iAdvance Wars 2.75 III, Part 1/i

Lord Seth: Dang, Season 3 already?

Seems that way.

Lord Seth: Why do I always seem to have these conversations with the narrator at the beginning of the story, if I ever show up?

Beats me.

Lord Seth: Argh! Anyway, to recap, Sturm managed to get some more troops from his home world. But before we find out anything about that, let's...I don't know, see something else.

-Orange Star-

Andy: I just fixed a tank! Look!

Sami gets in the tank and it collapses on top of her.

Andy: Oops.

Lord Seth: Okay, that's enough. Let's just go to Black Hole...or something...

-Black Hole-

Sturm: Yes! My new troops are here!

Suddenly, all the troops disappear.

Sturm: What?!!

Lord Seth: Well, I was just struck by an idea for a different plot. I'll just shelve this for later. THEN the troops will re-appear. Anyway, it's time for crossovers.

Sturm: NOOOOO!!! Anything but crossovers!

Lord Seth: Yep, crossovers.

Sturm: Uh-oh.

bDoes this quality as an "Uh-oh"? Will the cross-overs be any good? Why did I spell it "crossover" before and "cross-over" just now? Is it spelled with our without a hyphen? What will happen to the non-existant character Fred? Is the saving function in Fire Emblem horrible? What's the point of all these questions? Are there too many irrelevant questions here? Are there too many questions, period? Am I ever going to stop? Is this funny at all? Why did I just ask that? Why is grass green? Why is the sky blue? Am I getting repetitive and boring? Is the only reason there are so many questions here to take up space because this part was so short? Am I getting annoying now?/b

Lord Seth: Yes. And tune in next time to Advance Wars 2.75.

bNo, you have to say it like you MEAN it!/b

Lord Seth: I do. Now shut up.

bWill I shut up?/b

Lord Seth: That's it! YOU'RE GOING DOWN, NARRATOR!!!!

bUh oh.../b

The following scene is too violent to even show on HBO, so instead of showing it will will simply end this part.


iAdvance Wars 2.75 III, Part 2/i

Previously, Sturm's plan to conquer the world failed before it even began (as usual) and we know we're in for some crossovers. Uh-oh.

Cut to Lord Seth. He's playing videogames.

Lord Seth: Hey, bother me later, okay? I've still got some stuff to do. Just, I don't know, stop this episode and give me until the next one, okay?

iAdvance Wars 2.75 III, Part 2.25/i

-Blue Moon-

Grit: I sense a disturbance in the force...as if many voices started whining about cross-overs, and then started growing louder...

Bowser: Phew! I finally got out of that Mushroom Kingdom Palace! I don't have to do two years of servitude after all! Too bad I still have this thing attached to my leg that shocks me every minute I'm out of the castle! OW! There it just went.

1 minute later...

Bowser: OW!

Meanwhile...

Mario: How did I get stuck with THIS lousy job?

Begin weird flashback sequence.

Mario: I don't want to look for Bowser! You look for him!

Luigi: No, I want you to!

Mario: Fine! We'll have a jumping contest! Whoever jumps higher wins!

Both jump. Mario jumps higher.

Mario: Haha! I jumped higher! That means I...have to go. Darn, I screwed up, didn't I?

Luigi: Yep.

Mario: Haha! While I go around having adventures and building up fame, you have to stay here and become...not as famous! Mwahahaha!

Luigi: Uh...

End weird flashback sequence thingy.

Later, in Orange Star...

Mario: Look! There's someone who might help! Hey, have you seen a giant turtle anywhere?

Hachi: It depends. How much will you pay me?

Mario: What?

Hachi: If you pay me, I'll have seen him. If you don't, I didn't see him.

Mario: That makes sense in its own strange kind of way. Okay, how much do you want?

Hachi: 1 million coins.

Mario: 1 million. Coins.

Hachi: Yep!

Mario: Oh, I'm going to talk to someone else.

Mario leaves.

Hachi: Where have I seen that guy before? He seems familiar.

Above Hachi is a sign advertising the newest Mario game.

Meanwhile...

Sturm: Prepare the battalions! Make sure our defenses are inpenetre...impenetra...inpenetrad...oh, just make sure they're hard to get through!

Adder: Er, exactly who are we defending ourselves against?

Sturm: The cross-over characters! They're coming!

Adder: What makes you so sure? Who told you?

Sturm: Lord Seth did! And everyone knows he always tells the truth! Well, except when he lies. But otherwise he always tells the truth!

Adder: Sturm, exactly what is your IQ?

Sturm: I can't remember. But I remember it was pretty good.

Adder: How good?

Sturm: I don't know, maybe 70-80.

Adder: That's BELOW average!

Sturm: What? I thought the average was 50. At least, that's what the IQ tester told me.

Adder: *sigh* Who was the IQ tester?

Sturm: Me!

Adder: But how...oh, I'm not even going to continue talking to you. You're making my head hurt. And I've got a headache in my back, also.

Adder leaves.

Sturm: Well, better make sure no cross-over characters get in.

Goomba: Hi! Can you give me directions?

Sturm: AAAAAHHHH!!!!

Sturm starts running around in circles and screaming.

Goomba: Man, ask a simple question...

-Yellow Comet-

Kanbei: So how is the new national anthem coming alone?

Sensei: It just says "Kanbei is mighty. Kanbei is strong." over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and-

Kanbei: Then it's perfect!

-Green Earth-

Drake: That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard.

Eagle: What are you talking about? How could you possibly think stealing a taxi and driving it off a cliff is a bad idea?

Drake: Uh, besides the obvious?

Eagle: Yes, besides the obvious.

Drake: *sigh*

Eagle: If you won't do it, I'll do it without you! I'll get Jess to do it instead.

Drake: How are you going to get JESS to do it?

Eagle: Hypnotism.

Drake: Uh...why couldn't you just hypnotize me?

Eagle: Good point! Let me get my pendelum!

Drake: *sigh*

bTune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.75 III!/b

Lord Seth: ...What? You were expecting something extra?


iAdvance Wars 2.75 III, Part 3/i

Last time...oh, just look at the previous part. I'm tired of doing these things.

-Orange Star-

Mario: All that looking and still no sign of Bowser.

Meanwhile, behind Mario...

Bowser: All that looking and still no sign of Mario.

The two turn around and see each other. A giant battle occurs that would look absolutely awesome if not for the fact this is all text. Mario beats Bowser up and throws him into a trash can, which then then emptied into a garbage truck. Then the trash is flattened (with Bowser in it).

Bowser (flattened and covered in garbage): I'll be back! Just you wait! Somehow, in some way, I'll be back! And once I'm back...YOU WILL SUFFER MY WRATH! (pause) Assuming you don't beat me up first, of course.

Meanwhile...

-Green Earth-

Jess: It's a full moon. You know what that means.

Drake: What?

Jess: Vampires are coming!

Drake: What are you talking about? People turn into werewolves on a full moon, not vampires!

Jess: Actually, there's no such thing as vampires or werewolves. There are really just...werevamps!

Drake: ...

Jess: Yeah! Werevamps! People who turn into vampires on a full moon!

Drake: But you just said vampires didn't exist!

Jess: Whatever! Anyway, werevamps arae distinguishable because of their immense stupidity. If you see someone who's stupid, usually in a comical way, odds are that they're werevamps.

Eagle: Hey everyone!

Drake and Jess stare at Eagle.

Drake: ...Let's run.

Drake and Jess scream and run away from Eagle. Eagle starts chasing them while turning into a vampire.

Drake: Don't worry! We just have to keep running until the moon is no longer full!

Man on TV: In a stunning development, it turns out that we'll actually have a full moon for three days! And because of some weird thingy that I'm not going to talk about, it's going to be night for all of those three days!

Drake: This isn't good.

bIs it good? Is it? Is it? IS IT? IS IT?! Find out next time, on the next increasingly pointless episode of Advance Wars 2.75 III!/b


iAdvance Wars 2.75 III, Part 4/i

I know something is supposed to be here, but what? Oh well, might as well start the story while I try to remember.

-Blue Moon-

Colin: This is bad! Olaf is dead!

Grit: How dead?

Colin: As dead as a doornail.

Grit: Uh, actually, that means he's not dead. See, if something never lived, it can't die. A doorknob isn't a living thing and it didn't come from a living thing. So that means he's not dead. Of course, it also means he never lived. So-

Colin: Oh, never mind. It turns out he was just in a coma anyway.

-Orange Star-

Andy: I'm tired of all this random stuff! I want a continuing storyline! I want important stuff to happen! I want...uh, I'm not exactly certain right now. I'm kind of ab-libbing this as I go along.

Lord Seth: I've got a great idea for a new plotline, but I want to wait until the next season to do it. So I'll just fill up this season with a bunch of nonsenical stories that make no sense.

Max: You've done that in every season already!

Lord Seth: Oh yeah...good point...

Max: Whatever happened to all of those crossover characters anyway?

Lord Seth: Beats me.

A pause.

Lord Seth: What, aren't you going to cut away to show what happened to him?

No way! I'm on strike!

Lord Seth: WHY?! I pay you half the minimum wage! Isn't that more than enough?

No.

Lord Seth: I'll deal with that later! Right now I've got more important things to worry about! Like whether the things I'm worrying about are important or not, for instance! And whether worrying about whether the things I'm worrying about are important. And about worrying whether-

OKAY! SHUT UP! I'll come back!

Lord Seth: No one can fight my...uh...whatever it was I was just doing...anyway, we've got to do something to liven up this story a bit!

Grit: Well, we could just end this part here.

Lord Seth: No! I did that gag enough in Season 8 of Advance Wars 2.5! I'm not doing it here...YET.

An evil smile appears across Lord Seth's face.

Lord Seth: Whatever. Because we need to finish this part, and because of some...personal difficulties.

Grit: You mean like how you got mad at that one person and then they-

Lord Seth: Look, I don't want to talk about it, okay?

-Green Earth-

Eagle: We need to do something. So let's invade and conquer all of Wars World!

Jess: You do know Lord Seth is just ripping this idea off of a story on fanfiction.net, right?

Eagle: What?

Jess: Forget it. You're hopeless.

Drake: There's always hope!

Jess: You're right. Eagle is only almost entirely completely absolutely definitely 100% hopeless.

Eagle: And so...LET'S INVADE!!!

-Black Hole-

Sturm: I'm tired of having mostly competent COs. They make me look bad! I'm going to go back and conquer Red Sun so that I'll have less competent COs that'll make me look good!

Hawke: But all the Red Sun COs stopped existing! How are you going to bring them back?

Sturm: Lord Seth loves dramatic-yet-pointless plot twists. I'm sure that he'll bring them back.

Later, in Red Sun...

Sturm: I now control Red Sun! All we have to do is wait for the Red Sun COs to appear!

Much later...

Sturm: ARGH! Why aren't they here? Why?! Why doesn't Lord Seth bring them back?

Lord Seth: You could have ASKED...

Sturm: Fine! Will you bring them back!

Lord Seth: Sure, sure. It won't take too long.

Not too long later...

Matt: Yes! We're back! Not existing sucks.

Marl: Now, now, Matt, you know you're not supposed to talk like that.

Matt: You're not. Not existing is like living under the oppressive confines of the capitalist economy!

Marl: That's my boy!

Lord Seth: And all is not right with the world! *wipes tear off of eye* I don't hate unhappy endings so little.

-Green Earth-

Eagle: All right...let's give those other countries what's coming to them! Ready...aim...begin dramatic plot twist!


iAdvance Wars 2.75 III, Part 5/i

The previous part ended with a dramatic plot twist. If you want to see what it was, read the previous part. Or else...um...or else you won't understand what's going on! Yeah!

-Green Earth-

Eagle: I forgot. Who are we bombing again?

Jess: I thought you knew!

Eagle: I thought Drake knew.

Both Jess and Eagle look at Drake.

Drake: I thought...actually, I don't know who I thought knew.

Eagle: Whatever! Let's go after...oh, Blue Moon.

-Blue Moon-

Grit: Bad news, Olaf. Green Earth is going to invade us.

Olaf: Why should I care?

Grit: Besides the obvious?

Olaf: Yep, besides the obvious.

Grit: Um...well...

Olaf: My point exactly! I shouldn't care!

Grit: *sigh* As always, it's up to me.

Grit goes out and destroys Green Earth's entire invasion force with his Rockets, Battleships, and, to a lesser extent, Missiles.

Meanwhile, in one of the crashing planes...

Eagle: This is all your fault, Drake!

Drake: How is this MY fault?

Eagle: Your being here has decreased the power of my air units!

Drake: That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.

Eagle: Aw, you say that about all the stupid things.

Drake: *sigh*

-Orange Star-

Andy: Well, I fixed your thingy.

Max: Yeah! You know what, Andy? You're not so useless after all.

Andy: Oh, you're just saying that.

Max: You're right. I am.

Andy: WHAT?!

Andy pulls out a remote and presses a button. The Max is holding blows up.

Max: Why you...

Max starts chasing Andy in a circle.

Andy: Note to self: Stop eating cinnabon buns before eating other cinnabon buns.

-Yellow Comet-

Kanbei: AAAAHHH! A MONSTER!!!

Sonja: That's just a mouse.

Kanbei: Yeah, but it's a giant, radioactive mutant mouse!

Sonja: Well, I guess that's true...

Sensei: Oh, how bad could it be?

The mouse eats Kanbei, Sonja, and Sensei.

Sensei (inside the mouse's mouth): Is it too late to retract my statement?

-Red Sun-

Matt: We haven't seen my sister for a while. I wonder where she is.

Meanwhile, somewhere else...

Stephanie: Yes! My plan is succeeding! Only 24 more years, and I'll have finally got out of this underground maze!

bWill Stephanie get out of the underground maze? Is it too late for Sensei to retract his statement? Is it...oh, why do I ever bother with this? It's not like it matters except when using a joke. I'm not even going to bother saying Tune in next time, to Advance Wars 2.75 III! again. Oh great, I just did./b


iAdvance Wars 2.75 III, Part 6/i

Previously, stuff happened.

Lord Seth: It's time to make this story less random!

Grit: With YOU as the author?

Lord Seth: Good point. For the next 1 second, I will be accepting applications for co-authors! Beginning now!

1 second later...

Lord Seth: Too late!

Grit: That, uh, didn't give people much time.

Lord Seth: That was the point. I was using it for another joke.

Grit: You're not funny anymore, you know that?

Lord Seth: Yep. Absolutely.

Grit: I hate you.

Lord Seth: I know.

Colin: I hate you, too.

Lord Seth: I know.

Sonja: I hate you, also.

Lord Seth: I know.

Marl: I hate you.

Lord Seth: I kn...actually, I didn't know THAT. Thanks for telling me. You're going to suffer an unfortunate .

Marl: WHAT?!?!?!

Lord Seth: Yes! I'm going to wax up all of the floors you walk on, thus increasing the chance you'll trip, making it very probable that you'll have an accident. Mwahaha! Mwahaha! I'm bad, aren't I?

Marl: I hate you.

Lord Seth: I know.

-Black Hole-

Hawke: Hmmm. I'm in charge again. Well, it's time we go and invade some countries. Again.

Lash: But we never manage to conquer them! Why do we always try when it's been proven over and over it doesn't work?

Hawke: We have bad memories.

Lash: Ah.

And so Black Hole invades the other countries of Wars World, a la Advance Wars 2, except with more humor.

-Orange Star-

Nell: Mwahaha! The game is afoot!

Andy: The game is a foot? Doesn't sound like much of a game. How do you play a game with just one foot? Hopping?

Nell: No you idiot! That's not what I was talking about!

Andy: Oh.

-Green Earth-

Jess: Welcome to another episode of whatever the name of this show is! Today we find out if two heads really are better than one! We'll be using Drake and Eagle to find out!

Cut to Drake writing on a piece of paper.

Drake: Done!

Jess: Good, Drake! You got an 80% on this quiz! Now let's check up on Eagle.

Cut to Eagle.

Eagle: Um...er...uh...

Jess: Just fill it out.

Eagle: Okay!

Eagle fills it out randomly.

Jess: Your score is...5%! You got the extra credit question right. Otherwise it would've been 0%. Anyway, let's see how it works when the two work together on it!

Cut to Drake and Eagle working together on the test.

Drake: The answer to this one is !

Eagle: No, !

Drake: !

Eagle: !

Drake: Never mind! Let's go onto the next question. I think it's true.

Eagle: No, it's false!

Drake: I got a much higher score than you did initially! My answer is bound to be correct!

Eagle: Yeah, right.

Drake: THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GOING DOWN RIGHT NOW!

A large fight erupts between Eagle and Drake (you know, like on those cartoons where there's that one big cloud where two people are fighting?). The piece of paper gets sucked in and comes out shredded.

Jess: Well, it looks like they got a 0% on the test! That's lower than what either of them got before! So it looks like two heads aren't better than one. Anyway, join us next time, when we find out exactly if three heads are better than two! Until then...

Jess gets dragged into the fighting cloud.

Jess: ...be sure your medical insurance is paid!

bIs this story too crazy? Too random? Did you think I was going to be predictable by writing Are your medical insurances paid? Ha! In your face! IN YOUR FACE!!! Oh yeah, and, uh, something about Advance Wars 2.75 III that I can't remember./b


iAdvance Wars 2.75 III, Part 7/i

Previously...oh, what does it matter? Whatever plot there was will certainly be completely forgotten and there will just be a bunch of random skits instead.

-Blue Moon-

Grit: According to my calculations, the next random event should occur in about 2 seconds.

Eagle: Grit! Long time no see!

Grit: Uh...we kinda saw you YESTERDAY...

Eagle: 24 hours is a long time!

Grit: No it isn't!

Eagle: It is if you're waiting for in line for the bathroom!

-Black Hole-

Sturm: Well, all we need to do now is to declare war on Red Sun and all our problems are over.

Hawke: HOW WILL THAT STOP OUR PROBLEMS?!

Sturm: I don't know, but there has to be SOMETHING, right?

Hawke: *sigh*

-Red Sun-

Marl: It is time to conquer Black Hole!

Matt: How is Sturm head of Black Hole again? I thought he was on our side.

Marl: Enh.

-Black Hole-

Sturm: According to Red Sun we are an evil, fascist dictatorship.

Hawke: So how do you respond to their message?

Sturm: Tell them "WE ARE NOT AN EVIL FASCIST DICTATORSHIP! Evil, yeah, dictatorship, yeah, but whatever that other thing was, no.

Hawke: So we're not fascist? Phew.

Sturm: By the way, what's fascist mean anyway?

Hawke faints a la animé style.

Lord Seth: What was the point of this part?

Adder: Space filler.

Lord Seth: Ah.

-Orange Star-

Sonja: Yeah! Nothing bad has happened to me for...one week! And I haven't died in a month! Life is so great!

Pause.

Sonja: Why did I just say that? Argh, I bet it'll just cause me to get hurt or something.

Longer pause.

Sonja: Whaddya know? I survived! Woohoo! I'm safe after all!

Lord Seth: What was the point of THIS part?

Sensei: Space filler.

Lord Seth: Ah.

-Orange Star-

Hachi: I know how to make billions of money! Let's bring out an operating system that's a complete ripoff of Macintosh, then made lots of money off of it even though we have absolutely no right to! Then let's engage in all sorts of fraud stuff like fake pro-Windows reviews!

Employee: I have GOT to stop letting him read Bill Gate's diary.

Lord Seth: What was the point of THIS part?

Nell: A lame joke.

Lord Seth: Oh.

Meanwhile, in a completely different story...

Nergal: Mwahaha! My evil plan is complete! Now all I have to do is sit back, relax, and do absolutely nothing while the good guys completely ruin my plan! Why do I do that? Because I have no common sense and am an idiot!

Lord Seth: And what was the point of THIS part?

Nergal: Don't ask me. I'm just a total moron who has plenty of power. I mean, if I weren't a moron, I would've done plenty of stuff different! You know, like kill the good guys when they were weak, like siccing Jaffar on them when I had the chance, like grabbing Ninian and Nils instead of just Ninian, like killing Eliwood's father when I had the chance, etc.

Lord Seth: Exactly when does this take place?

Nergal: I don't know. But I'm sure it can occur sometime in the game.

Lord Seth: Grrrr...

bGrrrr? Well, that's it for this season. Tune in to next season, when we try to (likely unsuccessfully) make this story a little more serious!/b