After lunch, Kirsten got behind the wheel.  She looked over at Ryan and smiled.  "We're on the home stretch now," she said to him.

Ryan gave her a half-hearted smile.  "Yeah," he replied.

Kirsten looked over at Ryan.  His head was leaned back on the seat and his eyes were closed.  He seemed tense, but Kirsten couldn't imagine why.  "Do you want to see if we have any of Seth's cards left?" she asked.

Ryan opened one eye and looked at Kirsten.  "Not right now," he said.  He was trying to figure out exactly how he could bring the whole CCA versus USC thing.

They drove in silence, Kirsten wondering what could be troubling Ryan all of a sudden, and Ryan deciding exactly what to say.

Ryan finally broke the silence.  "I don't want to go to San Francisco in the fall," he said with his eyes still closed, but then glanced over to get Kirsten's reaction.

Kirsten was surprised.  "Didn't you like CCA?  I thought it seemed like a fabulous school."

"Yeah, no," Ryan replied.  "CCA was…nice.  It's not the school.  It's just…"

"I realize you thought the dorm rooms were small," Kirsten interrupted, "but we'll get you an apartment."

"No, it's not that," Ryan said.  "It's San Francisco.  It's just…a long way away."

"Well, you won't have to drive it every time.  We'll fly you back and forth – we could probably get Dad's plane if we need it."

This sidetracked Ryan.  "You mean we could have taken Caleb's plane instead of driving?"

"I guess," Kirsten said.  "But I thought you wanted a road trip."

"No," Ryan replied evenly, "Seth wanted a road trip.  I wasn't planning on going in the first place," he took a breath to regroup, "because I don't want to go to school in San Francisco."

"Why not?" Kirsten asked.

Ryan tried to explain it.  "OK, it's like when Marissa was talking about why she chose NYU."

This surprised Kirsten.  "You're still talking with Marissa?" she asked.

"We end up in the same places when we hang out with Seth and Summer," Ryan shrugged.  "Anyway, Marissa said she's looking forward to getting far away from Newport, so she can be around people who know nothing about her.  She's looking forward to starting over."

"OK," Kirsten said hesitantly.  She wasn't sure what Ryan was trying to say.

"I've already started over," Ryan explained.  "I've already moved to a place where people only knew as much about me as I wanted them to know."  He lowered his voice.  "I'm not ready to do that again."

"But you'll have to meet new people at USC, won't you?" Kirsten asked.

"Yeah, but I'll have Seth to hang out with at USC.  I'm not good at making my own friends."

"What are you saying?  You've made friends in Newport."

"Who?  Seth?  Yeah, we're good friends, but we live in the same house.  It's not like I had to go out of my way – Seth just kind of latched on.  I'm not complaining – it just didn't take effort."

"You made friends with Marissa.  She wasn't friends with Seth before you came."

Ryan looked at Kirsten.  "And look how that turned out."

Ryan had never really talked to Kirsten about what had happened with Marissa, but she knew it hadn't ended well so she decided to change tacks.  "You had friends in Chino, didn't you?"

"Trey and his friends.  Eddie, Arturo…even Theresa was just Arturo's little sister."  He shrugged.  "It's not just the friends though.  It's…" he looked at Kirsten, "everything."

Kirsten thought she was catching on.  "You want to stay near us?"

Ryan was embarrassed to admit it out loud.  "Yeah?"

"Really?"  Kirsten hadn't been sure that's what he had been trying to say.  "I mean, I'd love you to stay close, but I want you to go where's best for you."

"You keep saying San Francisco is what's best for me, is where you want me to be.  Why is being all alone in a city where I don't know anyone what's best for me?"  Then, almost under his breath, he added, "My mom thought leaving me with you was what was best for me, too."

This made Kirsten pause.  "Don't you think it was?" Kirsten asked softly.

"Yeah," Ryan admitted, "but that didn't make it any easier."

"Sometimes you have to what's hard to make things better."

"That's just it.  I've already done the hard thing to improve my life.  Don't get me wrong, the payoff for that was huge – the difference between Chino and Newport.  I just don't see that the difference between USC and CCA is big enough to be worth it."  Ryan looked at Kirsten.

Kirsten though about what Ryan had just said.  "OK," she said.  "You're right."

"Really?  You'll let me go to USC?"

Kirsten smiled at him.  "Of course we will.  We want you to be happy, Ryan.  Did you think we wouldn't let you go where you wanted?"

Ryan shrugged.  "Every time I told you I didn't want to go to CCA, you insisted I should go."

Kirsten was surprised.  "When did you tell me you didn't want to go?"

"I said I didn't want to go to San Francisco in the first place.  I said I wanted to live with Seth.  I said I didn't like the dorms."

"Ryan, you've spent the last two years trying to be what you think we want you to be, trying not to be in the way.  I was trying to let you know that your decision should be based on what you want – not what won't inconvenience me or Sandy, not what would make Seth happy, not what doesn't cost too much money.  All of your reasons were based on other people.  If you had told me the real reason – that you wanted to stay close to us, to your family – I would have understood."

"It's not easy to say.  I'm not used to needing people."

"We need you too.  It will be nice to have you close."

Ryan pursed his lips and nodded.  They drove in silence for a while, until Kirsten suggested he find a CD to put on.  With the stress of talking to Kirsten gone, the sound of the music, and the motion of the car with the sun shining in, Ryan drifted off as they drove towards home.

TBC11