Sorry for the inexcusable shortness of this chapter, but the next chapter is LONG. Long enough to satisfy all my rabid fans. Ah, I make myself laugh… with derision, perhaps…

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Huzzah for angst of the Snape breed. You will soon be sick of it...

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Severus had been so engrossed in the book he was reading on Advanced Transfiguration that he hadn't noticed Lucius' cold eyes watching him. His first warning was Lucius' fist grabbing a handful of hair and dragging him to his feet. He immediately flushed bright red. The entire common room had turned to watch the drama unfold between the two notorious lovers. Not that it even counted as a fight usually, because it was basically just Lucius' yelling and hitting and Severus taking it like the good little whore. Never-the-less, Severus hated public announcements of his transgressions. They usually included very personal information about his sex life and his many failures in that department. Sometimes it was worse, and Lucius would actually accuse him of various things ranging from going behind his back with a Gryffindor, to sleeping with someone besides Lucius. The latter at least had not ever been true. A Slytherin had once tried to force him to have sex, but he'd escaped with most of his clothes still intact. Lucius was the jealous type, and a sadistic bastard to top it off, and that made living with, or under, his boyfriend a very difficult thing. Especially lately. He didn't know why, but the number of violent incidents between himself and Lucius seemed to be on the rise. Since the time the month before when Lucius had… used him, he had been in a lot of pain. Each time they fucked it seemed more about control and less about pleasure. And it often involved the implementing of more pain. This night promised to be no different, he could already tell. By now he was used to being treated this way, though, and even though he was beginning to realize that he might not deserve the pain, there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"You little slut!" were the predictable first words out of Lucius' mouth.

"Lucius, let go of my hair." Snape managed, wincing. The harsh tugging on his scalp was hurting another recent scar from Lucius.

"You think you can order me around?! The only reason you're worth anything is because you belong to me. You have no right to complain after everything I've done for you, and everything I've put up with."

"Lucius, please…"Severus hated the whining tone in his voice, but couldn't do anything about it.

"I'll let you go when I feel like it. Get up!" he yanked on Severus' hair even harder, making him gasp and comply. "I want you in my bed, waiting. You have five minutes." The last was said loudly enough that most everyone heard. No one moved to help him, the faces watching him were nearly all hostile and uninterested in his plight. They had all wanted to watch a scene, but none of them would care to help him, even if it hadn't been Lucius they would have had to challenge. Shaking he started to move towards the door, when Lucius' leg shot out and knocked him to the ground. "Crawl like the worthless whore you are," snarled Lucius, a satisfied sneer hovering on his cold face. Severus' face burned, but he knew that it would all be so much worse for him if he didn't do what Lucius demanded. Slowly, on hands and knees he crawled towards the door, shaking from humiliation and anger. He was better than this, he knew he was. He didn't deserve to be humiliated in front of everyone like this, did he? He got to the hallway and considered running for it, but he knew the dangers of that even without truly considering the option. He wasn't stupid, he just wasn't very brave. He remembered how he had begged the sorting hat to put him in Gryffindor, but the hat had told him that his place was with Slytherin. It had said that he had great things to accomplish, and he would never reach his potential if he was in the wrong house. Right now he didn't give a rat's ass about his potential; he just wanted to be able to say he would live through the week, or even the next hour. 'stupid, Severus. No one dies from being raped. It's not like it hasn't happened before.'

He moved to the fourth room on the right and opened the door. Without looking at the bed, he closed the door, and still facing the opposite wall, tossed his cloak and robe into a corner, revealing muggle jeans and a black T-shirt. Hesitating a moment he pulled the T-shirt over his head and placed his shaking fingers on the buttons of his jeans. He loathed Lucius for giving him five minutes to agonize over what was to come, five whole minutes to consider running away. And five minutes to regret ever talking to Lucius on that train five years ago. Sometimes he just wished he could die and leave all this behind, but that would never serve a purpose, and Severus did nothing that wasn't part of an extremely well-thought-out plan. Except for when it came to Lucius. Then he just tried to stay alive.

Finally, having run out of reasons not to finish the job, Severus undid each button quickly and tugged the jeans over his thin hips, tossing them next to the rest of his clothes. 'I'm fine, I'll be fine. Just breathe. Face your fears, Severus. Stop acting like it's not there.' he turned around and took a deep breath, relieved that for the moment, there was nothing kinky waiting on the bed. He always felt safer when he didn't have to see the pain already waiting for him. He climbed onto the big four poster bed and drew the curtains partway around him, needing the small comfort. Hurriedly, he stashed his wand between his mattresses, after casting a Silencing Spell on the room. He was already humiliated enough without everyone having to hear his screams. After a second of thought he grabbed the wand back and cast a pain-numbing spell on himself as well, knowing that if Lucius found out about it he would be furious, but unable to sit and do nothing. When there was not anything else left to do, he fidgeted, wrapping too-thin arms around his chest, trying to force himself not to curl into a ball. That wouldn't protect him against Lucius anyways.

Deep Inside, It can hide
Feeling so lost and betrayed
why does this happen to me every time
Stuck in this place, where I can't escape
Screaming and clawing from deep inside

Why won't it fade
Outside I had to lie; "I'm ok",
I hope someday, I'll stop getting pain
I guess this is a lie, I have made

He waited for the effects of the numbing spell to steal his cares and fear away, because he needed the extra strength to get through this one more time. As the spell began to work on him, he finally heard the door open. He tensed up even father, trying to disguise the fact that he was frightened. He heard the sound of clothes dropping to the floor and soft footsteps padding towards the bed. He tried to keep his eyes open, but couldn't manage it. He couldn't look into Lucius' eyes one more time while he was raped. It had all become too much. This pain was so much self-inflicted and so hard to break free from, but he wanted a chance. He wanted his freedom for the first time in five years. This was only one more obstacle, one more torture, and one more scar. It didn't matter.

No matter how many times he whispered these things to himself, he was still so scared he couldn't breathe, his whole mind screaming as Lucius' fingers trailed across his naked chest. This was so wrong, so horrible… it wasn't his fault, but somehow he'd chosen this. That was what made it so hard to break the chains Lucius held over him. He had let this happen to him, and now it was his life, and he had even wanted it at some point. He had thought that he felt love for Lucius, because love was the only thing that made his hell bearable. But in the end, love had been his own illusion, one that had never been shared by Lucius.

He knew his place, at least for now. He spread his legs wider, still keeping his eyes tightly shut, trying to ignore Lucius' hands on his bare skin.

Why did it still matter, after he'd already been through this so many times? It shouldn't have mattered anymore. If he had any idea of self-preservation he would have stopped caring a long time ago. Maybe he still would have turned cold like the rest of them, but somehow a small figure with wild eyes and amber hair had given him an image. He held it close to his heart, obsessing over it from afar, but afraid to touch it at the same time. He shied away from the entire concept, but was beginning to find the idea of being loved back desirable. He didn't know if he was even capable of loving anymore, after all the times he's simply shut off his emotions and gone along with things he didn't ever want to remember doing. Why was it all coming back now? Now when he needed the strength of oblivion more than ever, when he wanted to feel nothing but the void Lucius had filled him with? He didn't want to feel violated after everything was done, he wanted to feel justified. Somehow he'd believed that Lucius could give him that.

Lucius pinned his hands against the wall above the bed, his other hand yanked Severus' hair, making him gasp out. His eyes flew open, and he was greeted by the sight of Lucius over him, blond hair hanging in his eyes. This was a lie. Everything he'd ever gone through was a lie. Severus forgot how to scream, finally leaving his body to Lucius' hands without fear. He knew that he could come back and be the same person he had been before. None of this mattered at all, so long as he had the hope that Remus had given him. He waited calmly, in another place, for Lucius to leave. Whatever was left of Severus when his boyfriend was done was enough to pick up and start over again. None of this mattered except for Remus.

The hurt inside is fading
This shit gone way too far.
All this time I've been waiting
No I can not grieve anymore.
For what's inside awaking.
I'm done, I'm not a whore
You've taken everything and
oh I can not give anymore.

He was tired of this whole fucking nightmare. He wanted out. He wanted somewhere safe to cry for all the times he'd held back, and all the times he hadn't been able to hold back. He wanted his own life, his own freedom. And Remus was going to help him. Or perhaps they could help each other. Somehow he was going to end all this pain. Whatever the cost. Somehow he would find a way to survive and triumph. He'd show them all that he was worth so much more than they had made him believe. He would be the nail in the coffins of each and every person who had ever made him feel less than human. All he needed was one friend. One person by whom the hurt seem trivial in comparison.