed to agree. But not everyone agreed. "But Hermione," Ron whined, "I'm so pathetic without you. I'll fail all my classes, and be all lonely, and..." he then lost track of what he was saying. "So?" Hermione scoffed. "If I can stare at this can of hot stuff all day, who cares about you failing classes?" "My mum?" he guessed. "She'll...she'll...she'll stop sending you Easter eggs!" Hermione rolled her eyes. "And how will I ever live without them?" she cynicized. Harry thought fast. He needed to find some way to get Hermione to remember that they needed to kill this, Pirate Westley character. "Hermione, if you don't help us kill this guy, Ron will whine at you constantly!" At this, Hermione's eyes widened, and the girls let themselves be interrupted from gazing at the man to gasp. Would he really use such a dirty tactic? Hermione took one last longing gaze at the now very confused man, who was pulling out his sword, and sighed. "Fine. Better him than me." "Yay!" squealed Dean and Seamus with a hug. "Now let's get killing!" "Wait, are you going to kill me?" Westley-or whatever his name was-asked.
Harry nodded. "We kind of have to." He said, trying in vain to sound comforting. Ironically, Farmboy smiled.
"Why are you happy?" Lavender asked. "I mean, this certainly makes our job easier, but-"
"Well, my dear" Farmboy interrupted. "Death cannot separate me from my dear Buttercup."
"Buttercup?" she squealed. "You love someone with the name of a plant? Then you will definitely love me, too! I won't let any of you harm him!" To prove her point, she grabbed his sword and stood in front of him. Hermione, on the other hand, was not going to let Farmboy live.
"Hey, wait a minute. Since when is his name Farmboy?" Neville asked.
"Since I said so." I replied with a smirk.
"Oh. Carry on, then." Neville said sheepishly.
"DAMN RIGHT!"
Anyway, Hermione was not going to give Ron any chance to whine at her. It was a Hell only matched by the notoriously ugly Franken-Beaver. Westley, too, did not want to be a prisoner of this frilly schoolgirl.
"Really, girl, you're sweet, but-" he didn't get past that far. When he spoke, Lavender turned to watch his sweet lips move, forgetting that she held the sword. When she turned, the sword slashed across his torso. And according to the author, that made him die with relief.
"Nooooooooooooo!" Lavender wailed. But before she could attack his now-defenseless body with kisses, it vanished.
"So," Dennis repeated from the doorway, "Who was that?"