Dang. I just realized that my formatting hasn't been working. :P Looks like I'll have to try something else. All feedback welcome. And as always, thanks for the reviews. Hang in there, because the ride isn't over with.

Chapter 16:

Living and Dying

"Keep true, never be ashamed of doing right; decide on what you think is right and stick to it."

--George Eliot



2304 Zulu

4 February 2004

Beltway Burgers

Bethesda, Maryland

"Daddy, can I have a chocolate shake?" Little AJ asked excitedly.

Bud laughed, feeling lighthearted for the first time since he'd heard that Harm was missing. "Sure, buddy. Now that Uncle Harm's home, I think it's time to celebrate."

"Now Bud, Harm may be home, but we don't know how what he went through has affected him..." Harriet trailed off as she tried to feed baby Jimmy a bottle.

Bud smiled as he placed their order and paid for it. Little AJ reached up for his treat. "Uncle Harm hurts," he said. "Uncle Harm is scared because monsters live in the dark places."

Bud crouched down to Little AJ's level as best as he could. "What do you mean, kiddo?"

"Every time Uncle Harm closes his eyes, the monsters come to eat him," Little AJ said, trying to explain what he knew in his limited vocabulary. "They scare him," he said. "I'm gonna go scare Uncle Harm's monsters away," he finished with a winning smile.

Bud chuckled and ruffled Little AJ's hair. "I'm sure you will, AJ," he said, then stood up. Bud reached over, grabbed the full tray, and led them over to an empty table. He put the tray down and reached for the baby. "I'll take him, honey," he said with a smile.

Harriet handed the baby to her husband. "I'll get a booster seat for Little AJ," she said, then walked over to the stack of them.

Bud cradled his son and finished feeding him the bottle before he put a cloth diaper on his shoulder, held the baby to it, and burped him. Little AJ bounced around happily as Harriet returned, put the booster chair into the booth, and motioned him over. Carefully, the child slid his chocolate shake on the table and climbed into the booster seat.

It didn't take long before they all had their meals arranged in front of them. Little AJ drove the toy car that he'd gotten from his kids' meal around. "Uncle Harm has bad dreams," he volunteered, breaking the silence brought on by full mouths.

"Sweetie, what do you mean by 'monsters'?" Harriet finally asked.

Little AJ shrugged. "Monsters, Mommy. Badder than the ones that live in my closet and under my bed. I'm gonna make 'em go 'way. I'm gonna poke 'em with my stick so that they leave Uncle Harm alone."

"But what are the monsters, sweetheart?" Harriet persisted.

"Bad stuff," Little AJ said. "They don't like being poked; that'll make 'em run away." He turned back to his dinner and trailed a french fry through his ketchup before using it to paint the top of his discarded hamburger bun. He pulled his straw out of the remains of his half-melted chocolate shake and put chocolate spots on top of the ketchup.

"AJ, don't play with your food," Bud said, trying to look stern.

"Okay, Daddy. I'm done." Little AJ grinned and held up a ketchup-smeared hand. "See?"

Harriet grabbed some napkins and wiped the ketchup off of his hands as best as she could. She stood up and pulled Little AJ out of the booth. "I'm taking AJ to the bathroom to get the rest of this off him," she said with a smile. "Will you be okay with Jimmy?"

"Sure, honey; just hurry back so that we can see if the Commander is okay." Bud adjusted the blanket around the baby and kissed him on the forehead.

"Okay Jimbo, I know that you've been being real good tonight, but I need you to do me a favor."

The baby opened his eyes and blew a spit bubble at his dad.

"Just don't cry while we're visiting your Uncle Harm, okay?"

Jimmy yawned and closed his eyes.

"I know that you've got colic, so you haven't been too happy lately, but please don't start fussing while we're in there, okay?"

The baby squirmed a bit and nestled up to his dad.

Bud sighed and started gathering up the food wrappers with one hand. He knew that there wasn't much of a chance of the baby being happy during their visit, but he hoped that the short car ride would help. He dumped the trash on the tray, wiped his hand on a napkin, and tucked the blanket more tightly around the baby. At least his friend was home and safe. At this point, it was more than he could have hoped for.

2315 Zulu

4 February 2004

National Naval Medical Center

Bethesda, Maryland

Mac sat on the bed beside Harm and flipped through a case file. Unable to concentrate, she closed the file and glanced over at Harm. He'd finally settled into a deep sleep a few hours before, but he was still restless in his brief periods of REM sleep.

She stuck the file on the bedside table, then resumed stroking Harm's hair. Part of her was still having problems believing that he was home and safe. She knew that there'd probably be a lot of issues to work through, but what mattered was the fact that she had him back.

Mac leaned over and placed a lingering kiss on his cheek. He was home, and he was with her. Everything else would just be the details of helping him recover some balance, and working towards a future together. A wide smile spread over her face. Perhaps they could start on the baby deal early. However, that depended on him. She wouldn't start something deeper unless he was okay first. It just wouldn't be right otherwise.

Harm started tossing and turning. "No! No! NO! Mac, you can't marry him. Not Bugme! Don't you understand? No!"

"Shhh. I'm not marrying him, Harm," Mac whispered. She leaned in to give him a hug. "I swear, I won't marry anybody unless it's you."

"My Sarah, Bugme. She's not yours. Mine."

Ordinarily, she might have been offended, but if Harm needed to say that, she didn't mind. She leaned down and planted another gentle kiss on his cheekbone. "That's right, Harm. I'm yours. Forever if you'll let me be."

Harm sighed and rolled closer to her. "Love you, Sarah. Always have."

"I know, flyboy," she said.

"Always will." Harm's breathing evened out and his restless movements stopped.

"It's you and me against the world, Butch," she whispered into his ear. "If I can help it, you're never getting out of my sight again--see what trouble you get into without me there to watch your six?"

Mac looked up as another nurse came into the room, then started stroking her flyboy's cheek before moving down to his arm. "Ma'am, you've been here for hours--don't you think it's time that you left to go get something to eat?"

Mac looked up long enough to notice the insignia on the nurse's collar. "No, Lieutenant. I'm not leaving."

"But ma'am, you can't just stay here!" The nurse tucked a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

Mac gave Harm's hand a squeeze before she let go and stood up. "Snap to, Lieutenant."

Obediently, the nurse came to attention. "My name is Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, and you can not and will not presume to give me orders. Is that clear, Lieutenant?"

The nurse gulped. "I'm sorry, ma'am," she said, her voice trembling. "It won't happen again."

"It had better not," Mac said as she glared at the nurse. "Now, unless there's another reason you're here besides to get me to leave, you're dismissed."

"I-I-I-I'm here to take his vitals, ma'am," the nurse stammered.

"Go ahead," Mac said. She slid her hand into Harm's and got back onto the bed. Harm flinched away from the Lieutenant's touch, but quieted when Mac resumed running her free hand through his hair.

The nurse finished quickly and left the room, shooting nervous glances back at Mac. "She's gone, Harm." Mac murmured. "It's okay; I'm the only one here."

Harm's only answer was to move even closer to her. Mac sighed and leaned back in the bed. "You'll be okay, flyboy," she said. "I'll help, and as soon as you're better, maybe we can start working out a future together; you're never getting rid of me, my stubborn squid."

Harm opened his eyes slowly. "Mac?" he said, his voice hesitant.

"I'm here, Harm," she answered.

"You're not a dream?" he asked. "He was wrong; you're not dead. You can't be. But I dreamed you were with me so many times..."

"I'm not a dream, sailor," Mac said as his arms came around her and he hugged her tightly. "I'm not going to leave you, I promise."

"Don't make a promise you can't keep," he said, echoing her words from years before.

"I haven't, yet," she murmured. Mac wrapped her arms around him. "I feel real, don't I, stickboy?"

"Yes," he looked almost lost, as if he were afraid that she'd evaporate on him. "But you felt real before, and then you disappeared."

Mac looked at him, and wanted nothing more than to kiss away his hurts. She hated to see him look so... broken. Sure, he needed his friend, but it was the fastest way she could think of to convince him that he wasn't dreaming.

Mac leaned down and brushed her lips against his, softly at first, then she increased the pressure. She opened her mouth and stroked her tongue across his lips, requesting entrance. With a groan, Harm opened his mouth. Mac explored the new territory and tangled her tongue with his. Moments later, she broke it off for air, then started peppering tiny kisses all over his face.

Harm flopped back against the pillow. "Now I know I'm dreaming," he said as a huge smile spread over his face. "You only kiss me in my dreams; I hope I never wake up."

Mac laid her hand on his chest. "You're not asleep, sailor. I promised that I'd be here, and I'm staying."

Harm smiled, tried to sit up, and winced. "Easy, Harm--you're not healed yet," Mac said with a tiny frown. "The medication that Jack brought should be helping clear the starlight, but you still need to be careful."

"Aye, aye ma'am," he said, the smile still hovering around his lips.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, worried. She knew that if he had his way, he'd pretend to be fine for her, and expend what little energy he had doing it.

"I... don't know," he admitted. "But I don't like my dreams; they're worse than usual."

Mac reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Jack said that it might have that effect; he said that the drug kind of breaks down your mental barriers." Mac gave him a sad smile and reached over to caress his cheek. "I'm thinking of asking the Admiral for some of my leave time so that I can stay with you."

"You don't have to do that, Mac," he said.

"Yes I do--you'd do the same for me." She pulled his unresisting form in for a hug. "I love you, Harmon Rabb. Get used to it."

"Yes, ma'am," he said as a yawn caught him. "Tired..."

"I know," she said.

Harm leaned back against the bed, and used her as a pillow. "Love you, too, you know."

"I know."

Mac watched as he blinked and his breathing started to slow. She hugged him tightly as his eyelids closed once more and he drifted off to sleep. "I'm taking you to Beallsville, Harm," she whispered. "I refuse to let you go faster than you should and get sick, and I figure that between your Grandma and I, we can keep you from doing too much."

Mac smiled at her sleeping sailor. Together, anything was possible, and he'd be okay; as long as she was there to watch his six.