Author's Notes: Um… hi, remember me?!? ::winces:: Erm, heheheh. What can I say? I'm really really sorry for the long long hiatus. Stuff happened, muse died, the usual, except, you know, for a really long time. ::sweatdrop:: Now I forgot where I was going with the plot again! So we'll just have to go with the whim. Oo This is getting sickening angsty. Please review... even thought I don't deserve it.

Chapter 5

His strokes were soft, and I was vulnerable. There were things he murmured, maybe it was the way he said them, they made me curl up against his indolent embrace - like a cat.

"...C'mere kitty kitty kitty... they used to say, but Kyou hated it. Kyou-kun didn't like to be chased, my sweet, especially when he's occupied."

"I don't know why. I don't know why I did it," I heard myself say.

Akito smiled. "Love is strange, isn't it."

Strange. I remember that night. It was a cold night many years ago, and I had forgotten the way home. I remember the ferocious wind, blowing, whistling snowflakes, layers and layers built, and I was so cold, so lost. Then Kyou's shouting ripped through my eardrums. They were scolding as he lifted me into his arms. He was older than me only by a year, but Kyou-kun was strong.

"If you turn into a cow I'm definitely dropping you and leaving your ass in the cold, and if you freeze maybe you'll learn to remember your way home finally," he said, grunting with me on his back. He chanted 'baka baka ushi' the entire way back home, but the moment we got in the door, beaten by the cold, he transformed into a cat.

I did eventually learn my way home, if only to spite him. My entire relationship with Kyou had been built on mutual spite, and yet between the fights there was love. A strange love.

"I think he spites me."

"Foolish. Don't you see, Haru. Don't you see that it's her? He's blinded by her."

"He adores her. She saved him. She did, and I thank her," I retort, calmly,

"That's because he's too stubborn to let anyone else save him!" Akito suddenly grabbed my shirt collar. "He's a fool! Tricked by a human...just because...just because she's human! How stupid is that?"

"Humans are strange. They like to tease about my hair color. Tohru is different. Tohru doesn't care. She is special."

"I don't care," he lets go of me. His forlorn eyes saw past me at the white wall behind. For a moment I had forgotten Akito the malicious and insane, because for a moment I saw in his eyes...that strange love. Perhaps this explained why I was holding a conversation with a madman. Empathy, or was it sympathy?

"Why do you love Yuki? He hates you, you know."

I saw him tense, but I didn't care. We were in the same boat, lost and mad. Akito and I were in the same boat. If anyone told me a week ago that I would admit to this, I would have told them they've gone and lost it.

"Yes, you're right. He hates me." There was something in Akito's smile that saddened me, a sort of desperate loneliness worse than a nightmare you couldn't get out of. "Love...love isn't for me, I cannot love. Yuki is only a toy for me." His mouth twisted now, into a malicious sneer.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, incredulous at his transformation from vulnerable to disdain.

"I consider it a duty to keep the foolish boy out of trouble, like with all of you. But Yuki feels too much, he feels more than even...Kyou. I have to hurt him to make him understand."

"You don't have to hurt him, just-"

But Akito chose to close the conversation. "I have my reasons, Haru. We're not privileged enough to have relationships with humans. It will always end in heartbreak, always. I let that stupid girl stay at Shigure's to teach them this. She will be gone, one way or another. I don't care if it breaks anyone's heart."

"Akito..."

"But I care about you, I care about all of you," Akito looked into my eyes then, lifting my chin. "I'll get rid of Tohru-san for you."

He smiled, then turned and left.

The world spun in strange curves all of a sudden, thoughts misplaced, moments stirred, it felt as if I was spinning out of time. I clutched onto what was the remainder of Akito, a beautifully designed silk blanket material and curled up in vain. Why was I here? Why was I unloading all my vulnerabilities at Akito? How did I become so weak, so pathetic? Oh shut up, Haru. Remember what he said? Remember? You're just a coward, always running away, not facing the consequences. Like you were with him...

"..C'mere kitty kitty kitty..." I stretched out my hand limply on the wooden floor, remembering an orange colored kitten, exhausted from the cold, and gathered void into my arms.