All You Wished For - More Than You Feared
Be Careful what you wish for. How often do we hear that? It is the underlying theme of countless movies, books, and television shows. It even sneaks into casual conversation on many occasions. Whenever we finally acquire that one thing we have desired only to find it's exactly what we don't need, it seems there is always someone there to remind us to, "…be careful what you wish for."
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ramble or sound philosophical. I guess I'm just feeling guilty because I am the one who wasn't careful. Although I don't believe that my foolish wishes had anything to do with all that happened, I just can't silence that bitter, little voice that insists, "You got what you wanted, didn't you."
Maybe it's that guilt that prodded me to write this. I'm not sure. I mean, these are things I don't even write in my diary (especially since I caught my mom reading it awhile back). The truth is, I'm not sure why I'm writing my story or if anyone will ever even read it. Perhaps I'll destroy these pages as soon as I'm done, but I don't think so. No. I hope to find some secret place to hide this so that someday, someone will find it and read it. I suppose, if you're reading this - that time has come. Why do I want you to read it? Maybe I'm hoping for an atonement of some sort. Whatever the reason, I should get one with it, I guess. So, here goes…
My name is Amanda Sefton and I suppose I am, or at least was, a perfectly typical teenager. I have some friends, but I'm not popular and, while my grades are fine, I'm not the top of the class. That was the source of my secret wish: I wanted to be special somehow. I think that even then I realized how foolish it was, but I just couldn't seem to help it. I wanted to be set apart from others - I wanted to be extraordinary.
I was dating an extraordinary guy: Kurt Wagner. He was (not was - is!) very sweet, kind, and understanding, but he could understand what I wanted. Kurt was, uh is, a mutant and was already set apart from others so his desire was the exact opposite of mine. He just wanted to be accepted and, well, typical. He would have listened if I had told him what I wanted, but I knew there would be no comprehension in his beautiful golden eyes. So, I didn't say anything to him. Instead, I just kept on wishing.
How ironic it was Kurt who suffered for my foolishness.
I need to go on before I start crying again. I've been crying a lot lately - every time I think about what happened in fact. Still, I need to go on. I guess the best place to start was the day I told my parents I was going swimming…
For the longest time I've been toying with this story idea but for some reason I never got around to writing it until now. I hope that writing it in first person worked in that Amanda's 'voice' came through clearly and realistically. I appreciate any suggestions, comments, etc.