DARKNESS

"Something's wrong with him, James. Something big. He can't hate me. I know he doesn't." Sirius looked brokenly at his oldest friend, begging for a reassurances James didn't know how to give.
"I told you, I think he's hiding something. I don't know what, but I have a hunch that if you could find out what, you'd be a good deal closer to understanding why he does what he does. You could ask Dumbledore if he knows, but keeping people's secrets is something Dumbledore is good at. He probably won't want to give anything away." It was the only thing James could think to say, and he knew that keeping Sirius busy would keep him from going insane.
"I don't need to ask Dumbledore. I'm going to find out myself. I know what I have to do. It can't be too hard, if we work at it. You told me that you thought all the things Remus does could be explained by what he's hiding, so I'm going to figure out everything I can about Remus that's unusual, and I know quite a few already, and then I'll see if that points out anything that I would have missed by not putting them all together. I'll bet you anything that Remus doesn't expect people to put two and two together to get four, no matter how careful he is."
James looked at his friend carefully, surprised to see him so worked up over another person. He'd never noticed how close the two were before now, and it unnerved him to see Sirius so bound and determined to win Remus back. It wasn't something he would have expected from his friend. Sirius was the type who got angry at people, and then got even. Never before had James seen him trying to make amends. But his answer was quick all the same. "So where do you want to start?"
"I think we should write down everything we remember about him that seems odd and everything that we notice from now on. Now, since he isn't speaking to us, we can watch him all we want, and we can get a whole new perspective on him."
"So what do we know about Remus J. Lupin for starters?" asked James, happy at least that his friend was distracted. Even if it was only temporary.
"Well, he's shy, and he flinches every time someone touches him, and he's always been afraid to get too close. Sometimes when he gets mad, he can scare the crap out of even the people who are closest to him, even when it's not directed at them. You can just see something in his eyes. I felt it just then, like he can focus all of his rage on one thing, and just burn you alive. He acts dangerous, but I know he wouldn't hurt a fly. It's not like him to be so horrible to anyone! I was really scared when he turned on me like that, Jamie. He looked just like a wild animal that was cornered."
"Well, you did corner him, Sirius," James pointed out practically. "And we all know Remus is wild. I heard the headmaster say he used to live on the edge of a giant forest in France. He also said something about Remus being a special case. He was talking to a ministry official. I never told you because I didn't think it was important at the time. I guess it is now though."
"I didn't know he was a special case, but I know he comes from France. He always refused to talk about his home though. It's like he was abused or something, and he obviously hated it there. The few things I have heard him say about home have been horrible. That can't be the whole truth though. He would have told us if something like that was bothering him, and it doesn't explain everything."
"It's a possibility though, Sirius. You don't know what could have happened to him. I don't think anyone just comes out and talks about that sort of thing. It could explain more than you think, anyways." James tried to be reasonable. Sirius looked slightly panicky.
"I can't believe I never thought of that before! I mean, if I cared about him I would have noticed something like that. And it's so obvious too. Merlin, I'm a horrible friend. Remus deserves so much better."
"Don't even think of beating yourself up over it. You're just jumping to conclusions anyways. You don't know anything for sure until you ask him. And something tells me that wouldn't be a pleasant conversation, so let's not do that right now."
"I guess you're right. I should let thing lie for a while. I need to let him cool down, maybe even start to regret yelling at us. Maybe he'll apologize on his own and everything will be okay." He sounded pathetically hopeful to James.
"Don't hold your breath Sirius."

"Hey guys, what are you doing?" asked a mousy looking boy.
"Hi Pete, we were doing our homework for McGonagall. That lady is a witch. We've been writing all evening."
"Where's Remus?" Peter asked, his hands twisting together in a long- ingrained nervous habit. "Oh, I think he went to look up some things on werewolves for Professor Jade." Supplied James quickly, exchanging glances with Sirius over his transfiguration homework.
It was probably true, but the excuse sounded lame to Sirius' ears. He felt horribly depressed. Peter didn't seem to notice the barely concealed tension in the group. He sat down next to them without comment and pulled out his own homework to check his answers with Sirius'. The black-haired boy was the resident expert at transfiguration, so the other three usually copied from him when they could. Remus supplied their Potions answers and James was extremely talented at Charms and DADA. Peter managed to get the best grades in Divination, but was abysmal at Potions and Charms.
"What's the date?" asked Sirius as he finished up a scroll and marked out his name and class on the top.
"I dunno..." said Peter helpfully and James just shrugged without looking up from the Potions essay he was labouring over.
"Fat lot of help you two are." Sirius got up and went to ask a neighbouring table, which just happened to contain a pretty Ravenclaw girl he had once gone out with. She nearly hissed when he came near, but then managed to smile instead and ask politely if he needed anything from them.
"I just wanted to ask the date..." he said uncomfortably.
A red haired witch next to his ex spoke up cheerfully. "It's the 15'Th. Full moon tomorrow night, you know." Then apologetically she said, "Whoops, I guess you wouldn't care about something like that. I was doing my essay on werewolves for Professor Jade..."
"Thanks..." he waited...
"Alicia," she filled him in quickly.
"Thanks Alicia." He smiled warmly at her and returned to his table. In truth he had no interest in the girl, but she had seemed friendly enough, and she wasn't giggling and simpering, so she was okay for a girl.
He couldn't help thinking that Remus would get along with her, she seemed nice and smart. Remus liked smart people. He had once even confessed that he thought Snape had a lot of good opinions, but that sentiment hadn't lasted for long. After Snape had started joining Lucius in tormenting him, he'd realised how awful the other boy was, and who his real friends were. Sirius had actually been grateful to Snape for being such a git. It had only brought him and Remus closer than before.
Damn, why was he always thinking about Remus? Wasn't it enough to admit that he loved Remus as more than a friend? Wasn't it enough that he couldn't help but stare in fascination at the way Remus' soft lips moved so temptingly, the arch of his slender neck, the way his collarbone jutted so sharply from Remus' shoulder? It all made him think things he never should have thought about a freind, so wasn't that enough without pining after him every second they were apart?
"What are you thinking?" asked a familiar voice.
"Just... nothing important, Jamie."
"You were thinking about him, weren't you?" James tried to keep the accusation out of his voice, but didn't entirely succeed.
"I... yeah, I was. I don't know what you want me to say. I'll lie to you if you want, but I've never been much good at lying to you. I never meant to hurt you James, but I love him. It's not the same as what you and me have, but it doesn't mean it has to demean our friendship. Hate it if you want, but I don't think it would change what I feel. I think you're the best friend anyone could ask for, and I love you too, just not like I love him. You understand what I'm saying, right?
"I think so, Sirius. I guess I don't mind you liking him, I mean it's a little weird, but I can deal with it. What I mind more is that you told him before you told me, and then you kept it a secret. What matters to me is that you two share something I can't. That bothers me the most. I don't mean to be bitter about it. And I'm not jealous exactly, just confused and a little angry. I just wanted the truth, without me having to dig it out of you. You don't have to hide things from me; haven't I always accepted you before?"
"I know Jamie, but I was... I was afraid. I didn't know what you'd think, or how you'd react, and Remus and me weren't really sharing anything, because right after I told him, he decided to turn on me. He looked so betrayed when I told him. He said I could never just let things be, I had to take everything too far. I guess that after having one person reject me, I was afraid of it happening again. It's not that I don't trust you as a person James."
"It's okay I guess, I was being selfish anyways. I'll try to be more open about you two. The things I do for friendship. I'm such a martyr." He threw his arms wide dramatically.
"Shut up James, you freak." said Sirius with a laugh, punching his friend playfully on the arm. "You understand now though, why I want to fix things between us, if it's possible."
"Yeah, I get it. I would help you if I could, Sirius."
"Thanks, it's... it's really important to know that I'm not going to have to do this alone..."
The two friends packed up their books and smiled easily, James' arm slung around Sirius shoulders just like nothing ever had or would ever come between them. They never noticed beady eyes watching them from behind a row of books. Peter had heard every word they'd said.

Remus had never found homework particularly hard, but tonight he'd struggled over writing each inch of parchment. He wasn't used to doing all the work on his own. Usually Sirius would be there to give him help when he got stuck and they could keep each other motivated enough to finish what they had to get done before dark fell. Tonight Remus had stayed up until ten to work on his History of Magic assignment, and the blasted essay on werewolves. He had seen the malicious look his teacher had given him when she'd handed it out. He hadn't thought Dumbledore had told the teachers. He felt betrayed. How could Dumbledore do that to him, when he'd said he only wanted to help? Their DADA teacher seemed to loath him even though she hadn't acted that way last year. He supposed it was just more proof that humans and werewolves would never coexist, no matter what Dumbledore claimed.
He shook the parchment wearily, trying to will the ink to dry faster. He looked it over carefully for any mistakes, and irritably realized that he'd written part of the assignment from his own viewpoint. That wouldn't gain him any points. Tears of complete helpless frustration burned in his eyes. 'Why can't I just get this done? Why does this have to be so hard? Why is it his fault? Since when has everything become about him' His mind eagerly supplied an answer when nothing else was offered up. 'When you fell in love, you dirty, filthy, tainted werewolf. You had no right!'
'Shut up!' he screamed in his mind. 'Why does it have to be so wrong? Why does everything have to be so wrong? Am I so wrong that he couldn't stand to look at me if he knew?'
'YES! Remember what David did to you!'
'Shut up! Never think about him. It's wrong. He hurt me. Never even think about him!'
'You can't deny that you deserved it, werewolf scum.'
'STOP!!! Please, just stop.' He clutched his head in his hands in terrified rage. He never wanted to think about him, never wanted to remember him, ever. Too much pain was contained in that one name. Never again. That was why he couldn't trust. That was why he was alone, and never wanted it any other way. Not even Sirius was worth that pain.