Hi! Thanks for the reviews I got (from Yanagi-sen, Ruby-tears and Sere-chan). It was originally meant to be a oneshot but as you can see I decided to go on instead.

 Please read& review!

Hope it is not too bad. Ruby-tears: I did try to make sure the point of view was clearer this time. I still have no beta reader, partly cause I know no one who writes fanfics..

% generally menas memories. Italics thoughts and /italics/ I used for the words of a song, "I can't make you love me", by Bonnie Raitt.

I have read so many fics lately that I hope I have not unwittingly plagiarised someone... please let me now if you feel otherwise.

Disclaimer: I don't own YnM or any of the characters. I hopefully have invented Sacha and Anya though.

Watari had felt it coming for a while now. But still it broke his heart.

"I cannot break this spell." Sacha concluded.

He had seen Sacha working on it for days and he had understood it already. But to hear her say it, a totally different thing. Sacha and Anya had settled down pretty well pretty quickly in Meifu. They were supposed to help Hisoka with the transition and possibly also to regain his sight. But the latter possibility had just been quashed. Watari and Sacha sighed in unison.

Somewhere else in Meifu Anya sighed too. Actually Hisoka was doing well in getting used to the blindness and to using other people's sight as his own. Mostly Tsuzuki's really. It came so natural to Hisoka. BUT. There was this big but. A but full of the words Hisoka wouldn't say and the thoughts Tsuzuki would never know, if things didn't change. Mind you, Tsuzuki seemed contented. He spent his days with Hisoka, had even moved in with him, and HAD to keep a closer physical contact. Since he didn't really ask for much, he was in heaven really. He really thought his feelings were unrequited. Hisoka on the other hand did not feel the urge to clarify. He had a lot on his plate already. And the increased closeness with Tsuzuki was welcome, and still unthreatening. It didn't take an empathy to figure out all this much…BUT. There was a second but. Full of things Tsuzuki and Hisoka didn't know.

Anya sighed again.

"So let us go over this again…"

"What is this, intro to magic 101? Ok, Watari, a spell is different from a curse. In a subtle but important way. A  spell has more limited effect. There's fewer things you can do with a spell. The blindness is definitely due to a spell. A curse is much more powerful, enables more control. But it is more heavy on the caster, and is less secure. All curses require a mark- which makes it more obvious- and a seal- which makes it vulnerable.."

"Because if you break or reverse the seal you get at the curse, you can invalidate it."

"Right"

"The seal can be an object, a phrase or an action. I knew this, Sacha. An object is easy to break, but to reverse a phrase or an action you need to repeat it in a context full of completely opposite feelings. A clever caster will use as a seal something that is difficult to break."

"As, for example, an action that the victim is unlikely to repeat by chance or even willingly. He can even make it so that the action is connected to such bad memories that the victim will NOT want to repeat it."

It wasn't hard to figure out what she was implying. A short silenced ensued. While a picture of Hisoka's curse mark showed on the overhead projector screen.

"I had figured out the seal for this, you know." Watari pointed out.

"I know, I can see now why you didn't say anything.." Sacha whispered, her voice suddenly sadder.

"Maybe Muraki knew.."

"..That he was getting closer to breaking it? I do think so."

It was now Hisoka's turn to sigh. He felt no closer to controlling whatever he had controlled back then, to defeat Muraki. This current. This power. It seemed so far away now. Anya and Sacha kept saying he needed to synchronize with the world's power lines. Or something like this. But even in this new darkness, which he was getting so used to, it seemed impossible. He would NEVER defeat Muraki for real. He felt so tired.

Anya glanced at him briefly and picked up on the fatigue. She always seemed to. She had gotten used to looking after her own partner, who as a rule drove herself to exhaustion before giving up on anything. "It is lunch time. Let's stop for a break." She suggested.

"Food!!!" Cheered Tsuzuki rushing out of the room, while his partner hang on to Anya's arm and steadied his pace.  As Tsuzuki moved further away from them, the boy felt Anya turn around and say to him, and he could tell she would have been looking straight into his eyes, if he hadn't been blind, "There are more important ways for you to beat Muraki than to best him on strength." Hisoka felt the enigmatic quality of the sentence, but did not inquire any further as they approach the canteen.

(later that day)

It had been a long day. Hisoka felt exhausted. AS he arranged stuff around him he pondered. There are more important ways you can defeat Muraki What did she mean? He shrugged.

%I love you, Hisoka. %

He reflected how he had never actually told Tsuzuki he loved him too. He felt so safe he didn't want to try his luck. Tsuzuki didn't seem to be so upset… Hisoka felt ashamed at his lack of consideration. He let his mind wonder and reach Tsuzuki's. He felt the older man walk around and whistle to himself. His heart quenched.. Maybe he should tell him straight… That wasn't fair, Muraki was managing to deprive him even now. Of the joy of feeling loved and loving . So unfair…. Muraki.

Tsuzuki whistled while making some food. He remembered the first time he had cooked for Sacha, the girl had looked at him and said "this is awful. You can do better than this." Given Hisoka's current condition he had to learn and it was fully bearable now. Though far from good yet. Sacha. The woman really he couldn't figure out. She seemed.. so distant. Not even cold. Like thoughts and events rippled on her surface without being sucked in. But a look in her eyes when she thought noone was looking told him it was just a façade… Anya on the other hand was just more balanced. Very efficient and very wise. She also had a look sometimes in her eyes… of longing. But only when she looked at Sacha. Tsuzuki figured it may be the same look his eyes had when he stared at Hisoka.

/cause I can't make you love me if you don't/ you can't make your heart feel something it won't/

No he couldn't make Hisoka love him, but it didn't matter really and he would be ok if he could just stay as a friend with him forever.

He stepped into Hisoka's bedroom and saw his blonde partner collapsed on the bed (a Western style bed). He smiled. He switched the lights off.

/Turn down the lights/ turn down the bed/ turn down these voices inside my head/

/ lay down with me/ tell me no lies/ just hold me close/ don't patronize/ don't patronize me/

/cause I can't make you love me if you don't/ you can't make your heart feel something it won't/

He laid down on the bed next to Hisoka and looked at his sleeping face.. like an angel's. Yawn.. he was tired too….yawn…

/I'll close my eyes/ then I won't see/ the love you don't feel/ when you are holding me/ morning will come/ and I'll do what's right/ just give me till then / to give up this fight/ and I'll give up this fight