He came clanking into the campsite with a surprisingly light step. The bright purple bruise around his left eye made her wince and look away.
"Joxer, are you all right?" Gabrielle asked softly.
He just shrugged and waved a hand dismissively as he sat on a log near the fire. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine." He took a deep breath and nodded, "Yep, just fine."
Gabrielle frowned at his casual attitude and bit her lip. Her hand rubbed against the compresses over her chest. She looked away from him, the quickly back again. "Joxer, I'm sorry for hitting you so hard." She shook her head, "Well, I shouldn't have hit you at all, but I had felt..." She blushed and looked away, remembering very clearly what she had felt. "I mean, I didn't want--" She stopped again, remembering very clearly what she had wanted. She closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead.
She took a deep breath and glanced back at him. "I mean, when you--" She stopped when he just looked at her with raised eyebrows. All right, that wasn't exactly true. "Well, when I, uh...when we, um--" Her cheeks reddened. Okay, she really didn't want to get into that. Best not to think about that kiss right now. "You saved my life. I might have drowned if you hadn't pulled me out of the water. You saved me and I just hit you and walked away and I feel terrible and--" She huffed out an impatient breath. "Look, I'm just sorry, okay? I'm so sorry for everything."
Joxer just sat there, trying to sift through her jumble of words. He blinked a few times, then nodded. "Okay." He reached over for a saddlebag and stuck his hand inside to search for a snack.
Gabrielle's jaw dropped. Okay? That was it? She looked over to Xena, but she was just as surprised, her hands paused in the middle of putting away bandages. Gabrielle watch Joxer dig through the bag, then pull out a small apple. Gods, was he really upset? She just couldn't read him, which was astonishing in itself, because everything Joxer was feeling always showed loud and clear on his face. Her stomach sank at the thought that he felt the need to hide his feelings from her. They were friends, after all... weren't they?
"Joxer," she said softly. He looked back at her and she was struck by how clear and deep his eyes were. She couldn't see any evidence of hurt, anger, or anything else for that matter. This couldn't be good. "Joxer, I mean it. I sorry for hurting you." Saying the words made her realize she really was. She was terribly sorry for hurting her friend, and she wasn't just talking about the punch.
Joxer just shrugged like before, "It's okay. You didn't hurt me." He looked away and smiled a bit, "You can't hurt me." He scooted down to lay on the ground with his head propped against the log and took a healthy bite out of the apple.
Gabrielle just stared at him, puzzled. This was not like him at all. Here she was, feeling like she'd kicked a puppy, and there he was, acting like it didn't matter. The ache in her chest suddenly throbbed harder and her eyes began to prickle... oh gods, she was not going to start crying! What was wrong with this picture?
Xena heard his words and frowned. There was something the way he said them... something in his voice that gave her a strange feeling. A feeling... wait a minute! Her senses immediately perked up, though her outward appearance remained calm. That prickle on the back of her neck was very familiar. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she slowly scanned the area.
There! The briefest mist of sparkles glowed deep in the cluster of trees to her left. She cocked an eyebrow and stood. Looking from a prone Gabrielle to a relaxed Joxer, she sighed. Carefully, she lifted Eve's basket and laid it next to Joxer. "Watch her while I scare up some dinner, all right?"
Joxer quickly sat up and grinned, "Sure thing!" He leaned over the basket and gazed tenderly at the sleeping infant.
Gabrielle frowned and started to rise up, "Xena--"
Xena raised a hand to for silence, then pointed down at her, "I want you to lie there and rest. Joxer is perfectly capable of watching a sleeping baby for a few minutes."
Joxer sighed as Eve's little hand clutched at the blanket in her sleep. "Of course, I can. Uncle Joxer will keep both eyes on our widdle-biddie Evie!"
Xena rolled her eyes, but nodded and gave a pointed look to Gabrielle until her friend relented and lay back down. Fingering her chakram, she quickly darted through the trees.
The mist of sparkles had vanished but the prickling on the back of her neck had not. She could still feel it as she walked further from camp. Concentrating on the feeling, she scanned all around her as she walked... just waiting. After a few more paces, she stopped when the sensation suddenly felt stronger.
"Show yourself!" she demanded, folding her arms across her chest.
In a flash of sparkles, Cupid appeared before her in very much the same position. He held up a hand before she could speak. "I know what you're going to say, Xena, but hear me out, all right?"
Keeping a lid on her temper, Xena raised an eyebrow, "I don't want hear your excuses, Cupid. Just undo whatever you did to Joxer, and do it now!"
"He asked for it, Xena."
Xena's eye narrowed dangerously and her words came out slowly as she took a step toward the love god. "What in the entire Known World could Joxer have done to anger the gods? Why are you punishing him?"
Cupid held up his hands in surrender, but stayed firmly where he stood. "Whoah! Nobody's punishing Joxer!" He looked off to the side and mumbled, "Except himself." He sighed at Xena's glare, "Look, when I say he asked for it, I mean he literally asked for it."
Xena frowned, but took a step back again, "So, what is it he asked for?"
As Cupid explained, Xena looked more and more confused. She finally held up a hand to silence him, then put it to her head, which was beginning to ache.
"Okay, so if Joxer and Gabrielle are supposed to be this great love match, why in Tartarus did you shoot him? Aphrodite can't be happy about that."
Cupid sighed, thinking of the sadness he had seen on his mother's face. "She's not, that's why I'm here. Look, I only shot him with the small bow, so the match still has a chance."
"The small bow?"
"Yeah, I have bows of all sizes for my golden arrows, depending on how fleeting or how deep a person's love will be. The same goes for my lead arrows. Love can be driven out of a person's heart for a day or for a lifetime."
Xena looked back in the direction of the campsite. "So how small was this bow you used?"
"He'll feel no love for Gabrielle for a full month. As short a time as that sounds, this really isn't a good thing." Cupid laid a hand on her arm, and Xena turned back to him. "Gabrielle is fond of Joxer now, but Mom tells me that in time she was meant to come to love him. Really love him."
Xena nodded, "I can see that happening. He's been a very good friend to her...to us both."
Cupid shook his head, "Xena, he won't be the same after this. Even after a month, when he's able to feel his love for her, it won't be the same. It won't be as strong, as deep, as pure, and it will affect how much she loves him in return. Anything less than a True Love can open the door for doubt and unhappiness."
Xena's heart sank at his words. Gabrielle and Joxer were her best friends. They deserved their chance at love, and if they were meant to love each other... well, she'd do whatever she could to help them. "You said there was still a chance."
He nodded, "We'll have to do something major to reverse the effects of that arrow. Before the month is out, Gabrielle will have to realize her love for Joxer. She'll have to truly love him and show him that she loves him."
Xena's eyebrow quirked again, "Show him?"
Cupid laughed, his snowy white wings fluttering, "A kiss will do, Xena, but what you're thinking of... well, that couldn't hurt either."
She rolled her eyes, "I'd better get started, then." She turned and headed back toward the camp.
"I'll be around, Xena, if you need help."
Xena lifted a hand in acknowledgement, but kept walking.
**********
I'm not sure how long I layed there staring up at the stars. My belly was full of the roasted fowl Xena had cooked up before taking the baby back and settling down to sharpen her sword.
*shhh-ing* *shhh-ing* *shhh-ing*
The rhythmic sound of stone against metal was very relaxing. The limbs of the trees swayed in the night breeze, hiding, then revealing the twinkling stars. I liked how they did that, almost as if the were winking at me, congratulating me.
*shhh-ing* *shhh-ing* *shhh-ing*
And why not? I'd finally made the first really smart decision of my life. No more bumbling around acting like a fool and looking like a fool and feeling like a fool! I sighed, laced my fingers under my head and crossed my ankles.
*shhh-ing* *shhh-ing* *shhh-ing*
Gods, it felt good! I could just be me, just be plain old Joxer and not worry that it wasn't good enough. I don't have to impress anyone, which I never did anyway, so that really wasn't a problem. Yeah, this was much better. I'll probably be a bigger help around here, now that I'm free of those silly distractions. Silly thoughts... silly dreams.
Walking around with my head in the clouds, tripping over my own two feet. I rolled my eyes. Jeez, no wonder they think I'm such an idiot! Well, not anymore. It will all be different now...it has to be.
*shhh-ing*
Silence. Mmmmm, Xena's done already? She's usually at it longer than--
"Joxer?" Xena's voice right next to my ear startled me. She kneeled down next to me and held out a compress. "For your eye. The arnica salve will help with the bruising."
I had to smile at the almost sheepish expression on the warrior woman's face. I thanked her and held the compress to my eye, sighing at the blessed coolness. I hadn't realized how much it still ached until now. She was silent, but her eyes searched mine. For what? I know her instincts are sharp, but did I seem so different already?
"Joxer..." she stopped and looked away, then looked back. Gods, she looked sad! Before I could ask what was wrong, she put a hand on my shoulder. "Thank you for saving her, Joxer." She moved my hand off the compress and lifted it to check my eye. Sighing, she shook her head, "A hero certainly deserves better than this."
"Hero?" Oh, she must be trying to apologize. I guess she's not used to that sort of thing, at least not when it's directed at me. For a moment, I allowed myself to enjoy her discomfort. After all, she didn't feel too concerned when I was writhing on the docks, trying to keep my eye inside my head, but any lingering resentment faded with the genuine regret I saw in her eyes. I smiled and shrugged, "You'd do the same for me, right?"
"Absolutely." Her voice was dead serious and it warmed my heart to hear it. Xena jerked her head in the direction where Gabrielle lay sleeping. "So would she. You mean a lot to us, Joxer."
I looked over at the bard and...felt nothing. She'd do the same? I meant something to her? Hmmm...I guess after being around each other so long, she might feel enough to not let me drown, but any more than that? Not likely. Still, it was a nice thought. I smiled into Xena's concerned face. "Thanks."
Xena looked at me for a long moment then squeezed my shoulder. Replacing the compress, she patted my cheek. "Sleep tight, Hero."
Long after Xena had fallen asleep, I was still sitting there just enjoying the night. Shifting slightly against the log at my back, my knee bumped against the sword laying close by. A large, heavy sword in a relatively new scabbard. A warrior's sword.
My sword, but I'm no warrior. A sigh came from deep down. Well, that's going to change. First thing tomorrow, I'll ask a real warrior for some tips. Maybe some training. Gods knew I could learn a lot just by watching her, but, Wow, being trained by Xena... the idea was exciting and frightening at the same time. It made my heart jumpy, my hands fidgety. Once I can really use this sword, hold my own in a fight instead of knocking someone out by accident, or knocking myself out by accident and missing the whole thing, I'll really be Joxer the Mighty!
Automatically, the song came to mind and I began singing it in my head.Joxer the Mighty, He's very tidy, Roams through the countryside, He never needs a place to hide, With Gabby as--
Holy Hades! I rubbed at sudden pang in my chest. Man, that smarts! How long until I'm used to this strange feeling? Cupid didn't really say, but I hope it's soon. I can't afford to be distracted...
Where was I? Oh yeah, my song. I thought over the words and frowned, shaking my head. I need to think up some new words. Or scratch the whole thing and start a new song all together. Coax a new melody from my lyre---Aww, shoot! Where did I leave that thing? Well, I can think about that tomorrow... after I talk to Xena.
With these pleasant thoughts dancing in my head, I turned the soothing compress over to it's cooler side and settled down on the ground to get some sleep. Tomorrow...
**********
ON MOUNT OLYMPUS
Aphrodite sighed as three muscular men in loincloths massaged rose-scented oil into her tense muscles. Huffing out a breath, she blew a long golden curl from her forehead. This wasn't working. She couldn't relax. Pushing away from the silk-draped table, she clothed herself in some frothy pink scraps and vanished the startled men with an impatient snap.
Pacing around her statues and cushions, she flicked a finger and in a flash held a creamy white rose. Tapping it distractedly against her lips, she wondered how her son was faring with Joxer. They only had a month... could they manage it in time?
The flower dropped from her fingers as she gasped and pressed on her heart. The ache throbbed hard and deep in her chest. Her legs went limp as she sank to the carpeted floor and drew in a deep breath. The air suddenly shimmered next to her and two familiar hands grabbed her arms.
"Whoa, Mom! Major negative vibes!" Cupid frowned at her pale face. "What's going on?"
Aphrodite shook her head and gripped his arms. "This is so not good... Do something, Cupid! He's got to feel something, anything, positive about her. Quickly!"
**********
By the time Eve whimpered for her morning feeding, Joxer already had a pot of hearty porridge steaming over the fire. Xena smiled as she stretched and scooped the fussing baby from her basket, the rich scent of the apples he'd added had her stomach rumbling. Turning away for modesty, she unbuckled a shoulder strap and crooned sweetly to Eve, "That's right, sweetie, you're getting your breakfast first." Eve's cries were soon muffled and Xena quietly hummed a song as she patted her back.
Joxer smiled as he stirred the porridge, his heart warming at the sight. It never ceased to amaze him how this fierce and deadly warrior could be such a tender and loving mother. The image was achingly beautiful, but he only allowed himself to enjoy it for a moment as the wet, suckling sound always embarrassed him. He ladled up a bowl for himself and concentrated on counting blades of grass as he ate.
Soon enough, Eve was full and Joxer offered to burp her while Xena ate. Pleased with the request, Xena handed him the baby and watched as he paced and thumped Eve's back. It surprised her how easily and competently he managed it, but she told herself it shouldn't. It was just another point in an increasing list of points in his favor. She took a bite of the hot porridge and nearly moaned... Zeus, that man was racking up points left and right! This was better than Gabrielle's!
A low groan from under a nearby blanket announced Gabrielle's return from the realm of Morpheus. A twitching nose and drowsy eyes peeked out from the edge of the blanket. "I've died, haven't I?" She sat up and rubbed her eyes. " Only in the Elysian Fields could food smell that good."
Xena chuckled and spooned up a bowl for her, "Tastes even better." She's going to see his good points if I have to beat every one of them into her stubborn little head, Xena promised herself with a smug smile.
Gabrielle raised an eyebrow, "Then I know for sure you didn't make it." She took a bite of porridge and stared at Joxer in disbelief. "This is delicious!" He was pacing away from them with Eve, but when he turned back toward them, she felt her stomach sink to her toes. The purpley-green bruise contrasted sharply with his pale skin in the bright light of day.
Joxer smiled against Eve's head, enjoying the praise. Before he could respond, an impressive belch burst from over his shoulder that had them all laughing. "Thatta girl!" Joxer smiled down at the gurgling baby.
When Xena finished her meal, she asked Joxer to sit so she could check his eye. Satisfied that the compress had taken care of any swelling, she applied more arnica salve while he bounced Eve on one knee. She then turned her attention to Gabrielle's injury and lightly ran her fingers over the slight bump. "Swelling's almost down. Does it hurt much?"
Gabrielle tore her eyes away from the rather heartwarming paternal image of Joxer and Eve. "Huh?" Xena raised her eyebrow, tapped not-too-lightly on the bump and Gabrielle sucked in a breath. "Well, if you're going to go poking at it, yeah it hurts!" Xena snorted and gently smoothed on some of the salve. She noticed the way Gabrielle's strayed back to the patty-cake game Joxer was playing with Eve. "He's really good with her."
It was on the tip of Gabrielle's tongue to mention that he wasn't much more than a big baby himself, but she just couldn't. It wasn't fair and she felt sorry for even thinking it, so she just nodded absently, not noticing Xena's smirk.
Her eyes were constantly pulled in his direction. She was still uneasy with the way he brushed her apology off last night, not to mention the dream that replayed a certain kiss over and over in her mind through the night. But she wasn't going to think about that. She couldn't control her dreams, could she? It's not like she wanted to feel those warm, strong lips on hers again, or feel her bones melt from the heat of it again, right? Squirming a bit, she took a long drag on the waterskin and stuffed her mouth full of porridge, pushing those thoughts firmly aside.
As they packed up camp, she tried to read Joxer's feelings, tried to gauge how upset he was, but she just couldn't tell. He was the way he always was...sort of. Attentive to Eve as ever, maybe a little more chatty with Xena, but she could have been invisible for all the attention he paid to her. Without it, she began noticing several things.
As they packed up camp, she noticed how quiet it was. Joxer was quiet. Well, not really quiet, he was responding to Xena as she directed him and he was cooing at Eve and making silly faces, he'd even asked her to hand him a few things out of his reach, but he wasn't talking her ear off the way he always did. She supposed she should enjoy the reprieve, but still...
By the time they were packed up, when Xena asked if she planned to take her bedroll along, Gabrielle was surprised to see it still on the ground. It hit her that Joxer had always packed up her bedroll for her, strapping it up right beside his. Why hadn't she noticed that before?
Gods, she never even had to ask for her own water! If he took a drink, he'd always offered her one. Her mouth had gone bone dry before she realized he'd taken the skin back from Xena, took a swig for himself and was hooking it back on Argo's saddle without so much as glancing at her.
Good grief, how long had it been like this? She didn't even want to think about what else she was taking for granted, how many things she had overlooked. Thoroughly disgusted with herself, she took out her sais and began going through her routine a little more aggressively than usual, trying to clear her jumbled thoughts.
Xena unsheathed her sword, called out for Gabrielle to take it easy and asked Joxer if he'd watch Eve while she worked out a bit. "Sure," he agreed and set the baby on his hip the way he'd seen Xena do, "but do you mind if we watch?" Xena noticed that he hadn't even glanced at Gabrielle as she moved with her weapons. His eyes should be glued on her and starting to glaze over by now, she thought and sighed. "All right," she smacked him lightly on the arm, "maybe you'll pick up a few things, hmm?"
"My thoughts exactly, "Joxer smiled, bent to scoop up his sword, and followed her through the trees to another clearing, so the two practicing warriors wouldn't distract each other.
Gabrielle was halfway through her routine when her head began to ache. Well, the exercise wasn't clearing her thoughts anyway, she sighed, then noticed she was quite alone. It usually annoyed her when Joxer ogled her while she practiced, then hearing all those not-so-subtle compliments on her form and style when she finished, but now his absence only served to further confuse her.
She found him in the other clearing sitting on a large, wide stone studying Xena's moves and holding Eve, who was happily chewing on the leather ties of his tunic. Quietly, so as not to distract Xena, she sat next to him, waiting for him to turn to her, but his eye were fixed on the warrior's movements, so she waited. When Xena had worked up a nice sweat and resheathed her sword, Gabrielle touched Joxer's arm. "Joxer--"
He startled at her touch, then smiled widely, "Oh, good, you're here!" Her heart jumped. That's more like it. She felt so relieved to see the happiness in his eyes, she started to speak, but suddenly found her lap filled with Eve.
"Here," he patted the baby's head, "you be good for Aunt Gabrielle while I go talk to your Mommy, okay Eve?" Without another word, he leapt off the stone, grabbed his sword and rushed over to where Xena was wiping her face and neck with a cool rag, not noticing how Gabrielle's mouth hung open like a fish.
Holding his sword in front of him, he took a deep breath. "Xena, can you teach me a few of those moves?" He sighed when she just raised an eyebrow at him. "Come on, you know I barely know how to use this thing and it's past time I learned. Will you teach me?"
Xena was silent for a long moment before she took his sword and drew it from the scabbard. Motioning for him to step back, she tested its weight and balance, then swung it around and thrust it in a flurry of movements. She shook her head as she resheathed it and handed it back. "Not with that sword. It's too heavy for you to use it one-handed and it's poorly made - the balance is off."
Joxer studied his weapon, the one his father had given him. Well, that said a lot for the faith the old warlord had put in him, didn't it? "All right. If I got a proper weapon, would you train me?"
Xena took a long drink from the waterskin, then walked over to take the baby from Gabrielle. "Are you ready to kill?"
Joxer was taken aback and gulped hard, "Kill? Well, I uh...I guess--"
Xena cut him off with a glare, "Guessing doesn't cut it, Joxer. You have to know or you're dead." Her expression softened. "You want to fight well. You want to defend yourself and those you care about, right?"
He reached out and ran a finger down Eve's soft cheek, "More than anything."
"You don't need a sword for that." She glanced at Gabrielle, who was looking at Joxer with searching eyes, and had an idea. "But a staff would be perfect." Gabrielle's eyes snapped to hers and Xena winked. "You've seen Gabrielle hold her own just fine with it without having to kill. In fact," she nodded with certainty, "she'd be the best one to train you with it."
"Huh?" Joxer and Gabrielle said in unison, both looking at her in confusion.
Xena shrugged, "She's as good with a staff as I am with my sword. If you want to learn, she's your girl." With that she patted Eve playfully on the bottom and waited.
Joxer felt a little disappointed, but the more he thought about it, thought about learning to defend or learning to kill, he knew Xena was right. So, he looked expectantly at Gabrielle, "Well, what do you say?"
Say? Holy Hera, she didn't even know what to think, let alone say about the whole thing! Okay, forget for a moment all these feelings she's been feeling, which make no sense anyway, and focus on the subject at hand. Xena wants me to teach him to fight with a staff. Yeah, she could do that. Searching his eyes, his hopeful eyes, she felt a fluttering in her stomach. It would mean spending lots of one-on-one time with him, but that shouldn't bother her, right? Somehow, she had a feeling this was going to wind up bothering her in a far different way than she was comfortable thinking about. Still, there was that look in his eyes. He wanted this, he really wanted this, and to her surprise she realized she really wanted to do this for him.
She looked quickly to Xena and got an encouraging nod. Why not, she decided and nodded, "Looks like we'll going staff shopping. Too bad we're not near Amazon territory, they make the best staffs."
Xena smiled, "We're not too far from Lemnos. They have a decent weapons stall in their marketplace."
Joxer quickly crossed over to Gabrielle, hand outstretched, "I won't let you down, Gabrielle."
Xena felt the prickling on the back of her neck a second before it happened. Gabrielle stepped forward to accept his arm-clasp, when she found her feet stumbling and her body slamming rather awkwardly into Joxer's arms.