You Get Me-- Chapter 2
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The piercing scream jolted her from her sleep, if one could even call it sleep. It took her a moment to realize the voice had been her own and she had been dreaming once again. of him. The images were still fresh in her mind of the last time she'd seen him alive fighting valiantly against the Vong in order to save the lives of others including herself. Every night she was forced to relive the horror of seeing her love simply cease to be leaving only an empty, lifeless shell behind. So many people had told her that time would ease the pain, but with each passing day the pain seemed to be getting worse.
Since Jacen had returned several weeks before, the hole in her heart felt like it was expanding, leaving her more alone than ever. So many things about him reminded her of Anakin. the way he walked, the way he laughed, even the way he smelled only served to taunt and tease her. Fate, it appeared, was a wicked thing, which delighted in the misery of others. or more pointedly, Tahiri's misery.
Everyone else was deliriously happy that Jacen had come back and that the war seemed to be taking a turn for the better. They were full of hope for the future. But not her. What did she have to look forward to even if they did defeat the Vong? Her one true love was gone. She had no remaining family despite the Solo's insistence that she was part of theirs. There was no place for her in the universe. no purpose. What was the point of it all?
At that instant, the door buzzer sounded causing her to jump and her heart to lurch. Taking a deep breath, she headed for the door wondering who would be stopping by in the middle of the night. It couldn't be good news. Nothing good ever came from the night.
Opening the door she was startled to see Jacen standing there. His hair was mussed, and he looked as if he'd just awakened.
"Jacen?"
"Hi," he replied. "Can I come in?"
Tahiri glanced down at her baggy sleep pants and ran a hand through her tangled hair. "I - I guess so," she conceded and then moved aside for him to enter. He walked hesitantly inside as if he was unsure about whether he should be there or not, and Tahiri watched him intently. The door swished shut and she flipped on a light.
"Is something wrong?" she asked waiting for the bad news.
Jacen looked at her in bewilderment. "Um, why don't you tell me," he stated.
Tahiri stared back. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Well," Jacen began, "I came because I felt you call out to me through the Force. You woke me out of a sound sleep, and I got here as fast as I could."
She studied him for a few moments trying to decide if this was a joke or if he was for real. "Jacen, I didn't call out to you," she finally declared as she turned and plopped on the edge of her bed.
"Hmm.," he pondered. "That's strange. I was for certain that you had. It felt urgent. like you were in danger or something."
Tahiri's gaze shot up, but then she instantly looked away. Surely he hadn't sensed her thoughts, the debate she'd been having about whether it was worth it to even be alive. She immediately put up a block on her emotions, despite the risk that Jacen would easily figure out what she'd done, and tried to sound nonchalant.
"Well, I didn't call you and, as you can see, I'm perfectly all right."
Jacen chuckled. "All right, huh?" Tahiri felt her temper flare, but she kept it in check, watching him as he casually sat down in the chair by her small desk. "Well, that's good to know. I was a little worried about you even though Mom and Dad seem to think you're doing okay. Maybe that's because I know better than them what you've been through."
The serious tone in his voice took Tahiri by surprise, and her defenses snapped reflexively into place. He was headed down roads she didn't want to travel, ready to dredge up memories and feelings she'd been trying desperately to squelch for way too long.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he invited, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. His face and voice were both so sincere and comforting that part of her nearly jumped right in, divulging her deepest, darkest emotions. Being with Jacen Solo seemed so comfortable, so natural. However, she quickly reined in that wayward part, and reminded herself that he wasn't Anakin. and never would be.
"No. No, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about anything with you right now," she stated, holding her head up high without a single waiver in her voice.
It was Jacen's turn to be taken off guard. He hadn't expected quite so icy a response even though he knew she was harboring feelings that needed to be released, and soon. No one else seemed to be able to recognize that Tahiri was near the breaking point--- or maybe they just didn't want to see it. But he had seen her despair the instant he'd first seen her at dinner with his family. Waiting for his next mission and for Vergere to be released from debriefing might take a while, so for now, Tahiri would be his next assignment. It was the least he could do for his little brother.
"Okay," he finally muttered, "but when you are ready to talk, I'll be ready to listen. That's a promise." He rose to leave and took a few steps toward her. "Anakin loved you, Tahiri. He would want you to live."
She stared up at him in shock. He smiled reassuringly and then turned to go.
"Goodnight."
And just like that, Jacen was gone as quickly as he'd come.
For a few moments, Tahiri sat there simply staring at her door, the numbness of the last year struggling to survive. Then the last words he had uttered settled into her mind and then her heart demolishing all of the walls she'd worked so hard to build. The tears came slowly first, but soon the dam collapsed and so did she. With a moan of anguish, Tahiri threw herself into her pillows and sobbed. The pain was fresh, just like it was the moment she knew Anakin was gone back at Myrkr. All of those horrible images flashed repeatedly in her mind along with all of the good memories she'd almost forgotten, each of them eliciting a wail and a new round of tears.
Time passed, but Tahiri didn't notice. She cried until it was physically impossible for another tear to be shed. Her eyes burned and her heart ached, but somehow she eventually drifted off to sleep.
It was the sweetest slumber she'd had since the day her life with Anakin had ended.
The piercing scream jolted her from her sleep, if one could even call it sleep. It took her a moment to realize the voice had been her own and she had been dreaming once again. of him. The images were still fresh in her mind of the last time she'd seen him alive fighting valiantly against the Vong in order to save the lives of others including herself. Every night she was forced to relive the horror of seeing her love simply cease to be leaving only an empty, lifeless shell behind. So many people had told her that time would ease the pain, but with each passing day the pain seemed to be getting worse.
Since Jacen had returned several weeks before, the hole in her heart felt like it was expanding, leaving her more alone than ever. So many things about him reminded her of Anakin. the way he walked, the way he laughed, even the way he smelled only served to taunt and tease her. Fate, it appeared, was a wicked thing, which delighted in the misery of others. or more pointedly, Tahiri's misery.
Everyone else was deliriously happy that Jacen had come back and that the war seemed to be taking a turn for the better. They were full of hope for the future. But not her. What did she have to look forward to even if they did defeat the Vong? Her one true love was gone. She had no remaining family despite the Solo's insistence that she was part of theirs. There was no place for her in the universe. no purpose. What was the point of it all?
At that instant, the door buzzer sounded causing her to jump and her heart to lurch. Taking a deep breath, she headed for the door wondering who would be stopping by in the middle of the night. It couldn't be good news. Nothing good ever came from the night.
Opening the door she was startled to see Jacen standing there. His hair was mussed, and he looked as if he'd just awakened.
"Jacen?"
"Hi," he replied. "Can I come in?"
Tahiri glanced down at her baggy sleep pants and ran a hand through her tangled hair. "I - I guess so," she conceded and then moved aside for him to enter. He walked hesitantly inside as if he was unsure about whether he should be there or not, and Tahiri watched him intently. The door swished shut and she flipped on a light.
"Is something wrong?" she asked waiting for the bad news.
Jacen looked at her in bewilderment. "Um, why don't you tell me," he stated.
Tahiri stared back. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Well," Jacen began, "I came because I felt you call out to me through the Force. You woke me out of a sound sleep, and I got here as fast as I could."
She studied him for a few moments trying to decide if this was a joke or if he was for real. "Jacen, I didn't call out to you," she finally declared as she turned and plopped on the edge of her bed.
"Hmm.," he pondered. "That's strange. I was for certain that you had. It felt urgent. like you were in danger or something."
Tahiri's gaze shot up, but then she instantly looked away. Surely he hadn't sensed her thoughts, the debate she'd been having about whether it was worth it to even be alive. She immediately put up a block on her emotions, despite the risk that Jacen would easily figure out what she'd done, and tried to sound nonchalant.
"Well, I didn't call you and, as you can see, I'm perfectly all right."
Jacen chuckled. "All right, huh?" Tahiri felt her temper flare, but she kept it in check, watching him as he casually sat down in the chair by her small desk. "Well, that's good to know. I was a little worried about you even though Mom and Dad seem to think you're doing okay. Maybe that's because I know better than them what you've been through."
The serious tone in his voice took Tahiri by surprise, and her defenses snapped reflexively into place. He was headed down roads she didn't want to travel, ready to dredge up memories and feelings she'd been trying desperately to squelch for way too long.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he invited, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. His face and voice were both so sincere and comforting that part of her nearly jumped right in, divulging her deepest, darkest emotions. Being with Jacen Solo seemed so comfortable, so natural. However, she quickly reined in that wayward part, and reminded herself that he wasn't Anakin. and never would be.
"No. No, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about anything with you right now," she stated, holding her head up high without a single waiver in her voice.
It was Jacen's turn to be taken off guard. He hadn't expected quite so icy a response even though he knew she was harboring feelings that needed to be released, and soon. No one else seemed to be able to recognize that Tahiri was near the breaking point--- or maybe they just didn't want to see it. But he had seen her despair the instant he'd first seen her at dinner with his family. Waiting for his next mission and for Vergere to be released from debriefing might take a while, so for now, Tahiri would be his next assignment. It was the least he could do for his little brother.
"Okay," he finally muttered, "but when you are ready to talk, I'll be ready to listen. That's a promise." He rose to leave and took a few steps toward her. "Anakin loved you, Tahiri. He would want you to live."
She stared up at him in shock. He smiled reassuringly and then turned to go.
"Goodnight."
And just like that, Jacen was gone as quickly as he'd come.
For a few moments, Tahiri sat there simply staring at her door, the numbness of the last year struggling to survive. Then the last words he had uttered settled into her mind and then her heart demolishing all of the walls she'd worked so hard to build. The tears came slowly first, but soon the dam collapsed and so did she. With a moan of anguish, Tahiri threw herself into her pillows and sobbed. The pain was fresh, just like it was the moment she knew Anakin was gone back at Myrkr. All of those horrible images flashed repeatedly in her mind along with all of the good memories she'd almost forgotten, each of them eliciting a wail and a new round of tears.
Time passed, but Tahiri didn't notice. She cried until it was physically impossible for another tear to be shed. Her eyes burned and her heart ached, but somehow she eventually drifted off to sleep.
It was the sweetest slumber she'd had since the day her life with Anakin had ended.