Title: Gundam Diaries: Part 6 ~ Wufei

Author: Makoto Sagara

Pairings: 2+1, 3x4, 5+2

Warnings: language, Shonen ai, violence, angst, confuzzlement, lime

Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing, I just wish I did.  It's owned by Sunrise, Bandai, and a bunch of other evil companies.  Also, I made NO money off of this piece of fiction.  No one is nice enough to pay me to write.  ^_^; This part of the fic was inspired by the song "Standing Still" by Jewel Kilcher.

March 30th, AC 195… 20:00:00

            Today has not been very productive Nataku.  I mean, I kissed Maxwell, and I could tell that he was interested in me, at least sexually, but I could not continue in that direction.  He is too vulnerable over Yuy.

            He came into breakfast looking almost meek and quiet.  He took an apprehensive look around the kitchen, and when he saw that Yuy wasn't there, he relaxed.

            "Where's Hee-chan and Tro?"  He asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and turning his neck in a thousand uncomfortable looking ways.

            "Mission.  Two weeks long."  Winner answered.

            I tried not to look at him, as I was fixing breakfast.  I had fixed his favorite again, as sort of a gift to him.

            "Man that's gotta suck, Q-man."  Duo replied, manically.  He then turned his attention to my back.  "You sick Fei?"

            I tried not to cringe at the use of the nickname.  To tell you the truth, I am sort of getting used to it, but that doesn't mean I necessarily like them.  I turned around to look at him.  "Nani?"

            "You look like you might smile.  And I KNOW you don't smile, so you gotta be sick or something."

            I blinked and tried not to let my mouth quirk into an actual smile.  "Hn, baka, shut up and eat."  I placed a loaded plate in front of him and Quatre.  I, then, took my usual seat at the table.

            "Wu-man, why'd ya cook pancakes?"  Maxwell looked thoroughly confused.

            "I thought you might enjoy them.  Now eat, before I change my mind and make rice and milk for breakfast."  I said, jokingly.

            "You…" He stopped.  He seemed to think over the rest of what I said.  "Whoa, no need to get crazy, Fei.  Pancakes are the food of Shinigami, not rice.  That's your department."  He then proceeded to eat everything in sight.

            "So," Winner started conversationally, "are you going to tell me why you missed dinner last night, Duo?"

            "Um…  I'd rather not."  He glanced down at his plate like it was the most interesting thing in the room.

            "Heero was sporting a rather nasty bruise on his face last night.  Do you know why?"

            "No."  He looked up, startled.  "He…WHAT?"

            "After I sent him to extract you and Wufei from the hangar, he came back up with a black eye.  When I asked him, he said it was nothing.  I could tell he was lying.  So I didn't push him, but I will ask you."

            "I…  I, I didn't do it.  I was way outta Dodge before I could do that."  He whispered.

            "I did."  I tried not to hiss as I said that.

            Quatre visibly blinked.  "Wufei, you did it?  Why?"

            "He hit Maxwell.  I can't allow that."  I tried to stay as neutral as possible, but I think I was letting my emotions start to boil.

            "Ok.  Duo is that why you missed dinner?"

            "I'd rather not talk about it now, Quat-RE.  I would like to finish breakfast first before you start the third degree."  Maxwell's voice has gained a few decibels.  He quickly shoveled the rest of his food into his mouth, and stood up from the table, almost running out of the room.

            I looked at Winner, who shrugged, and we both just finished our breakfast in silence.

            "Wufei, would you like some help cleaning up?"  He asked politely.

            "Iie, not necessary.  I can accomplish this myself."

            "Ok, well I have some paper work to do in the TV room.  So much for the CEO of a major inter-space company taking a few days off."  He walked out.

            I finally had some time to think alone.  I really wanted to apologize to Maxwell for the inquiries that Winner had been pressing answers for.  There were so many things I wanted to talk to the braided boy about.  I just didn't, because I know I will lose control and do something I would regret later.

            I was silently cleaning the dishes, when a familiar gait approached the door to the kitchen.  He didn't say anything.  It was very unnerving to have him staring at me, and not trying to do something stupid.  It finally got to me.

            I turned to look at him.  "Maxwell, is there something wrong?"

            "Um, no.  I was just thinking."
            "About what?  You normally voice everything you think."

            "Why did you punch Heero in the face?"
            "I told you."

            "Bullshit.  Spill it."

            I couldn't possibly tell him the real reason.  He might find it utterly disgusting and not want anything to do with me.  "He… he hit you.  It was not an honourable thing to do."

            "But why?"  He was looking at me seriously.  I wanted to tell him, but I just couldn't.  It would be a breach of my behaviour.

            "Because…because he was acting like a jerk.  THAT'S WHY!"  I brushed past him and walked outside into the yard.  I started to try my Tai chi, but I was just too upset.  I ended up punching the nearest tree.

            "Shimatta, k'su, fuck, shit, DAMMIT!"  I fumed a little, and then I kicked the unoffending tree.  I then took a deep breath and took the first stance.  I suppose I had been at it for about 3 hours, when I went inside.

            Quatre was still doing his paperwork, and answering the small cell phone near him every five minutes.  I smiled slightly and walked over to the couch.

            "Winner, I will be taking a shower, and then I will start lunch.  Is there anything you request?"

            "Um, food?"  He looked up, and smiled weakly.

"I suppose that leaves it up to me to decide."  I sighed.

"Sorry, Wufei, but I cant make anymore decisions that the ones I making right now.  I will join you for lunch though.  I think I need a break.  I will even get Duo from the study for you."

            "Fine, I will be back in 20 minutes."  I headed upstairs to my room and then to the bathroom across the hall from my room and Maxwell's.  His things were everywhere.  Hairbrush, shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, and towels were just thrown haphazardly around the room.  I straightened it up a little, mostly so I would have somewhere to place my things.

            The water was nice and warm, and my mind started to wander off.  It kept roaming back to the one time where I had seen Maxwell in only his towel.  His body wasn't as well toned as that of my own, but he had definition, and he was very nicely proportionate.  The water dripping down his chest was a nice touch as well.  It was then that I noticed how gorgeous the American boy was.

            A familiar, and unwelcome feeling came over me and I looked down.  The hot water was not going to help me get into my pants if I kept thinking like that.  I almost considered touching myself, but that did not seem like the honourable thing to do.  I immediately switched the cold water on high and sped through my shower.

            I towel dried as quickly as possibly and ran a comb through my still wet hair.  Pulling it back, I looked in the mirror.  Everything I saw everyday stared back at me, including the contempt I had for myself, shown in my eyes.  I sighed and tied it off.

            I put my dirty clothes in the proper basket and headed downstairs, going to the kitchen.  I pulled out all the foodstuff required to feed three people, and then thought better, and pulled out enough for one more person.

            Lunch was almost complete when Winner appeared in the kitchen.

            "It smells wonderful.  Should I get Duo?"

            "Yes."

            "Ok."  He turned and left quickly.

            He came back two minutes later and took a plate out into the TV room, muttering something about more paperwork.

            Maxwell came in a not too long after Winner left.

"Where'd Quatre go?"

"TV room.  He said he had some paperwork to do, something about WEI."

"Ah."  He looked confused, but sat down and started piling food on his plate.  "Fei?"

I gritted my teeth at the nickname.  "My name is..."

"Wu-Fei.  I know."

"What is it, Maxwell?"

"I, I'm sorry that I made you angry this morning."  He sounded genuinely sorry.

"I wasn't angry at you.  I was disgusted in myself."  I made this snorting noise and continued eating my lunch.

"Why?"

"Because…I have been showing too much emotion lately.  That is something that a warrior does NOT do during a war."  A warrior is not weak.  A warrior shows nothing but self-control, and I have been lacking that lately.

The next thing I knew, Maxwell had jumped up from his seat and walked over to my chair.  I was too surprised to do or say anything.  Then, he leaned he head so close to mine I could smell the strawberry shampoo he uses, and kissed me.

"Thanks, Fei."  He whispered it so close to my ear, I could feel the breath on my neck.

Before I could respond, he had taken off, and out of sight.  He kissed…me.  On the lips, just ever so slightly.  It was something I had been wanting for so long, but when it happened, I froze.

It took me a few minutes to regain my composure and process what had happened.  Yuy hits Maxwell.  I hit Yuy.  Maxwell finds out, and kisses me at lunch.  HE WHAT?

I leaped from my seat and stormed through the house.  I reached the TV room, and glared at the small Arab on the couch.  "MAXWELL?!"

"Eep," He jumped and righted himself before he fell on the floor.  "Study."  He choked out.  I walked right up to the closed door of the study, with Winner in tow.  I banged as hard as I could.

"MAXWELL!  OPEN THIS DOOR!  I WANT TO TALK TO YOU!"  I shouted at the door.

He opened the door a crack and looked out.  "Well, come on in."  He said smugly as he opened the door wider.  "But leave the blond there."  He had the audacity to wink.

I turned around and GLARED at Winner again.  "Excuse us."  I slammed the door in his face.  Then I turned on Maxwell.  "What in GOD'S name where you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking.  I was thanking."  He said matter-of-factly.

That seemed to anger me more.  "You… you…  You KISSED ME!"

"Shhh…  Do you want Quatre to hear you?"  He hissed at me.

I calmed down and took a deep breath.  "Why did you do that, Maxwell?"

"Look, if you want me to call you Wu-Fei, you have to call me Duo."

"Whatever.  Answer the question."

"Because that was a very nice thing you did.  You deserved to be rewarded."

"W-w-what?"  I hadn't been this nervous since my wedding day to Merian.

"You hit Heero because he hit me.  I think that was a very charming thing to do.  Not to mention, the big shiner you left on his eye."  He sniggered

"Max…  Duo, this is not a laughing matter.  I did not intend for you to kiss me."

He got an extremely cocky look on his face.  "It wasn't as if I planned on kissing you either.  I just did."

I had no reply to that.  He was just so sexy standing there with his violet eyes wide, and a small smirk on his lips.

"Look, Wufei, I'm sorry if I made this uncomfortable for you.  I just wanted to thank you f…"

I grabbed him and cut off whatever else he was going to say.  I placed my lips against his, and hoped that he wouldn't back away from me.  At first it was sweet, and then he melted right into me.

He wrapped his arms around my neck and then he slipped his tongue between my lips, seeking entrance.  I relented, and the kiss got deeper and more relentless in the passion behind it.  We got into a slight tongue war, because I wasn't going to let him have all of the control behind this.  Duo tasted like sugar, and just natural sweetness.  I was the most amazing thing I ever tasted.

We finally broke for air, gasping and dragging the air into our lungs.  "Wow, Fei, if I had known you could kiss like THAT, I would have done it a while ago."  Duo breathed, sexily.

I had to snicker.  "Leave it to you to make a joke at a time like this."

"It's not a joke."  He forcefully grabbed my head and tried to pull me into another kiss, but I pulled away from him.

"I wont be used."

"You're not.  Now come here before I jump you."  He yanked me towards him again.

I sighed.  "Maxwell, you are not interested in me like this.  You are using me because of Yuy's actions yesterday.  Please stop."

He gave me this LOOK, which clearly stated he was annoyed with me.  "Look, Chang, if I said I wasn't using you, I'm not.  My motto is 'I run and hide, but I never lie.'  And I hold to that.  Now, if you are still interested, I am."  I allowed him to kiss me, deeply and passionately.

I moaned as Duo's talented tongue took over again, and I started running my hands across that lithe back of his.  I felt his length grow fast against my leg.  That brought all the blood directly to my groin.  It did not pass go.  It did NOT collect 200 dollars, as was the saying that Duo was always spouting off during battle.

I had to stop, or it would have gotten entirely out of my control.  I pulled back and stepped away from him.

Maxwell grew pouty.  He even stuck his bottom lip out.  Kuso, I wanted to bite that lip and take him right there.

"Fei, why'd ya do that?"

"I will not take advantage of you in your current state."  I turned and made my way to the door.

"What if I want to take advantage of YOU in your current state?"  He called after me.

"It will not happen.  I'm sorry, Maxwell."  I opened the door and left the study still rock hard.

He stomped his way to the open door.  "DAMN YOU CHANG!"  He screamed, and slammed the door.

I cringed at the pain in his voice, but made my way outside.  Winner tried to stop me, but I silenced him with an appropriate "This is none of your business" glare.  I looked out at the pool, and remembered the scene that happened yesterday with Maxwell.  I sighed, and walked past the pool.

I kept walking until I was far enough from the house, that I couldn't clearly be seen.  I found a tree that protected me from view and also added some shade from the sun.  I started to do my breathing exercises so I wouldn't hyperventilate.  As soon as my body had calmed, I sat down to meditate.

I couldn't quite clear my mind enough to get to the point of white.  I had too much going on in my mind to do that.  Maxwell's kisses, taste, feel, and sounds kept re-circling over and over.  I wanted to go back and talk to him, but a warrior never admits when he is wrong, unless it is absolutely necessary.

I wasn't quite in a meditative state, but I certainly wasn't all there.  It had grown darker and colder, but I still was seated under the tree, when Quatre came out calling for me.

"Wu~fei?  Where are you?  These grounds are far too large to go looking for you."  I saw a light from a torch sweep across the ground and trees.

I snapped out of my state, and proceeded to walk towards the blond.

"I was meditating.  Sorry.  Is there a problem?"  I said.

"No problem, just dinner.  Duo is waiting for us.  Come on."  He turned and walked towards the house.

I followed at a distance, thinking on what a new experience this meal would be.  Sure enough, I walked into the dining room, and Maxwell had his head on the table.

"Duo, I'm afraid that is not proper dining etiquette.  Would you please sit up?"  Quatre said softly to him.

"Whatever."  He snapped and sat up.  That's when I got my first good look at him.  He had been crying.  Shimatta.

Dinner was eaten in complete silence on the part of Maxwell and myself.  Winner tried to bring both of us into conversation.  I have never been one for senseless and menial chatter.  Duo looked far too angry to say anything in my presence.  I had really messed this up.  Winner finally gave up after about 5 minutes of no replies.

Maxwell excused himself from the table 30 minutes later.  He swiftly walked out of the room.  I excused myself a minute after him.  I ran up the stairs, because I had to talk to him.  To….  Apologize to him.

I caught on to his arm, just as he reached his room.  Before I had a chance to say anything to him, Maxwell brought his other hand down on my head, hard.

"K'so, Maxwell.  Itai."  I said through gritted teeth.

He spun around.  "What do you want?"  He accompanied his icy tone with his best Shinigami glare  "Let me go, now!"

I released his arm.  "I…"

"I don't give a shit.  Leave me alone."  He then proceeded to snatch open his door and slammed it in my face.

I stood there for a few moments, trying to debate whether I was flabbergasted, or if I was worried about the braided boy.  I raised my hand to knock on the door, but then I dropped it, and walked silently to my room.

I want to be able to apologize to him, to make everything better.  I must admit though, those kisses and his feel is enough to make me want to change, just so I can have more.

I have no idea what to even say to him to make it better.  I think I have made everything worst up until this part.  I involved myself in a disagreement between Yuy and Maxwell, because I didn't like the way that Yuy handled himself.  I then got uncomfortable around Maxwell.  When he kissed me, which is something that I have been wanting for a while, I yelled at him.  But then I kissed him, and then proceeded to tell him that I would not be used as a replacement.  He reassured me I wasn't, and yet I couldn't bring myself to believe him.  I have wounded him more deeply than I think even Yuy has.

I'm going to contact Master O and see if he has anything for me to do.  I should get away, and give some space to Max…Duo…Shit; I am aroused even as I write this.

Curse him.  No, curse me for my stupidity.  I shall go now.

                                                                    ~ Chang Wufei