You Get Me-
Tahiri's life settled into a new routine over the next few weeks and she liked it. After a reduced morning workout, she would meet Jacen at the dock and they put in a full day's work at the refugee camp. In the evenings they might get a quick bite to eat before she left to study at the library.
By now, she had performed just about every duty possible in the camp, but found that her favorite was delivering food and supplies to the elderly refugees unable to do much for themselves. This surprised her. Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined the joy and satisfaction chatting with these more 'experienced' people would bring her.
During her first days in the camp, Tahiri had mostly kept to herself, not talking or mingling with anyone except Jacen. Force knew he was doing enough of that for the both of them! He talked, comforted, and laughed with nearly every person he met. The more time she spent with Jacen the more she liked his personality. Another surprise. Several years ago she had pictured him as a sullen, spoiled brat who thought too much and cared only about himself. But now, as she watched him move and work in the camp, she saw a Jacen who was so open and warm to everyone he came in contact with.
That part of him reminded Tahiri of his Uncle Luke who was also very unassuming and accepting of others. Other times, such as when he mediated disagreements between quarreling refugees, he reminded her of his mother, ever the diplomat. And then there were those rare instances when she could swear he was Han Solo incarnate. Not only was Jacen built like his father physically, but she was coming to find he had a witty sense of humor and a penchant for teasing. And when he winked at her and flashed that grin that had been transplanted right from Han's face to his, Tahiri couldn't help but love being with him.
However, that wasn't a feeling she was comfortable with.
Along with the happiness that came from being friends with Jacen and working with the refugees came guilt-guilt for living life and liking it while Anakin would never again have that opportunity. Should she be enjoying life so much? She didn't have that answer, and so confusion was taking root in her soul.
"Something interesting out there?"
The question jarred Tahiri out of her inner reflection and she turned to look at the old woman lying on the small cot across from her. Glancing back outside of the open tent flap, she noticed, with a bit of disappointment, that Jacen had moved out of her line of sight.
"I'm sorry, E'marta," Tahiri apologized and scooted her chair closer to the bedside. "My mind drifts off like that sometimes."
The old woman smiled. "Mine would too if I had something that handsome to 'drift' off to."
Tahiri blushed and realized E'marta had known exactly what she'd been staring at. She quickly tried to change the subject. "I don't know what you're talking about. Here, let me get you a glass of water." The young Jedi rose and moved to get a drink for her new friend feeling the woman's gaze locked on her the whole time. When she returned to the bed with a glass, E'marta took it into her gnarled hands and sipped slowly, never taking her eyes from Tahiri.
"These old eyes might be failing me, but I can still 'see' something as obvious as you and that young man out there." Tahiri started to object, but E'marta cut her off. "I was young once, you know. And believe it or not, I know a little about romance." The old woman had leaned forward and whispered her last line in a conspiratorial whisper before offering a quick wink.
Tahiri shook her head and settled back into her chair. "There is no romance, E'marta. Jacen and I are just friends. That's it."
"Friends, eh? Well, now, that's how my husband and I started off. It didn't take too long to 'develop' into something else." E'marta wiggled her eyebrows and smiled forcing Tahiri to smile back. Despite her wrinkled face and silver hair, Tahiri could tell that E'marta had once been a beautiful woman.
"I thought your marriage was arranged by your parents and that you didn't even see your husband until your wedding day," Tahiri countered.
"Oh, no. That was my first marriage, dear." A far off look appeared in E'marta's face as she recalled memories of her past. "Ah, I was so young then-barely eighteen and still naïve enough to think that it was romantic to marry a mysterious stranger." She snorted.
Tahiri chuckled. She had grown quite fond of the old woman and her endless stories over the last few weeks. Not knowing much about her own family, Tahiri had taken a liking to the grandmotherly figure of E'marta, looking forward to her daily visits.
"But that's a story for another time," E'marta added patting Tahiri's hard. "I've told you enough about me. Now it's only fair I get to hear about you. How did you end up here spending all your time talking to a crazy, old woman like me?"
Tahiri paused for a moment to think of what to say next. There weren't many people who cared to ask her about her life. Anakin had listened as she told him her story, but she couldn't remember if he had actually asked to hear it. Then there was Jacen. It seemed he was always asking her questions, some of which she answered freely and some that she preferred to keep to herself.
Now there was E'marta smiling kindly at Tahiri encouraging her to talk, something Tahiri used to enjoy-something she had forgotten she enjoyed since Anakin's death. And so she talked, telling the old woman what she remembered from her childhood-living with the Tusken Raiders, being taken to the Jedi Academy, meeting Anakin and Master Ikrit.
"You like this Anakin boy, yes?" E'marta asked innocently. Tahiri's heart instantly constricted like a clenched fist and she held back the tears.
"Yes," she stated softly, "or at least I used to-I still do-oh, I don't know." E'marta looked at her in confusion. "He was Jacen's younger brother," she added for clarification.
The old woman's eyes immediately showed her understanding. "You said 'was'. Is he gone now?"
Tahiri nodded and dropped her head, and E'marta patted her hand tenderly.
"It hurts to lose someone you love, and I don't think it ever really stops completely no matter what people say. There's always that 'what if' question popping up in the back of your mind. What if I hadn't done this or what if I hadn't said that? Would it have made a difference? I felt it when my third husband passed away suddenly and still have moments of sorrow from time to time. But you could drive yourself crazy with all of that stuff. No, you've got to move on. Don't forget them, but keep living. Your Anakin would want that, my child."
Tahiri looked into the woman's graying eyes full of compassion-eyes that had see their share of hardship and happiness-eyes of a woman that had lived and loved just like her. The young Jedi smiled appreciatively and laid her free hand on top of E'marta's offering a friendly squeeze.
"You're right, E'marta. He would want me to keep living."
"Hello, ladies."
Both women turned to the entryway to see Jacen entering with a big smile. He was sweaty, his hair disheveled as usual and curling up on the ends and his sleeveless shirt sticking to his chest. Somehow, though, he managed to look very masculine. Tahiri looked away, fighting back the blush she could feel warming her cheeks. E'marta didn't shy away, however.
"Well, hello there, handsome!" she greeted with a big grin.
"You're looking beautiful today as always, E'marta," Jacen said coming over and placing a chivalrous kiss on the old woman's wrinkled hand.
"I prettied myself up for you, you scoundrel you! If I could get up from this bed, I'd chase you until you caught me," E'marta declared with a twinkle in her eye.
Jacen's brow raised and a sly grin tilted the corner of his mouth. "Well, I'm sure it would be well worth the effort, my lady." Then he offered her a little bow before turning his attention to Tahiri. "Are you ready to leave? Mom and Dad wanted us to come for dinner tonight if you're interested."
"Of course she's interested," E'marta interjected. Both Jacen and Tahiri looked at the woman in surprise. "Aren't you, dear?"
Tahiri stumbled over her words trying to answer. "I, uh, I, um, yeah, sure. Dinner sounds great."
Tahiri's life settled into a new routine over the next few weeks and she liked it. After a reduced morning workout, she would meet Jacen at the dock and they put in a full day's work at the refugee camp. In the evenings they might get a quick bite to eat before she left to study at the library.
By now, she had performed just about every duty possible in the camp, but found that her favorite was delivering food and supplies to the elderly refugees unable to do much for themselves. This surprised her. Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined the joy and satisfaction chatting with these more 'experienced' people would bring her.
During her first days in the camp, Tahiri had mostly kept to herself, not talking or mingling with anyone except Jacen. Force knew he was doing enough of that for the both of them! He talked, comforted, and laughed with nearly every person he met. The more time she spent with Jacen the more she liked his personality. Another surprise. Several years ago she had pictured him as a sullen, spoiled brat who thought too much and cared only about himself. But now, as she watched him move and work in the camp, she saw a Jacen who was so open and warm to everyone he came in contact with.
That part of him reminded Tahiri of his Uncle Luke who was also very unassuming and accepting of others. Other times, such as when he mediated disagreements between quarreling refugees, he reminded her of his mother, ever the diplomat. And then there were those rare instances when she could swear he was Han Solo incarnate. Not only was Jacen built like his father physically, but she was coming to find he had a witty sense of humor and a penchant for teasing. And when he winked at her and flashed that grin that had been transplanted right from Han's face to his, Tahiri couldn't help but love being with him.
However, that wasn't a feeling she was comfortable with.
Along with the happiness that came from being friends with Jacen and working with the refugees came guilt-guilt for living life and liking it while Anakin would never again have that opportunity. Should she be enjoying life so much? She didn't have that answer, and so confusion was taking root in her soul.
"Something interesting out there?"
The question jarred Tahiri out of her inner reflection and she turned to look at the old woman lying on the small cot across from her. Glancing back outside of the open tent flap, she noticed, with a bit of disappointment, that Jacen had moved out of her line of sight.
"I'm sorry, E'marta," Tahiri apologized and scooted her chair closer to the bedside. "My mind drifts off like that sometimes."
The old woman smiled. "Mine would too if I had something that handsome to 'drift' off to."
Tahiri blushed and realized E'marta had known exactly what she'd been staring at. She quickly tried to change the subject. "I don't know what you're talking about. Here, let me get you a glass of water." The young Jedi rose and moved to get a drink for her new friend feeling the woman's gaze locked on her the whole time. When she returned to the bed with a glass, E'marta took it into her gnarled hands and sipped slowly, never taking her eyes from Tahiri.
"These old eyes might be failing me, but I can still 'see' something as obvious as you and that young man out there." Tahiri started to object, but E'marta cut her off. "I was young once, you know. And believe it or not, I know a little about romance." The old woman had leaned forward and whispered her last line in a conspiratorial whisper before offering a quick wink.
Tahiri shook her head and settled back into her chair. "There is no romance, E'marta. Jacen and I are just friends. That's it."
"Friends, eh? Well, now, that's how my husband and I started off. It didn't take too long to 'develop' into something else." E'marta wiggled her eyebrows and smiled forcing Tahiri to smile back. Despite her wrinkled face and silver hair, Tahiri could tell that E'marta had once been a beautiful woman.
"I thought your marriage was arranged by your parents and that you didn't even see your husband until your wedding day," Tahiri countered.
"Oh, no. That was my first marriage, dear." A far off look appeared in E'marta's face as she recalled memories of her past. "Ah, I was so young then-barely eighteen and still naïve enough to think that it was romantic to marry a mysterious stranger." She snorted.
Tahiri chuckled. She had grown quite fond of the old woman and her endless stories over the last few weeks. Not knowing much about her own family, Tahiri had taken a liking to the grandmotherly figure of E'marta, looking forward to her daily visits.
"But that's a story for another time," E'marta added patting Tahiri's hard. "I've told you enough about me. Now it's only fair I get to hear about you. How did you end up here spending all your time talking to a crazy, old woman like me?"
Tahiri paused for a moment to think of what to say next. There weren't many people who cared to ask her about her life. Anakin had listened as she told him her story, but she couldn't remember if he had actually asked to hear it. Then there was Jacen. It seemed he was always asking her questions, some of which she answered freely and some that she preferred to keep to herself.
Now there was E'marta smiling kindly at Tahiri encouraging her to talk, something Tahiri used to enjoy-something she had forgotten she enjoyed since Anakin's death. And so she talked, telling the old woman what she remembered from her childhood-living with the Tusken Raiders, being taken to the Jedi Academy, meeting Anakin and Master Ikrit.
"You like this Anakin boy, yes?" E'marta asked innocently. Tahiri's heart instantly constricted like a clenched fist and she held back the tears.
"Yes," she stated softly, "or at least I used to-I still do-oh, I don't know." E'marta looked at her in confusion. "He was Jacen's younger brother," she added for clarification.
The old woman's eyes immediately showed her understanding. "You said 'was'. Is he gone now?"
Tahiri nodded and dropped her head, and E'marta patted her hand tenderly.
"It hurts to lose someone you love, and I don't think it ever really stops completely no matter what people say. There's always that 'what if' question popping up in the back of your mind. What if I hadn't done this or what if I hadn't said that? Would it have made a difference? I felt it when my third husband passed away suddenly and still have moments of sorrow from time to time. But you could drive yourself crazy with all of that stuff. No, you've got to move on. Don't forget them, but keep living. Your Anakin would want that, my child."
Tahiri looked into the woman's graying eyes full of compassion-eyes that had see their share of hardship and happiness-eyes of a woman that had lived and loved just like her. The young Jedi smiled appreciatively and laid her free hand on top of E'marta's offering a friendly squeeze.
"You're right, E'marta. He would want me to keep living."
"Hello, ladies."
Both women turned to the entryway to see Jacen entering with a big smile. He was sweaty, his hair disheveled as usual and curling up on the ends and his sleeveless shirt sticking to his chest. Somehow, though, he managed to look very masculine. Tahiri looked away, fighting back the blush she could feel warming her cheeks. E'marta didn't shy away, however.
"Well, hello there, handsome!" she greeted with a big grin.
"You're looking beautiful today as always, E'marta," Jacen said coming over and placing a chivalrous kiss on the old woman's wrinkled hand.
"I prettied myself up for you, you scoundrel you! If I could get up from this bed, I'd chase you until you caught me," E'marta declared with a twinkle in her eye.
Jacen's brow raised and a sly grin tilted the corner of his mouth. "Well, I'm sure it would be well worth the effort, my lady." Then he offered her a little bow before turning his attention to Tahiri. "Are you ready to leave? Mom and Dad wanted us to come for dinner tonight if you're interested."
"Of course she's interested," E'marta interjected. Both Jacen and Tahiri looked at the woman in surprise. "Aren't you, dear?"
Tahiri stumbled over her words trying to answer. "I, uh, I, um, yeah, sure. Dinner sounds great."