"Where I Belong" -- Chapter Four: Can't Leave You Alone
Balamb.
It was a happy little harbor town, all bustling and prosperous. Large enough to warrant inclusion on the world map, but apparently small enough for most of the residents to have at least heard of one another. Now, with Ultimecia out of the picture and the Galbadians relatively content with sticking to their own continent life seemed to be returning to normal.
Tucking a chunk of dark brown hair behind her ear, Rinoa paused in the middle of the cobblestone street, her progress momentarily hindered by the passage of a group of children. Their giggles blended together musically -- four voices singing with the carefree spirit of youth not yet tainted by hardship.
Their antics caused a twitch of a lip, a weak tugging at the corners of her mouth. Not nearly enough to wipe away the sad haze in her eyes, or smooth the furrowing of her brows. The children didn't notice though, too swept up in their game of tag to care or even notice the downhearted girl in the street.
Rinoa tugged her jacket tighter around her, folding her arms over her chest and rubbing at her sleeves with fingers numbed by the cold. It was so much colder here than in Timber, and it was the first winter she'd spent away from her Galbadian home in a very long time. The jacket didn't do much, only warming her arms and chest a bit. Her legs were still bare, with her azure duster rubbing gently at her calves. Her choice of outfit was a bit more acceptable for the relatively mild winters of Timber -- which were not summer like conditions, but bearable enough -- but here in Balamb it got her more than her fair share of odd looks. Not many people were brave enough to be wearing shorts at this time of year, after all.
"Hey.. y'cold?" asked a quiet voice, and suddenly she felt a weight pressing down on her. The wind didn't bite harshly into the flesh of her legs anymore, and her shivering began to stop. Rinoa almost didn't think anything of it for a moment, until reflexes honed by battle with the others switched in, and she fumbled with the sleeve covering her left arm. Her movements sent the weight pressing on her shoulders sliding awkwardly, but she finally freed her arm from her jacket, simultaneously activating Shooting Star's junction as she did so, and she spun to face the direction from which the voice had come.
She turned to find herself aiming her weapon up into the face of Seifer, who was preoccupied with maintaining a macho image even as he rubbed at chill bump roughened skin with his gloved hands. Rinoa almost questioned the lack of his trench, until she realized he'd laid it across her shoulders.
"Oh my.. Seifer! Don't do that!" she hissed, feigning anger to hide her sadness. Knowing Seifer though, and his annoying ability to always know what was wrong with her .. it wouldn't help much.
She lowered her weapon, her fingers pulling immediately into a fist. The other slid along the bands that held Shooting Star to her arm, fumbling for the contact point that would disarm the weapon. Finding it, she activated it and then simply let her free hand drift to the collar of Seifer's coat, where she drew the thick material into her grip.
Rinoa took a deep breath, fighting to control her voice and keep it steady. "You followed me.. didn't you?"
Some part of her wanted to tear his coat off of her back and run away -- unwilling to forgive him for all the hell he'd put her and her friends through during the struggle. How he'd seized her and offered her up to Adel, simply standing there and smirking as the sorceress merged with her, forming a junction. And she remembered how that smirk had grown into a grin when the weakened Adel began to drain the very life force out of her, leaving her exhausted and powerless as she hung painfully from the sorceress' chest.
"Yeah. I did."
Perhaps Rinoa was just desperate -- tired, lonely, and hurting after what had been done to her -- because she didn't run. Didn't fight him. Simply slumped against his chest as he placed his arms around her. She closed her eyes and felt him begin to gently scoop her up.
"Rin'.. I know something's wrong. I used to know before, and I feel it even stronger now -- with all the shit Ultimecia did to my head with her link.."
Rinoa nearly smiled. It had been so long since she'd heard his voice.
Not the malicious, hateful voice of the Seifer that Ultimecia had puppeted. His true voice, the one that had filled her with confidence and had made her feel like she could take on the world. It was the one she'd fallen in love with only a year ago.
She felt the old feelings stir; feeling her heart flutter as old memories came flooding back to her. They didn't wash away the newer ones, for those were scars that would require healing.
"I'll take you someplace warm.. and then you'd better tell me all about it all right? Or else I'll have to resort to drastic measures.." An impish smile began to form, an expression eerily reminiscent of the one he'd flashed on the parade float in Deling. A shudder traveled down her body, and Rinoa wasn't sure if that was her nerves or simply the cold.
Here she was after all, completely vulnerable..
------
For once, his office was completely silent. And for some reason, it bothered him. Squall flipped through his documents halfheartedly, propping his head up on one elbow again and turning the pages slowly. He could hear Xu typing away at her desk through the slightly ajar office door, but there was no other sound save the mechanical whirr of his computer.
His mind wandered, unable to stay focused on the task at hand. Rinoa's scream echoed in the back of his mind. He heard Quistis' voice as she tried to reason with him, saw Irvine's eyes pierce his.
"Damn," he growled, angrily flipping another page and wrinkling it in the process. Not that he cared.
He finished scanning a request for SeeD assistance in Esthar. They were still recovering from the effects of the Lunar Cry -- as even the most advanced civilization in the world couldn't clean up the mess that quickly -- and Squall had seen similar requests pass over his desk several times before. Laguna had an impressive fighting force behind him, but he always insisted on hiring SeeD even for minor jobs. Felt indebted to Garden. Either way, they were getting their money so he really didn't mind sending out a few to cull a couple hundred monsters. He turned to begin punching this one into the computer, sliding the keyboard toward him and poking at a few keys with one finger when something dark over his head caught his eye. Glancing upward he noticed a very familiar hat resting on the monitor, and almost wondered aloud how that had ended up there without his noticing it sooner.
..That is, until he realized that the owner of said hat had managed to slip into his presence unnoticed as well.
"Kinneas, I thought I told you not to bother speaking to me unless it involved SeeD business.."
Squall watched him smirk, saw him reach back and close the door completely. Then he made a show of removing his coat and laying it over a chair.
"You don't seem to be too interested in business either," he pointed out, and Squall straightened up immediately. Irvine's smirk evolved into a full-fledged grin, and he strolled casually over to Squall's desk as if there was nothing wrong or strange about him seducing the Commander in his own office..
The papers shuffled into a single pile in his hands, Squall slid them into a drawer though he didn't take his eyes off the approaching cowboy. He saw the gloved hands plant themselves on his desk and then inch closer, and soon he found himself with only a short gap between his face and Irvine's.
Squall could feel hot breath on his face, and the temptation to lean forward then and get it over with was great. He narrowed his eyes, expression blank, as if to say that the close proximity didn't faze him. "You don't listen do you?"
"No. Not when I'm asked t'do the impossible.." His eyes didn't even flicker as they stared deep into Squall's -- almost like they were searching him, probing him. Trying to find that weakness in his barrier.
Squall was prepared to question him just as he felt Irvine's warm lips press into his own. He was surprised, even as he'd been sitting there hoping it might happen, and for a moment he simply stared off towards the door before he felt Irvine's tongue brush his teeth. All at once he gave into the kiss, eyelids quickly fluttering shut as concern fled his mind. He leaned over his desk to try and ease the pain forming in his neck from their awkward positioning, but he didn't break the kiss. Squall could hear Xu moving around outside, at times coming dangerously close to the door, and yet he didn't care.
Why should he?
Everyone in Balamb Garden knew already anyway.
Irvine ended it with one more teasing sweep of his tongue, before he pulled away reluctantly. He noticed the same look he'd seen in Squall's eyes the day before, and he felt a queasy feeling rise from the pit of his stomach. Suddenly he thought back to Rinoa and the horror he'd seen on her face. Felt the pangs of guilt all over again.
"You're thinking about her, aren't you?" Squall's fingers flipped his auburn hair forward onto his shoulder and gently, almost tentatively, traced the paths of the strands.
"Ugh.. I can't help it," Irvine replied, averting his gaze in embarrassment. After all, he'd initiated this encounter. He really wanted it too, more than anything else at the moment. But the guilt, it simply refused to go away. "I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have done that," he added, pushing up off the desk and removing his hat from atop the monitor.
Reaching for his coat, Irvine felt Squall intercept his hand and the long, leather-clad fingers wrap around his wrist. He was tugged and rather than resist turned to face Squall. As they stood chest-to-chest, he met Squall's eyes again and saw the anger burning there.
"Why do you think I don't want to be with Rinoa anymore?" The grip tightened around his wrist, and Irvine knew then that he wasn't going to be allowed to leave the office until he answered.
"No idea. Really, I.. we thought you two were meant for each other. We were watchin' during that time when we were fightin' Ultimecia, saw how reckless you were when it came to rescuin' or protectin' Rinoa. Figured you'd end up marryin' her, actually.." As he responded he couldn't help but think of Selphie, how he'd felt exactly the same about their relationship at one point. He'd known 'his Sefie' since childhood and had always thought she was the one for him.
But Selphie had other ideas. She could never love anyone from the 'Orphanage Gang' like that. Never love him anymore than she could love a blood brother.
The news hurt him, and still did though he knew he had to move on and accept it eventually.
("Maybe this is just the first step to 'moving on'..")
"Well then I'll tell you.." Squall's voice yanked him back into reality, and he felt the pressure on his wrist let up all at once as he was released. Irvine slid into the chair he'd hung his duster over earlier while Squall rested on the edge of his desk. Eyes closed, one gloved hand rubbed at the bridge of his nose as he collected his thoughts, before he opened them again and stared off at the floor.
"Stop feeling bad about Rinoa, first of all. She only got what she had coming to her."
Squall's words caught Irvine off guard, and he twisted around in the chair. "What?" was all he could manage, too taken aback to say anything more.
"Exactly what I said. She got what she had coming. I tried to put it behind us, I tried to be nice and forgive her for it. She still acted the same after it happened, still wanted to follow me around and everything. But deep down, I knew that that's just what it was -- an act. She stopped loving me the minute she decided to go with him," he spat the final word, and as his gaze moved to meet Irvine's again it was blank -- like the look he'd put on in a battle. The one that said he'd shut away his emotions again.
To protect himself.
Irvine knew that recalling the memories must trigger some feeling in him, apparently something he wasn't willing to reveal. Not yet anyway.
"Who?" He winced as his curiosity got the better of him, and he suddenly regretted asking.
There was no change in Squall's expression, not even some look let slip in his eyes. Nothing. Not surprisingly though, as he'd had years to perfect his barriers by now. "Seifer," he replied coolly.
Before Irvine could respond Xu burst into the office, a blush spreading over her cheeks as she looked between the two men. "Er.. Commander! President Loire's on the vidphone for you."
("Great timing dad..)
"Fine, fine.. tell him I'll be there in just a second," Squall waved a hand dismissively and Xu left with a nod, letting the door slide three-quarters of the way shut again.
Irvine stood to leave again, sliding back into his coat and taking a moment to adjust it on his shoulders. "That's probably important. You should go now.. we can talk anytime," he placed his hand against the door, preparing to push on it to get it to open up again when he felt himself stopped by Squall for the second time today.
The strength with which he was tugged and pressed against the door was astonishing, as Squall's thin frame hardly seemed capable of such power. But here he was, holding him fast to the door. Squall seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then wrenched Irvine forward by his shoulders, drawing him down the four inches necessary for them to be level with one another, and drew him into another kiss.
It reminded Irvine of the first time Squall had done it. Surprised him all over again with the amount of passion and feeling in that one single kiss, even as he knew Squall was still fighting to keep those walls up -- probably too preoccupied with that to realize what he was letting through as his arms wrapped around Irvine's neck and drew him in deeper. In real time it probably lasted no more than twenty seconds, but seemed to drag on much longer to the both of them.
Squall knew he had to go. Laguna wasn't going to wait all day, after all, and Xu would surely be back shortly anyway. He ended it slowly, first unraveling his arms from around Irvine's neck and then reluctantly pulling away. Squall almost cracked a smile as he heard a tiny whimper from the cowboy, but managed to keep his expression steady with a bit of effort.
"Stop feeling guilty, Kinneas. And if you're going to object to that, think of it as an order.."
With that Squall let Irvine up, and then pushed against the door. The system took over as soon as he applied pressure, and opened completely. Irvine watched him join a now completely frazzled Xu by the phone and couldn't help but smile. He'd gotten a rare glimpse at what lay hidden inside Squall Leonhart -- the "Ice Prince". The fearsome Lion of Balamb.
And that had been an unauthorized glimpse at that..
("Makes me wonder what I could find out if he was willin' to show it..")
The smile still tugging at the corners of his mouth, he adjusted his hat on his head and headed back out into the hallway.. leaving the SeeD Commander to handle SeeD Commander-type business. He'd have to find a way to wipe some of his goofy expression off his face before looking for any of his friends though, or he might end up cornered and having to explain himself to his overly nosy comrades.
The opaque wall giving way to a section of windows, the shade of the blue sky catching his eye set his thoughts in motion. Rinoa.
"Agh! Damn. Get out of my head! I'm not supposed t'care anymore!" Easier said than done..
He continued on towards the lift, pressing the button and then folding his arms over his chest as he waited for it to arrive.
("Shit. And with Seifer of all people too.. never though y'had it in you..")
The door parted in front of him, and a female student smiled nervously as he joined her inside the lift. Noticing her gaze sliding over her, examining his attire, the smile grew broader and he made a point to tip his hat to her. Something about that gesture along with his cowboy image seemed to always have women hooked in an instant.
There was a beep as the lift settled at the second floor, and the doors opened again even as no one stepped out. Looking between the girl and the open doors, he chuckled. "Hey, isn't this your stop?"
She jumped, having been yanked out of her fantasies rather abruptly, and then nodded profusely. "Oh! Y-yes! Very sorry!" she yelled, before dashing out.
Ah, yes. That Kinneas charm never failed..
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"So what's the big emergency?"
Squall was not in a good mood. As much as duty weighed on his mind, today he was much more interested in sorting out the personal problems currently looming over his head. He knew he'd have to make peace with Rinoa or else no one -- Quistis especially -- was going to let him rest.
Once those were taken care of he'd be able to focus on work. Unfortunately, the rest of the world could not simply cease to exist while Squall Leonhart gets his matters of the heart in order. Knowing this, he sat down in front of the vidphone, hoping this would be brief.
"Ah! Squall! There you are.. I was beginning to wonder. But that Xu was just telling me about how busy you get so you know, I'm not mad at'cha or anythin--"
"Is this anything real important?"
A look of surprise crossed the older man's face, and he scratched at his head nervously for a moment. "Well, actually, I was just calling to tell you that I finally got a weekend free so I thought I'd call and offer to fly you guys to Esthar and we could all get together and.. I dunno.. forget we have jobs or something."
An amused chuckle coming from somewhere off-screen suggested Kiros was listening in on the conversation, but the noise didn't diminish Laguna's bright grin at all.
Squall was tempted to roll his eyes then and there, but then noticed the man was staring intently at him through the screen. "Yeah, fine, whatever," he answered hastily, finger already hovering over the disconnect button.
"..Really?" Laguna asked, a look of disbelief replacing the smile. He leaned over whatever desk was in front of him, his face effectively filling the whole of the screen. Squall? Okay a vacation? He thought he'd never see the day! "Great then! I'll have Fujin and Raijin fly the Ragnarok over tomorrow. They work here now, you know. They'll be thrilled to take a trip to Balamb .. with Seifer back at Garden and all."
Laguna almost wished he hadn't mentioned Seifer at all, as Squall's posture went rigid and a frown formed on his lips.
"Sure. You do that," Squall snapped, offering only a salute before he punched the button and the screen went black. He knew how much Laguna hated such formality, so he hoped it'd be enough to discourage him from bringing up potentially sensitive subjects in the future.
Getting up from his seat, a thought crossed his mind briefly that he'd just agreed to spend the weekend in Esthar. With Laguna insisting on 'bonding' with him and the others pressuring him to have fun with them, nothing was likely going to get sorted out anytime soon.
("At least I've 'patching things up' with Irvine..")
At the thought a tiny smirk curved the corners of his mouth as he turned away from Xu. "Thanks to Laguna, you're going to be in charge of Garden for the next couple days," he said to the woman. Her smile broad, she nodded and then flopped down into her seat at her desk again. So eager to please. Strange, really, as she'd been ordering him around only a year ago.
Pausing for a moment to watch the girl plunge back into her work again, he exited the office and let the door slide closed quietly behind him. The walk to the lift was a short one, and just as he turned the corner he was knocked backwards abruptly as someone slammed into him.
"Zell!" he yelled, finding the blonde sprawled out on the floor in front of him.
He looked up groggily from where he lay, rubbing one hand along the area of his head that had come in contact with the ground. Then he carefully fingered the spiked parts of his hair and uttered a sigh of relief before picking himself up. "Eh! Squall! You seen Rinoa?"
Squall mentally facepalmed. Anyone else and he would've been angry, but he knew how dense Zell could be. "No," he started, glaring at him rather menacingly. "Why would I know -- or care -- where she is?"
He withered back in the strength of Squall's glare, beginning to slowly inch his way around the taller man. "S-sorry Squall. Just thought you might've like, seen her in a hallway or something. Didn't mean anything by it..!"
Zell took off and Squall shook his head, moving the rest of the way to the lift. He hadn't even thought about what to do with the girl until just now, and already the questions began to nag at him.
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A/N: Feh. Okay. It should be said that I'm not terribly thrilled with this chapter. I liked chapter three, but this one .. I dunno. I've written it like three different ways and this is the one I dislike the least, I suppose. I guess it's because Rinoa and Seifer feel so out of character and .. whatever. Doesn't matter. n.n;;
Once again, I urge ya'll to review! Regardless of the number I get, this'll get completed .. but don't let that stop you from dropping me a line anyway! I'd love to know more about what people think! :D
--neurosis/rigel