Long as anything Author's Note. Impatient people may skip, but all my warnings, and general notes on some of the more confusing aspects of the fic are here.
Sequel/in the same continuance as my earlier fics, "Find the Idiot" and "The Point of No Return." And since "Find the Idiot" is in the same continuance as my fic "Nicknames," it's also compatible with this one. Whoo… all my Koenma fics are like a series. Cool.
Odd pairings warning—this may not even apply. The only ones I am intentionally including are one-sided Koenma x Shinobu (well, he's paired with Yusuke) and Itsuki x Shinobu. But I like the idea of a Genkai x Koenma pairing, and Genkai and Toguro can't even look at each other without some chick squealing with glee and fangirling like a--oh, wait, that's Kurama and Hiei. My bad. [laughs] Truthfully, I don't like Genkai x Toguro Otouto the slightest bit (one-sided Toguro Ani x Genkai is another story…), but she will speak of him, and if you see love in her words, well, we all can draw our own conclusions, right?
Useless stuff about Koenma and Enma Daiou: when referring to his dad, Koenma says 'oyaji,' which the subtitles translate as 'pop.' When actually addressing his dad face-to-face, Koenma says 'chichiue,' which means '[my] father.' He's referred to his dad by name, once, too. I just get the feeling that, between Koenma's unaffectionate forms of address and Enma's constant paperwork pile up, they're not very close.
Revive, resurrect and reincarnate are three different words. People say Yusuke was reincarnated, and he wasn't. Revive is basically waking someone up, resurrect is bringing them back to life, and reincarnating is bringing the soul back in a different body, usually as a different person. Yusuke was revived, I think, because his body was kept alive by Koenma. Genkai was resurrected by Koenma, and the closest thing to reincarnation is Kurama. If you want a reincarnate, think Kagome and Kikyo from InuYasha. It's the same soul, but two entirely different people.
And yes, Kurama can indeed read lips. Genkai tells Yusuke that's what he's doing, but doesn't actually say if she can or not herself. But she's a smart woman, let's say she can. And judging by some of Kaito's comments through the Amanuma Incident, I'd say he's about as smart as Kurama. Maybe not as wise and experienced, but definitely as smart.
Sorry to waste your time with babble, I just wanted all my bases covered for once.
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Comfort Returned
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Genkai poked Koenma's lower back.
"I thought you said you were gonna send me the first idiot who took you up," she said humorlessly.
Koenma started and spun around; almost strangling himself in his long red cape and matching scarf. A couple passers-by gave him and the old master a weird look. He supposed he shouldn't blame them. With Genkai was dressed in a red and purple battle tunic over white, and Koenma in his flowing purple robes over sleeves and tan pants, and topped off with a cherry red cape, they certainly looked out of place.
Genkai rolled her eyes, and gripped Koenma's cold hand. There was no blood in his veins to warm it. Hell, she thought dryly, there were no veins to circulate his nonexistent blood. Koenma was a spiritual being. He had no physical form in the human realm, unless it was an emergency. It was already a strain on him to maintain his adult form constantly, and even harder to maintain physical form. Both at the same time was suicide if he did it for too long. Genkai knew that, and had tried to talk him into at least taking back his invisible spirit form. Everyone but Mitarai and Keiko would still be able to hear and see him, but he had refused.
She also knew that maybe, with Shinobu Sensui running amuck across the area, suicide was exactly was Koenma was looking for.
Either way, she straightened him out and pulled him to his feet. A great deal of her strength had been replenished when she was resurrected, and she could still kick around a grown man. The 'death effect,' Koenma had called it. It had happened to Yusuke and Kurama as well. When one died and was brought back to life, through some complicated body-soul harmonics only Koenma could understand without charts, diagrams and a hundred different equations, their powers and abilities increased exponentially. Somehow.
For Genkai, her depleted power had merely been replenished.
Koenma dusted off his robes and offered his old friend a quirky, half-hearted smile. "I'm sorry, I didn't think Shinobu needed you…"
Genkai raised a faded eyebrow. "Back in there, and even to his face, you were calling him 'Sensui.'"
"I was," Koenma acknowledged. "When talking to Pop or someone else, I tend to call Yusuke 'Urameshi.'"
"I've never heard you call him 'Urameshi' to his face, though."
"Oh. That." Koenma sighed softly. "I dunno, I guess… maybe I thought I could intimidate him or something. I dunno, he used to respect me." His golden-brown eyes closed. "More than you or Yusuke ever did, at any rate."
Genkai nodded solemnly. "Damn, do I know that feeling." She snickered bitterly. "I guess I thought if I faced Toguro without fear, like the brave, reckless little girl he knew, I could talk him out of his insane murder-suicide wish."
Koenma winced. "I tried to talk him out of that," he offered dully. "I didn't want to sentence anyone to the Realm of Darkest Hell, not ever."
"I know you did," Genkai said softly, pushing her faded gray hair out of her face. "Just like I know you tried to talk Sakyo out of killing himself. Just like you tried to talked me out of facing Toguro."
She poked Koenma again, willing him to look at her. "It's funny, you and Botan both. Neither of you particularly like dealing with the dead, but you're both so focused on the job, you don't let out your emotion away you until much later. Poor little Botan was fighting tears as she led me off, no matter what words of comfort I offered, so I was surprised at how composed you were at my death."
Koenma shrugged. "Someone had to be, and neither Yusuke nor Botan were capable of it."
Genkai nodded. "That's what I like about you, Koenma. You're a cold, sometimes almost heartless jerk, a corrupted ruler, a spoiled brat… but you have a strict sense of duty to your friends and loved ones, and to do what you think is right."
Koenma blinked, sliding his pacifier to the other side of his mouth. "Should I thank you for that, and or just regret my decision to grant the boys' wish and let you come back to life? Which meant putting my ass on the line? Literally? When my pop was already pissed as all hell at me? When I already had miles of paperwork to catch up on?"
Genkai smirked. "Guilt trips don't work on me," she replied.
"Obviously," Koenma muttered. "If there is one thing that can never sway you, it's gotta be guilt."
The aged woman shrugged helplessly. "Guilt never did anything for me," she declared. "Why should I do anything for it?"
"Good philosophy," the prince said, turning his gaze from the old reiki master he had first known as a feisty teenaged girl who was just beginning to discover the secrets she now jealously guarded from all but her chosen heir. His chosen detective, version 2.0. Time still hadn't told for sure whether or not they had made a huge mistake in choosing Yusuke Urameshi to do their bidding.
Time had, however, delivered his verdict on Shinobu Sensui.
And he had been a bad idea.
Not that he had looked like it at first. At first, Shinobu had been everything you could want in a detective. Quick mind, discipline, duty… Everything frivolous, energetic, smart-mouthed, rather go play video games Yusuke was not. And yet it seemed like Yusuke was the better choice as detective. Ludicrous.
"You're really shaken up about this," Genkai observed. She quickly appraised their surroundings; Kurama was still in the phone booth. Her lip reading was not nearly as good as his (he had thousands of years of practice on her, he read lips like a book), but from what she could see, he was arguing with Kaito about something. A map or a trap or something like that… from the look on his face, though, he was enjoying himself immensely. Good for them. She knew both Meiou Academy students well enough to know they rarely found someone worthy of a decent debate or a good quarrel, with their impressive intellects.
Botan and Mitarai, Ability Name: Seaman, were about halfway in between Genkai and Koenma, and where Kurama was delightedly fighting on the phone. She could glean pieces of their conversation, which revolved around Kuwabara. Botan was close friends with him, and Mitarai felt he owed Kuwabara his life… they were chatting casually about all of his good qualities, and even some of his bad ones, trying to make each other feel better. She smiled a little; since Kuwabara's kidnap, Botan and Kurama had alternately been filling in for him, trying to anchor Mitarai and look after him and help him.
She turned back to Koenma, however, once satisfied they were not eavesdropping.
"Well… yeah," Koenma admitted. "No one likes to someone they care about go bad, or do wrong, right?"
"Right," the master said.
Koenma laughed a little bitterly. "And Shinobu of all people… Shinobu Sensui, walker of the straight and narrow. He saw the world in black and white, he had a hero complex worse than Kuwabara's, he felt it was his duty to use his gifts to further humanity and hinder demons…" The junior lord of the dead blinked a few tears out of his eyes. The impulse to break down and cry like a baby had been strong ever since Yusuke's loud yelling over the Spirit Realm TV had permeated his office and thoughts. And before that, when Kurama had accused him of withholding information… Koenma would have liked to gag the fox with his sunny yellow tunic and feed him to that bloodsucking plant he had defeated Karasu with, hearing him hit the nail on the head. He figured out quickly that Koenma had personal interests in the case, an internal war… convinced that Yusuke was powerless, and also not wanting to believe the truth that was staring him in the face… Payback in its truest form, for Koenma's spark of cleverness in discovering why Youko Kurama lived the way he did.
The tears were just waiting to be allowed to flow, he noted. He hadn't cried in centuries…
But he couldn't do that. The others needed everything he could give them. Koenma was their one link to the enigmatic ex-detective.
Koenma sucked the pacifier regretfully, a little harder than usual. Right now, though, he wished he carried a security blanket instead of it, though. His royal blue blanky still covered his pillow in his bedroom, why had he not thought to bring it?
"Because Yusuke would never let you forget it," Genkai said matter-of-factly.
"I… said that out loud?" He blinked, embarrassed. "Sorry."
"It's okay," she soothed, as best as she knew how. "You really are shaken, deep in the heart."
"It's like a stab wound," Koenma murmured, falling down to the pavement, cushioned only by his blood-red cape. Genkai laid a hand on his shoulder, and gave it a friendly squeeze. "Right in my heart. It turns and it twists… I think I might die, if I wasn't immortal. I can almost feel blood running down my chest, even though I've never bled in my life."
Genkai nodded. "You feel betrayed."
"Like everything that ever happened to me… any spanking, heartbreak, papercut… it was nothing." He shuddered, reaching up to lay a hand over Genkai's, taking all the comfort he could from the tiny master. Soaking up her sympathy – not her pity, for that didn't exist – like a sponge sucks up water. Gratefully, he accepted the favor she was returning from half a century before…
"I feel like… I feel like I'm empty, like I'm overwhelmed. And yet, through it all… he tried to kill Yusuke, Botan, and Shizuru, he kidnapped Kuwabara… they're some of my closest friends, and I'm not mad at him. I can't be, it's my responsibility." He shook his head fiercely. Now they were definitely getting weird looks, Genkai noticed. Even Botan seemed to be picking up on something, but she simply adverted Mitarai's attentions.
A short old grandma trying to comfort a slick twenty-something year old in a Halloween costume… she couldn't blame them, she mused. Not that she cared either way.
Koenma sighed again, anguish evident in the mournful sound. "No matter what he does… I just can't be angry with him. I can't blame him; I feel no different than I did when he used to come back to my office after a mission, smiling and cheerful, telling me all about it."
"You love him."
Koenma started again, but thankfully managed not to get tangled up in his clothes. "Yeah," he said musingly, "Yeah, I guess I do. Dearly," he added thoughtfully. He frowned. "It's not parental, and it's not like a family sort of love, either, though…"
Genkai smirked a little. "It isn't platonic, either," she tossed out, pleased. Maybe Koenma wasn't as cold as he appeared.
The young prince craned his neck to look up at her. "But I love Yusuke, too," he pointed out. "You, Botan, Ayame, Jorge, Kuwabara, and hell, even Hiei and Kurama to a degree."
"Somehow, if Yusuke were to unleash the wrath of the demon world on us, while you'd still feel as bad as you do now… I think you'd be angry with him, at least. And with the way Sensui's been manipulating these people… the psychotic Doctor, the less psychotic Sniper, and innocent Seaman, it must be hard not hating him."
"I… can't hate him," Koenma breathed softly. "So what?"
Genkai ignored him. "You're in denial. I think you have been for a long time."
Koenma shrugged. "He already has someone, his partner, Itsuki. I mentioned him, remember? So… I couldn't… even if I DID want to," he added defiantly.
"Don't lie to me, Koenma," Genkai shot back. "Better yet, don't lie to yourself. It won't do any good, trust me. Especially when dealing with a madman."
"Yeah… you know all about caring for madmen," he acquiesced.
"I do," she agreed. "And sometimes you have to just deal with the madness, sometimes you have to realize… there's nothing you can to change him back. He's gone, and all you can do is make the best of it."
"He has to die," Koenma whispered miserably. "He's a stubborn, determined guy. In that regard, he and Yusuke are exactly alike. He won't rest until he's dead. How can I make the best of that?"
"You'll decide his fate, won't you?" Genkai said gently, smacking him upside the head with her free hand. "Stupid."
"Yeah, and we know how far my powers of persuasion go," Koenma said sourly. "Toguro in the Realm of Darkest Hell, and Sakyo in hell, period."
"They might get second chances, though, won't they?" Genkai said reasonably.
"Not Toguro. His sentence is nearly eternal. Sakyo, maybe… I would have to beg Pop on his behalf." Koenma scowled. "And I'm not so sure I want to. It was Sakyo and the Black Black Club that started this whole mess. Maybe I didn't want the bastard to die, but I'm not sure I want to give another chance, either."
"Sensui may have a chance, though, since all of this appears based on your personal bias…" Genkai rolled her eyes. Bureaucracy. All of it was biased, and since her suspicions were undoubtedly correct…
"More begging. But maybe I could pull it off," Koenma mused. "Maybe I could get him reincarnated in a nice, peaceful place, with no demons or hate or evil… Maybe I could find him a world where he can atone for his sins… Or at least a light punishment. Maybe…"
But the prince's shoulders slumped. "Or I may just end up doing it for you and the boys," he moaned.
Genkai valiantly restrained herself from slapping him again. "We put our faith in Yusuke once before," she pointed out. "It worked."
"Yeah, after you died, I made a bet to die, and Kuwabara pretended to die," Koenma shot back.
This time Genkai punched him. Hard, right in the small of his back.
"You idiot," she snapped. "Then help him! You've got resources, Koenma, and you can't baby out this time! I know you're not as much of a cowardly crybaby as everyone else thinks you are!"
Koenma winced, and rubbed the sore spot Genkai had oh-so-generously given him. He bit down on his pacifier to stifle his outcry of pai—wait.
He sucked his pacifier again, a little harder than usual. Again, and quicker, a quick eight sucks in just as many seconds. Maybe… it might…
"I think…" he fell silent. "Genkai, you're right."
"About freaking time you realized that," she muttered. "You can do something to save them both… and I hope from heaven to hell and back again, that you realize what you feel for Shinobu Sensui."
"Yeah." He patted the hand still resting on his shoulder, as Kurama hung up and approached the group, informing them that Kaito and Yanagisawa would meet them in Mushiyori City.
Koenma would need his father's permission to do what he was thinking… but if he could… it was his fault, he should have never let Shinobu go there that night, he should have protected him, maybe sent Itsuki alone or something…
He felt a constriction deep within his abdomen. Twisting and turning…
He stood up and everyone moved to go, except Koenma himself. He stopped Botan for a minute… told her to keep an eye on things…
And set back off toward his home in the Spirit Realm. With any luck, with any luck at all, he could help Yusuke, save Shinobu from a terrible fate…
And not give Genkai another reason to hit him.
Sequel/in the same continuance as my earlier fics, "Find the Idiot" and "The Point of No Return." And since "Find the Idiot" is in the same continuance as my fic "Nicknames," it's also compatible with this one. Whoo… all my Koenma fics are like a series. Cool.
Odd pairings warning—this may not even apply. The only ones I am intentionally including are one-sided Koenma x Shinobu (well, he's paired with Yusuke) and Itsuki x Shinobu. But I like the idea of a Genkai x Koenma pairing, and Genkai and Toguro can't even look at each other without some chick squealing with glee and fangirling like a--oh, wait, that's Kurama and Hiei. My bad. [laughs] Truthfully, I don't like Genkai x Toguro Otouto the slightest bit (one-sided Toguro Ani x Genkai is another story…), but she will speak of him, and if you see love in her words, well, we all can draw our own conclusions, right?
Useless stuff about Koenma and Enma Daiou: when referring to his dad, Koenma says 'oyaji,' which the subtitles translate as 'pop.' When actually addressing his dad face-to-face, Koenma says 'chichiue,' which means '[my] father.' He's referred to his dad by name, once, too. I just get the feeling that, between Koenma's unaffectionate forms of address and Enma's constant paperwork pile up, they're not very close.
Revive, resurrect and reincarnate are three different words. People say Yusuke was reincarnated, and he wasn't. Revive is basically waking someone up, resurrect is bringing them back to life, and reincarnating is bringing the soul back in a different body, usually as a different person. Yusuke was revived, I think, because his body was kept alive by Koenma. Genkai was resurrected by Koenma, and the closest thing to reincarnation is Kurama. If you want a reincarnate, think Kagome and Kikyo from InuYasha. It's the same soul, but two entirely different people.
And yes, Kurama can indeed read lips. Genkai tells Yusuke that's what he's doing, but doesn't actually say if she can or not herself. But she's a smart woman, let's say she can. And judging by some of Kaito's comments through the Amanuma Incident, I'd say he's about as smart as Kurama. Maybe not as wise and experienced, but definitely as smart.
Sorry to waste your time with babble, I just wanted all my bases covered for once.
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Comfort Returned
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Genkai poked Koenma's lower back.
"I thought you said you were gonna send me the first idiot who took you up," she said humorlessly.
Koenma started and spun around; almost strangling himself in his long red cape and matching scarf. A couple passers-by gave him and the old master a weird look. He supposed he shouldn't blame them. With Genkai was dressed in a red and purple battle tunic over white, and Koenma in his flowing purple robes over sleeves and tan pants, and topped off with a cherry red cape, they certainly looked out of place.
Genkai rolled her eyes, and gripped Koenma's cold hand. There was no blood in his veins to warm it. Hell, she thought dryly, there were no veins to circulate his nonexistent blood. Koenma was a spiritual being. He had no physical form in the human realm, unless it was an emergency. It was already a strain on him to maintain his adult form constantly, and even harder to maintain physical form. Both at the same time was suicide if he did it for too long. Genkai knew that, and had tried to talk him into at least taking back his invisible spirit form. Everyone but Mitarai and Keiko would still be able to hear and see him, but he had refused.
She also knew that maybe, with Shinobu Sensui running amuck across the area, suicide was exactly was Koenma was looking for.
Either way, she straightened him out and pulled him to his feet. A great deal of her strength had been replenished when she was resurrected, and she could still kick around a grown man. The 'death effect,' Koenma had called it. It had happened to Yusuke and Kurama as well. When one died and was brought back to life, through some complicated body-soul harmonics only Koenma could understand without charts, diagrams and a hundred different equations, their powers and abilities increased exponentially. Somehow.
For Genkai, her depleted power had merely been replenished.
Koenma dusted off his robes and offered his old friend a quirky, half-hearted smile. "I'm sorry, I didn't think Shinobu needed you…"
Genkai raised a faded eyebrow. "Back in there, and even to his face, you were calling him 'Sensui.'"
"I was," Koenma acknowledged. "When talking to Pop or someone else, I tend to call Yusuke 'Urameshi.'"
"I've never heard you call him 'Urameshi' to his face, though."
"Oh. That." Koenma sighed softly. "I dunno, I guess… maybe I thought I could intimidate him or something. I dunno, he used to respect me." His golden-brown eyes closed. "More than you or Yusuke ever did, at any rate."
Genkai nodded solemnly. "Damn, do I know that feeling." She snickered bitterly. "I guess I thought if I faced Toguro without fear, like the brave, reckless little girl he knew, I could talk him out of his insane murder-suicide wish."
Koenma winced. "I tried to talk him out of that," he offered dully. "I didn't want to sentence anyone to the Realm of Darkest Hell, not ever."
"I know you did," Genkai said softly, pushing her faded gray hair out of her face. "Just like I know you tried to talk Sakyo out of killing himself. Just like you tried to talked me out of facing Toguro."
She poked Koenma again, willing him to look at her. "It's funny, you and Botan both. Neither of you particularly like dealing with the dead, but you're both so focused on the job, you don't let out your emotion away you until much later. Poor little Botan was fighting tears as she led me off, no matter what words of comfort I offered, so I was surprised at how composed you were at my death."
Koenma shrugged. "Someone had to be, and neither Yusuke nor Botan were capable of it."
Genkai nodded. "That's what I like about you, Koenma. You're a cold, sometimes almost heartless jerk, a corrupted ruler, a spoiled brat… but you have a strict sense of duty to your friends and loved ones, and to do what you think is right."
Koenma blinked, sliding his pacifier to the other side of his mouth. "Should I thank you for that, and or just regret my decision to grant the boys' wish and let you come back to life? Which meant putting my ass on the line? Literally? When my pop was already pissed as all hell at me? When I already had miles of paperwork to catch up on?"
Genkai smirked. "Guilt trips don't work on me," she replied.
"Obviously," Koenma muttered. "If there is one thing that can never sway you, it's gotta be guilt."
The aged woman shrugged helplessly. "Guilt never did anything for me," she declared. "Why should I do anything for it?"
"Good philosophy," the prince said, turning his gaze from the old reiki master he had first known as a feisty teenaged girl who was just beginning to discover the secrets she now jealously guarded from all but her chosen heir. His chosen detective, version 2.0. Time still hadn't told for sure whether or not they had made a huge mistake in choosing Yusuke Urameshi to do their bidding.
Time had, however, delivered his verdict on Shinobu Sensui.
And he had been a bad idea.
Not that he had looked like it at first. At first, Shinobu had been everything you could want in a detective. Quick mind, discipline, duty… Everything frivolous, energetic, smart-mouthed, rather go play video games Yusuke was not. And yet it seemed like Yusuke was the better choice as detective. Ludicrous.
"You're really shaken up about this," Genkai observed. She quickly appraised their surroundings; Kurama was still in the phone booth. Her lip reading was not nearly as good as his (he had thousands of years of practice on her, he read lips like a book), but from what she could see, he was arguing with Kaito about something. A map or a trap or something like that… from the look on his face, though, he was enjoying himself immensely. Good for them. She knew both Meiou Academy students well enough to know they rarely found someone worthy of a decent debate or a good quarrel, with their impressive intellects.
Botan and Mitarai, Ability Name: Seaman, were about halfway in between Genkai and Koenma, and where Kurama was delightedly fighting on the phone. She could glean pieces of their conversation, which revolved around Kuwabara. Botan was close friends with him, and Mitarai felt he owed Kuwabara his life… they were chatting casually about all of his good qualities, and even some of his bad ones, trying to make each other feel better. She smiled a little; since Kuwabara's kidnap, Botan and Kurama had alternately been filling in for him, trying to anchor Mitarai and look after him and help him.
She turned back to Koenma, however, once satisfied they were not eavesdropping.
"Well… yeah," Koenma admitted. "No one likes to someone they care about go bad, or do wrong, right?"
"Right," the master said.
Koenma laughed a little bitterly. "And Shinobu of all people… Shinobu Sensui, walker of the straight and narrow. He saw the world in black and white, he had a hero complex worse than Kuwabara's, he felt it was his duty to use his gifts to further humanity and hinder demons…" The junior lord of the dead blinked a few tears out of his eyes. The impulse to break down and cry like a baby had been strong ever since Yusuke's loud yelling over the Spirit Realm TV had permeated his office and thoughts. And before that, when Kurama had accused him of withholding information… Koenma would have liked to gag the fox with his sunny yellow tunic and feed him to that bloodsucking plant he had defeated Karasu with, hearing him hit the nail on the head. He figured out quickly that Koenma had personal interests in the case, an internal war… convinced that Yusuke was powerless, and also not wanting to believe the truth that was staring him in the face… Payback in its truest form, for Koenma's spark of cleverness in discovering why Youko Kurama lived the way he did.
The tears were just waiting to be allowed to flow, he noted. He hadn't cried in centuries…
But he couldn't do that. The others needed everything he could give them. Koenma was their one link to the enigmatic ex-detective.
Koenma sucked the pacifier regretfully, a little harder than usual. Right now, though, he wished he carried a security blanket instead of it, though. His royal blue blanky still covered his pillow in his bedroom, why had he not thought to bring it?
"Because Yusuke would never let you forget it," Genkai said matter-of-factly.
"I… said that out loud?" He blinked, embarrassed. "Sorry."
"It's okay," she soothed, as best as she knew how. "You really are shaken, deep in the heart."
"It's like a stab wound," Koenma murmured, falling down to the pavement, cushioned only by his blood-red cape. Genkai laid a hand on his shoulder, and gave it a friendly squeeze. "Right in my heart. It turns and it twists… I think I might die, if I wasn't immortal. I can almost feel blood running down my chest, even though I've never bled in my life."
Genkai nodded. "You feel betrayed."
"Like everything that ever happened to me… any spanking, heartbreak, papercut… it was nothing." He shuddered, reaching up to lay a hand over Genkai's, taking all the comfort he could from the tiny master. Soaking up her sympathy – not her pity, for that didn't exist – like a sponge sucks up water. Gratefully, he accepted the favor she was returning from half a century before…
"I feel like… I feel like I'm empty, like I'm overwhelmed. And yet, through it all… he tried to kill Yusuke, Botan, and Shizuru, he kidnapped Kuwabara… they're some of my closest friends, and I'm not mad at him. I can't be, it's my responsibility." He shook his head fiercely. Now they were definitely getting weird looks, Genkai noticed. Even Botan seemed to be picking up on something, but she simply adverted Mitarai's attentions.
A short old grandma trying to comfort a slick twenty-something year old in a Halloween costume… she couldn't blame them, she mused. Not that she cared either way.
Koenma sighed again, anguish evident in the mournful sound. "No matter what he does… I just can't be angry with him. I can't blame him; I feel no different than I did when he used to come back to my office after a mission, smiling and cheerful, telling me all about it."
"You love him."
Koenma started again, but thankfully managed not to get tangled up in his clothes. "Yeah," he said musingly, "Yeah, I guess I do. Dearly," he added thoughtfully. He frowned. "It's not parental, and it's not like a family sort of love, either, though…"
Genkai smirked a little. "It isn't platonic, either," she tossed out, pleased. Maybe Koenma wasn't as cold as he appeared.
The young prince craned his neck to look up at her. "But I love Yusuke, too," he pointed out. "You, Botan, Ayame, Jorge, Kuwabara, and hell, even Hiei and Kurama to a degree."
"Somehow, if Yusuke were to unleash the wrath of the demon world on us, while you'd still feel as bad as you do now… I think you'd be angry with him, at least. And with the way Sensui's been manipulating these people… the psychotic Doctor, the less psychotic Sniper, and innocent Seaman, it must be hard not hating him."
"I… can't hate him," Koenma breathed softly. "So what?"
Genkai ignored him. "You're in denial. I think you have been for a long time."
Koenma shrugged. "He already has someone, his partner, Itsuki. I mentioned him, remember? So… I couldn't… even if I DID want to," he added defiantly.
"Don't lie to me, Koenma," Genkai shot back. "Better yet, don't lie to yourself. It won't do any good, trust me. Especially when dealing with a madman."
"Yeah… you know all about caring for madmen," he acquiesced.
"I do," she agreed. "And sometimes you have to just deal with the madness, sometimes you have to realize… there's nothing you can to change him back. He's gone, and all you can do is make the best of it."
"He has to die," Koenma whispered miserably. "He's a stubborn, determined guy. In that regard, he and Yusuke are exactly alike. He won't rest until he's dead. How can I make the best of that?"
"You'll decide his fate, won't you?" Genkai said gently, smacking him upside the head with her free hand. "Stupid."
"Yeah, and we know how far my powers of persuasion go," Koenma said sourly. "Toguro in the Realm of Darkest Hell, and Sakyo in hell, period."
"They might get second chances, though, won't they?" Genkai said reasonably.
"Not Toguro. His sentence is nearly eternal. Sakyo, maybe… I would have to beg Pop on his behalf." Koenma scowled. "And I'm not so sure I want to. It was Sakyo and the Black Black Club that started this whole mess. Maybe I didn't want the bastard to die, but I'm not sure I want to give another chance, either."
"Sensui may have a chance, though, since all of this appears based on your personal bias…" Genkai rolled her eyes. Bureaucracy. All of it was biased, and since her suspicions were undoubtedly correct…
"More begging. But maybe I could pull it off," Koenma mused. "Maybe I could get him reincarnated in a nice, peaceful place, with no demons or hate or evil… Maybe I could find him a world where he can atone for his sins… Or at least a light punishment. Maybe…"
But the prince's shoulders slumped. "Or I may just end up doing it for you and the boys," he moaned.
Genkai valiantly restrained herself from slapping him again. "We put our faith in Yusuke once before," she pointed out. "It worked."
"Yeah, after you died, I made a bet to die, and Kuwabara pretended to die," Koenma shot back.
This time Genkai punched him. Hard, right in the small of his back.
"You idiot," she snapped. "Then help him! You've got resources, Koenma, and you can't baby out this time! I know you're not as much of a cowardly crybaby as everyone else thinks you are!"
Koenma winced, and rubbed the sore spot Genkai had oh-so-generously given him. He bit down on his pacifier to stifle his outcry of pai—wait.
He sucked his pacifier again, a little harder than usual. Again, and quicker, a quick eight sucks in just as many seconds. Maybe… it might…
"I think…" he fell silent. "Genkai, you're right."
"About freaking time you realized that," she muttered. "You can do something to save them both… and I hope from heaven to hell and back again, that you realize what you feel for Shinobu Sensui."
"Yeah." He patted the hand still resting on his shoulder, as Kurama hung up and approached the group, informing them that Kaito and Yanagisawa would meet them in Mushiyori City.
Koenma would need his father's permission to do what he was thinking… but if he could… it was his fault, he should have never let Shinobu go there that night, he should have protected him, maybe sent Itsuki alone or something…
He felt a constriction deep within his abdomen. Twisting and turning…
He stood up and everyone moved to go, except Koenma himself. He stopped Botan for a minute… told her to keep an eye on things…
And set back off toward his home in the Spirit Realm. With any luck, with any luck at all, he could help Yusuke, save Shinobu from a terrible fate…
And not give Genkai another reason to hit him.