iAdvance Wars 2.75 II, Part 1/i

Lord Seth: Gee, can we get any more predictable in the way we do this?

Hey, not everyone in the audience has read Advance Wars 2.5!

Lord Seth: There's an audience?

Uh, no. But there are people reading this?

Lord Seth: Oh. Right.

Just a reminder: Everything in this story is done as a joke. So if you think there's some sort of deep message in here, you're mistaken. In other words, we're not trying to offend anyone. In other words, we're trying to be politically incorrect without getting in trouble. In other words, we're just trying to be funny. In other words...

-Red Sun-

Marl: I know how to use the cheese machine to achieve world domination!

Matt: Yeah, you said that last season, now how are you going to use it?

Marl: We make cheese super-popular and flood the rest of the world with it. Thus, all the capitalists shall try to make more cheese to compete with us, thus exploiting their workers, thus causing the workers to rebel, thus causing the worldwide wondrous revolution that will spread Communism everywhere.

Sturm: Oh well. How long could this take?

1 Year Later...

Marl: Hmmm. Still no revolution.

Sturm: Be patient. These things take time.

1 Month Later...

Matt: Still no revolution.

Marl: Oh, forget it. Let's just invade everyone and overthrow their governments.

Sturm: Now THAT is an idea I can agree with!

Meanwhile...

Nell: Okay, I've finally perfected my machine. It'll destroy everything on the planet except me. Wait a minute, that'll leave me stranded in space! Better make a few adjustments first.

-Red Sun-

Matt: Is my sister still in the gulag?

Marl: Let me check. Nope, she escaped with some other girl named Sonja.

Matt: Well, get them back already!

Marl: I thought you wanted her killed.

Matt: Even better! Send troops out to kill them!

Marl: Why do you hate your sister so much anyway?

Matt: You don't want to know.

Marl: Okay.

A pause.

Matt: You're supposed to say you do want to know, and then I'll whisper it to you, you'll go into a state of shock and say I shouldn't have told you, then we'll have an argument, and throughout the whole thing no one else finds it out, thus increasing both dramatic and comedic effect.

Marl: ...what?

Matt: Never mind.

Meanwhile...

Sonja: Phew! We finally got out of that gulag! Now what?

Stephanie: Uh...die?

Sonja: What?

The various Red Sun soldiers around Sonja and Stephanie all open fire.

Sonja: Uh-oh.

bWill Sonja and Stephanie survive? Will Nell destroy the world? Will we ever find out why Matt hates Stephanie so much? Find out next time, on Advance Wars 2.75 II!/b

iAdvance Wars 2.75 II, Part 2/i

Previously, Sonja and Stephanie were both killed by Red Sun soldiers. Or at least Sonja was.

A few seconds later...

Sonja: Ow...that hurt.

Sonja finds herself on the shore of a river. Lord Seth is there on a speedboat.

Lord Seth: Hi! I'm the guy who takes you to the other side of the River Styx to the afterlife!

Sonja: I thought it was supposed to be a guy named Charon in a rowboat.

Lord Seth: Apparently Charon made so much money from rowing people across that he retired. Now he just spends his time on a beach in Miami, Florida. I hear he's quite popular with the ladies. And as for the rowboat, you don't think we don't change with technology?

Sonja: How the heck did YOU get this job?

Lord Seth: I have friends in high places. VERY high places.

Sonja: Okay, enough with the jokes. Now what?

Lord Seth: Anyway, to pass, according to these rules, you're supposed to give me a coin.

Sonja: I don't have any coins!

Lord Seth: Oh. I'll take an I.O.U. instead. Hang on, let me get a piece of paper out...

Lord Seth takes hundreds of pieces of paper out of his pockets, all of which are filled out I.O.U. forms.

Lord Seth: Let's see...got to be an unused one somewhere...

Lord Seth finally takes out a new one.

Lord Seth: Just sign here. IN BLOOD!

Sonja: BLOOD?!

Lord Seth: Just kidding. You can sign in a pen.

Sonja: I don't have a pen!

Lord Seth: You don't have much, do you?

Sonja: I'm dead! Of course I don't!

Lord Seth: Oh yeah. No wonder you're see-through.

Sonja: You know what? Being dead sucks.

Lord Seth: Oh, come on. It's only been a minute or so. Give it a while.

A pause.

Sonja: It still sucks.

Lord Seth: Well, at least now you can justifiably conclude that.

Sonja: Cut to someplace else already. This part is going to be boring if it's only here.

Lord Seth: Good point.

-Black Hole-

Hawke: Ahh. It's good to be in charge again.

Lash: It's good to be ALIVE again!

Hawke: I thought I fed you to the piranhas.

Lash: See, that's an interesting thing. Would you believe that-

Hawke: FEED HER TO THE PIRANHAS!

Lash: Not AGAIN...

-Blue Moon-

Colin: That's it! I refuse to clean any more rooms!

Olaf: Even if we feed you to the piranhas?

Colin: Even if you feed me to the piranhas.

Olaf: Okay. Feed him to the piranhas.

Colin (being dragged off): Wait, wait! I didn't really mean that! You don't have to feed me to the piranhas!

Olaf (saluting): There goes another brave soul onto the casualty list. At least he accomplished something with his life.

Grit: What, exactly?

Olaf: He cleaned the mess halls.

Grit: *sigh* Why do I feel like Frylock from Aqua Teen Hunger force?

Meanwhile...

Frylock: *sigh* Why do I feel like Grit from Advance Wars 2?

-Orange Star-

Max: I WANT REVENGE AGAINST SENSEI!!!

Sami: So he beat you up and humiliated you in front of millions of people. Big deal.

Max: No! I must have my revengeance!

Later...

Max: I shall have my revengeance!

Max attacks Sensei but Sensei ducks out of the way. Sensei throws Max all the way to Green Earth.

-Green Earth-

Eagle: Why do I have the feeling that someone will be dropping in soon?

Max falls on top of Eagle.

Eagle: Ow...oh, why didn't I get that body suit like that nice, pushy salesman told me to?

-Red Sun-

Marl: It's time we started to have personalities.

Sturm: What?

Marl: Well, everyone else seems to have at least SOME personality. Flak is an idiot, Lash is crazy, Olaf is clueless, Grit is smart, Sonja is the victim, Hachi is greedy, and so on. We need real personalities.

Matt: We're all devout followers of Communism. Isn't that enough?

Marl: No.

Matt: Drat. Well, you know, I'm not a devout follower of Communism. Heck, I'm not a follower at all of Communism. The only reason I have this job is that it pays well.

Marl: Huh? What was that, Matt?

Matt: Nothing.

bWas it nothing? Will Eagle survive? What'll happen to Sonja? Find out next time, on Advance Wars 2.75 II!/b

iAdvance Wars 2.75 II, Part 3/i

Previously, Sonja was killed and went to some kind of zany afterlife (well, she actually hasn't quite made it there), and Colin was fed to the piranhas. Of course, he'll be back immediately, so it doesn't really matter.

Sonja: Geez, how long does it TAKE this stupid boat to cross this river?

Lord Seth: Don't blame me that the engine's busted and I have to actually manually row across!

Sonja: Hey, YOU were the one that tried to see how many peanuts he could fit in the engine!

Lord Seth: Hey, it wasn't my fault all those peanuts couldn't fit! Complain to the designers!

Sonja: Of the motor?

Lord Seth: Of the peanuts.

-Orange Star-

Nell: Okay, I've FINALLY got my device ready. It'll destroy Earth and transport me somewhere else. Hey, wait...I need to be sure I'm transported to a life-supporting planet! Aw, this is going to take even MORE time...

-Green Earth-

Jess: Great news, Eagle! You've won a lifetime membership to the Aviation Society!

Eagle: A lifetime membership? Woohoo! That's 2 years!

-Blue Moon-

Colin (reading a book): Let's see...according to this I can summon the devil if I recite this thingy. Let's see...Resol, dias tsuj uoy tahw ezilaer t'ndid uoy, ah, ah. sedarg bad teg I. toidi na ma I. diputs ma I.

A pause.

Colin: Oh wait, I forgot the final line. Ti naem ew. esaelp. enil lanif siht dear t'nod dna, haey ho.

The devil appears.

Devil: Are you here to pledge your immortal soul to me in exchange for worldly power?

Colin: Nope. I just called you because I wanted to annoy you.

Devil: You've made a dangerous enemy today, Colin.

Colin: Oh, come on. You're just the supreme embodiment of evil. I'm a Blue Moon CO.

Devil: CURSE YOU!!!

The devil disappears.

Colin: That was pointless.

-Yellow Comet-

Kanbei: Well, Sensei, you're now the Wrestling Champion of Wars World. Now what?

Sensei: I plan to...take a nap.

Sensei falls asleep.

Kanbei: You heard him, folks! He's going to take a nap! (man, how'd I get THIS job?)

Meanwhile...

Lord Seth: Okay. We've finally reached the other bank.

Sonja: You know, I'm not sure this is a good idea. I mean, being dead is such a big step, you know? I'm not quite sure I'm ready for-

Lord Seth shoves Sonja off the boat.

Lord Seth: See ya!

Lord Seth somehow gets the motor to work and takes off.

Sonja: Drat.

-Black Hole-

Hawke: I think it's important we build a giant missile silo.

Flak: With a missile, right?

Hawke: No, just the giant missile silo. No need for missiles.

Adder: *sigh*

bWill the giant missile silo be built? How long will Sensei be taking his nap? Will Nell ever actually destroy the world? Find out next time, on Advance Wars 2.75 II!/b

iAdvance Wars 2.75 II, Part 4/i

Previously, Sensei took a nap. And a bunch of other things happened.

-Yellow Comet-

Sensei: Zzzzzz...

Kanbei: Great. He won't wake up. How long will he sleep anyway?

Doctor: Well, considering he actually just died, I'd say he'll be asleep forever.

Kanbei: This is just like the tale of Rip Van Winkle! I need to find a princess to kiss him to wake him from the spell!

Doctor: But-

Kanbei: It is then decided! I'll find a princess, get her to kiss Sensei, and he'll wake up.

Doctor: Well, why not? It'll probably be funny.

-Red Sun-

Marl: All right, now let's just invade everyone already.

Sturm: I thought we already were going to.

Matt: We were, but we were held up by that stupid bank robber.

Marl: We don't even have any banks!

Matt: Then why was one held up?

Marl: One wasn't held up because there wasn't one!

Matt: Then why was there one to be held up?

Marl: ARGH!!! You are impossible to reason with!

Matt: Not impossible. Just difficult. REALLY difficult.

Marl: I'll go with impossible, thank you.

Matt: I don't think so. I mean, seriously, it's got to be possible. When you think about it-

Marl: ARGH!!!!

Marl runs screaming out of the room.

Matt: I'll get the straight jacket.

Sturm: That's 'strait jacket'.

Matt: Well the jacket isn't curved at all, so I'd say it's straight.

Sturm: ARGH!!! You are impossible to reason with!

Sturm runs out of the room screaming.

-Orange Star-

Nell: Okay, I think this machine is FINALLY ready. It'll destroy the world and transport me to a life-preserving planet.

A pause.

Nell: Wait, there's no problem here? But there's always a problem! Always! Then I have to spend more time working on this. Hmmm. Maybe I finally have it right this time. Might as well test it out.

Nell is about to push the button, but Max and some Orange Star soldiers burst in and grab her first.

Max: For deliberately trying to destroy the world, I sentence you to...DEATH BY PIRANHAS!

Nell: Drat.

Max: Might as well destroy this machine.

Max tries to destroy the machine, but accidentally presses the button and...

...nothing happens. Gotcha, didn't I?

bDid I get you? Did nothing really happen? Is Matt impossible to reason with? Is Lord Seth insane? Tune in next time, to...oh, you know./b

iAdvance Wars 2.75 II, Part 5/i

Previously, more zany and pointless yet somehow comical events happened.

Woman: What do we want?

Audience: Complete equality!

Woman: When do we want it?

Crowd: Sometime in the foreseeable future!

Woman: Uh, you're supposed to say "now".

Crowd: What do you mean? That doesn't make sense. Think about it. If we say "now", that means immediately. But we can't expect that within the next second everything will change. Thus, we need to be more realistic, and-

Woman: Okay, okay! Anyway, where were we? Oh yes. Anyway, WE DEMAND EQUALITY IN THE ARMY! The head CO in every country is male! Is that fair?

Crowd: No!

Lord Seth: Uh, actually, Nell is the head CO in Orange Star. Of course, she was just arrested for attempting to destroy the world, and she never does anything anyway. But it's worth pointing that out, you know.

Woman: Uh...Anyway, we demand equality! We demand to be treated the same! We demand-

Jess (whispering): Sami, exactly what the heck is she talking about?

Sami (whispering back): I don't care. I only came here for the free chocolate.

Woman: So what are we going to do?

Crowd: Stage peaceful demonstrations?

Woman: NO! CONQUER WARS WORLD!

Jess: Oh boy. Here we go again.

-Yellow Comet-

Kanbei: Where is Sonja anyway?

Sonja runs up to Kanbei.

Kanbei: I thought you were dead.

Sonja: I was.

Kanbei: Then why are you here, alive?

Sonja: See, that's a really interesting story. Would you believe that-

Kanbei: DEAD PEOPLE MUST NOT LIVE! KILL HER! And get me some coffee and donuts while you're at it, okay?

Sonja: Why did I have a feeling this was about to happen?

Kanbei: I've fed Sonja to the piranhas so much that they're full, so just tie a weight to her leg and throw her in the ocean or something.

Sonja (being dragged off): Oh yeah, that's MUCH better.

-Black Hole-

Hawke: Using my crystal ball...I have determined...that the future... ... ... ... ... ... ...Aw, my crystal ball's broken!

Lash: That's not even a crystal ball! It's a diamond ball!

Hawke: Oh. Then get me a crystal ball!

Lash: I refuse to!

Hawke: Get it or I'll feed you to the piranhas!

Lash: Okay! Okay! Okay!

Lash leaves.

Hawke: At last...I shall know the future!

Flak: Couldn't you just get a Magic 8-Ball?

Hawke: Nah, those things aren't trustworthy. But crystal balls are!

Flak: Whatever you say.

-Yellow Comet-

Kanbei: Okay, it's time I resolved this plotline. I've got a princess that will kiss Sensei to wake him up!

Sami: Um...I'm not really a princess. And I'm only here because you forced me to.

Kanbei: Just kiss him already!

Sami: I refuse to!

Kanbei: If you don't, he'll never wake up!

Sensei wakes up.

Sensei: Man, what's with all the noise? Can't a guy get a little sleep here?

Both Sami and Kanbei stare at Sensei.

Sensei: This is making me tired. Better take another nap.

-Red Sun-

Marl: It's important that we tell the masses exactly what we're planning to do.

Sturm: In other words, lie.

Marl: What?

Matt: It's been pretty well established that lying to the people is a fundamental tenet of Communism.

Marl: Oh. Right. *slapping self on head* I can't believe I forgot that!

Matt: So are we going to remind the people that Big Brother is watching them?

Marl: Big Brother? Who the heck is this person?

Matt: An unseen figure in the government that watches everyone all the time.

Marl: I like it! Be sure to put up all sorts of billboards saying "Big Brother is watching you." I mean, that's a great idea! You're really creative, Matt! I mean, no one else would have thought of that!

Matt: ...

bIs Matt creative? Is...oh, I'm too bored to finish this. So tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.75 II!/b

iAdvance Wars 2.75 II, Part 6/i

Previously, there were a lot of jokes. As always.

-Black Hole-

Flak: *sob* Life is too hard! I'm going to end it all!

Flak jumps out the window, but it was only a second story window, so he survives.

Hawke: Arrest him!

Later, in court...

Judge: I find you guilty of attempted suicide! There is only one fitting punishment...DEATH!

Flak: NOOOOO!!!!!

The troops drag Flak off.

-Orange Star-

Andy: I can't stand not knowing what a continent is! I'm going to kill myself!

Andy is about to jump out the window, but notices police outside.

Policeman: Back away from the window, or we will open fire!

-Blue Moon-

Olaf: Grit! I order you to kill yourself!

Grit: WHAT?!

Olaf: Yeah, suicides are all the rage these days! If you want a lady to like you, you have to kill yourself! It's time we got into it!

Grit: Hey, if I have to kill myself, why don't you do it also?

Olaf: Good point. OK, I'll kill myself, then you kill yourself. And if you don't kill yourself after I kill myself, I'm going to kill you myself!

Olaf takes out a knife and stabs himself.

Grit: Uh...

Colin appears.

Colin: Hey, Grit! I just joined a disorganized religion!

Grit: Disorganized religion?

Colin: Yeah! It's for people like me, who are fed up by organized religions!

Grit: So, uh, what exactly are the beliefs in disorganized religion?

Colin: Oh, we can pretty much believe anything we want to. As long as it doesn't coincide with anything from an organized religion.

Grit: That sounds like an organized religion to me.

Colin: You're right! What a gyp! And to think I payed them 1 million dollars just to join that stupid thing! Not to mention signing over my soul and all my wordly possessions! I'd better get my stuff back before they start with the ritualistic "Drinking of Poison".

Colin leaves.

Grit: I think we're going far enough with the humor. Let's go back into the semi-reasonable restrictions.

-Red Sun-

Marl: Our newest idea to take over the world is...

Lord Seth: Sorry, but you guys are gone.

Matt: "Gone"?

Lord Seth: Yep, you're gone from the story. All I have to do is snap my fingers and you'll cease to exist.

Marl: You can't do that!

Lord Seth: Yes I can!

Lord Seth snaps his fingers.

Matt: Hey, I'm fading away. (pause) Cool!

Sturm: I'm not fading away!

Lord Seth: Yep, you're a "real" character. So I'm just going to arrange for you to re-conquer Black Hole.

Matt: So does ceasing to exist hurt?

Lord Seth: Nope.

Matt: Phew!

Both Matt and Marl completely disappear.

-Black Hole-

Hawke: STURM?!

Sturm: Yeah, I'm here to take back my place as leader of Black Hole. Now, if you'd just step aside...

Hawke: Not unless you can defeat me!

Sturm and Hawke fight. Sturm creams Hawke.

Sturm: Remember, Hawke...there is ALWAYS someone stronger than you. Unless, of course, you are the strongest person.

-Yellow Comet-

Kanbei: Black Hole is developing weapons of mass destruction!

Sonja: Uh, so what do we do?

Kanbei: We invade!

Sonja: Do you have any PROOF that they're developing weapons of mass destruction?

Kanbei: Yes, I do! Look at these photographs!

Sonja: Those look more like the scribbles of a 3-year-old.

Kanbei: Haha! You see! Undeniable proof!

Sonja: *sigh*

So Yellow Comet conquers Black Hole.

Kanbei: Since Black Hole's evil government is no more, it's time that we move in and rebuild it. Everyone will greet us as heros! We'll easily be able to rebuild it as a stable democracy.

Sonja: We're not even a democracy! We're a military state!

Kanbei: So?

Sonja: I can't argue with logic like that. Let the rebuilding begin!

A few months later...

Kanbei: This isn't going as well as we hoped. There are mass resistance movements, and our soldiers are coming under attack all the time.

Loud explosions are heard.

Kanbei: I didn't mean here in Yellow Comet!

Soldiers (outside): Sorry.

Kanbei: Go to Black Hole and join the resistance THERE!

Soldiers: Okey dokey!

Kanbei: Fighting us there is fine. Just don't attack us here.

-Green Earth-

Eagle: Greetings! We're broadcasting live as we try to determine if the phrase "What does not kill me makes me stronger." is true or not! Drake here has volunteered-

Drake: I didn't volunteer!

Eagle: I have statements from 20 different people saying you did!

Drake: They weren't different people! They were just your aliases!

Eagle: Uh...well...anyway, we're going to find out today! First up...arrows!

Jess fires arrows at Drake.

Eagle: So, Drake, do you feel stronger?

Drake: No.

Eagle: Well, let's see how he feels an hour or so from now!

1 Hour later...

Eagle: How do you feel now?

Drake: I feel weak.

Eagle: Well, let's try the ninjas this time.

A bunch of ninjas appear and beat up Drake.

Eagle: Feeling stronger now?

Drake: No...I feel...sick...

Eagle: One last test! Jess, drop the 2-ton anvils!

Jess cuts a rope and some anvils fall on Drake.

Eagle: How do you feel now? Stronger?

Drake: Yeah...I do!

Drake gets out from under the anvils and starts chasing Eagle.

Drake: Eagle, I'll get you for this!

Eagle: Hey, you were the one that volunteered!

Jess (to the camera): Join us next week when we find out what happens if someone is hit by things that DO kill them! I wonder who we'll manage to do it to, though.

Drake comes in, dragging a beat-up Eagle with him.

Drake: Eagle volunteered!

Jess: Did you hear that? Only one person is brave enough to be the tester! Anyway, it's time for this show to end, but first, a word from our sponsor!

Cut to a man eating a hamburger.

Man: Mmmmm! This is GOOD hamburger! And, as you know, I'm a famous celebrity, so everything I endorse is automatically good! Anyway, be sure to come down to Burglar Queen to eat great hamburgers! Wait, it isn't Burglar Queen? Hold that cue card a little closer to me...what, you can't hold it with all the money you're paying me for this? Just put the money down and bring the sign closer! And give me some mouthwash already! This hamburger tastes terrible!

Cut back to Jess.

Jess: You didn't just see that. No, really, you didn't. It was an...optical illusion! Yeah!

bWas it an optical illusion? Find out next time, on Advance Wars 2.5!/b

Lord Seth: Have more questions next time!

bWill I have more questions next time? Tune in next time to find out!/b

Lord Seth: That's better.

iAdvance Wars 2.75 II, Part 7/i

Evil Villain: Mwahaha! I have the perfect evil plan! I'm going to steal everyone's souls!

Lord Seth: Oh, come on. That's not even original.

Evil Villain: Ask me if I care.

Lord Seth: Do you care?

Evil Villain: *sob* Yes!

-Black Hole-

In a hidden base...

Sturm: This day is boring. I need something interesting to happen.

Evil Villain: I'm here to steal your soul using my Soul-Stealer-O-Matic-2004!

The Evil Villain uses his Soul-Stealer-O-Matic-2004 on Sturm.

Evil Villain: Haha! I now have your soul!

Sturm: So I'm soulless?

Evil Villain: Yep.

Sturm: YES! Now I can do whatever I want without fear of divine retribution. (on the phone) Hawke, please prepare the nuclear bombs.

Evil Villain: But doesn't it make you feel bad?

Sturm: Not especially.

Evil Villain: ARGH! I'm no good at this. I'm going to give you your soul back.

Sturm: NOOOO!!!!

Evil Villain: Yes! I get to do something evil!

The Evil Villain gives back Sturm's soul and leaves.

Sturm: Heh, heh. I knew if I pretended to miss my soul, he'd give it back! I am such a genius.

Lord Seth: Guess there's a first time for everything.

-Black Hole-

Lord Seth: You just said "-Black Hole-"!

Well, this is a different part of Black Hole.

Lord Seth: Be more specific, then! (grumbling) Stupid narrator...

-Different part of Black Hole-

Yellow Comet Soldier: Don't worry men, we should be fine. Uh, men?

The Yellow Comet soldier looks to see all his men have deserted.

Yellow Comet soldier: Dang, this is the fourth time this day. I wonder where they're all going.

Meanwhile, on a UFO...

Soldier: AAAAHHH! DON'T SUCK MY BRAINS OUT!

Alien: Oh, come on, we're not going to suck your brains out.

Soldier: Phew!

Alien: No, we're going to suck everything OTHER than your brains out!

Soldier: AAAAAHHHH!!!

Meanwhile, back on Wars World...

Kanbei: Don't worry. I'm sure that things in Black Hole will get better before they get worse. After all, I sent Sensei to supervise the reconstruction.

Sonja: Oh, like THAT's going to help...

-Black Hole-

Sensei: All right, slaves! It's important that you work really hard! That way, you can work harder!

It turns out Sensei is making all the citizens of Black Hole build a giant statue of him.

Citizen: Weren't you supposed to be helping us out?

Sensei: Of course I am! I'm helping you help me!

-Green Earth-

Eagle: *sigh* I'm lonely.

Drake: What, you need a woman in your life?

Eagle: I already have one too many women in my life.

Drake: Who?

Eagle: Jess.

Jess: Eagle, get your fat butt off the couch! My show is on!

Eagle: See?

Drake: Well, you know, I could set you up with a date or something.

Eagle: Oh, no you don't. I don't do dates. Just like I don't do drugs.

Drake: Then why do you buy all those prescription pills without a prescription?

Eagle: Because doctors are too inconsiderate to give me one. Would you believe one said I have an addiction problem?

Drake: Yes.

Eagle: Fortunately, I managed to escape from that prison camp.

Drake: Wasn't it a rehabilitation center?

Eagle: That was just their name for it. I know what they were doing behind the scenes...they were...doing horrible experiments!

Drake: Like what?

Eagle: They were experimenting on how to turn people into...VAMPIRES!!!

Drake: They were not!

Eagle: Yes they were!

Drake: That's it. I'm getting you a girlfriend. You have too much time on your hands.

Eagle: I just know madcap hijinxs will come of this.

bWill madcap hijinx occur because of this? Have you noticed that the first question in this part is usually a question version of what the last line was? Was the previous question too long? Tune in next time to Advance Wars 2.75 II!/b

iAdvance Wars 2.75 II, Part 8/i

Previously, more completely random antics occured. And Drake decided to get Eagle a girlfriend.

Drake: Let's see...gotta be someone who shares Eagle's interests in here somewhere...nope, there's no one! Guess that sure brought THAT plot to a screeching halt.

-Orange Star-

Andy: Hmmm. Yellow Comet is bogged down in a gorilla-style war in Black Hole.

Cut to Black Hole.

Yellow Comet Soldier: Now, be very careful. We don't want to be caught unaware.

Dozens of gorillas come out of nowhere.

Yellow Comet Soldier: Uh-oh. This isn't good.

Back in Orange Star...

Andy: So don't you think we should help them out?

Nell: Why?! They went ahead without any proof Black Hole was dangerous-

Andy: They've invaded us twice! How is that not dangerous?

Nell: -not to mention without our permission. But mostly because we're just really lazy.

Andy: So we don't help?

Nell: Nope. We laugh at their comical struggle.

Andy: Now THAT is a plan I can agree with!

Meanwhile, in a completely different story...

Bowser: I have the perfect plan this time! Kidnap Mario, then have Peach come to his rescue! And I've already got Mario, now Peach will come to save him, and I'll capture Peach! It's perfect!

Peach comes through the door.

Peach: Mario! I'm here to rescue you!

Bowser: Yeah, right! You think you can beat me?

Peach throws her crown at Bowser and he is defeated, but the crown breaks.

Peach: And don't think you're not paying for that, you know.

Peach rescues Mario and drags Bowser to the Mushroom Kingdom Palace.

Peach: And Bowser, until you pay off your debt, it's YOUR job to clean all the toilets in the castle!

Bowser: How long do I have to do this?

Peach: Let's see...according to the worth of that crown...about 2 days.

Bowser: That doesn't sound so bad.

Peach: Wait, I forgot to carry the 4. It's actually 2 years.

Bowser faints.

Peach: And by the way, fainting adds an extra month to the length of servitude.

Back in our original story...

Kanbei: Well, the reconstruction of Black Hole is finished. Now let's get out of there.

Later...

Sturm: Mwahaha! They've left! Now I can resume control of Black Hole!

So Sturm re-conquers Black Hole.

-Yellow Comet-

Sonja: Uh...Sturm took back control of Black Hole.

Kanbei: So?

Sonja: So all that time and effor we spent trying to reconstruct Black Hole failed!

Kanbei: So?

Sonja: Uh...it's bad?

Kanbei: I disagree! And because you have disagreed with me, I sentence you to be...BURNED TO DEATH!

Sonja: What?

Kanbei: I'm trying to be a bit more creative. So we're just going to make a bonfire and toss you in.

Sonja: *sigh*

-Orange Star-

Hachi: It's time for me to make even more money! My latest scheme is to make people think they're giving a charity, when it's actually going straight to me!

Employee: Sir, I believe that's illegal. You know, because it's false advertising.

Hachi: Hey, the money does go to a good cause: Me!

bIs Hachi a good cause? Will Red Sun ever make a re-appearance? Is this the last episode of Season 2, or will we make a few more? Find out next time, on Advance Wars 2.75 II!/b

iAdvance Wars 2.75 II, Part 9/i

For no reason other than boredom, we decided to add one more episode to this season.

-Green Earth-

Jess: It's that time again!

Drake: What time is it?

Jess: It's time to...find out what time it is again!

Drake faints.

Jess: And it's time to...find out what time it is!

Drake: Just tell us what time it is already!

Jess: It's time to...cut to someplace else!

-Yellow Comet-

Kanbei: Greetings, guy with bad memory.

Sensei: What's my name again?

Kanbei: *sigh* Take these memory pills.

Sensei takes the pills.

Sensei: Oh no! I just remembered something important I forgot to do!

Kanbei: What was it?

Sensei: I was supposed to...KILL YOU!

Kanbei: WHAT?!

Sensei: What, aren't you Max?

Kanbei: No. But we do have an astonishing resemblence to each other.

Sensei: Well, it's time to go kill Max!

Sensei leaves.

Kanbei: Sucker!

Kanbei takes off a disguise and it's really Max.

Max: Now it's time to...I don't know, do something!

-Blue Moon-

Grit: Hey, Olaf, I've got the perfect plan on how to increase our army's strength.

Olaf: Not now, Grit. I'm busy with more important matters.

Grit: Like what?

Olaf: Like how many donuts I can eat in an hour.

Grit: *sigh* I need to ask for a raise.

Colin: Important news! Important news!

Grit: What is it, Colin?

Colin: According to a new warning by the FDA, people should under no circumstances try to find out how many donuts they can eat in an hour. It can cause dizziness, stupidity, death, and possibly spontaneous combustion.

Olaf: But who would be dumb enough to try that out anyway?

Both Grit and Colin stare at Olaf.

Grit: This isn't good.

BOOOMMM!!!

Grit: Oh no! Olaf blew up!

Olaf: I did not blow up! That tank over there did, not me! And man, those donuts were good! Now me not hungry no more.

Grit: Dang, now he's even dumber than normal. Guess those donuts did have an effect on him after all.

Colin: I wouldn't be too sure about that...I'm not sure he's any dumber. Or, for that matter, if he can be any dumber.

A long, long, time ago, in a galaxy far away...

Darth Vader: Luke...I am your father!

Luke: Cool!

Darth Vader: What, aren't you going to go "NOOOO!!!" and start doubting yourself or something?

Luke: Hey, I always wanted to rule the galaxy!

Darth Vader: Argh...

Andy (watching the movie): Man, I LOVE these Star Wars bloopers!

-Black Hole-

Sturm: I've had it with these neverending wars! It's time to ready the reinforcements! From space!

Hawke: Oh, who cares? We all know that if it's serious it's going to fail in the early stages, because it's hard to make jokes when the story has a point.

Sturm: Enough! I have spoken! We shall page the motherworld for ships and troops and stuff! And then we shall at last conquer this world!

Hawke: How long is that going to take?

Sturm: A while. Probably about the length of time between this season and the next.

Hawke: Must we repeat that joke again?

Sturm: Yep.

Lash: So, uh, how are we going to pass the time between now and when the troops arrive?

Sturm: Does it matter? It's just going to cut away from us now anyway.

-Green Earth-

Drake: Let's check the ol' telescope to see if there's anything interesting going on.

Drake looks in the telescope.

Drake: Holy smokes! And how are smokes holy? Anyway, there's a giant armada of...thingies heading this way!

Earlier that day, on Sturm's home planet...

Alien: Sturm is requesting reinforcements.

Alien 2: I thought we only told him to go conquer that planet to get him out of our hair.

Alien 1: Dang, is this like Invader Zim or what?

Alien 2: Let's just send him some troops to get him to shut up.

bWill Sturm shut up? Will Sturm conquer the world? Will Sturm become intelligent? Will Sturm not be the object of any of these questions? Find out next time, on Advance Wars 2.75 III!/b