You Get Me—Chapter 16
"She's not there," Jaina reported as she hopped back into the compact speeder they had rented for the day. Once she clicked in her safety restraint, she turned to Jacen who was sitting in the back seat. "Are you sure she agreed to come with us?"
Jacen looked back at his sister, an expression of puzzlement on his tanned face. Just the night before, he and Tahiri had decided to take a day off from working at the refugee camp and accompany Jaina and Jagged Fel on a swimming excursion. He had promised to teach her how to swim. In fact, he was looking strangely forward to the opportunity.
"Yeah--- or at least I thought so."
He ran a hand back through his shaggy, brown hair. "Of course, last night got a bit chaotic what with Mom's news and all. I didn't really get a chance to verify times with Tahiri." He shrugged his shoulders, and then Jaina turned back around. Could it be that the news of Tenel Ka's upcoming visit had upset Tahiri as much as it had Jacen? He smiled. If, in fact, she had been upset, that was a good thing, right? It meant that maybe she did have feelings for him after all.
But on the other hand, if she thought that Tenel Ka's arrival meant that he still---
Realization dawned. He needed to see Tahiri, talk to her--- right now.
"I think I know where she is," he announced. "Turn left and head towards the south side of the city."
Han's words replayed in Jacen's mind. Tell her now, or tell her later.
Well, maybe 'now' was------ now.
"Well, now. What are you doing here? I didn't think you were supposed to be here today," E'marta asked when Tahiri entered her tent.
Tahiri offered a weak smile and began straightening anything she could find. "I—I missed you and couldn't stand the thought of some other volunteer honing in on my time," she joked.
E'marta chuckled and slapped her hand at the air. "Oh, child. It is a common misconception among the young that we old people are as ignorant as a newborn babe, but don't you believe it. While I am quite confident in my abundant supply of personal wit and charm, I don't for one minute believe that you are here solely for my sake." The old woman stared at the young blond who was carefully avoiding eye contact. "Come sit down and tell me about dinner with your young man," she said, patting the bed next to her.
"He is not my young man!" Tahiri exclaimed vehemently, instantly regretting the transparency of her emotions.
"Ah, then," E'marta continued, "that would be the problem. Come," she motioned to Tahiri, "come and tell E'marta all about it."
Tahiri looked at the woman who had grown so dear to her heart, and her shoulders sagged. Not many people in her life had truly cared how she felt, and the chance to receive a bit of comfort from this kind, old woman was irresistible to Tahiri's thirsty soul. She practically ran to E'marta's side, the older woman enveloping her in a warm embrace.
"There, there, my dear. Let it all out," she soothed as she rocked the girl gently in her arms. After a few minutes of crying, Tahiri pulled back and swiped the tears from her face.
"I'm sorry for being such a baby," she sniffled.
"Tears don't make you a child. They merely allow you to mature," E'marta explained. "Now, if you were just some kind of mamby-pamby, cry baby who burst into tears at the drop of a hat, then you'd need to be sorry."
Tahiri chuckled and grabbed E'marta's warm, wrinkled hand. "Thanks. I needed that."
"Well, I'm not good for much else these days, but now--- you tell me what's troubling you."
Taking a few seconds to figure out where to begin, Tahiri decided to start at the beginning with her earliest memory of living with the Tusken Raiders and ending with the dinner news from the previous evening.
"But, it doesn't matter anymore," she said, straightening her shoulders. "I've decided that I am no longer going to need anyone else in my life. It's for the best. Yes, as of right now I am my own emotional entity--- an island of emotional solitude. What do you think?" she asked when she finished.
The old woman puckered her lips as she silently contemplated all Tahiri had shared. The Jedi started to get uncomfortable when the few seconds of silence turned into a minute--- and then another. Fearing E'marta was perhaps suddenly losing her hearing, Tahiri asked again. "E'marta? What do you think of my plan?"
"Oh, goodness me!" she exclaimed. "Were you expecting me to respond? After that forceful declaration of independence, I didn't think you would 'need' my opinion."
Tahiri was startled by E'marta's curt reply, that is until she saw the woman's eyes twinkle and the corners of her aged mouth begin to curve up into a mischievous smile.
"I guess I deserved that," Tahiri admitted shamefully. E'marta reached out and patted the younger woman's arm.
"I'm only teasing you, dear. No, in theory your idea sounds perfect, for if you allow no one into your heart, then you run no risk of being heartbroken. This is true."
E'marta paused and Tahiri knew there would be a 'but'. There was always a 'but' when someone older and wiser was on the verge of revealing a profound life truth.
"But?" Tahiri ventured.
E'marta smiled. "Bu-ut," she drew it out dramatically, "if you never need anyone, never love anyone, then are you really living?--- or just existing?"
Tahiri took a few moments to absorb the full meaning of E'marta's words. Were the benefits of loving someone greater than the pain she might feel if that love was not returned?
"Now, sweetie, I need to rest these old bones, so if you don't mind-"
"Sure," Tahiri replied leaning over to give E'marta a hug. "Thanks again."
"You're welcome, dear. Now go and find something fun and youthful to do. Then come back tomorrow and tell me all about it." E'marta smiled and then rolled over to settle in for a nap.
"Give me about ten minutes," Jacen said as the speeder pulled to a stop outside the entrance of Camp Hope. He hurriedly hopped out and took off at a swift jog.
Jaina watched him go and furrowed her brow. "I wish I knew what was going on with him," she said. "He keeps blocking me and avoiding my questions."
Jag chuckled. "You're kidding, right?"
Jaina shot him a look to kill. "What?"
Jag grinned and gently traced a fingertip down Jaina's nose, resting it on her lips. "Force, do I love you!" he exclaimed in a whisper before claiming her mouth in a soft kiss. When he broke contact, their foreheads were pressing against one another's.
"So, are you going to clue me in or not?"
Whenever Tahiri left from a visit with E'marta, she always seemed to feel better about her life---while still being totally confused. The woman was right. If Tahiri guarded her heart and did not let anyone in, then she would never have to worry about getting hurt. And Force knew she was tired of hurting. Tired of the pain. If the Force meant her to be alone, then maybe she should just accept it now while she was young and quit banging her head against a wall hoping for any thing more out of life.
As she stepped out of E'marta's tent, she stopped dead in her tracks.
"Jacen?!"
"Hey," he said, casually running his hand through his hair again. It was, she noticed, becoming a very attractive, nervous habit for him.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, still trying to recover from her shock at seeing him so unexpectedly.
"Looking for you," he answered. "We had plans to go swimming with Jaina and Jag. Did you forget?"
"I—I," Tahiri stammered, not knowing how to respond. "No, I—I didn't forget. I just—I just had some things to do here," she said motioning back to E'marta's tent.
Jacen stepped around her and peeked inside to find the old woman softly snoring in her bed. He chuckled. "She's out cold for a while," he announced. Then he turned to look at Tahiri. "I guess you're all finished here now, right? Jaina and Jag are waiting right out front. Let's go," he said as he took her hand and started walking.
He did not get very far. She refused to budge. "What—what are you doing?" he asked quizzically. "Don't you want to go? I thought you wanted to learn how to swim."
She pulled her hand out of his and stood glaring at him, her fists clenched at her sides. What made him think she would do whatever he wanted her to do? Who did he think she was to boss around? Here he had shown up after being gone for so long, butted into her life, made her care about him and now--- now---she was pathetic.
"I don't have a suit," she declared weakly, thinking that might work and get him out of her hair, but doubting it the moment it slipped from her lips.
He grinned that Solo grin and his dark brown eyes twinkled. "Well, you don't really need one necessarily." Her mouth fell wide open and he bit back a laugh. "But, I think Jaina has an extra one in the speeder if you really feel the need to wear one." He held out his hand again and softly pleaded. "Please come. I need you with me so that I don't have to watch those two slobber all over each other all day. It's kind of creepy to see your sister in love," he added with a shudder.
Tahiri silently contemplated his offer. Had he said 'need'?—that he 'needed' her? She glanced down at his offered hand and back up into his handsome face, and then something inside her melted. She should turn tail and run right this very instant to get as far away as possible from this man. That's what her head was telling her. 'Play it smart, girl. Don't get involved. Break it off now!' Unfortunately, her heart and a few other parts of her body were already grasping for any contact at all with him.
She placed her hand in his and could not help but smile as he gave it a warm squeeze and said, "Good. I like having you with me."
"I have a bad feeling about this," Tahiri declared in a near whisper as she gazed out over the large lake. When they had first arrived, she had become speechless at the sight of its beauty--- sparkling, turquoise blue water, luscious vegetation surrounding them behind a strip of blindingly white, terribly soft sand. Their blankets and towels were set up, along with a picnic lunch for later, and the sun was dazzlingly bright, so much so that it reminded her of Tatooine.
Except for the water. And that's why she suddenly felt uneasy.
"Don't worry," Jacen said as he walked up behind her placing a large hand on her shoulder. "By the end of the afternoon, you'll be swimming like a fish." She gazed up into his eyes, the uncertainty blatantly obvious. "Trust me," he whispered, and amazingly, she did—with all her heart.
"First, though, you're going to have to change into your suit, unless—"he paused and that grin popped back onto his face, "unless you've changed your mind about needing one?"
This time, however, she recovered from her shock quickly enough to push him away forcefully and he almost lost his balance. "Wouldn't you like that!" she teased, feeling more at ease than she had since dinner last night.
"Do you want an honest answer?" he asked playfully.
"Jacen!" she replied, giving him another push.
"Well, I am a Solo. It's in our blood. My dad was a scoundrel and a pirate, you know." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and then winked at her. Tahiri merely rolled her eyes, grabbed her bag and went to go change.
Jacen watched her walk away and then realized a silly grin was plastered all over his face. He quickly looked around to make sure no one else had seen or heard him make such a fool of himself. Luckily, Jaina and Jag were already out in the water, oblivious to anyone or anything else besides each other.
What would it be like, he wondered, to be so absorbed in someone that nothing else seemed to matter? Would he ever know? Again thoughts of Tenel Ka and Tahiri crept into his mind. Once upon a time, he had been rather absorbed with the red-haired Hapan princess. As a boy, she had consumed his thoughts, all of his boyish thoughts. Things had changed though. He had changed. And he was pretty sure that she had changed. War did that to people whether they wanted it or not.
War.
It had taken his brother, so young, so promising, and now he was gone--- forever. That was a change. It had been hard for him, their whole family, and especially Tahiri. She had loved Anakin so much. Was it wrong for Jacen to secretly hope that she could possibly love him like that some day? Was it fair to her? To him? To Anakin? Dare he take the chance to find out?
"Okay," Tahiri announced. "I'm ready for my first lesson--- I think."
Jacen turned around and his throat immediately drained of any and all moisture. No, all of the moisture suddenly migrated to his hands and his forehead as he broke out in a sweat at the sight of her. Sure he had seen her nearly every day for the past month, but not wearing something quite so- --so--- Sith-forsakingly hot! He was going to have to thank Jaina later for having such good taste in swimwear because the black suit Tahiri had on was surely a gift from the Force. He hadn't realized how rounded in all the right places she was since she usually had on baggy pants and simple tee shirts. This—this was much, much better.
"Are you okay, Jacen? You look a little pale," she said coming closer, and it was all he could do not to reach out and touch her bare skin. She placed a small hand on his forehead and he had to force himself not to look where his eyes were begging to look. His eyes closed at the brush of her hand, and it was bliss. Then she took it away, plunging him back into torments. "No, you're just all sweaty. Yuck!" she exclaimed with a crinkle of her nose.
Water. He needed cold water--- right now.
"Let's go teach you how to swim," he said jogging down to the edge of the water. There was a large, stone overhang that was positioned to be a natural diving board, so Jacen ran to the end and dived in. It didn't matter that the water was just a tad chilly. No, the chill helped to ease some of his ridiculous burning.
Tahiri walked reluctantly to the edge of the overhang and peered in. "Is it cold?" she asked.
Jacen glanced up at her from treading water and still felt too warm. "No. No, it's just right," he fibbed.
She prepared to jump in, contemplated it for a few seconds, and then stepped back from the edge. "I don't know if I'm really ready for this, Jacen. You know how I feel about water. I've gotten used to being on top of it in a boat, but getting into it?—on purpose? It just doesn't seem natural to me."
Jacen chuckled and swam closer to the overhang, pulling himself up over the edge so that his legs were still in the water. "Will you please just get in. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I promise. Swimming is really fun, but you have to get in the water. There's just no getting around that particular part of it. Come on," he urged with a wave toward him. She tentatively stepped closer and bent down so that she was eye level with Jacen.
"I just don't know, Jacen," she started to stall again. He had to get her in that water soon so that he didn't have to keep looking at her body in that black suit that didn't leave much to his imagination. All she needed was a little push.
He let go and slipped back into the water. "Come on, Tahiri. I find it hard to believe that a girl who could slice the head from a Yuuzhan Vong shaper like a hot knife through nerf butter is afraid of getting wet." He saw her stiffen and her chin rose up defiantly.
"I'm not really afraid. I just— Ai-eeeeeee!" she screamed as she lost her footing and fell headlong into the water. Jacen was instantly at her side helping as she broke through the surface sputtering water and flailing her arms. He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, sending her a calm brush through the Force to settle her down. Finally, after a few seconds, she calmed, opened her eyes, and realized where she was. Jacen's arms were around her waist holding her close, and her arms and legs were wrapped around him--- tightly. The feel of her wet body pressed against his was much too enjoyable, and he held fast even when she started to pull away. Their gazes locked.
"You okay?" he asked never taking his eyes from hers.
She nodded slightly, loosening her hold just a little. "Yeah, I think so."
"Is it too cold?"
"Cold?" she said. "No, I'm not cold at all."
He was glad he wasn't the only one feeling the heat. It was like sparks were flashing between them, and his body wasn't listening to a darn thing his mind was trying to tell it. He wanted to kiss her so badly that it hurt, so he decided to take the plunge.
He pulled her closer to him, moving one hand up her bare back, knowing he could spend all day simply touching her soft skin. Her eyes widened and mouth parted slightly as if she knew what was coming next, but she stayed still letting him make the move. His mouth kept getting closer and closer to hers, their hearts pounding against their chests in unison.
"Tahiri, I—"
Splash!! A blast of cold water right in their faces sent the two young Jedi apart instantly as they turned to see Jaina laughing only several feet away. "Are you guys going to swim or not?" she yelled, oblivious to what had been about to happen. Jag sent Jacen a look of sympathy and simply shrugged his shoulders in apology.
Jacen sighed heavily in disappointment until a mischievous glint appeared in his eyes. In a few strokes he was right in front of his sister, and in the next instant she was dunked forcefully below the water. She came up sputtering and still splashing. Jacen looked at Jag, grinned, and declared, "Force, did that feel good!"