Thanks for the feedback. {bg} I promised E-dog a new chapter tonight in exchange for a new bit to her story, so here we go...

Chapter 11:

Darkest Before Dawn

"I am weary of it all, where is the sense in all this pain and joy?"

--Goethe "Wanderer's Song at Night"

UNKNOWN TIME

UNKNOWN DATE

UNKNOWN LOCATION

Harm struggled against the drug, trying desperately to fight the effects. He was getting to where he measured time by the constant injections, and he knew he was losing ground. Each successive shot seemed to have a greater effect, as if the drug residue was building up in his bloodstream. He swallowed hard as another wave of memories crashed over him.

Mac stood in front of the cab and looked at him. "Things are never going to work out between us," she said.

"Why not?" he asked desperately. He'd come all this way to save her and try and tell her how he felt; things had to work with them, or there truly was no justice left in the universe.

"Because we both want to be on top. And that's physically--and emotionally--impossible."

That had been, possibly, the worst day of his life, because she'd taken his hope away. Pain. It almost felt good to feel it; at least it was something.

"I, Patricia Reed Rabb take you, Franklin Jeffrey Burnett..."

Thirteen-year-old Harmon Rabb blocked out the sound of his mom betraying him and his dad and sighed. He'd failed. He was supposed to be the man of the house and make her happy, but she was marrying that... that used car salesman.

Failure. He was no good for anybody. Death would be preferable to where he was now. Maybe they'd let him see his father again in whatever might follow. Maybe his dad wouldn't hate him for all the mistakes he'd made. In his world, if he screwed up, people he cared about died:

Harm woke in a white hospital room and looked around. "Mace?" he croaked. "Mace, are you okay?"

"Darling, I'm sorry," his mother's face came into view. "Mace didn't make it."

He'd screwed the pooch then. It didn't matter that the board of inquiry said differently, it was the truth. He always managed to mess things up in one way or another. He never got anything one hundred percent right:

"You need to find something to allow that independence. Drive a cab, wrestle an alligator. I don't know."

With the Admiral's words, he knew that he'd messed up again. JAG was better off without him. Mac was better off without him. Hell, he'd be willing to bet what was left of his life savings that the Admiral was happier now that he was gone.

A single tear rolled down his cheek as the monitor beside the bed in the sterile environment flat lined. Joe was gone. They'd discovered the Lieutenant's leukemia a little while before his own ramp strike, and it had gone into remission long enough for Joe to come and visit during his own recovery. One of his best friends had just died a senseless death.

It was inevitable. Anyone who got close to him either left or died. He deserved to be alone, just like he always had been. He had very few memories of being loved for who he was, without restrictions. Sometimes he thought that he was one of the people wandering the earth that didn't deserve to have anybody really love him.

Sixteen-year-old Harmon Rabb watched from his vantage point as Stryker attempted to sneak into the encampment. They'd heard that POW records were being kept there, and they had to try and get a look. His eyes widened as he saw a Vietnamese solider walk directly for the Colonel. He aimed his AK-47, took a deep breath, and pulled the trigger. The man soundlessly crumpled to the ground, a single bullet wound in his forehead...

Death. He brought nothing but death and pain to those around him. Harm opened his eyes as the drug gave him a temporary break. He shivered as the door opened and Larry and Moe skulked in. Without a word, the two men hung him from the hook again, then took turns working him over before leaving.

Sadik walked in, tapping the air out of another syringe. Curly followed, wheeling a metal cart over the hard-packed dirt. Harm bit his lip as he noticed the battery and cables on it.

"Commander, I am losing my patience," Sadik sneered. "You have enjoyed my hospitality for far too long without giving me anything in return." He lunged forward, stuck the needle in Harm's stomach, and depressed the plunger. "Let us see if Starlight and what you rescued your friends from will make you talk." He reached for the stripped wires and sparked them together.

Harm closed his eyes and focused on the one person who could keep him sane and whole. She was the key to everything he wanted. At this point, rescue was unlikely, so his dreams were all he would ever have of Her.

0345 Zulu

31 January 2004

Undisclosed Location

Colombia

Jack smeared the black makeup on his face, making sure that all areas of his skin were covered. He looked over at Webb and grimaced, because the boy had forgotten to cover his neck and behind his ears. "Kid, c'mere," he said. "You missed some spots."

Webb breathed out a long-suffering sigh and came over. Jack smeared the white areas with the grease paint, then checked for any more bare spots. "You're good," he said. "Have you blacked out all of the shiny metal bits on your person?"

"Yes," Webb answered sullenly. "Where did you learn this shit, anyway? They don't teach this at Langley."

Jack grinned. "They probably should. I had a buddy in the Marines who taught me." He took a deep breath to avoid laughing before he continued. "He had an... interesting civilian life; his parents made their living doing this kind of thing, and it almost broke their hearts when he went straight."

"And people say I have strange friends," Webb muttered.

"Gather around, people," Jack said, shining his flashlight on a patch of cleared ground. He picked up a stick and started drawing as Beth and the others joined him. "This is the compound," he said, pointing at his rough drawing. "For security reasons, this information was not forwarded before. It's only guarded by ten men, and most of the help goes home at night. Our inside contact, Sanchez, has already disabled the electricity to the fence." He circled an area on his map. "This is where it's been cut open. We should have no problems taking out the guards, but our goal is this building right here." He circled a building at the back of the compound. "Five men are inside; Sadik, three of his lieutenants, and our prisoner."

Beth pulled a picture out of her pocket and tossed it on the map. "This is the latest picture of Harmon Rabb," she murmured.

"That's right," Jack said with a nod. "Eliminate Sadik and his people, but you are not, under any circumstances to shoot that one. Our mission here is to destroy the weapon caches and eliminate the terrorists, but I'm expanding it to include rescuing one of our own. Is that clear?"

Nods and murmurs of 'yes, sir' passed around the group.

Jack pointed towards another building. "Sanchez says that the weapons are being kept there. I want everybody in and out quickly, no casualties on our side. As soon as we're out, I've got a cleaner team on standby to take care of our mess." He started drawing x's on the map. "Where these x's are, you'll find a guard. Eliminate them." Webb, Beth, and the sweepers took a good look at the map.

Jack pulled on a dark gray knit hat, picked up the picture, and wiped out the map. "As soon as the rest of the mission is complete, get out and we'll meet up at the extraction point. Beth, Webb, and Michaels, you're with me; we're going after Rabb."

Michaels separated himself from the other sweepers and came over to stand next to him. "We're going after Sadik and his lieutenants," he reminded them. "I want the rest of you to take out the guards, then go straight to the weapons cache."

He was met with a murmured response of 'yes, sirs'. "Let's go."

The group made their way soundlessly down the hillside before dropping to their stomachs to belly crawl to the camouflaged hole in the fence. As he crawled, he hoped that they'd be able to make it to Harm, complete the mission, and get him out. If they ran into problems, he did have back up waiting for his call, but he'd rather just get it over with. He bit the inside of his cheek as they reached the fence. It was going to be a long night.

2330 Zulu

30 January 2004

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Mac sighed and pulled another set of paperwork toward her. It seemed as if her life was a never-ending stack of it these days. Clay hadn't been returning her calls, and Harm was still missing. Since her collapse, she'd narrowed their link, but she was constantly aware of what was happening to him--Harm was still in pain.

"Colonel Mackenzie."

Mac immediately stood at the sound of her CO's voice, and came to attention. "Sir," she answered. He'd started coming around her office to check on her after she'd been released from Bethesda two weeks before. Even now, it felt odd for him to come to her workspace instead of having her come see him.

"As you were, Mac," he said.

"Yes, sir," she replied, then sat back down. "What can I help you with, sir?"

"I'm here as your friend, Mac," the Admiral said quietly. "I need to know how you're holding up, and if you've managed to get a lock on Commander Rabb's position."

"No, sir," she murmured. "It's still too dark where he is."

AJ sat down on the chair in front of her desk. "Mac," he began hesitantly. "Can you tell how he's doing?"

Mac's eyes unfocused as she followed her link to him. A small crease appeared on her forehead, and she gasped. "He's in pain, sir." She bit her lip. "They're hurting him, Admiral, and it feels like they have been for quite some time." She looked at him, he brown eyes fast filling with unshed tears. "Is anything being done, sir? With as much as he's hurting, he could be dead soon," her voice got softer until she ended with a whisper.

AJ got up, closed the door, then turned around to face her. "Jack Olsen is in charge of the operation, and he's been keeping me updated."

"Please, Admiral--have they found him?" The knuckles on her hands started to turn white from the pressure she was exerting on the desk.

"Yes," was the short response. "Jack says that they'll be moving in soon, and he swore to me by all that's holy that he'd get the Commander out."

"Thank you, sir," she murmured, tears stinging her eyes.

AJ walked over and laid his hand on her shoulder. "Jack'll get him out, Mac, I promise."

"Yes, but what condition will he be in, Admiral?" Mac asked as she shut her eyes tight and put her face in her hands.

"I don't know," he admitted. "Can you tell what they've done to him?"

Mac shook her head. "No, sir. I only know that he's hurting badly."

AJ squeezed her shoulder. "It'll be all right, Mac. Jack said that, depending on how badly he's hurt, they'll airlift him directly to Bethesda and notify us when he can have visitors."

"Thank you, sir," she whispered.

"Go home and get some sleep, Colonel," he said, then left her office.

Mac sighed and rubbed her hand over her face. She never slept well, but lately she hadn't been sleeping at all. Without even looking in a mirror, she knew about the dark circles under her eyes that no amount of makeup could hide. She grimaced, gathered her things together, grabbed her cover, and left the office. It went against the grain to wait, but it looked like it was the only thing she could do until she could see her sailor again.