Left With You

Chapter 15

By Mrs. Padfoot

Author's Note: I'm absolutely pathetic, so I wrote on the same day as Mrs. Prongs. Well, half of this, anyway.

The whole Jenny/Sirius thing? Yeah. That was her job. But she's making me do it.

If you know who the real Malcolm Reed is, you rock. I love him too. What is it with me and fictional characters?

By the way, on my last chapter, some of you asked why Lily didn't tell him. Well, I wasn't thinking when I wrote that. And. The official explanation is that Lily had a brain lapse too. Sorry = But this chapter is long, so that... makes up for it?

--

"And then," said Alexandra with flourish, "he blew up the underwear drawer! So then I thought, since underwear was totally important to winning... it was the last thing we needed, why don't I just ask Malcolm?"

"Right," said Malcolm blankly.

Alex sighed and bit her lip, trying to look cute. She was, in fact, aware that the best way into Malcolm Reed's heart was through lengthly discussions of explosions and other such spells. He liked gung ho girls.

Alex wasn't exactly sure what gung ho meant, but she was pretty sure that that was the type of girl Malcolm liked.

She was also pretty sure that she wasn't very gung ho.

"So, um, can I have some? Of your underwear?" asked Alex.

"I'm out," he explained blankly.

"Why? Do you only have one pair or something?"

"Yeah," said Malcolm.

"Ew," said Alex before realizing it. She slapped her hand to her mouth, trying to stop herself, but it was too late.

She had just successfully ruined whatever fraction of a chance she had with the second hottest guy in school.

Hottest, she reminded herself. She couldn't just keep thinking of that bastard as the hottest one.

Malcolm was looking distinctly annoyed with her now, so she sighed and excused herself, wishing she hadn't chosen Malcolm as her target in the first place.

She mentally made a list of things that had gone wrong in the past hour and grimaced, wondering why she hadn't just used James' underwear. All they would have to say was that Sirius had written out the list and included James' and that Remus and Jenny had stolen it. As for why Steph was holding the underwear, that could easily be explained with only a fraction of embarrassment for her best friend.

And plus, embarrassment probably hurt less than hitting the floor.

%%

"So, wait," said Jenny, gesturing to the portrait of the fat lady. "Why are we here again?"

"Because, um, Remus... needed something?" said Sirius vaguely.

"See, usually I would know that," said Jenny. "But I was looking at Remus, and Remus is distracting. I mean, he has this thing, and so when I'm looking at him, I can't concentrate. And you do not know how liberating it is to be able to talk about that. Wow. Am I rambling?"

"Yes," said Sirius. "But I don't mind. Alex rambles a lot."

"She does, doesn't she?"

A glazed look came over Sirius' eyes, and he opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a loud thump thumpity thump coming from inside the portrait.

"It's Remus," she hissed.

"How can you tell?" asked Sirius.

"Because that's what it sounds like when he comes down the stairs," said Jenny, as if it were obvious.

"Should I be creeped out that you know that?" asked Sirius.

"You should be kissing me," said Jenny, sounding slightly disgusted, "so Remus will be jealous. When he comes out."

"Right," said Sirius uncertainly, taking a deep breath. He leaned down slowly, not enjoying the anticipation. It wasn't that Jenny was unattractive, because she wasn't, he just didn't particularly feel like kissing her. And he wondered what the hell Alex was doing to him.

Just then, the portrait swung open, revealing Remus, empty handed and stunned.

There was a long, cold silence as Jenny and Sirius moved away from each other.

"God, Moony, do you have any sense of timing?" said Sirius finally.

"Sirius," said Remus, at a loss for words. "Jenny?"

"Jenny what?" said Sirius.

"Were you going to kiss her?"

"Yes, I was."

Remus started to walk away, still plainly shocked.

"Moooooony," said Sirius. "Where the hell are you going?"

Remus turned around slowly, glad for the change in topic.

"I was going to go get some underwear of mine," said Remus.

"Um, Remus," said Jenny. "You have some of your underwear, remember? It's in your pocket."

"Right," said Remus, not checking. "But we need James' underwear, remember? And you know who has the last pair of his?"

"Who?" asked Jenny and Sirius.

"Stephanie."

%%

"Stephanie looks so peaceful when she's asleep, doesn't she?" said James.

"Oh, very," muttered Lily.

"You're not even looking," pouted James.

"That's because I couldn't care less," she informed him.

"How do you think she got stunned?" sighed James.

"Sirius," said Lily simply.

"You keep saying that. Now, I on the other hand, don't see why Sirius would do that," said James.

"Neither do I," said Lily. "But it's bloody obvious he did."

"Did you just swear?" asked James.

"No."

"Yes you did," said James. "But, anyway, I still don't get it."

"Why am I not surprised," said Lily, irritated. "There were two major clues that indicated Sirius was the cause of Stephanie's tragic demise."

"Well, I'm sorry, Sherlock," said James. "But I missed them both. What were they?"

"First, when we saw Alexandra, she was mumbling about Sirius and idiocy," explained Lily. "Which, for most people, isn't abnormal. But for Alexandra, it is. Of course, a little while later, we happen upon Stephanie, stunned. And suddenly Alex's comment makes sense."

"That doesn't prove Sirius did it," said James indignantly.

"No, but the fact that his wand was next to her?" said Lily. "Yeah. It was Sirius."

"But what was his motive?" asked James.

"Maybe he didn't want her to go to her marble transfiguring place," said Lily.

"Lily, you know as well as I do that that was some crap Alex was making up to cover up something she didn't want us to know."

"Do I?"

"Yes," said James. "Because I don't have marbles."

%%

"...and, I know it's a bit forward of me, but, I was wondering if I could have a pair of your underwear?" asked Alex, biting her lip. "It's just that... we need it to win, and, god, it would help, so much. I mean, like, you have no idea."

Frank Longbottom blinked. He wasn't even hot, but Alex was getting desperate. She was actually surprised to find that some people feared the wrath of Sirius. Did Sirius even have a wrath?

"Look, Alexandra, you're pretty and all, but I have a girlfriend..." Frank began.

"I'm not asking you out," said Alex quickly. "Ew. I just want some of your underwear."

"Ew?" he asked, his male pride wounded.

Alex grimaced and tried to think quickly.

"Look, I, ew, it's... a reflex?" she said, wincing at how ditzy she sounded.

But he was already gone

%%

"Where is she?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"Do you think someone found her?"

"Oh, god, do you think they did?"

"They must've..."

"Hey, what's that?"

"Sirius... is that your wand?"

"It is, isn't it?"

"Oh, my god," said Sirius. "I'm gonna die. I stunned another student."

"You say that like you haven't before," said Remus.

"Baby, we've gotta hide you," said Jenny soothingly.

"Baby?" asked Remus, sounding disgusted.

"We can't let them find you," said Jenny, ignoring Remus completely. For once.

"Where can we hide?" asked Sirius.

"Wow, I never thought I'd hear you say that," muttered Remus.

"Oh, baby, I... don't know," said Jenny melodramatically, sneaking a sideways glance at Remus.

"Oh my god," mumbled Remus.

"Oh, sweetie, I've got it," said Sirius. "Follow me."

"To the ends of the earth," said Jenny with a giggle.

Remus didn't even think to go with them. Previously, he would have considered the idea of a couple more nauseating than Alexandra and Sirius absolutely and completely impossible. But Jenny and Sirius were proving him wrong.

%%

"Where are we going anyway?," Lily asked after a moment, frustrated at the prospect that James could be falling for Stephanie as they spoke. Of course, the idea of running around the school without a set destination frustrated her as well.

"To find Alex, of course," James said logically, several steps in front of Lily.

"Why?" asked Lily.

"Because obviously," said James. "She has some secret. That involves marbles."

"Doesn't involve marbles," said Lily. "We decided that was the coverup, remember?"

"I think it must involve marbles," said James. "Because there's a lump in her robe pocket that could only be marbles."

"Where?" asked Lily.

"There," said James.

"I can't see it," said Lily.

"Well... fine," sighed James, setting the resting Stephanie down.

"Potter, you idiot," said Lily. "That could be anything."

"No, it's marbles," said James. "See that lump? That is a marble."

"It could be a wrinkle, a grape, hell, it's not even circular," moaned Lily.

"Well then check it," said James, "because, see, I think it must be a marble."

"You check it," said Lily.

"I'm not snooping in her stuff," said James.

"Oh, I'm sure she'd love to catch you snooping in her stuff," said Lily. "She's been fawning over you all day!"

"Please," said James. "Do you really think I'm going to ruin any chance whatsoever of getting lucky with her?

"Oh, so now you want to get lucky with her," said Lily icily.

"Well you rejected me," said James bitterly.

"I did not reject you," yelled Lily.

It was only when her words echoed back to her that she realized exactly what she had said.

"Yeah," said James after a long pause. "I'm, uh, um, I'll check Stephanie's pocket."

"Okay," mumbled Lily.

James reached into the lumpy pocket in question, and produced a pair of boxers.

"Christmas boxers," said Lily. "Not marbles. I win."

James just stared at the boxers.

"James?" ventured Lily.

"I, um," said James. "These are my boxers."

"What?" said Lily.

"My boxers," said James. "These... how did Stephanie get my boxers?"

"She could have stolen them," said Lily.

"Wow, that is just... um," said James.

"Obsessive," said Lily.

"In a sweet way," said James.

"She had your boxers," said Lily, disgusted.

"There's got to be a better explanation," said James. "I mean. Seriously. We have to wake her up."

"And how do you propose we do that?"

"We take her to the prefect's bathroom," said James. "Obviously."

"Why would we take her to the prefects bathroom?" asked Lily, confused.

"Water," said James, "Duh."

"Did you just say duh?"

"No," said James.

"Just checking."

%%

Guys officially sucked.

Alexandra wondered vaguely why it had taken her so long to arrive at that conclusion.

She sighed, and wondered for what felt like the zillionth time why she had insisted that Stephanie take James' underpants to Remus. Because, of course, Sirius would have to do something completely rude and mean and idiotic and stun Stephanie just for the sake of a stupid game.

The idiot probably hadn't even thought to take James' underpants out of his pocket.

The dumbbutt.

She sighed and moped against a wall, wondering why she suddenly had the feeling she had just missed a connection.

"Alexandra," said Remus, leaning against the wall next to her.

"Remus," she acknowledged.

"Anything new and exciting?" he sighed.

"Guys suck," she said. "But then, that's not new or exciting, is it?"

"Thanks," said Remus.

"Oh, not you," said Alexandra. "I'll elevate you to the role of non-sucking guy."

"Right."

Pause.

"I don't know. What's new and exciting with you?"

"Well, lots of new stuff," said Remus. "But not so much exciting as disgusting."

"Oh, do tell," said Alex.

"Jenny and Sirius," said Remus.

"Jenny and Sirius what?"

"Jenny are Sirius... are... I think... a couple," said Remus, sounding somewhat sick.

Alexandra looked at him once before bursting out into giggles.

"Oh, thank you, Remus, because, you know, I needed that. A good laugh."

"I'm not kidding," he said.

"Yes you are," said Alex.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are," said Alex, sounding slightly desperate.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are," said Alexandra, "you're horribly mistaken, because, that would never happen, because Sirius is deeply, deeply in love with me, and we all know Jenny is passionately in love with Re... gulus Black."

"Regulus Black?" asked Remus. "She's in love with Sirius' younger brother?"

"Oh yes," said Alex. "Truly, madly, deeply."

"Are you kidding?" asked Remus, sounding even more disgusted than before.

"Of course," said Alexandra quickly. "Jenny has never loved anyone ever and probably never will. She's just the non-loving type."

"Oh," said Remus, allowing just a note of sadness into his voice.

"Why?" said Alex. "Do you like her?"

"No," said Remus. "Of course not."

"God, well, now I'm glad I dumped him," said Alexandra. "Because it just shows that he's just flighty and mean and evil."

"You didn't dump him," said Remus slowly.

"Yes I did," said Alex.

"No, you didn't," said Remus. "You yelled at him a lot, but you didn't actually dump him."

"I didn't?"

"Nope," confirmed Remus.

"Oh, my god," said Alex, sounding scandalized. "So the talentless oaf is cheating on me? How dare he? I mean... people cheat on other people, but... no one cheats on me."

"I'm sorry?" said Remus awkwardly.

"Come on, Remus," said Alex. "We have to go find them so I can dump him before this goes too far."

--

P.S. Mrs. Prongs is writing right now. Just so you know.