***Meanwhile in Richmond far away from the chaos in France***
Marguerite was being her usual French wife self, and was sitting at home waiting for Percy to return from another one of his adventures. It was a lovely sunny day so she decided to take a walk in the garden, when suddenly a giant rat (ok human sized rat) jumped out of a tree. Marguerite screamed, "Ahhhhhh a rat!" and promptly fainted.
Splinter rolled his eyes and thought "Why do I always have this effect with the ladies?" With this he pulled out a handy sized mirror from his kimono and started to remove pieces of cheese which were stuck inbetween his teeth. Meanwhile Marguerite was coming too, only to see a rat flossing in front of her. Summoning all her strength together she fumbled on the floor for a handy stick. She thought "I must attack this rat and make a run for it over to France, too complain to Percy for him leaving me here and for not having better pest control". She then started to attack Splinter with the stick.
"Take that, you kimono wearing rat!" she shouted.
Splinter who was still occupied with his cheesy teeth was caught unaware and promptly fell to the floor. "Ahhh my kimono! It's all dirty now. I only sent it to the dry cleaners yesterday," he sobbed. Turning towards Marguerite he said, "Do you know how hard it is to clean Satin?"
Marguerite rolled her eyes, "Oh yes! Percy is telling me all the time."
Seeing that she had something in common with the rat, she sat down next to him and said, "You know you should talk to my husband. He would be able to give you loads of tips on how to keep Satin clean while running around everywhere after bad guys."
"Well that was what I came here to do!" Splinter replied. Marguerite moved backwards in shock. Seeing this Splinter carried on, "Oh no not to talk about Satin, but to ask for his help as I sense that my turtles are in danger."
***Narrators voice. "Oh isn't Splinter quick. I mean they have been in the story from the beginning and it has taken him up to part 6 to realise that they are in trouble"***
"Hey I heard that," replied splinter to the Narrator. "Are you saying that I have lost my psychic powers! No one questions my psychic powers! You may question my appearance as I know I am always getting cheese everywhere when I eat. But no one, I repeat no one questions my psychic powers. Anyone who does is looking for a fight. I mean that is how April O'Neil found herself being grated up into cheese and...," Splinter outburst suddenly trailed off as he realised he had said too much.
***Narrator's voice. "YOU GRATED APRIL O'NEIL INTO CHEESE!!!!!"***
Splinter twitched nervously. "Anyhow as I was saying I sense that my turtles are in danger." "Your turtles?" questioned Marguerite. "Yes I have 4 lovely turtles," and with this he whipped out his wallet and started showing her baby photos of them and started telling her all about them.
***7 days later***
Splinter repeated again, but in Marguerite's ear this time, "I said, AND THAT IS HOW IT ALL BEGAN!" This time Marguerite woke up and thought "I should invite this rat to one of our parties. He and Percy would love talking to each other!" She yawned, "So after all that, you have 4 turtles, you sense they are in danger and you want to ask Percy for his help."
"Yes."
"Well he is not home."
"Oh!" replied Splinter.
***Narrator's voice. "Ha your psychic powers did not foresee that one did they!"***
Splinter realised he had to think of another reason why he was here, due to the narrator was picking on him again and because he no longer had an April O'Neil to report the news events. Well he did grate her up into cheese and....ummm.....I think you can guess the rest...I mean he did enter the story with cheese in-between his teeth. "I also came because I....", Splinter paused buying his brain a bit more thinking time, "...because you are....APRIL O'NEIL only no one knew that till now." Splinter thought, "Of course no one knew it till now as I have only just made it up!"
"I am!" replied Marguerite.
"Yes you are. I mean your a women and so was April O'Neil. What more needs to be said!"
"But my hair is not like her's and I do not own a yellow tracksuit."
"That can be sorted," and with this Splinter got out of his kimono a slightly bloody yellow tracksuit and some GENUINE April O'Neil hair. "Here put these on," Splinter said as he handed the items to her.
Marguerite looked at the items, especially at the blood stains. Seeing this Splinter said in a Matthew Kelly voice from Stars In Your Eyes, "And who are you going to be tonight Marguerite?"
"Well tonight Splinter I am going to be April O'Neil reporting the channel 6 news." With this Marguerite walked through the Stars In Your Eyes doors."And now reporting the channel 6 news for us is April O'Neil." Marguerite then walked back threw the doors towards Splinter but this time dressed as April O'Neil. "I'm April O'Neil reporting for channel 6 news," Marguerite said.
"Great," Splinter said under his breath, "the turtles will never know the difference. I wont be found out."
***Narrator's voice "Who says I will not tell them Splinter?"***
"You would not dare," replied Splinter.
***Narrator's voice "Try me!"***
Realising that the narrator had the power to destroy him, he quickly came up with a plan. Grabbing Marguerite the new April O'Neil and placing a knife at her throat, "I'll kill her and then you will no longer have a Marguerite in your story, and this fan fic will have to revolve more around ME and my wonderful turtles."
***Narrator looks bemused at Splinters thought process. Narrator's voice "But then who will play April O'Neil since you already killed the first one?"***
Splinter panicked wondering if his old age was really causing him to lose his grip on his senses. Then he moved away from Marguerite the new April O'Neil and started to shake. "Must... take control.....Not let...The Shredder win....," Splinter said as he looked like he was fighting with himself. He then suddenly came out of his fit. "Oh that was close," Splinter said. Both the narrator and Marguerite looked at him suspiciously.
"Why are you looking like me like that for," Splinter asked. "Don't you see that the Shredder had control of me and made me attack both April O'Neil's!!!!
"Oh was that what was happening?" said Marguerite who was not very convinced.
"Yes!"
"Well ok. I believe you," she lied acting convinced as best she could. Marguerite thought, "I will have to tell Percy about this rat. He will never believe me that Splinter is as big a fool as he (Percy) acts".
Meanwhile Splinter was singing in his head, "I am so clever. Oh so clever. I am really really so clever. I fooled them all, and now they don't know that I am, so clever. Oh so clever."
***Meanwhile in France The Shredder was singing***
"I am so clever. Oh so clever. I am really really so clever. I fooled them all, and now they don't know that I am, so clever. Oh so clever," sung The Shredder with glee. His plan was working. Soon he would have the chicken and then Krang would have to then let him use the toilet on his own instead of having to ask Krang to help him go "wee-wee" as Krang always made him say.
While he was singing his "I am so clever. Oh so clever" song he felt a weird sensation go down his spine. It was as if someone else was making a physic connection with him. Since this connection was not going away and he did not want to answer it, he thought, "Hello this is The Shredder's residence. No one is available at present. Please leave a message after the beep. If you want to send a fax press start."
Promptly a fax started to pop out of The Shredder and was instantly shredded up since The Shredder is a shredder! Seeing this and being curious over who was sending him a fax he took off his armour and stood in the French inn room naked. Then he started to receive another fax. This time it spooled onto the floor. He looked down at the fax as it began to come alive.
The Shredder then put his hands over his joy department to try and keep some of his modesty. Then out of the fax popped Splinter and Marguerite-April O'Neil. Splinter then laughed. "Ha Ha Shredder I knew you would not answer my physic connection and would wait for me to leave a message or a fax. In doing so you have transported us here and you will now fail miserably cause we are here to save the day." Splinter gave a cheesy smile of satisfaction.
Marguerite meanwhile was trying to obverting her gaze from the naked shredder. She love her husband dearly and therefore to want to see someone other than Percy in his birthday suit was unthinkable but yet she was drawn to looking at that hunk of a body which was normally hidden from the world within a tin suit. She panicked. What if Percy found out her thoughts? What if she was indeed finding the external of some office equipment (i.e. a shredder) sexy? All these thoughts started whirling around her head.
Splinter on the other hand made himself king of the situation and put on an Elvis wig and suit and starting singing "I'm the King" and started poking the naked shredder with his walking stick. Even in this situation Shredder was not worried. He knew this was a first time. But still his plan Z version 10 was working. While still being poked by Splinter he gave Marguerite a wink and a grin. This caused her promptly to faint onto Splinter and squash him on the floor. Using this as a distraction he made he getaway to go and find Ruth-Chauvelin.
***Outside the French Inn***
Sir Andrew Ffoulkes was walking around France like most of the League did when they were not saving aristos when suddenly out of the corner of his eye he say a man streaking along the cobbled road. After being told by Percy to look out for anything odd, he began to run after the naked man. Well it was not everyday during the French Revolution that someone would see a naked man running around. The Shredder quickly dashed into a graveyard. He looked around hoping that noone had seen him.
Sir Andrew being a master in the art of tracking people hid behind a grave stone so that The Shredder did not spot him. "Phew," The Shredder said out loud, "that was close back there with Splinter. It was a lucky thing that I brought that 'animal magnetism' potion which Krang gave me for my birthday. I know Krang got it for me cos I cant seem to get any dates and therefore he will never get any grand-children, but it worked to for my escape."
"MWaaaahaaaahaaaaaa, " The Shredder laughed evilly.
"And now," The Shredder said as he carried on talking to himself, "I have a way of destroying the Scarlet Pimpernel, by having his wife run after me like I am a pop idol. MWaaaahaaaahaaaaaa," The Shredder laughed evilly again.
"Now to find some clothes," he said and started looking for an open grave from with he could take steal the dead persons clothes from. Meanwhile Sir Andrew who had been crouching behind the grave stone and listening to The Shredder talking to himself turned his back to the grave stone and allowed his body to slide down to the floor. He was devastated. How was he going to tell his best friend that he wife was under a love spell with one of his enemies? He sat there for a while and then came to the conclusion that he must find Sir Percy and fast and tell him the wicked means the The Shredder was going to use to destroy him before he found out for himself.
With this he got himself up and ran to the hiding place of the Scarlet Pimpernel.
***Meanwhile back with Splinter and Marguerite***
Marguerite got off Splinter and apologised for falling on him in his moment of triumph. Although she really could not see how seeing The Shredder naked was a triumph. It was more of a sensual experience...uhmmm....No No I must not think like that, she thought. She really could not explain why she suddenly fancied The Shredder. Her only thoughts were to find Percy and beg his forgiveness for thinking those thoughts about The Shredder.
With this she declared to Splinter, "We must find my husband now!"
"I know, I know," Splinter complained as he got up off the floor and dusted himself down. "But first we must find a dry cleaners. I really cannot be seem in a kimono this dirty."
"No that is not important now we must find my husband," she panicked.
"BUT IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT IT IS DIRTY. You keep on making me fall on the floor!" Splinter shouted back annoyed.
Marguerite hesitated before she said, "I know that, but..... having your clothes dry cleaned would take time and in that time The Shredder and Chauvelin might have taken over the world, and how would you then be able to save the world?"
"Mmmmmmm", Splinter pondered. "This was true he thought." "Ok we will find them and then we MUST I repeat must find a dry cleaners." With this they went off in search of the Scarlet Pimpernel and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
By this time Sir Andrew had managed to find his way to the old church where the Scarlet Pimpernel, the Turtles, Sarah and Chauvelin were hiding. He ran into the scene and caused the backdrop of the old church theatre set to fall onto of everyone's head.
"Oops," said Sir Andrew. He tried to help the gang get out from under the set but only caused the curtains to fall down as well. During this time Chauvelin had managed to manoeuvre himself out or the wreckage and was wriggling off the stage like a worm, still with his hands tied together and only in his boxers. Due to him looking like a worm a BIG bird flew down and picked him up and flew off with him.
"Sink Me!" shouted Sir Percy. "Monsieur Chaubertin is escaping in his getaway bird vehicle!"
Raphael who was lying on his shell with his legs and arms waving in the air shouted roughly, "That may be right but will someone please help me here!"
With this Sarah sprang into action and ran towards her Raphael. "Raphael I'm here!" she shouted with glee and promptly tripped and landed on top of Raphael.
"Raph cant you take it into a room. This is a public place! You know." shouted Michaelangelo.
Raphael turned towards Michaelangelo and did not look amused while Sarah fumbled around ontop of Raphael.
"Oh I am so...errr so....errr...sorry", she giggled in a girlish way. "I errr....oops...oh my hands do seem to have a mind of their own today," she carried on saying as she groped Raphael.
Just as this was happening Splinter walked in. "HAVE I BROUGHT YOU UP TO FROLICK WITH YOUNG LADIES RAPHAEL," shouted Splinter. With this he went over and tore Sarah off Raphael. Splinter then pulled Raphael onto his feet and said, "Now go sit in the corner till you I tell you that your punishment is over!"
"But Splinter," Sarah said still looking at Raphael intently. "It was not his fault. I fell over that piece of stage." Sarah turned around to point at it but it had disappeared due to the narrator of this story cleaning up the place while no one was noticing. "It...it was there!" she cried in dismay. "Honestly it was."
"Hmmm" said Splinter as he raised one ratty eyebrow.
As Raphael was walking over to the corner he said, "Anyway master Splinter where is April?"
Splinter's authoritarian voice then changed and he croaked out a whisper, "April?"
"Yes April. You know one of the main character in the..." *Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme Tune starts to play* Raphael rolls his eyes at the narrators input of sound into this story. "As I was in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles".
"Oh yes that April. I forgot." Splinter started to twitch as he looked around for Marguerite. "There she is," he said as he pointed to Marguerite. Marguerite who was not accustomed to going through sewers had just arrived at the church. It had taken her longer as she had not gone through the sewer like Splinter. Marguerite who was deep in thought did not realise everyone was looking at her till Michaelangelo clicked his fingers in front of her face. "April to earth. April to earth. Come in April".
"Huh," she replied.
"Where is your camera April?" asked Leonardo.
"Did the French not allow it through customs when you got here?" asked Michaelangelo.
Marguerite looked confused as she had never seen a camera before. Splinter seeing that his plan might fail answered. "Those revolutionaries. They will think anything is an aristocrat. They took April's camera and had it beheaded".
"Oh so I did not bring my friend Mademoiselle Camera," said Marguerite smiling at Splinter trying to show that she was going along with his plan. Splinter's eyes popped out as he stared at her.
"Master your eyes, there rolling down the hill," said Donatello.
Michaelangelo quickly jumped on top of Raphael to get a better view of Splinter's eyes rolling down the hill.
"Master you did not see that coming," shouted Michaelangelo.
Splinter rolled his eye sockets at that joke since he no longer had any eyes.
"Master don't worry we will get you some eyes," Leonardo said. Sir Andrew who during the commotion had been telling Sir Percy The Shredders evil plan in a handy corner of the stage suddenly said, "La! I know where you can get some eyes!" "Where?"
"Just follow me," and with this Sir Andrew lead everyone to the graveyard. "There you Splinter. Take your pick. These poor dead souls wont be needing theirs anymore," said Sir Andrew.
Splinter fumbled around and took the pair of eyes out of a naked man in an open grave. Suddenly the naked man woke up as he had only been asleep and turned out to be.....*dum dum dum* The Shredder. He had given up looking for clothes as he was so tired and had decided to go to sleep in one of the graves.
"You have taken my eyes Splinter. How dare you!" shouted The Shredder. Splinter looked cross-eyed at The Shredder with his new eyes.
"Tush! You cant even put them in right now can you," said The Shredder as he looked at Splinter through his eyes sockets.
"Well at least he knows where his clothes are," said Leonardo in defence of his slightly demented master. The Shredder quickly picked up a handy flower to cover his privates. Ruth laughed seeing this as The Shredder was using a Scarlet Pimpernel flower. "Ha Shredder you have to use the Scarlet Pimpernel to help you keep you modesty," she chuckled.
The Shredder looked bemused as the Scarlet Pimpernel was supposed to come from England and they were in France. The Narrator quickly explained to The Shredder that the Scarlet Pimpernel flower he was using, had come over to France to save some other flowers from being behead by wild French gardeners.
***Narrator voice.
"They seek it here, they seek it there,
Those wild gardeners seek it everywhere,
Is it in compost or is it in soil?
That demmed elusive pimpernel!
The Scarlet Pimpernel, The Garden Version will be coming soon to a cinema near you."***
Meanwhile Marguerite had slipped out of the story, without anyone noticing and had only now just returned. She was carrying a big banner which said "We love The Shredder!" and was wearing a T-Shirt with The Shredder's picture on it. Sarah looked at her and thought "I have to get me some of that merchandise for my Raphael", and with this she turned to him and batted her eyelashes.
Raphael who saw Sarah's expression quickly ran to Splinter and said, "You know master you said that you could teach us to be invisible warriors. Well can you just teach me to be invisible. The warrior part I don't really need just the indivisible part!"
Sir Percy meanwhile looked at his wife with a cold hard face. She promptly fell to her knees and said, "I don't know what has come over me! I cant explain it." She began to sob.
The Shredder just grinned as he felt that his triumph for once was near. Then there came a merry laugh from Sir Percy's lips. "La! But tis I who can explain it m'dear!" Marguerite looked up at him through teary eyes.
"See our friend here, Mr Shredder..." Sir Percy said as he walked up to The Shredder and put an arm round him, "...is using a love potion to cause you to fall in love with him and in so doing so destroy me. Isn't that right Mr Shredder."
"IT'S THE SHREDDER!" shouted The Shredder annoyed that Sir Percy had not called him by his rightful title. This annoyance was short lived as he then realised that his plan had failed.
"Anyhow how did you find out about my plan?" queried The Shredder.
"Ah tis elementary my dear Paper-cutter-upper. Was you who let the cat out of the bag when you started talking to yourself in this graveyard and allowed my dear friend here to hear your plan in all it's finer details." Sir Percy smiled contently at The Shredder.
Suddenly from the sky fell the technodrome and out popped Krang. Krang who had not appeared in the story so far had been watching all the events on TV and seeing that The Shredder was losing once again, had now decided to come and help him.
"Sshhhhrrreeeddddeeerrrr cant you dooooooo anything right," said Krang in his sexy Krang voice. "I leave you alone for 5 parts of this story and then when I do seeeeeee you, you have not only lost again our foe, but also have lost all your clothes and eyes."
While Krang was giving The Shredder a telling off, Michaelangelo had cut all The Shredder's hair off and was waving it around in the air, "Hey Krang man, Metalface has also lost his hair. I've shredded it off him!"
Krang just rolled his brain's eyes and said, "And now you are going bald."
During this time the KFC chicken from both the bargain and mega bucket was feeling a bit left out as they had not been mentioned for such a long time, so they decided to go to the Committee of Public Safety and denounce all the characters in this story. In doing so they planned to get everyone beheaded and thus have the whole story revolve around them "The Wonderful, Extremely Wonderful, Words Cannot Describe How Wonderful, Pieces of KFC chicken." The chicken thus did not denounce the narrator due to her timely flattery intervention.
So all the characters were taken away and were brought in front of CHAUVELIN. Seeing that Chauvelin was standing in front of Chauvelin make everyone looked shocked especially the KFC chicken as this was not what they had planned. Then Chauvelin revealed how all this was possible.
"You see," he said walking around the room triumphantly. "I Monsieur Chauvelin." He pointed to himself. "Am great." He paused for a moment soaking up his victory. "I fooled you all. I even fooled the KFC chicken." He smiled a thin ferret like smile. "Remember back in part 4 of this story when you all fell into France. Well do you also remember how the chicken fell into a basket where the French aristocracy's heads were falling." Everyone stopped and went back to read part 4 again on returning Chauvelin continued.
"Well Citizen Bibot saw it and thought he would bring it to me as I had told him I was might hungry. Seeing that it was in fact "THE CHICKEN" I thought I would play along with The Shredder's plan and if that failed I would use "THE CHICKEN", since The Shredder is not as GREAT as me Monsieur Chauvelin..."
Chauvelin got side tracked by his name, "Doesn't my name sound great. Monsieur Chauvelin. It has a certain GREAT ring to it. Moooonnnnnnssssiiiieeeeuuurrrrr Chhhhhhaaaauuuvvvvveeeellllliiiinnnn. Just listen to those vowels. Moooonnnnnnssssiiiieeeeuuurrrrr Chhhhhhaaaauuuvvvvveeeellllliiiinnnn. Mmmm I think there should be a song about my name, because it is so musical to listen to!" Chauvelin kept prattling on then he burst into song. "Monsieur Chauvelin, Monsieur Chauvelin, MMMMMM Monsieur Chauvelin. Monsieur Ch Ch Ch Ch Chauvelin.
***101 Stanzas latter***
"Moooonnnnnnssssiiiieeeeuuurrrrr Chhhhhhaaaauuuvvvvveeeellllliiiinnnn," Chauvelin sung his grand finale.
Before Chauvelin could start his song again Sir Percy said, "Odd's fish! But you have the words all wrong it should be "Monsieur Chaubertin", Monsieur Chaubertin." Chauvelin glared at Sir Percy. He coughed and cleared his throat.
"As I was saying I, Monsieur Chauvelin used the Chicken to travel back in time and thus arrive here now to gloat in my success and to tell you all that I am now going to take over the world once I have you all beheaded."
Krang looked bemused since he did not have a body never mind a head. Seeing this Chauvelin said, "Ok Krang we will cut you in 2 so you do not feel left out." Chauvelin was getting slightly annoyed that he was not being taken seriously.
"Look!" he shouted "I have the chicken," and with this he stormed to he desk to get it only to see that Michaelangelo was eating it.
Everyone just looked at Michaelangelo amazed.
"What!" he said with his mouth full of KFC chicken. "I said I was hungry. I know it's not pizza, but I could not phone out for pizza while Mr Frenchy chops was over there was singing away." Michaelangelo rolled his eyes at everyone for not understanding that.
Marguerite was being her usual French wife self, and was sitting at home waiting for Percy to return from another one of his adventures. It was a lovely sunny day so she decided to take a walk in the garden, when suddenly a giant rat (ok human sized rat) jumped out of a tree. Marguerite screamed, "Ahhhhhh a rat!" and promptly fainted.
Splinter rolled his eyes and thought "Why do I always have this effect with the ladies?" With this he pulled out a handy sized mirror from his kimono and started to remove pieces of cheese which were stuck inbetween his teeth. Meanwhile Marguerite was coming too, only to see a rat flossing in front of her. Summoning all her strength together she fumbled on the floor for a handy stick. She thought "I must attack this rat and make a run for it over to France, too complain to Percy for him leaving me here and for not having better pest control". She then started to attack Splinter with the stick.
"Take that, you kimono wearing rat!" she shouted.
Splinter who was still occupied with his cheesy teeth was caught unaware and promptly fell to the floor. "Ahhh my kimono! It's all dirty now. I only sent it to the dry cleaners yesterday," he sobbed. Turning towards Marguerite he said, "Do you know how hard it is to clean Satin?"
Marguerite rolled her eyes, "Oh yes! Percy is telling me all the time."
Seeing that she had something in common with the rat, she sat down next to him and said, "You know you should talk to my husband. He would be able to give you loads of tips on how to keep Satin clean while running around everywhere after bad guys."
"Well that was what I came here to do!" Splinter replied. Marguerite moved backwards in shock. Seeing this Splinter carried on, "Oh no not to talk about Satin, but to ask for his help as I sense that my turtles are in danger."
***Narrators voice. "Oh isn't Splinter quick. I mean they have been in the story from the beginning and it has taken him up to part 6 to realise that they are in trouble"***
"Hey I heard that," replied splinter to the Narrator. "Are you saying that I have lost my psychic powers! No one questions my psychic powers! You may question my appearance as I know I am always getting cheese everywhere when I eat. But no one, I repeat no one questions my psychic powers. Anyone who does is looking for a fight. I mean that is how April O'Neil found herself being grated up into cheese and...," Splinter outburst suddenly trailed off as he realised he had said too much.
***Narrator's voice. "YOU GRATED APRIL O'NEIL INTO CHEESE!!!!!"***
Splinter twitched nervously. "Anyhow as I was saying I sense that my turtles are in danger." "Your turtles?" questioned Marguerite. "Yes I have 4 lovely turtles," and with this he whipped out his wallet and started showing her baby photos of them and started telling her all about them.
***7 days later***
Splinter repeated again, but in Marguerite's ear this time, "I said, AND THAT IS HOW IT ALL BEGAN!" This time Marguerite woke up and thought "I should invite this rat to one of our parties. He and Percy would love talking to each other!" She yawned, "So after all that, you have 4 turtles, you sense they are in danger and you want to ask Percy for his help."
"Yes."
"Well he is not home."
"Oh!" replied Splinter.
***Narrator's voice. "Ha your psychic powers did not foresee that one did they!"***
Splinter realised he had to think of another reason why he was here, due to the narrator was picking on him again and because he no longer had an April O'Neil to report the news events. Well he did grate her up into cheese and....ummm.....I think you can guess the rest...I mean he did enter the story with cheese in-between his teeth. "I also came because I....", Splinter paused buying his brain a bit more thinking time, "...because you are....APRIL O'NEIL only no one knew that till now." Splinter thought, "Of course no one knew it till now as I have only just made it up!"
"I am!" replied Marguerite.
"Yes you are. I mean your a women and so was April O'Neil. What more needs to be said!"
"But my hair is not like her's and I do not own a yellow tracksuit."
"That can be sorted," and with this Splinter got out of his kimono a slightly bloody yellow tracksuit and some GENUINE April O'Neil hair. "Here put these on," Splinter said as he handed the items to her.
Marguerite looked at the items, especially at the blood stains. Seeing this Splinter said in a Matthew Kelly voice from Stars In Your Eyes, "And who are you going to be tonight Marguerite?"
"Well tonight Splinter I am going to be April O'Neil reporting the channel 6 news." With this Marguerite walked through the Stars In Your Eyes doors."And now reporting the channel 6 news for us is April O'Neil." Marguerite then walked back threw the doors towards Splinter but this time dressed as April O'Neil. "I'm April O'Neil reporting for channel 6 news," Marguerite said.
"Great," Splinter said under his breath, "the turtles will never know the difference. I wont be found out."
***Narrator's voice "Who says I will not tell them Splinter?"***
"You would not dare," replied Splinter.
***Narrator's voice "Try me!"***
Realising that the narrator had the power to destroy him, he quickly came up with a plan. Grabbing Marguerite the new April O'Neil and placing a knife at her throat, "I'll kill her and then you will no longer have a Marguerite in your story, and this fan fic will have to revolve more around ME and my wonderful turtles."
***Narrator looks bemused at Splinters thought process. Narrator's voice "But then who will play April O'Neil since you already killed the first one?"***
Splinter panicked wondering if his old age was really causing him to lose his grip on his senses. Then he moved away from Marguerite the new April O'Neil and started to shake. "Must... take control.....Not let...The Shredder win....," Splinter said as he looked like he was fighting with himself. He then suddenly came out of his fit. "Oh that was close," Splinter said. Both the narrator and Marguerite looked at him suspiciously.
"Why are you looking like me like that for," Splinter asked. "Don't you see that the Shredder had control of me and made me attack both April O'Neil's!!!!
"Oh was that what was happening?" said Marguerite who was not very convinced.
"Yes!"
"Well ok. I believe you," she lied acting convinced as best she could. Marguerite thought, "I will have to tell Percy about this rat. He will never believe me that Splinter is as big a fool as he (Percy) acts".
Meanwhile Splinter was singing in his head, "I am so clever. Oh so clever. I am really really so clever. I fooled them all, and now they don't know that I am, so clever. Oh so clever."
***Meanwhile in France The Shredder was singing***
"I am so clever. Oh so clever. I am really really so clever. I fooled them all, and now they don't know that I am, so clever. Oh so clever," sung The Shredder with glee. His plan was working. Soon he would have the chicken and then Krang would have to then let him use the toilet on his own instead of having to ask Krang to help him go "wee-wee" as Krang always made him say.
While he was singing his "I am so clever. Oh so clever" song he felt a weird sensation go down his spine. It was as if someone else was making a physic connection with him. Since this connection was not going away and he did not want to answer it, he thought, "Hello this is The Shredder's residence. No one is available at present. Please leave a message after the beep. If you want to send a fax press start."
Promptly a fax started to pop out of The Shredder and was instantly shredded up since The Shredder is a shredder! Seeing this and being curious over who was sending him a fax he took off his armour and stood in the French inn room naked. Then he started to receive another fax. This time it spooled onto the floor. He looked down at the fax as it began to come alive.
The Shredder then put his hands over his joy department to try and keep some of his modesty. Then out of the fax popped Splinter and Marguerite-April O'Neil. Splinter then laughed. "Ha Ha Shredder I knew you would not answer my physic connection and would wait for me to leave a message or a fax. In doing so you have transported us here and you will now fail miserably cause we are here to save the day." Splinter gave a cheesy smile of satisfaction.
Marguerite meanwhile was trying to obverting her gaze from the naked shredder. She love her husband dearly and therefore to want to see someone other than Percy in his birthday suit was unthinkable but yet she was drawn to looking at that hunk of a body which was normally hidden from the world within a tin suit. She panicked. What if Percy found out her thoughts? What if she was indeed finding the external of some office equipment (i.e. a shredder) sexy? All these thoughts started whirling around her head.
Splinter on the other hand made himself king of the situation and put on an Elvis wig and suit and starting singing "I'm the King" and started poking the naked shredder with his walking stick. Even in this situation Shredder was not worried. He knew this was a first time. But still his plan Z version 10 was working. While still being poked by Splinter he gave Marguerite a wink and a grin. This caused her promptly to faint onto Splinter and squash him on the floor. Using this as a distraction he made he getaway to go and find Ruth-Chauvelin.
***Outside the French Inn***
Sir Andrew Ffoulkes was walking around France like most of the League did when they were not saving aristos when suddenly out of the corner of his eye he say a man streaking along the cobbled road. After being told by Percy to look out for anything odd, he began to run after the naked man. Well it was not everyday during the French Revolution that someone would see a naked man running around. The Shredder quickly dashed into a graveyard. He looked around hoping that noone had seen him.
Sir Andrew being a master in the art of tracking people hid behind a grave stone so that The Shredder did not spot him. "Phew," The Shredder said out loud, "that was close back there with Splinter. It was a lucky thing that I brought that 'animal magnetism' potion which Krang gave me for my birthday. I know Krang got it for me cos I cant seem to get any dates and therefore he will never get any grand-children, but it worked to for my escape."
"MWaaaahaaaahaaaaaa, " The Shredder laughed evilly.
"And now," The Shredder said as he carried on talking to himself, "I have a way of destroying the Scarlet Pimpernel, by having his wife run after me like I am a pop idol. MWaaaahaaaahaaaaaa," The Shredder laughed evilly again.
"Now to find some clothes," he said and started looking for an open grave from with he could take steal the dead persons clothes from. Meanwhile Sir Andrew who had been crouching behind the grave stone and listening to The Shredder talking to himself turned his back to the grave stone and allowed his body to slide down to the floor. He was devastated. How was he going to tell his best friend that he wife was under a love spell with one of his enemies? He sat there for a while and then came to the conclusion that he must find Sir Percy and fast and tell him the wicked means the The Shredder was going to use to destroy him before he found out for himself.
With this he got himself up and ran to the hiding place of the Scarlet Pimpernel.
***Meanwhile back with Splinter and Marguerite***
Marguerite got off Splinter and apologised for falling on him in his moment of triumph. Although she really could not see how seeing The Shredder naked was a triumph. It was more of a sensual experience...uhmmm....No No I must not think like that, she thought. She really could not explain why she suddenly fancied The Shredder. Her only thoughts were to find Percy and beg his forgiveness for thinking those thoughts about The Shredder.
With this she declared to Splinter, "We must find my husband now!"
"I know, I know," Splinter complained as he got up off the floor and dusted himself down. "But first we must find a dry cleaners. I really cannot be seem in a kimono this dirty."
"No that is not important now we must find my husband," she panicked.
"BUT IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT IT IS DIRTY. You keep on making me fall on the floor!" Splinter shouted back annoyed.
Marguerite hesitated before she said, "I know that, but..... having your clothes dry cleaned would take time and in that time The Shredder and Chauvelin might have taken over the world, and how would you then be able to save the world?"
"Mmmmmmm", Splinter pondered. "This was true he thought." "Ok we will find them and then we MUST I repeat must find a dry cleaners." With this they went off in search of the Scarlet Pimpernel and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
By this time Sir Andrew had managed to find his way to the old church where the Scarlet Pimpernel, the Turtles, Sarah and Chauvelin were hiding. He ran into the scene and caused the backdrop of the old church theatre set to fall onto of everyone's head.
"Oops," said Sir Andrew. He tried to help the gang get out from under the set but only caused the curtains to fall down as well. During this time Chauvelin had managed to manoeuvre himself out or the wreckage and was wriggling off the stage like a worm, still with his hands tied together and only in his boxers. Due to him looking like a worm a BIG bird flew down and picked him up and flew off with him.
"Sink Me!" shouted Sir Percy. "Monsieur Chaubertin is escaping in his getaway bird vehicle!"
Raphael who was lying on his shell with his legs and arms waving in the air shouted roughly, "That may be right but will someone please help me here!"
With this Sarah sprang into action and ran towards her Raphael. "Raphael I'm here!" she shouted with glee and promptly tripped and landed on top of Raphael.
"Raph cant you take it into a room. This is a public place! You know." shouted Michaelangelo.
Raphael turned towards Michaelangelo and did not look amused while Sarah fumbled around ontop of Raphael.
"Oh I am so...errr so....errr...sorry", she giggled in a girlish way. "I errr....oops...oh my hands do seem to have a mind of their own today," she carried on saying as she groped Raphael.
Just as this was happening Splinter walked in. "HAVE I BROUGHT YOU UP TO FROLICK WITH YOUNG LADIES RAPHAEL," shouted Splinter. With this he went over and tore Sarah off Raphael. Splinter then pulled Raphael onto his feet and said, "Now go sit in the corner till you I tell you that your punishment is over!"
"But Splinter," Sarah said still looking at Raphael intently. "It was not his fault. I fell over that piece of stage." Sarah turned around to point at it but it had disappeared due to the narrator of this story cleaning up the place while no one was noticing. "It...it was there!" she cried in dismay. "Honestly it was."
"Hmmm" said Splinter as he raised one ratty eyebrow.
As Raphael was walking over to the corner he said, "Anyway master Splinter where is April?"
Splinter's authoritarian voice then changed and he croaked out a whisper, "April?"
"Yes April. You know one of the main character in the..." *Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme Tune starts to play* Raphael rolls his eyes at the narrators input of sound into this story. "As I was in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles".
"Oh yes that April. I forgot." Splinter started to twitch as he looked around for Marguerite. "There she is," he said as he pointed to Marguerite. Marguerite who was not accustomed to going through sewers had just arrived at the church. It had taken her longer as she had not gone through the sewer like Splinter. Marguerite who was deep in thought did not realise everyone was looking at her till Michaelangelo clicked his fingers in front of her face. "April to earth. April to earth. Come in April".
"Huh," she replied.
"Where is your camera April?" asked Leonardo.
"Did the French not allow it through customs when you got here?" asked Michaelangelo.
Marguerite looked confused as she had never seen a camera before. Splinter seeing that his plan might fail answered. "Those revolutionaries. They will think anything is an aristocrat. They took April's camera and had it beheaded".
"Oh so I did not bring my friend Mademoiselle Camera," said Marguerite smiling at Splinter trying to show that she was going along with his plan. Splinter's eyes popped out as he stared at her.
"Master your eyes, there rolling down the hill," said Donatello.
Michaelangelo quickly jumped on top of Raphael to get a better view of Splinter's eyes rolling down the hill.
"Master you did not see that coming," shouted Michaelangelo.
Splinter rolled his eye sockets at that joke since he no longer had any eyes.
"Master don't worry we will get you some eyes," Leonardo said. Sir Andrew who during the commotion had been telling Sir Percy The Shredders evil plan in a handy corner of the stage suddenly said, "La! I know where you can get some eyes!" "Where?"
"Just follow me," and with this Sir Andrew lead everyone to the graveyard. "There you Splinter. Take your pick. These poor dead souls wont be needing theirs anymore," said Sir Andrew.
Splinter fumbled around and took the pair of eyes out of a naked man in an open grave. Suddenly the naked man woke up as he had only been asleep and turned out to be.....*dum dum dum* The Shredder. He had given up looking for clothes as he was so tired and had decided to go to sleep in one of the graves.
"You have taken my eyes Splinter. How dare you!" shouted The Shredder. Splinter looked cross-eyed at The Shredder with his new eyes.
"Tush! You cant even put them in right now can you," said The Shredder as he looked at Splinter through his eyes sockets.
"Well at least he knows where his clothes are," said Leonardo in defence of his slightly demented master. The Shredder quickly picked up a handy flower to cover his privates. Ruth laughed seeing this as The Shredder was using a Scarlet Pimpernel flower. "Ha Shredder you have to use the Scarlet Pimpernel to help you keep you modesty," she chuckled.
The Shredder looked bemused as the Scarlet Pimpernel was supposed to come from England and they were in France. The Narrator quickly explained to The Shredder that the Scarlet Pimpernel flower he was using, had come over to France to save some other flowers from being behead by wild French gardeners.
***Narrator voice.
"They seek it here, they seek it there,
Those wild gardeners seek it everywhere,
Is it in compost or is it in soil?
That demmed elusive pimpernel!
The Scarlet Pimpernel, The Garden Version will be coming soon to a cinema near you."***
Meanwhile Marguerite had slipped out of the story, without anyone noticing and had only now just returned. She was carrying a big banner which said "We love The Shredder!" and was wearing a T-Shirt with The Shredder's picture on it. Sarah looked at her and thought "I have to get me some of that merchandise for my Raphael", and with this she turned to him and batted her eyelashes.
Raphael who saw Sarah's expression quickly ran to Splinter and said, "You know master you said that you could teach us to be invisible warriors. Well can you just teach me to be invisible. The warrior part I don't really need just the indivisible part!"
Sir Percy meanwhile looked at his wife with a cold hard face. She promptly fell to her knees and said, "I don't know what has come over me! I cant explain it." She began to sob.
The Shredder just grinned as he felt that his triumph for once was near. Then there came a merry laugh from Sir Percy's lips. "La! But tis I who can explain it m'dear!" Marguerite looked up at him through teary eyes.
"See our friend here, Mr Shredder..." Sir Percy said as he walked up to The Shredder and put an arm round him, "...is using a love potion to cause you to fall in love with him and in so doing so destroy me. Isn't that right Mr Shredder."
"IT'S THE SHREDDER!" shouted The Shredder annoyed that Sir Percy had not called him by his rightful title. This annoyance was short lived as he then realised that his plan had failed.
"Anyhow how did you find out about my plan?" queried The Shredder.
"Ah tis elementary my dear Paper-cutter-upper. Was you who let the cat out of the bag when you started talking to yourself in this graveyard and allowed my dear friend here to hear your plan in all it's finer details." Sir Percy smiled contently at The Shredder.
Suddenly from the sky fell the technodrome and out popped Krang. Krang who had not appeared in the story so far had been watching all the events on TV and seeing that The Shredder was losing once again, had now decided to come and help him.
"Sshhhhrrreeeddddeeerrrr cant you dooooooo anything right," said Krang in his sexy Krang voice. "I leave you alone for 5 parts of this story and then when I do seeeeeee you, you have not only lost again our foe, but also have lost all your clothes and eyes."
While Krang was giving The Shredder a telling off, Michaelangelo had cut all The Shredder's hair off and was waving it around in the air, "Hey Krang man, Metalface has also lost his hair. I've shredded it off him!"
Krang just rolled his brain's eyes and said, "And now you are going bald."
During this time the KFC chicken from both the bargain and mega bucket was feeling a bit left out as they had not been mentioned for such a long time, so they decided to go to the Committee of Public Safety and denounce all the characters in this story. In doing so they planned to get everyone beheaded and thus have the whole story revolve around them "The Wonderful, Extremely Wonderful, Words Cannot Describe How Wonderful, Pieces of KFC chicken." The chicken thus did not denounce the narrator due to her timely flattery intervention.
So all the characters were taken away and were brought in front of CHAUVELIN. Seeing that Chauvelin was standing in front of Chauvelin make everyone looked shocked especially the KFC chicken as this was not what they had planned. Then Chauvelin revealed how all this was possible.
"You see," he said walking around the room triumphantly. "I Monsieur Chauvelin." He pointed to himself. "Am great." He paused for a moment soaking up his victory. "I fooled you all. I even fooled the KFC chicken." He smiled a thin ferret like smile. "Remember back in part 4 of this story when you all fell into France. Well do you also remember how the chicken fell into a basket where the French aristocracy's heads were falling." Everyone stopped and went back to read part 4 again on returning Chauvelin continued.
"Well Citizen Bibot saw it and thought he would bring it to me as I had told him I was might hungry. Seeing that it was in fact "THE CHICKEN" I thought I would play along with The Shredder's plan and if that failed I would use "THE CHICKEN", since The Shredder is not as GREAT as me Monsieur Chauvelin..."
Chauvelin got side tracked by his name, "Doesn't my name sound great. Monsieur Chauvelin. It has a certain GREAT ring to it. Moooonnnnnnssssiiiieeeeuuurrrrr Chhhhhhaaaauuuvvvvveeeellllliiiinnnn. Just listen to those vowels. Moooonnnnnnssssiiiieeeeuuurrrrr Chhhhhhaaaauuuvvvvveeeellllliiiinnnn. Mmmm I think there should be a song about my name, because it is so musical to listen to!" Chauvelin kept prattling on then he burst into song. "Monsieur Chauvelin, Monsieur Chauvelin, MMMMMM Monsieur Chauvelin. Monsieur Ch Ch Ch Ch Chauvelin.
***101 Stanzas latter***
"Moooonnnnnnssssiiiieeeeuuurrrrr Chhhhhhaaaauuuvvvvveeeellllliiiinnnn," Chauvelin sung his grand finale.
Before Chauvelin could start his song again Sir Percy said, "Odd's fish! But you have the words all wrong it should be "Monsieur Chaubertin", Monsieur Chaubertin." Chauvelin glared at Sir Percy. He coughed and cleared his throat.
"As I was saying I, Monsieur Chauvelin used the Chicken to travel back in time and thus arrive here now to gloat in my success and to tell you all that I am now going to take over the world once I have you all beheaded."
Krang looked bemused since he did not have a body never mind a head. Seeing this Chauvelin said, "Ok Krang we will cut you in 2 so you do not feel left out." Chauvelin was getting slightly annoyed that he was not being taken seriously.
"Look!" he shouted "I have the chicken," and with this he stormed to he desk to get it only to see that Michaelangelo was eating it.
Everyone just looked at Michaelangelo amazed.
"What!" he said with his mouth full of KFC chicken. "I said I was hungry. I know it's not pizza, but I could not phone out for pizza while Mr Frenchy chops was over there was singing away." Michaelangelo rolled his eyes at everyone for not understanding that.