Title: Gundam Diaries Part 18 ~ Heero
Author: Makoto Sagara
Pairings: 5x2, 3x4, 1+2, R+1 (Relena obsessed Heero)
Rating: R
Category: Romance, Angst
Warnings: Heero Angst, Shonen ai, Language, OOC, revenge, scary Quatre
Disclaimers: Don't own Gundam Wing. My life would be tons better if I did, but alas, such is the ways of this cruel world. I make no money from this piece of fanfiction, so suing is utterly useless, unless you are willing to take two slightly used younger brothers. ^^;;;
A/N: Hmmm, I keep trying to put this off. I really just don't want to crawl back into Heero's head to try and understand what I find there. But, alas, this is how it must be. I must go in there, and extract the delicate information. Thank goodness this is first person POV, so I don't make him seem too OOC when he is interacting with others. ^_^;;;
Dedication: This is to everyone who has bothered to review this fic so far. You guys have been wonderful, and you make this actually enjoyable. Even if I do suck at writing Heero. *sighs* Ok, off to the new chapter.
April 12th, AC 195…23:32:45
I know who is holding the baka tonight. It hurts in ways I never imagined it would. I did, after all, give him up to Chang, and yet, I want him. Such a bigger fool never existed until now. (Maxwell seems to have infected everyone with his old Earth movie fetish.)
I watched him leave his room after he was done typing, and stroll happily to Chang's door. I watched how Chang opened said door, the baka threw himself onto the Chinese boy, and soon the door was closed with the sounds of loud kisses.
I have hated this day since I awoke. Trowa did NOT let me go and kill Relena as I wished. He said something about just getting to the Baka and Chang as soon as possible, and that to act otherwise would arouse suspicion. I complied, but only because my missions are more important than personal revenge. Unfortunately, that stupid onna has yet to catch on that even though I save her, I do *not* want her, or even *like* her.
She tried to catch up with Trowa and I as we were leaving the school. I instinctively reached for my gun, but an arm on my hand stopped me. Looking up, I saw Barton's stern face staring directly at me, and then sparing a look at the disgusting girl.
"I am sorry, Relena. We are in a bit of a hurry," he said politely. "We must be going."
Her face fell, and she looked at me. I did nothing but glare at her. "H-Heero?"
I didn't respond, and walked away. Barton didn't saying anything farther, and we proceeded to our Gundams. I put my bag inside Wing's cockpit, and took the controls, heading towards the safe house we had been using for the past two and a half weeks.
We arrived at the safe house three minutes to ten am, and were greeted by Quatre in the hangar. I walked past Quatre, determined to see if the Baka and Chang were as well as Winner let on. I found them on the couch of the TV room, sitting close, Chang whispering something into Duo's ear. The sudden urge to rip Duo away from the Chinese boy swelled up inside me.
I saw them tense up, and move away from each other, though not entirely. Then, Duo turned around. My heart leapt at the sight of his beautiful eyes and mouth turned to me. The mouth that had been haunting me in my sleep, instead of my usual nightmares. I kept my usual glare in place, hoping that I wouldn't give away the turmoil currently going on inside me.
He seemed nervous beyond measure. It didn't suit him at all. And of course, there was Chang glaring back at me, like I was going to do something again. What I really wanted to do, I couldn't.
"H-heero. Hi!" His jovial tone sounded much too forced to be convincing. It hurt to see him like that.
"Maxwell." I shifted my glare to the other one on the couch. "Chang."
I knew that Trowa and Quatre had entered behind me. I heard them approaching. So, it didn't unnerving me when the blond spoke. "Heero, can we all sit down to talk?"
No one said anything, but I moved to sit across from the pair on the couch, and Winner and Barton sat on the love seat on the other side of the couch.
The room was uncharacteristically quiet, considering Duo was in the room, with Winner as well. I just sat, looking around the room. Maxwell seemed very agitated. I mentally kicked myself for ever hurting him. I watched as Chang held the braided boy's hand, his thumb absent-mindedly stroking the delicate skin. Barton seemed like he was waiting for one of the other four of us to speak, and Winner seemed at a loss for words. Finally, Trowa broke the silence, much to my shock. Not that I let on.
"Do we get to see Ms. Peacecraft-Dorlian at her worst? Or do we get to guess?"
Winner visibly shook himself. "Oh, I'm sorry. Will you help me set up my laptop to play on the TV in here, Heero?"
I looked at the two on the loveseat. Trowa was giving the blond a questioning look. Quatre looked pointedly at the couch, then at me, and then back at the couch. Trowa shrugged in response, and looked at me. Tired of the silent play, I stood, following Quatre into the study to retrieve the equipment.
"Try and act human right now, Heero. We need you to concentrate on this, not what happened between you, Duo, and Wufei." He had the gall to tell *me* how to behave?
"Hn," was my reply, as I carried the laptop out to the TV room, and hooked it up to the large screened television, with Quatre to supervise.
As we finished he stood, looking around the room. "Done. Now, are you two SURE you want to see this? I mean…"
Like *hell* I was ready. "Aa. Now," I replied. I sat back down in the chair, and watched as my own personal stalker came on screen. She went on to say how Duo's supposed "stalking" of myself had gone too far. Oh, she was really pushing things. If she had been there, I would have shot her. Former Queen, or not. The stupid onna was literally telling my two comrades that they were in her way, and that they were liabilities. I felt the blood in my veins burn like lava.
For five minutes, she insulted the both of them. Finally, the screen went blank. I could think of nothing good enough for her death. I wanted something long and painful. I wanted to actually kill someone for the first time in my whole life as a soldier. I had never really known rage until that moment. The voice of Quatre cut through my thoughts.
"She HAS to be stopped. Allah forbid, but what if something had happened to either of them? Or they got a real mission? Or…" Winner rambled on, until one of Barton's hands found its way to the blond's shoulders.
"Breath, Quatre. Breath," he said soothingly. The scene between them was enough to shake me out of my rage induced silence.
"She will pay."
"Of course she will PAY, Heero! Like any of us would expect less. But, it's the HOW that counts." He had *that* gleam in his eyes. The one that made him create the Zero System. The one he had when I had to fight him, and get him to realize that killing everyone was a very bad idea. It was enough to slightly calm me, but only slightly.
"Now, how will we do this?" He was talking to himself, though in a room filled with four others. His mind was working overtime, and it was not a good thing.
I watched as Duo stood up, shaking his hand loose from Chang's. "I'll be back," was all he said, as he left the room.
The room grew silent again, and I was more agitated by Duo's behaviour. I only had myself to blame. Well, there was Relena's little mess to add to this, but I *knew* that I was the reason he sounded so far away when he talked. He had been gone for ten minutes when Chang stood up.
"I am going to retrieve Maxwell. I will return with him." He just swept out of the room, never really looking at any of us. I was spared more questioning from anyone as Quatre was too caught up in planning to do anything else. Barton looked a tad too worried for his lover. They never even bothered to hide it from the rest of us.
Of course, all this time spent in silence allowed me time to figure out how to get back at the delusional, sick pink princess, and also how to find out how close Maxwell and Chang actually were. I had no idea how to accomplish either, but this was the only time I would more than likely be able to find out.
Finally, Quatre spoke up. "Heero, could you be a little less… cold? We do need Wufei and Duo to help with this."
"I thought you were doing all the planning for this, Quatre," I said, quietly.
"There is no need to be so rude, Heero. I agree. You are making both of them feel uncomfortable." Ah, so they were taking sides against me. Fine.
"I have done nothing. All I have done is walk through the door, and watch *her* and her stupid obsession put two teammates in danger." I was containing myself quite well, considering that I wanted to kill everyone in my line of sight at that moment.
"You don't have to do anything, Heero." Quatre sighed, and rubbed his forehead. He was starting to calm down from psycho-Quatre. "The last time you saw either of them, there was a confrontation. Evidently, Duo is very upset still, and I can tell you that your whole attitude is *not* going to help anyone. You need to settle this thing between the three of you." He leaned close to me, and started whispering. "I know you care for Duo, more than even you yourself know, and you did a very stupid thing when you left him to go on your mission without talking to him. You may have lost much more than just someone you love."
I was shocked, and just as I was going to say something, anything to make what he said not important, Duo and Wufei entered. Duo lifted one arm and waved. "Hi everyone. Sorry."
Trowa cleared his throat. "So, where were we?
Winner took his former, unsettling position of near craziness. "I was about to suggest how to get Relena back."
"And you suggest what, Winner?" Chang said, still standing behind Duo.
"That's where I'm stuck." Quatre's face furrowed in thought. "Nothing I come up with is acceptable. It would either require us to blow our cover somehow, or just have to deal with her longer than is absolutely necessary."
"Hn. I would rather just get her out of the way," I said, letting no emotion come through my voice. I was trying very hard to keep my training intact.
"How about we break for lunch? I doubt Heero and Trowa bothered to eat before hightailing it back," Duo said, still sounding rather nervous. "I'll go make something."
This was the moment I had been hoping for. Some time alone with Duo to apologize. "I'll help," I offered as he headed for the kitchen.
He froze in his tracks, and then threw a look over his shoulder at Chang. I knew he was asking that Chang come in there with us.
"I will help you as well, Maxwell. We need to be able to consume whatever you fix," Chang said, trying to sound as if nothing had changed these almost two weeks.
"Yeah, whatever. If you're coming, then come," Duo said, also sounding very forced back into their old… song and dance, I believe that is the right euphemism. He walked into the kitchen, not paying any attention to the rest of us. Chang and I exchanged glares, walking inside the kitchen as well, to join the braided boy.
We silently took up various jobs to make the meal; Chang cutting vegetables, Duo making sandwiches, and I cutting fruit from what little amount of food we had available. That distressed me. Winner was ever vigilant about keeping the safe houses we all stayed together well stocked.
As I thought this over, I absently watched the American and Chinese boys share moments where their eyes would lock and then they would return back to their tasks. It really did hurt to watch them. I hated Chang more and more as the time slowly ticked by.
Duo took the overflowing plate of sandwiches to the table, and left. I assumed he was going to retrieve Quatre and Trowa from the TV room, where we had left them. He came back a few moments later.
"Whatever you do, DON'T go into the TV room!" His face was flushed, and he looked very uncomfortable. Chang snickered, and I tried very hard not to laugh myself. Just as we were placing our contributions to the table, Barton and Winner entered the kitchen.
"Winner, we are running dangerously low on essentials. After lunch, I suggest two of us go and replenish supplies," I said, trying to keep the baka from saying anything that would embarrass himself and the other two as well.
"Q and I will go. I need to get out and see people again. A week in Siberia is not the friendliest place," Duo offered, snickering. "Didn't get a lot of callers, did we, Fei-kun?"
"Not exactly, no. And, it is…" Again with the forced replies.
"WU-fei. Yeah, yeah," Duo said, trying to sound bored with the old routine. The way they kept forcing everything only made me hate Chang more and more.
"Wonderful. Duo and I will go and get groceries and such, and you three can plot
the onna's downfall." Winner's eyes started to gloss over again. Yes, even I was a little perturbed by his behaviour in the few hours.
"Fine," Trowa said, and we began eating. The whole meal was consumed in silence. As soon as we were finished, all five of us stood simultaneously, with Quatre latching onto Duo and dragging him bodily out of the kitchen.
The last thing that was heard from the two boys was Duo's proclamation of "It's my turn to drive."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I left the kitchen shortly after the other two had departed. I headed for the study, closing the door, but leaving it cracked to listen for any sounds. The rage I had was boiling over at that moment. I sat calmly, and reported to J about both incidents. He told me to be calm, and to help in any way that we could to remove her from our sphere of intelligence. He also told me that I would have to go over the system to see how she hacked in, and then patch it up. That was to be expected.
I did as he said concerning the tracing. That only took a few moments. Evidently, there was a back door that the Doctors had overlooked. I was surprised. They had left this open for any idiot who knew what they were looking for to find. That only added another thing to my already growing list of annoyances.
I shut the back door immediately, also adding an alert so something like this couldn't happen again. I sent back the report of what I had found, and what I had done about it. J said that it was fortunate the problem was so simple, and that he and the other scientists would look into the database yet again. He also told me that I was free until he contacted me again. The damn man even apologized for the little pink girl's behaviour, saying something about how he expected her to behave more like her title than she has recently shown.
After I received his last message, I just sat there, thinking. I had brought all of this upon myself, well excluding Relena. I wanted Duo. He was so beautiful, and funny when he wasn't being annoying… And, he had been the best, and most persistent, person I have ever known.
Chang was… He was damn lucky, that's what. I seriously wanted to hunt him down and shoot him, but I had a feeling that that would have made Duo very angry with me. And that's the one thing I didn't want.
I sat there, with the disk, looking at the small plastic object. I just couldn't believe she would behave like this. I watched her performance a few more times, shut down my laptop, and stared out the large window, trying to think about the last few hours and how to sort things out.
I have no idea how long I sat there, but suddenly I felt a presence at the door. I knew immediately who it was.
"What do you want, Chang?"
"I was just affirming the fact that you were in this room, Yuy. Nothing else." I watched as he turned to leave, and the question that had been burning inside me spilled out.
"Did you sleep with him?" I had never been impetuous. Everything I have ever done was because I was ordered to do so, except the fight with Zechs in Antarctica. I could *not* reasonably explain why I had begun at that moment.
I glared at him, awaiting his reaction. He spun on his heels and glowered at me. "I fail to see how that is any of YOUR business."
Now, I *had* to know. "Did you sleep with him?"
"It is none of your business," he said, his voice low. He took a defensive stance, and I readied myself in case he decided to do anything. Neither of us moved, but we exchanged dark looks, for an indeterminable amount of time. We were only disturbed by Quatre.
"Hey, guys, do you know where Duo is?" He looked inside, taking a glance at our positions. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm disturbing you."
Chang walked up to the Arab. "When did you return?"
"Um, about an hour ago. We went looking for you guys, and I had to talk to Trowa. Duo said he was going to find you two, but I can't find him anywhere."
I didn't pay attention to anything after that. I had to talk to Duo, to straighten things out between us. It was nearly killing me that he was so different around me. I pushed past both boys standing in front of the door. The only thing on my mind was making it to the American's room. I knew that Chang was following.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"I am going to find Duo." I didn't stop to look, just continued on my way to the stairs.
"No, you are not. Leave him be."
"Stay out of this Chang." I stopped in front of the baka's door, and raised my hand, pounding on the thick wood.
"Yuy, let him alone! He is probably asleep."
Then let him wake up. I *have* to talk to him. "Chang, go away! I didn't ask you to follow me," I growled, the extra presence grating on my nerves. "MAXWELL! Wake up before I drag you out."
I knew the other boy was as annoyed as I was, and I prepared myself for any move he might make, when the door opened, and Duo's… face peered out, looking sheepish.
"Hiya, Hee-chan, 'Fei. 'Sup?" he said, still acting timid.
"I want to talk to you," I snarled, looking at Chang after I said that, and added, "Without your bodyguard."
I watched as Duo's eyes flitted over to Chang, and then his face broke from his tiny smile as he spoke. "It's cool, 'Fei. See you later." He opened his door more, and allowed me to enter his room, which surprisingly, was actually clean. He leaned out the door, whispering something to the Chinese boy, which resulting in the other boy leaving.
He sighed, shut the door, and finally turned to face me. "What can I do you for, Heero?" He managed to sound cheerful, and he smiled. I was almost fooled, but only almost.
What could he do for me? So many things ran through my mind in that short space of time, but none of them I could say to him. "Are you injured?" Did I really hurt you so much that you had to have Chang help you get over it?
"What are you talking about? I just got back from the cushiest mission ever."
"That was not what I was referring to, though that is a small comfort." Very small, indeed.
"Then what are you talking about, Hee-man?" He winked, and something inside me hurt more than ever. I couldn't answer him immediately. I had to control my emotions. I was trained not to have any, but they were slowly seeping through because of this amazingly confusing and beautiful boy in front of me. I wanted to drown in him. Finally, I opened my mouth and spoke.
"Are you injured from when I hit you?"
He looked like he was trying to not laugh. "Nah, it takes more than just a punch to the gut to break me, ya know?"
I knew only too well. The only thing that really got to him was when I set my leg in front of him, but it was necessary at the time. Or the time when I stole the parts from Deathscythe for Wing. I pushed down some of the emotions that were warring for control, and sort of relaxed. "Aa."
He gave me one of his goofy grins. "Did you come up here just to ask me that, Heero?"
His question brought to mind images of him and Wufei too close for my comfort. I felt a sudden heat come to my face. Dammit, I *don't* blush. "Iie." And, yet, I knew I was blushing. Kuso.
"Then, what DID you come up here for?" He winked at me.
"Maxwell…Duo…You did not take HER seriously did you?" I *know* I said that last part a little too strongly, but I didn't want him to think that I wanted her to interfere with things.
"Who? Ojou-san?" He snickered. "Look, I may be silly, but I'm not stupid. I know she is just crazy. About you, anyway. Did YOU take her seriously?"
"No. I didn't think it was real at first. Not until, I watched it again, after Winner and yourself had left." I was back to my usual cold self again with that comment. That girl brought out the worst in me sometimes.
"And now?"
"She is a liability."
He scoffed, loudly. "Tell me about it. I should have just let you shoot her at first, and then none of this would have happened." He twisted his inviting mouth into a horrid scowl. He should *never* look like that.
"Even if you knew what you know now, you would not have let me shoot her," I said quietly.
I seemed to have put him off his guard with my comment. It was accurate, nonetheless. "Huh? How…?"
I interrupted him. "You have a knight in shining armor complex. At least, I think that is the correct term."
He snickered, and flung himself at me. At first, I was confused, until he spoke in an eerie falsetto. "Oh, yes, and you are my Space Prince, here to save me."
I shuddered. He sounded *far* too much like Relena. And yet, he was joking with me once again. "Baka."
He removed his body from around me, and I nearly screamed at the loss in contact. "So, is that it? I'm starved!" He grinned at me, once again.
"You are always hungry." I was going to say something, but then I thought it over. "Did…?" I stopped again. I was *not* going to ruin this moment with jealous questions.
"Yes? Did what?" Duo looked genuinely puzzled, but I couldn't ask him that. Not yet, anyway.
I walked towards the closed door of his room, and shook my head. "It's nothing." I opened the door, leaving him standing there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I went to the study to quickly start my laptop, passing the kitchen where Trowa and Quatre were cooking dinner. Doing a quick tabulation in my mind, I remembered that it was my turn to cook, but I didn't say anything to them. The last time I cooked… Well, it didn't turn out as well as the recipe said it should have. Easy, my ass.
I set my laptop to search through Relena's personal files while we were eating. For someone who has all that money and public attention, you would think she would have a better security system. Not that I would have stopped until I had gotten in, but she could have at least *tried*. It was an insult to me at how stupidly easy it was to hack inside. It was almost as if she *wanted* me to know where she was at all times. I shuddered at that thought.
I heard Duo and Chang enter the dining room, and I came out to join them.
"Let me guess," Duo said. "Trowa cooked."
Winner sighed. "Yes, Duo, Trowa cooked."
The American's face had a suspicious smile. "I should have known."
Barton seemed perplexed. "Why?"
He pointed towards the kitchen. "No smoke." His face broke out into a huge grin. Chang and Winner looked as if they were fighting off laughter, and losing. The last sentence was lost on me, and Trowa as well, from what I could tell.
That is, until Winner leaned over and whispered something to him. The three of us watched as Barton's face changed quickly from its normal color, to white, to red, and then settled on green.
Chang spoke up. "Trowa? Are you alright?" That was unexpected from Chang. He usually calls all of us by our family names. I had heard him call the baka "Duo", but I didn't really think about that much. Ok, I am being dishonest. I am still dwelling on his familiarity with Duo.
Trowa nodded, while holding his sides. He too seemed to be containing laughter. I was starting to become slightly self-conscious, mostly because Barton's reaction got fits of laughter out of Maxwell and Winner.
I flashed Trowa a questioning glance, and Maxwell started to laugh even harder. I was growing highly agitated.
"Nani?" I gritted out.
"Be-betsuni…" Duo managed between laughs. I fixed him with a glare. "Really, Heero, it's nothing." We could all hear his stomach growl then. I decided to let it drop, for then. "Let's eat. I'm starving here!"
I was going to make a snide remark, but Quatre broke in. "I agree. Time for food."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
During a very good dinner, I told the others that I might have found something. The meal was as nutritious as usual, but we were all silent after my announcement. As a group, we cleared the table, washed the dishes, and helped clean the kitchen. Then, we headed back towards the study. I took the seat behind the desk. Winner and Barton took seats next to each other, as did Maxwell and Chang, but Duo was sprawled in his chair.
Once we were all comfortable, though I was doubting Maxwell's comfort at the moment, Trowa asked, "Care to finally share what you've found, Heero?"
I looked at the screen, and then back at my comrades. "Aa. I've found Relena's schedule for the next few months."
"And? If any of us would have found it, it would have to be you. So, what did you find?" Duo asked, barely looking at me.
I did look at him as he spoke, and then I cracked a tiny smile. "She has almost a week free where we can get to her." I then allowed myself an actual smile.
"A week? What did you have in mind?" Quatre asked. He had regained his fervor from earlier.
"I haven't really thought of anything solid yet. That is why I am telling this to you all, for reevaluation."
"Reevaluation?" Chang put in. I had almost forgotten he was in the room with the rest of us. "You seem to be asking us for input for a plan."
"Aa."
"I suggest something similar to what she did to Maxwell and I. Seems only just." He actually sounded as if he didn't enjoy the week with Duo. I hated him without exception at *that* exact moment. Duo didn't seem to be upset by it though.
"Yes, it does seem somewhat fair. Although, we would need to contact someone who irritates her to no end. Like Duo does you, Wufei," Barton added.
Duo seemed to develop a sudden cough. "Something like that."
"Whom did you have in mind?" Chang added. "I can't think of anyone who annoys her, besides Maxwell, but he annoys everyone. It would have to be someone really horrible."
"Dorothy Catalonia." Quatre sneered.
The blond's normally innocent looking face was twisted into one of pure malevolence. A quick look at the other three pilots told me that they were as unnerved by this as I was. I decided to let it not bother me. Nodding, I said, "Ninmu ryokai." Shimatta, those words yet again.
I started typing up a delayed email to both girls, giving them all the right information. I told Relena that I wanted to meet her to talk, and that Quatre wanted to meet with Dorothy. I would leave that bit of information out when telling the other pilots. I told them about a cabin in the Himalayas that I had used as a safe house during a solo mission. I also knew that the local law enforcement station was a few miles off. This was perfect.
"Finished. She will get the message in about a week." They looked at me. "Delayed email. Dorothy should receive hers about that time as well."
"Who did you say sent the message?" Trowa asked.
"Myself." I shrugged. "The only way I could think of getting them both in position at once. They are predictable."
Chang snorted. "Onna."
"So, what are the parameters?" Duo asked, finally looking away from Chang.
"They will receive the messages in about a week. The message asks them to be at a small safe house in the Himalayas that I have had to use a few times a week from the day they open the mail," I said, trying my best to stay neutral.
"After they get there, Quatre and I will be there to greet them. Trowa and Duo will take out anyone they brought with them. Wufei, you will be there to get rid of any curious onlookers: press that may be following Relena, any innocent bystanders, and such."
"Quatre will deal with Catalonia, while I deal with Relena. We will force them into separate rooms, knock them out, and leave them there, with no escape for a while. A few days later, I will contact the authorities, and give them a tip about smugglers in the Himalayas. I will also supply them with the location of the safe house."
"Wait! You are going to have her ARRESTED?" Duo asked, dumbfounded. "Won't the press have a field day with THAT." He started laughing again. "Wonderful plan, Hee-chan."
"Excellent. I agree," Winner said. "And I will be looking," his voice dropped about ten degrees, "forward to helping you out with them."
"Are you going to alert the Doctors about this?" Trowa asked. "I don't want this to interfere with our real missions. That is not acceptable."
"Trowa has a point. I still have to tell G about what happened last week, though I certain he already knows something about it. Report, and all." Duo added.
"You will all tell your own doctors. I will have to tell J myself, but other than that, I doubt they will disagree with our course of action. We won't actually be harming either girl, nor will we be spending much time to accomplish this. They are both predictably prompt." I stopped. "Agreed?"
The others nodded, and left the room. I sat there, looking at the plan as I had laid it out. I could find very few holes. It was relying heavily on Relena and Dorothy, but I knew I had the right motivation for them both. It also served to keep both Maxwell and Chang as far away from one another as possible on our venture.
After telling J about the plan, and receiving his seal of approval, I headed up to my own room. I stopped by Duo's door, just listening to him type and sing along with the song that he was playing. I wished that I could go in there, and just be with him. After his song finished, his chair scrapped against the carpet, and I ducked across the hall into the bathroom, watching as he left his room and headed to Chang's.
I watched as they embraced, and as the door closed, with them kissing. I wanted to go in there and *kill* Chang. The only thing I *did* do was head to my own room, and lay on my bed in the silence.
I sit in my room now, listening to the silence that permeates throughout the large house. I am still fighting within myself, though if anyone were to see me right now, I doubt I would look much different than I usually do.
I have no idea where to go from here. I want Duo to be happy, and yet, I do *not* want him to be with Chang. I know that I gave him to Chang, but that knowledge doesn't make this any easier. I am having far too many emotions at the moment. If I talked to J right now, I think he would decide to pull me away from the others. I don't want that either.
I require some rest. I will go now. And in the morning, I can hope that things will be different.
~ Heero Yuy