Disclaimer: First page

A.N. Thanks for all who reviewed, if you liked it, please tell others about it. Thanks. I would also like to thank my wonderful friend, who helped me through my writers block, and wrote some of this herself, thanks tons love, hugs! Remember R&R.

Because I'm Broken

Spikes bright eyes became dull and slowly shut as he once again drifted into unconsciousness. His lithe body was stretched out across the back seat of the car, head lolling to one side as it rested on the crook of Buffy's arm.

The back of her hand stroked his cheek. That skin-so strangely soft, but not unpleasantly so.

She found herself looking at him-really looking at him-the strong slant of his nose and cheekbones, the way his alabaster skin caught the reflected light of streetlamps, his peroxide blonde hair, tousled and dirty, the gel long washed away leaving it soft and sticking up at odd angles, his pouty lips and long, dark lashed eyes almost appeared angelic in this, the subdued state of their owner.

Buffy's fingertips ghosted across his temples, and through his hair, tracing- memorizing each feature. Just in case. In case she never saw them again, in case he didn't make it, incase he-

As soon as the thought became coherent in her mind, she tried to erase it. 'Don't think like that. He'll make it. Of course he'll make it.'

"He has to."

The brief tic of Xander's head her direction was the only indication she might have said those words aloud.

The car jerked to a stop.

"We're here," Xander informed.

They carefully pulled Spike from the car, and carried him inside.

Dawn was waiting nervously by the door, "I got your room ready for him," She said bouncing on her heels.

"Thanks sweetie," Buffy replied, "Ready Xander?"

He nodded in return, and they started towards the stairs.

They opted to turn sideways to get up. After the maze that was the stairs, they opened the door to Buffy's room.

"I can take it from here Xan, thanks for the help."

"Sure Buff," He said, starting to leave. Then he turned around and sighed, "I don't know why I'm saying this, but try to save him."

She offered him a soft smile, knowing it was hard for Xander to admit he may actually be worried for Spike. "He'll be fine."

Xander nodded, and walked downstairs.

"He has to be." Buffy said to herself, one last time.

Buffy cleaned him off as best she could. Taking care, and being so careful. She took all the dirt and blood away, from every perfect plane of his chest, and every well muscled line on his body.

Then, making sure her door was securely shut, she took a small knife from the kit, slit her wrist, and put it up to his mouth.

Even in sleep, the starving vampire's instincts took over. He latched on to her arm, and drank deep.

She pulled back before he could take too much, but saw that the minor wounds were already healing. Her tiredness, and now blood loss finally catching up, she finished up her current task, then lay her head down, and fell asleep.

Spike moaned, and slowly slipped into consciousness.

"Spike!" Buffy cried, waking up herself at the sound of his voice. "Thank God you're awake."

Spike chuckled softly, which turned into harsh coughs, "Kinda' wish I wasn't love." He said softly.

Buffy noticed that his breathing, even though unneeded, was laboring, and slowing down. "Spike, are you ok?" She asked him, her voice full of concern.

Spike shook his head no. "I'm getting worse love," He choked out, "I don't-" He fell into another fit of coughing, "I don't think I'm gonna' make it."

"No," Buffy said, offering a weak smile, "Don't say stuff like that, you'll be fine."

"No, love I-" Deep breath, shaking his head, "I'm to far gone, not even a vampire was meant to last this long. Not with all this done to me." His eyes began to drift shut; death was on his heels all his time, now it finally caught up to him.

"No, Spike you're fine, you'll be fine," Buffy pleaded with him, rubbing her hand on his too cold chest.

"Buffy," He whimpered, tears leaking from his eyes, "I don't want to leave."

"What!?" Buffy exclaimed, "No, you're not going anywhere, you can't, not when I just found you!" She was sobbing now, "You can't leave when I just realized how much I love you!"

Spike lifted his hand to her cheek, even this small gesture causing trouble, "I love you too. Don't be so afraid to open up to the next bloke who falls for you." He gave her a weak dying smile. "Promise me that you'll never forget me," He pleaded with her.

Buffy just stared at him in shock, unable to believe he was dying.

"Promise me Buffy," He said with the last of his strength.

"I promise, I promise," She told him. Then she lent down, placing one last kiss on his icy cold mouth.

He kissed her back with all he had, but he knew his time was up.

Buffy felt his lips fall away, and opened her eyes, to see the man she loved turn to ashes, and fall to her bed. Her tears mixed with the ashes of the dead vampire, the vampire that had loved with all his heart, and never found anyone to return it, until that is, it was too late.

She pushed his ashes into a small pile, then collected them in a small vase that she set on her bedside table. She picked up a rose from her another vase on her desk and laid it delicately by the one containing him. Beside this, she lit a single candle. Creating an alter to him. She lowered herself to her bed then, and cried herself to sleep.

'Where am I?' Was the first thought to pop into his head. He opened his swollen eyes, and looked at his surroundings. 'Buffy's room?' He thought, 'Right Buffy's room, the First.' He turned his head a little, whimpered in pain, and put it back down on the pillow. 'The hurting.' He looked to his side, and smiled at what he saw.

Buffy was cuddled up to him, snoring lightly. He was glad to see her get some sleep, she always look so tired these days. He just held her and watched her sleep. Her simple presence stopping the pain.

She rolled over and wriggled around. '

Dream,' Spike thought instantly. Last year they had slept enough together that he knew when she would dream.

She had been plagued by nightmares, normally of waking in her coffin, or dying again. She flipped over once more, then her eyes popped open.

She looked up at him with wide eyes. 'First!' Her head screamed, but then she realized she was being held. "Spike?" She asked him.

"Yeah?" He asked back in a hoarse voice.

"Oh my God you're still here!" She hugged him gently.

"I couldn't really move in this state love," He croaked, "Though I do feel a lot better."

"I had an awful dream," Came her voice, muffled by his chest, "You really died."

"Well I'm right here, and I don't plan on leaving." He looked down at the hand wrapped around her waist, and noticed a bandage wrapped around the wrist. "What happened here?" He asked her.

"Oh," She said, looking at it herself, "Nothing." She suddenly was acting nervous.

"Buffy, what did you-" Then it all suddenly clicked. How he felt, the bandage, the lingering taste of blood in his mouth. She had made him feed from her!

"How could you do that?" He asked her incredulously. "I can't believe this!"

"Do what?" She asked, looking down at the bedspread.

"You made me feed from you!" Spike wished he could get up and walk away from her, scream at her for doing something so stupid, but he was still too hurt, so he sat there and look away from her.

"I just wanted to save you," Buffy whispered, "Because I never did before."

Spike heard her get up and pad across the room, then he heard the door slowly close and latch.