Time was running out. The weeks had just flown by and now there were only three days left until the next full moon. As far as she could tell, things were progressing pretty well between Gabrielle and Joxer. She knew Gabrielle had some real feelings for him, but she had to know if they were strong enough, deep enough, true enough to break the effect of those arrows.
Looking over at her sleeping friend, Xena recalled the sadness, the weariness she'd seen on her face last night. Sighing, she decided to give her the day to recover from the bear of a hangover she was sure to have before asking about her feelings.
Hours later, Gabrielle splashed her face with cold water and tried to keep the bite of bread she managed to eat for breakfast from coming back up. Xena and Joxer were waiting for her, so she strapped on her sais and grabbed her staff, leaning on it as she went downstairs. Eve bounced on Xena's knee while Joxer played a lively tune for her. He looked disgustingly cheerful for a man who must have certainly emptied a few kegs of ale last night. Gabrielle shook her head, then grunted at the resulting pounding in her temples. No, he'd probably been too busy singing and dancing and playing that blasted thing to drink very much. Well, whatever. The gods knew she'd never touch another drop of ale ever again.
Before they left, Xena spoke quietly to Melvis for a moment, then handed him a wrapped bundle. He nodded and grasped her arm, then bid them all farewell. It wasn't until they were down the road from Palinus, and the pain in Gabrielle's head had receded to a dull ache, before she asked Xena about the bundle. Xena just shrugged and told her that she'd sold the knives from the thugs at the marketplace and asked Melvis to pass along the dinars to Theo and Della, no big deal. Gabrielle smiled at Xena's casual attitude over such a generous gesture, but didn't say anything. Even after all this time, Xena was still uncomfortable discussing any of her good deeds and Gabrielle respected that.
Xena watched her two friends carefully and was glad to see that at least they were walking on the same side of Argo again. They chatted easily enough... well, Joxer did, anyway. At a glance, you'd assume everything was just peachy the way they talked and smiled and even laughed a few times, but Xena saw past all that. She noticed the very controlled way Gabrielle walked, careful not to brush against Joxer, but also careful to lengthen her strides enough to stay at his side. Xena noticed the smile on her face was forced, the cheerfulness in her voice was strained, and the shadows in her eyes very troubling. She couldn't let this continue. She would talk to her today.
A cool breeze brought Xena to a halt. She sniffed the air and gazed at the sky for a long moment. "Rain. Any minute now."
"The cliffs?" Gabrielle asked, knowing they could take shelter in a cave, if there was one, or at least under an outcropping, if there wasn't.
Xena nodded and prodded Argo with her heels. Gabrielle and Joxer raced after her, a light drizzle already sprinkling down over them. Xena got there first and darted with Eve into what was more of a crack in the rock than a cave and Argo quickly got herself under a nearby outcropping. A few moments later, Gabrielle and Joxer scrambled inside, but the drizzle had already turned to fat drops, soaking their heads and shoulders.
The rock walls narrowed behind them then widened again into a small cave, like a belt had been tightened between the two spaces. The rain came down harder and harder, so Xena knew they were in for a long wait. Whistling for Argo, she squeezed past the cinched-in rock and asked Gabrielle and Joxer to unload their supplies. Gabrielle darted under the outcropping and tossed the packs to Joxer, who set them inside just inside the cave. When they had them all, they squeezed into the cave, where Xena was already making a small fire.
Eve began to fuss, making her I'm-bored whimpers instead of her I'm-hungry ones, so Gabrielle rifled through her pack and took out her scroll pouch. Selecting one, she settled down next to Xena and shifted the baby into her lap. "Come on, Eve. Auntie Gabrielle's gonna read you a story, okay?" Rocking a bit form side to side, she shook out the scroll and began to read, "This one is called The Quill is Mightier"
Xena snorted, but Gabrielle elbowed her sharply and continued. Eve quickly recognized the smooth, rhythmic ebb and flow of Gabrielle's reading voice and quieted. Her bright eyes stared in fascination at Gabrielle's mouth as it formed each word. Her tiny hands reached up to capture those moving lips. Gabrielle laughed and kissed those grabby fingers.
She told the story of that enchanted scroll and the amazing things it made happen... gods made mortal, barbarians in a cave, a hormone-driven Minya, and so on. Xena found a rip in her gauntlet to repair as she listened with one ear. On the other side of the fire, Joxer stretched his legs out as he leaned against the rock wall. He watched the fire and listened, a small smile played on his lips as he remembered that day.
The more Gabrielle read from her scroll, the deeper the crease between her brows became. Her voice never faltered, but her mind was going Wait a minute!. There was only a casual mention of the three naked copies of herself that Joxer had conjured up and how they were dismissed to the caves... and no mention at all of the necklace Joxer had traded his old scabbard for. She had written only that the scabbard she'd hidden the enchanted scroll in had been foolishly traded away and it had to be found.
By the time she finished the story, Eve was beginning to fidget again. It was close to her feeding time, so Gabrielle handed her back over to her mother. Joxer chuckled and said as how he remembered that crazy day. He then took his lyre and picked a soft tune from the strings. It was a lovely melody, but Gabrielle couldn't tell him so. She couldn't even look at him, but just stared down at the scroll in her hands, her mind reeling.
Joxer had been there, shared in that adventure with them, but there was only the barest mention of him in the scroll. Like she'd been reluctant to write about him at all, but since the scrolls had to be an honest account, she'd had to include him. Reading it again to herself, she could see clearly how incomplete it was. She shook her head and wanted to kick herself for her foolishness. Digging through the scroll pouch she found a blank one and smoothed it out on her leg. Taking out her quill, she quickly went to work rewriting the story, making sure Joxer's part was clearly established.
When she got to the part about the scabbard, she felt her heart sink. The necklace... that lovely necklace was wrapped up in a bit of cloth somewhere in the bottom of her pack. He'd traded something that was special to him for it. He had cared for her then, really cared for her, but she hadn't seen that... and now...
Gabrielle moved her head up a notch to glance at Joxer from the corner of her eye. His eyes were closed and he held the lyre close to his ear as he played. If it bothered him how little he'd been mentioned in the story, he certainly didn't show it. There was a lot he didn't care about these days. She swallowed past the sudden tightness in her throat and bent closer to her scroll, her quill working furiously over the parchment.
For the next hour, Gabrielle blocked out everything but putting words on parchment. She worked through lunch because Xena knew better than to interrupt her for something as trivial as food while she was writing. In the meantime, Joxer entertained Xena by playing the beginnings of tavern songs to see if she could finish them, to see if she knew as many as he did. Xena was amused enough by his challenge to play along.
All Gabrielle heard was the story in her head and the scratching of her quill on the scroll. As she putting down the final word, her ears picked up on the melody Joxer was now playing. Her finger tightened on the quill and her breath caught in her throat. He was playing his song!
"Joxer, that one doesn't count and you know it," Xena objected dryly.
"Sure it does," he grinned, "I've personally heard it played in many, many taverns!"
Xena rolled her eyes, "Yeah, but you are the only one who plays it."
Joxer shrugged, "It's bound to catch on. Come on, Xena, you know this one..." he waggled his eyebrows comically.
Xena narrowed her eyes, "Joxer I am not singing that song."
He chuckled, completely unoffended, "Ah well, it's a silly song anyway. I still like the tune, so I made up completely new words."
That brought Gabrielle's head up, "New words?"
Xena quirked an eyebrow, "Welcome back." She passed over a hunk of bread and cheese, knowing she would be ravenous now that she was out of her bardic "haze". Gabrielle accepted the food with a small smile, then asked Joxer, "You changed your song?"
His fingers stilled on the strings and shrugged a shoulder, "It just doesn't fit me anymore. I had to change it. Anyway, the new version is a lot better." He grinned and plucked out the tune to his song again. His voice was warm and light as he sang:
"Here's a song for E-vie
Because she's such swee-tie
You can search across the countryside
Or even search the whole world wide
A cuter kid you'll never find
Our Evie is one of a kind
Her smile brightens ev'ry daaay
Chases all the clouds awaaay
She's Evie
She's Evie, the Mi-ghty!"
Xena laughed out loud and helped Eve clap her little hands to applaud the song. Joxer leaned over and chucked the baby under the chin, "Evie the Mighty is right. You'll be breaking hearts left and right when you're grown, won'tcha girl?"
Gabrielle scooted over to sit by him and held out her scroll. "Joxer, I want you to read this. When I read the story before, I realized it needed some major changes, too." She put the scroll in his hand, "I don't see how I could have practically left you out of it, but I did, and I'm sorry."
Joxer looked puzzled, "But I am in it. You know, the part with the tavern and all the ale?"
Gabrielle sighed. Oh, he was in that part all right. Mostly to say how silly his helmet looked with those mugs attached to it. She pushed his hand toward him. "Yeah, well, the story just wasn't complete the way I had it written. It couldn't be complete without you." And right then and there, she promised herself to go over every scroll in her pouch to make sure the ones involving Joxer were complete. She felt wretched knowing they most likely weren't.
"Well, it looks like the rain has finally let up," Xena broke in cheerfully and casually plopped the baby down in Joxer's lap. "How about you read her the new version while Gabrielle and I stretch our legs." Joxer looked surprised, but was only too pleased to do it. He settled her comfortably in front of him and unrolled the parchment.
Once outside, Xena and Gabrielle took a moment to breath in the fresh, damp air. Argo swished her tail at them and strolled away from the outcropping to chomp on some wet grass. The women walked for a couple minutes before Xena nudged Gabrielle, "That was a nice thing you did."
Gabrielle shook her head, "No, the nice thing, the right thing, would be to have written it correctly in the first place." She kicked at a rock in her path and sent it flying. "Gods, Xena, how could I be so stupid? So blind? I haven't been any kind of friend to him at all, have I?" Her voice choked on the last and Xena pulled her to a stop, "Wait a minute--"
Gabrielle's face crumpled and she jerked her arm free, turning away. "No!" She took a shuddering breath, "How could I not see? How could I travel with him, spend day after day with him, and not see him?"
Xena's heart twisted at the misery in Gabrielle's voice and spoke gently, "You see him now, don't you?"
Gabrielle slowly turned back around. Her eyes were filled with tears, her voice no more than a whisper, "I love him, Xena."
Xena gathered her close and hugged her, "I can't tell you how glad I am to hear that." She sighed, relieved that the hardest part was over.
Gabrielle pulled away, sniffling, "Oh, but it's all messed up... turned around somehow. Now that I love him, he couldn't care less! What am I gonna do?"
Xena gripped her shoulders, "There's something you need to know. There is a reason Joxer has been acting so different since that day on the docks. I've known since that night and I couldn't tell you about it until now." She saw the protest coming, "Wait, just hear me out, okay? That day, when you hit him, something must have snapped inside him because he asked Cupid to shoot him with a lead arrow."
Gabrielle's jaw dropped, "A lead arrow! But that drives love out... oh gods..." Her eyes went wide with realization, "He told me once that he loved me, but I didn't think, I mean I knew he cared about me, but..." She hugged her arms tight against her body, "He was really in love with me, wasn't he?" When Xena nodded, she was filled with a terrible dread. She could feel her heart breaking into sharp, jagged pieces. "And now it's too late..."
Xena shook her firmly to get her full attention, "Now listen to me, it's not too late! Cupid told me that you and Joxer were destined to fall in love eventually. Aphrodite had it all set up, but Joxer's request just put a serious kink in her plans."
Gabrielle was shocked, "Xena, I am not going to be some pawn in whatever game Aphrodite is playing, and I won't let her use Joxer that way, either! You of all people know what it's like to be used by the gods!"
Xena shook her head solemnly, "Gabrielle, this isn't a game. Aphrodite's not playing tricks or casting spells. I would never let the people I love be used that way, you know that!"
Gabrielle's temper left her in a rush and she nodded sadly, "I know. So Joxer and I were meant to fall in love... great, that's just great! If Cupid used a lead arrow, he can't ever love me! How is that not too late?"
Xena explained about the small bow and how they had three days left to reverse the arrows effects. "Before the next full moon, you need to show him that you truly love him." She grinned wickedly, "Or at least kiss him."
Gabrielle felt her heart lift even as her cheeks burned, "That won't be a problem." She looked back toward the cave entrance thoughtfully, "We could make the next inn by nightfall. It's only right we have some, uh, privacy for such a momentous occasion."
Xena's eyes twinkled, "Absolutely. You really don't want to leave anything to chance, you know. He must know without a doubt that you love him."
Gabrielle's smile was slow and sly, "Oh, there will be no doubt at all when I'm done with him."
**********
They headed along the coast toward an inn that was situated in a small fishing village. The journey was a quiet one for Joxer. He fell into another brooding silence while Gabrielle happily chattered away, Xena throwing in comment here and there. He looked at the parchment in his hand and shook his head in wonder. It was all there. Everything. Reading the scroll, he relived every moment since he woke up beside her that day. He was certainly in it now, all of his actions recorded, even moments he had long since forgotten. But Gabrielle hadn't forgotten.
He sucked in a breath as a pang of emptiness spread through his chest. Damn it all, when would that stop? He should be happy now. Most of the time he did. He had two good friends and he was an honorary uncle to a beautiful child. He loved working with his staff every day and felt comfortable and confident with it. That made him feel good about himself like he never had before. It went deep down and warmed his heart.
So why in Hades did he feel like a puzzle with a piece missing? The piece that made him complete. Joxer's brow furrowed deeply as he frowned. That was just ridiculous - he'd never felt like anything in his life fit until now. Xena and Gabrielle respected and trusted him in a way they never had before. They even liked having him around. What more could he ask for?
Nothing, that's what. He had everything he'd always wanted and he wasn't going to let a stupid little side effect keep him from enjoying his new life. He could handle it, he had to handle it. With a determined nod, Joxer clutched the scroll tightly in his hand, almost crushing it.
Gabrielle was blissfully unaware of any tension in the air as she strolled along beside Joxer, twirling her staff from hand to hand. She chatted on about nothing in particular, not really listening to Xena's answering comments, her mind on more important matters. On how she would tell Joxer she loved him. She was itching to just blurt it out, but she wanted the moment to be special. Should she arrange a nice romantic dinner? Take a walk in the moonlight with him? Pull him into the first dark corner she finds and just kiss him senseless like she's been wanting to do for weeks now? She laughed softly to herself, why not all three?
Already she was working on a new scroll in her mind, going back to that day on the docks and the kiss that started it all. She shivered as a chill slithered down her spine and paused a step, but then shrugged it off. The day was warm, but they were close enough to the water for stray breezes.
They made good time, reaching the village by late afternoon. When Xena found the stables, Joxer was quick with an offer to take care of Argo while they located rooms and food. Xena hesitated as she gave him a long look, knowing how antsy he'd been the last mile or so of their journey, but gave him the reins with a smile. Joxer managed a smile in return, but quickly turned to lead the horse away.
Once inside the stables, he gave a sigh of relief, grateful to have a few moments to himself. Unloading their gear and the saddle from Argo, he gave her a good rubdown and a measure of oats. Patting her side, he told her to play nice with the other horses, at which Argo snorted and flicked her tail against his face. Joxer chuckled and gave her rump a final pat before gathering up all the gear. As he hefted the saddlebag over his shoulder Gabrielle's bag slipped from his hands onto the ground, spilling its contents among the dirt and bits of hay.
Rolling his eyes, Joxer set the gear down again and began picking up the scattered items. A glint of metal caught his eye... a chain of some sort wrapped in a bit of cloth. When he picked it up, the cloth unraveled and fell away and he saw that the chain was part of a necklace. Joxer stared at it, frozen.
The necklace. The one he gave her. He slowly traced the blue stone with a trembling finger.
His gut clenched and he closed his eyes against the sudden whirl of emotion. His fist closed tight around the necklace as it welled up inside him, growing and growing until the pressure had him staggering against the stable wall, gasping for breath. What was happening? He couldn't think, couldn't do anything but suck in great gulps of air as a tide of emotions crashed over him.
Panic and excitement, fear and longing, terror and hope and desperation all mixed up and churning inside him. It made him a little dizzy and more than a little nauseous. Waves and waves of it pounded down on him, overwhelming him until he felt he couldn't breathe. It was like drowning, being sucked down down down and he fought against it, tried to block it, to control it, to stop it any way he could.
But it just kept pulling him down and he could feel his strength seeping away. He slid down the wall and collapsed on the floor, bending down to rest his forehead against his knees. Something was slipping away from him... he was losing a part of himself...
Panic gripped him and he pressed his fists against his chest as if that would keep it inside, whatever it was. He couldn't name it, but he felt a desperate need to hold onto it. A sharp prick at his palm startled him. He held it so tightly, the clasp of the necklace had cut into his skin.
He stared at it and tears sprang to his eyes as he felt an emotional pain rising in him, one he recognized. It was the same pain he'd felt during his other experience with Cupid's arrows. Gabrielle had laughed at the idea of them being in love. The sound of that laughter echoed in his ears and all the sorrow and frustration and heartache he'd felt then came pouring through him again.
It hurt... oh gods, it hurt more than anything! But it was worse now... so much worse...
No! He shook his head and braced himself against the wall. His staff was propped up close by and he grabbed it to help him get to his feet. Pressing his forehead against the smooth wood, he looked at the necklace again and felt a new emotion pushing through the pain... anger. He threw the necklace at the open pack on the floor and held the staff in a defensive stance.
His breath came fast and harsh as rage pounded through his veins. Gripping the staff like a bat, he whirled around, a roar ripping from his throat as he slammed it into the wall. His chest felt like a tight knot of fire as he struck it again - and again - and again.
The horses around him whinnied and danced nervously in their stalls. Argo stopped chewing her oats and gave a loud snort, silencing them. She turned to watch Joxer, her ears turned forward in close attention.
Joxer's eyes glazed over and sweat ran down the sides of his face as he vented his anger. He gritted his teeth against the feelings churning under the rage. "I won't feel that way anymore!" *WHAM* "I won't feel that way!" *WHACK* He struck again and again until his body shook from exertion and he could no longer lift the staff with his arms.
Leaning against Argo's stall, he stared at the wall not really seeing the damage he'd caused. Argo didn't move but continued to watch him, her tail twitching nervously. Joxer panted for breath and shook his head, "I won't feel..." He closed his eyes and concentrated on those words. They sounded good. They felt good. "I won't feel... I won't feel... I won't feel..."
An iciness slicked down his spine and Joxer sighed with relief. The anger, the pain, all the churning emotions faded as a blessed numbness settled inside of him. Argo sniffed at him and her ears went back as she shifted away.