Chapter 5-
"Now," Jacen urged softly, smoothing back Tahiri's short-cropped blond hair, "tell me what this is all about."
Her body trembled as she tried to cease her crying, and he waited patiently for the sniffling to ebb. In a few moments, she pulled back and wiped her nose with a handkerchief Jacen had retrieved moments before from his small dresser.
"Thanks," she muttered with a small smile. She situated her legs into a crossed position on the floor in front of Jacen, and he did the same. She remained quiet and simply stared down at her hands lying in her lap.
"Tahiri," Jacen tried again, "I think I deserve to know how you ended up here in my room crying your eyes out in the middle of the night, don't you?"
Daring a glance up into his face, she instantly felt like a little child who was caught trying to hide a secret. His brown eyes bored into hers until she knew she would have to answer him.
"I-I saw him. He led me here," she said.
"Who? Who led you here?"
She swallowed hard and stared at him knowing he'd never believe her. Oh, well, she decided, here it goes anyway.
"Anakin," she stated plainly. She waited for the shock and disbelief to erupt into a mocking laugh, but it never happened. Instead Jacen's face morphed into a very serious scowl as he sincerely contemplated her response.
"What exactly do you mean 'Anakin'?" he questioned.
Did he actually believe her?
"Um, I saw Anakin in my room. He-he woke me up, and then he brought me. here."
Jacen looked around the room; the serious look still etched on his face, as if searching for any sign of his younger brother. "Tell me exactly what you saw." For some reason, Tahiri didn't hesitate to explain all that had occurred.
"He looked real. solid, you know? But there was this blue light surrounding him, so I don't know if he was actually there in front of me. I don't know, maybe I was just dreaming again, hoping that he was coming back." She paused and looked up at Jacen. He was listening intently to her every word, no sign of disbelief yet evident on his face.
"Did he say anything to you? Anything at all?"
She hesitated for a moment before nodding her head. "I asked him if he was real and he said 'yes and no'. Then he told me he had something to show me, something that was for my own good. Next thing I know, I'm here, in your room, and he just. just disappeared." A lump formed instantly in her throat as she fought back another round of tears desperate to escape.
Jacen grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently, reassuring her with a warm smile. "Am I going crazy, Jacen?" she asked wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.
"No, no," he said squeezing her hand more tightly. "You're not crazy, Tahiri, not unless I'm crazy, too."
"What do you mean? Did you see him?" she questioned anxiously.
"Not just now, but I have seen him before. on Coruscant."
"You did?"
"More than once, as a matter of fact," he added.
"Was he real? When you saw him, was he for real?" she asked hopefully.
"Yes. and no," he chuckled. "He was real to me at that particular moment, but was he real like we are?" He sighed deeply. "Not exactly."
Tahiri pulled her hand from Jacen's and shook her head in confusion. "I don't understand. Why? How?"
"I don't know how," Jacen attempted to explain. "I have no idea how it is possible, other than the fact that Uncle Luke was able to see his father, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Yoda even after they were dead to this life. Perhaps that is what we saw. a Force vision.
"The why," he pondered, "actually, I might have a theory on that. if you'd care to listen."
Tahiri nodded in agreement. "Okay."
Jacen shifted to get more comfortable and then started to share his hypothesis. He knew she might not like what he had to say.
"If it was really Anakin, maybe his appearing to us was truly for our own good. When I saw him on Coruscant, I was ready to give up hope. Seeing him gave me the push I needed to keep living. Perhaps he's still looking out for you from wherever he is, and his appearance was to give you the push you need to move on. Or maybe he was just a manifestation of what is in our own hearts. our own deep desires taking shape, telling us what we already know to be true and necessary. Either way, the purpose is the same. It's time to let go, Tahiri."
She frowned and bowed her head, biting back the flash of anger engulfing her upon hearing Jacen's words. How dare he tell her to let go!
"I know you don't want to hear that message, do you?" he asked. She raised her head and glared at him. He continued. "But you need to hear it. You might have fooled everyone else into thinking you've gotten past Anakin's death, but you can't fool me. I've been in the same position, been through many similar experiences that you have, and I learned the hard way that you have to go on. Acknowledge the pain, accept the pain, and then put it behind you. He's gone, Tahiri, and he's not coming back."
She jumped up and took a defiant stance. "Don't even!! You have no idea how I feel! You don't know me, and you don't understand what Anakin and I had! You couldn't! You've never loved someone like I love him!"
She was shouting and crying at the same time, lashing out at Jacen, not realizing she was really fighting her own pain. He stood up and took a step toward her, offering her his hand in an attempt to calm her down. She jerked away, fire flashing in her green eyes.
"Don't touch me! And how dare you tell me to forget about him! He was your brother, for Force sake! How can you say such a thing?!" Jacen simply let her go on, knowing it was exactly what she needed to do. "I won't forget about him! I won't give up, and I won't go on." Her heated tirade quickly lost steam and her shoulders slumped. "I can't," she admitted softly, "I can't go on, Jacen. I don't know how." She looked up at him, tears once again filling her eyes, and he swiftly took her back into his arms offering the comfort she so desperately craved.
Burying her head into his strong chest, she sobbed weakly, wrapping her arms around his waist. He held her tightly, transferring a rush of peace to her through the Force. In a few moments, she began to calm, but wasn't in a hurry to leave his arms. It was a safe haven she hadn't known she desired. Finally, he spoke.
"Let me help you, Tahiri," he offered sincerely.
She sniffed and stepped back. Looking up into his face, she found she could fight the pain alone no longer. He was right. It was time to move on. Tahiri nodded once.
"Okay," she answered quietly. "Help me."
"Now," Jacen urged softly, smoothing back Tahiri's short-cropped blond hair, "tell me what this is all about."
Her body trembled as she tried to cease her crying, and he waited patiently for the sniffling to ebb. In a few moments, she pulled back and wiped her nose with a handkerchief Jacen had retrieved moments before from his small dresser.
"Thanks," she muttered with a small smile. She situated her legs into a crossed position on the floor in front of Jacen, and he did the same. She remained quiet and simply stared down at her hands lying in her lap.
"Tahiri," Jacen tried again, "I think I deserve to know how you ended up here in my room crying your eyes out in the middle of the night, don't you?"
Daring a glance up into his face, she instantly felt like a little child who was caught trying to hide a secret. His brown eyes bored into hers until she knew she would have to answer him.
"I-I saw him. He led me here," she said.
"Who? Who led you here?"
She swallowed hard and stared at him knowing he'd never believe her. Oh, well, she decided, here it goes anyway.
"Anakin," she stated plainly. She waited for the shock and disbelief to erupt into a mocking laugh, but it never happened. Instead Jacen's face morphed into a very serious scowl as he sincerely contemplated her response.
"What exactly do you mean 'Anakin'?" he questioned.
Did he actually believe her?
"Um, I saw Anakin in my room. He-he woke me up, and then he brought me. here."
Jacen looked around the room; the serious look still etched on his face, as if searching for any sign of his younger brother. "Tell me exactly what you saw." For some reason, Tahiri didn't hesitate to explain all that had occurred.
"He looked real. solid, you know? But there was this blue light surrounding him, so I don't know if he was actually there in front of me. I don't know, maybe I was just dreaming again, hoping that he was coming back." She paused and looked up at Jacen. He was listening intently to her every word, no sign of disbelief yet evident on his face.
"Did he say anything to you? Anything at all?"
She hesitated for a moment before nodding her head. "I asked him if he was real and he said 'yes and no'. Then he told me he had something to show me, something that was for my own good. Next thing I know, I'm here, in your room, and he just. just disappeared." A lump formed instantly in her throat as she fought back another round of tears desperate to escape.
Jacen grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently, reassuring her with a warm smile. "Am I going crazy, Jacen?" she asked wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.
"No, no," he said squeezing her hand more tightly. "You're not crazy, Tahiri, not unless I'm crazy, too."
"What do you mean? Did you see him?" she questioned anxiously.
"Not just now, but I have seen him before. on Coruscant."
"You did?"
"More than once, as a matter of fact," he added.
"Was he real? When you saw him, was he for real?" she asked hopefully.
"Yes. and no," he chuckled. "He was real to me at that particular moment, but was he real like we are?" He sighed deeply. "Not exactly."
Tahiri pulled her hand from Jacen's and shook her head in confusion. "I don't understand. Why? How?"
"I don't know how," Jacen attempted to explain. "I have no idea how it is possible, other than the fact that Uncle Luke was able to see his father, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Yoda even after they were dead to this life. Perhaps that is what we saw. a Force vision.
"The why," he pondered, "actually, I might have a theory on that. if you'd care to listen."
Tahiri nodded in agreement. "Okay."
Jacen shifted to get more comfortable and then started to share his hypothesis. He knew she might not like what he had to say.
"If it was really Anakin, maybe his appearing to us was truly for our own good. When I saw him on Coruscant, I was ready to give up hope. Seeing him gave me the push I needed to keep living. Perhaps he's still looking out for you from wherever he is, and his appearance was to give you the push you need to move on. Or maybe he was just a manifestation of what is in our own hearts. our own deep desires taking shape, telling us what we already know to be true and necessary. Either way, the purpose is the same. It's time to let go, Tahiri."
She frowned and bowed her head, biting back the flash of anger engulfing her upon hearing Jacen's words. How dare he tell her to let go!
"I know you don't want to hear that message, do you?" he asked. She raised her head and glared at him. He continued. "But you need to hear it. You might have fooled everyone else into thinking you've gotten past Anakin's death, but you can't fool me. I've been in the same position, been through many similar experiences that you have, and I learned the hard way that you have to go on. Acknowledge the pain, accept the pain, and then put it behind you. He's gone, Tahiri, and he's not coming back."
She jumped up and took a defiant stance. "Don't even!! You have no idea how I feel! You don't know me, and you don't understand what Anakin and I had! You couldn't! You've never loved someone like I love him!"
She was shouting and crying at the same time, lashing out at Jacen, not realizing she was really fighting her own pain. He stood up and took a step toward her, offering her his hand in an attempt to calm her down. She jerked away, fire flashing in her green eyes.
"Don't touch me! And how dare you tell me to forget about him! He was your brother, for Force sake! How can you say such a thing?!" Jacen simply let her go on, knowing it was exactly what she needed to do. "I won't forget about him! I won't give up, and I won't go on." Her heated tirade quickly lost steam and her shoulders slumped. "I can't," she admitted softly, "I can't go on, Jacen. I don't know how." She looked up at him, tears once again filling her eyes, and he swiftly took her back into his arms offering the comfort she so desperately craved.
Burying her head into his strong chest, she sobbed weakly, wrapping her arms around his waist. He held her tightly, transferring a rush of peace to her through the Force. In a few moments, she began to calm, but wasn't in a hurry to leave his arms. It was a safe haven she hadn't known she desired. Finally, he spoke.
"Let me help you, Tahiri," he offered sincerely.
She sniffed and stepped back. Looking up into his face, she found she could fight the pain alone no longer. He was right. It was time to move on. Tahiri nodded once.
"Okay," she answered quietly. "Help me."