You Get Me—ch 19
Thanks for the kind reviews. This one is pretty long to make up for the short ones. Enjoy!
"Leia, may I have a private word with you?"
Leia Solo glanced up from her datapad and across the table to the Hapan queen and smiled warmly. "Of course, Tenel Ka." She watched as the young woman rose and came to take a seat closer to Leia, her two bodyguards flanking her sides while maintaining a consistently dominating presence. Tenel Ka waited until all of the other government representatives and their assistants finished exiting the conference room before continuing.
Leia began by taking Tenel's hand in hers. "I am so happy that you and your people have decided to join our efforts against the Yuuzhan Vong. We'll have the final documents drawn up for you to sign by Friday."
The redhead smiled back. "I am only so sorry it took so long. There are some in Hapes who would prefer to remain impartial to the horrors which rage around us. It took some persuasion, but I am glad I was able to finally come to your aid. I hope we will make a difference in the fight."
"I'm sure you will," Leia replied. "Every hand of help makes a difference. Now," she added, patting the younger woman's hand, "what did you want to talk about?"
Leia saw the moment of hesitancy in Tenel Ka's eyes and became instantly more curious about what could cause her to appear so unnerved. The curiosity only rose even higher when Tenel pulled her hand gently away from Leia and took a deep breath as she straightened in her seat.
"I wanted to speak to you about this particular matter because I know that you have experienced somewhat the same dilemma in your past... with my own father, in fact."
Leia's gaze narrowed and she folded her hands in her lap and felt her own back stiffen. The ordeal with Prince Isolder all those years ago could still ignite strange emotions within her and her husband with the mere mention of anything related to Isolder of Hapes.
"Go on," Leia urged.
"I find myself in quite a precarious position regarding my rule. There are still several factions within the Consortium who would be pleased to see my reign come to an end or at least suffer some kind of major crisis. Thus, my advisors have been frantically trying to devise ways to keep either of those things from happening."
Leia nodded. "There are always people who will be jealous of your power and position. It's wise to keep sound counsel from wise advisors. But, what is it that I can do for you? You know I think of you as one of my own and I'll do anything I can to help."
Tenel Ka sighed deeply in relief and Leia could visibly see the tension ease a bit in her posture. "I had hoped you would be so understanding. It makes my request easier to make."
"Request?"
"Yes," Tenel Ka replied, straightening once again in her chair. "My advisors have suggested that if I were to-- marry then I would appear more settled and rooted in my power---especially if he were someone equally as powerful in his own right."
The queen had Leia's full attention, and even though she was pretty sure where this conversation was headed, she was not quite sure that she knew how it would end.
"That makes sense to a degree, I suppose," Leia acknowledged, careful not to reveal her thoughts just yet, opting for a bit of teasing instead. "Although I hate to tell you, but I'm already married and a little too old for you, dear."
"Uh—uh—oh--," Tenel stammered, and Leia laughed.
"I'm only joking. Blame my husband. He's corrupted me," she explained with a mischievous glint in her dark brown eyes.
Tenel Ka regained her composure and cracked a small smile. "And all these years I thought Jacen got his sense of humor from his father."
"Only when he tells the really bad jokes--- that's from Han. The good stuff, that's all me," Leia said, trying to put the other woman at ease, and rather liking catching her off guard.
"Jacen," Tenel Ka stated simply bringing the conversation back to where she wanted it. "That is what I want to discuss with you. If I decide to take the advice of my counselors, there is no one else I could think of marrying than your son, Leia."
Leia paused to take it all in, finally taking a deep breath and exhaling out her nose with a huff. "Well--- what does he think about all of this?"
Tenel Ka averted her eyes and stared down at her lap. "He—he does not know about it yet. I wanted to speak with you first, as his mother. That is the custom in Hapes. If I have your consent, then I will ask him for his. I know that he once cared for me-- when we were younger. I was not interested in such an attachment at that time, even though we became close friends. I am sure he has changed after all that has happened over the last few years, but I hope that he still harbors some tender feelings for me. We would make a good team, Jacen and I."
Leia studied the young woman and could not help but sympathize with her plight. The pressures of being in power were often overwhelming, especially when they conflicted with one's own desires. She knew that Jacen cared for Tenel Ka, but did not know if he was ready for marriage. However, that was not her decision to make. She and Han had sworn years ago that they would never force their children into marriage with anyone for any reason. This was a decision Jacen would have to make on his own.
Finally, Leia spoke. "I have no doubts that you and Jacen would make a good team together. You are both strong in the Force. I can't promise you what he will say when you ask. He is not quite the same Jacen he was before the Vong took him, and yet he is still the same in his essence. I appreciate your adherence to custom by asking me, Tenel Ka, but I can't really give consent for something only Jacen has control over."
Tenel Ka's face dropped, and Leia quickly continued. "However, I can't say that I would be disappointed to have you for a daughter-in-law."
Tenel Ka looked back up to find Leia smiling again, and in another second, Leia was leaning over embracing the young woman without noticing the agitated bodyguards who had stepped even closer. Tenel Ka raised her one hand to halt them.
"It's okay," she explained. "Leia is family."
Keeping a secret was hard work for Leia Solo, especially when it involved one of her own children. Somehow, she had managed to keep it through the night dodging questions her husband shot her way when she returned from the meeting with Tenel Ka. Although they usually shared things, something had kept her from telling Han about Tenel Ka's proposition. She was not sure how he would take it since the girl was the daughter of the man who had nearly stolen Leia out from under Han's nose.
Plus, she wasn't quite certain of her feelings on the matter just yet either. As much as she loved her son and liked Tenel Ka, the way the young queen had worded her request left Leia feeling like something wasn't quite right. It had taken Leia most of her sleepless night to figure out what the problem was.
Tenel Ka had not once mentioned love.
She had said she cared for Jacen and that she hoped he still cared for her, but never once did she use the word 'love'. It shouldn't have bothered Leia so much, but for some reason it did. Marriage was difficult enough to sustain even when love was the center. She knew that from firsthand experience. But if the couple did not even start out with love as the foundation, how successful could it be? Sure, some arranged marriages grew into love, but did she want to risk her son's happiness on a 'maybe'? Marriage was serious business---not something to just take on a trial run to see if it works, to be discarded if one of the partners got bored or tired of the hassle. It was for life.
But was it the life for Jacen?
She would just have to let him decide for himself, but perhaps he would be better prepared to do that if he knew what was heading his way. After she finished securing her long hair back into a clip, she walked into the living room determined to contact Jacen and have a talk. It wouldn't be meddling---- not really. She would keep her opinion to herself and just let him know what to expect.
Han was sitting on the couch enjoying a steaming cup of stimcaf, his feet propped up on the small table in front of him when she came in and grabbed her comm unit.
"Who ya calling, sweetheart?" he asked as he took another sip.
"I've got to talk to Jacen. It's—it's rather important," Leia replied, dying to tell her husband everything, but forcing herself not to.
"Sounds serious," Han added, "but he's not home. He called earlier to say he'd be out all day. Said he had some errands to run, stuff to think about, yada, yada, yada."
He saw his wife's shoulders slump in defeat, heard her murmur a short curse, and wondered why she was so upset. "What's wrong, Leia? Is it an emergency?" He stood up and moved to put an arm around his tiny wife.
"Oh, I don't know. I just needed to speak to him—let him know--," and then she stopped talking, glanced up, and then quickly away from Han. Her guilty expression set Han on alert. Now he just had to know what she was keeping from him.
"Let him know what?" he prodded forcing her to look at him. "What aren't you telling me, your worshipfulness? And don't tell me 'nothing' because I know you're up to something. So spill it. It'll save us time." Part of him felt ashamed urging her to share her secret when he was himself keeping one from her. He had yet to tell her of Jacen's growing attraction to Tahiri, figuring the kid needed some time to figure it all out for himself first.
Leia softened when she saw her husband's silly, lopsided grin. It could still melt her after all these years. She could fight him, and sometimes, she had to admit, she enjoyed the fight. But other times it was better to just give in to him.
With a sigh, she began to explain. "Tenel Ka asked me for Jacen's hand in marriage last night."
"What?!" Han exclaimed his eyes wide and his jaw open nearly to the floor.
"I said, Tenel Ka---"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard you the first time," he interrupted. He spun around and ran a hand back through his typically mussed hair, a gesture Leia had begun to notice Jacen imitating lately. "What did you say? What did he say?" he questioned, spinning back around to face her.
"I told her it wasn't my place to answer for him, even if it is the Hapan way for the mother to give consent."
Han snorted at the mention of 'the Hapan way', as she knew he would. He was so predictable. "And Jacen?"
"He—he doesn't know yet. That's why I need to talk to him," Leia stated with another sigh. "I thought I should tell him so he can be thinking of his answer."
"What do you think he'll say?" Han asked nervously.
"I—I don't know," Leia answered softly. "I know he was crazy about her when they were both younger. So, yes, maybe?----oh, I don't know!"
Han began pacing, debating what to do. He knew his son had always had a crush on the Hapan princess---no, she was a queen now, he reminded himself. That was another thing Han was uneasy about. Since she was now the ruler of a whole group of worlds, the chance to live such a life might be tempting for Jacen after living through hell at the hands of the Vong. There wasn't anything wrong with the girl, apart from her father, of course. However, knowing how Jacen was beginning to feel about Tahiri, Han had mixed feelings. He was always one to root for the underdog, and in the game of life, Tahiri Veila was indeed the underdog. The poor kid had had a rough life, to be sure, and Han's heart went out to her. She needed a chance at happiness--- a chance to have someone care about her and take care of her. He had been blessed to get that chance with Leia. Tahiri deserved the same, and Han thought maybe his son could give it to her.
Force, he was becoming such a softie in his old age!
"Hey, guys," Jaina exclaimed as she walked through the door startling both of her parents.
"Remind me to change that entry code," Han muttered sarcastically.
"Oh, Daddy!" Jaina replied as she plopped down on the sofa. She picked up Han's discarded cup of stimcaf and took a swig.
"She thinks I'm kidding," Han added quietly to his wife.
"So, what are you guys up to?" Jaina asked oblivious to their previous conversation.
Han and Leia looked at each other, unsure of how much to tell their daughter. Anything she knew was certain to get to Jacen. But since that was what Leia was intending, what difference did it make?
"We were just discussing your brother," Leia said.
"What did he do now?" Jaina asked flippantly taking another sip.
Han raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "Enjoying my drink, princess?"
"A little too strong and a tad cold. So what's this about my brother?" She took yet another drink.
Leia plunged ahead. "Tenel Ka wants to marry him."
Stimcaf sprayed from Jaina's mouth as she jumped to her feet. "What?! She wants to marry him?! You're kidding, right?"
Leia handed her daughter a napkin and answered. "No, I'm serious. Wipe your chin. She asked me last night."
A huge grin spread across Jaina's face. "Oh my gosh! This is so wonderful! Jacen and Tenel Ka---married! I can't believe it! I was just telling Tahiri yesterday how much he always loved Tenel Ka and—"
Han's ears perked up instantly. "You told Tahiri what?!" He immediately started pulling on his boots and mumbling to himself while Leia and Jaina observed in confusion. Jaina eventually looked to her mother for an explanation, but the older woman simply shrugged.
"It's best to just ignore him when he gets like this."
They watched as he grabbed his jacket, and in another minute, Han was out the door heading Leia knew not where. She determined to find out the details later, but for now she needed to calm Jaina down and find Jacen.
"Well, hello there, Handsome!"
Jacen smiled at the old woman as he entered her tent. A quick glance around told him she was alone. No Tahiri. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed.
"Good morning, Beautiful," he replied with a roguish wink. "How are you today?"
"Well, you know, I'm still breathing, so I can't complain," E'marta answered with a chuckle. "Plus, I have a good-looking man here in my tent all to myself, so I'd say it's a pretty good day."
It was Jacen's turn to laugh. He liked E'marta. Even though her body was failing, her wit remained sharp and quick.
"Don't tease me, E'marta. You know I'm desperately in love with you and if you keep talking like that I'm likely to carry you off in the middle of the night. Then what will everyone say?"
E'marta's eyes twinkled with delight. "Honey, if you carried me off, I wouldn't give a Force-forsaken flit about what everyone else said!"
In a moment, silence descended between them as E'marta observed how preoccupied Jacen seemed to be.
"Something troubling you, sweetie?" she asked.
He glanced at her and answered quietly, "Oh, nothing you'd want to hear about. I wouldn't want to bore you."
"Try me," she said patting the bed next to her. "We old people tend to be good listeners since we don't have much else to do with our time. So come on over here and tell me all about it."
Jacen paused to contemplate his reply. He didn't really know her all that well, but something about her put him totally at ease. "Has Tahiri been here today?"
E'marta's eyebrow raised slightly. Just as she thought. "No---no she hasn't been here. Are you looking for her? Or trying to avoid her?"
Jacen stared wide-eyed at the woman. She was even more perceptive than he had first thought, so he didn't try to deny the truth. "You know, E'marta, I'm not really sure," he admitted, running his hand through his hair.
E'marta nodded her head slowly. "At least you're honest. That's the first step to getting 'sure'."
Jacen finally sat down on the foot of the bed and stared straight ahead at nothing in particular. "I don't know what happened. Tahiri used to be my brother's girlfriend before he---died," he said turning to look at the old woman.
"Yes. I know. She told me as much."
"I thought she might have. You two have been spending a lot of time together. I think you're good for her," Jacen said with a quick smile.
"So are you, dear," E'marta replied.
Jacen snorted. "Yeah, well, I'm not so sure she would share your opinion after yesterday." He paused for a moment before continuing. "Now she probably thinks I'm a big jerk."
"Now, why would she think that?" E'marta coaxed. "I've seen you two together around here, laughing and joking, working side by side to get things done. I don't think she feels that way about you."
"Don't you?" he asked, unconvinced. "Well, that's just it. I don't know how she feels about me, thus, my current dilemma." He hung his head, took a deep breath, and then started to explain.
"It started out being a favor to my brother, Anakin," he began and then he proceeded to tell E'marta how the situation with Tahiri had developed from a 'mission' to save her from despair over Anakin's death to a new relationship that Jacen wasn't quite sure how to define. They had quickly and easily progressed to a deep friendship, and now it seemed the term 'friend' just didn't adequately describe what he felt for Tahiri anymore.
The problem was he didn't know for sure how she felt about him. There were times when she looked at him and he thought he noticed the same spark of interest in her eyes. But Jacen Solo was not one to act without thinking first, which was one of his biggest faults.
Except when they had been on the beach yesterday. That was one time he had acted on pure impulse. Having her pinned beneath him, eyes locked, hearts pounding, had been exciting and frightening at the same time. And then when he kissed her--- if the mere brush of his mouth on hers could even be called a kiss—it had flooded him with feelings he had never known before.
He wanted more, much more, but wasn't sure he should. A smidgeon of guilt still lingered regarding Anakin's prior claim to Tahiri even if Jacen was finding himself strongly and undeniably connected to her.
Omitting the sordid details about his actions at the beach, Jacen moved on to tell E'marta about Tenel Ka.
"I was nuts about her," he explained with a grin. "She was smart and strong and beautiful. I wanted so badly for her to like me, but she never seemed to see me as anything more than a friend."
E'marta wondered if he realized he only spoke of her in the past tense.
"Even when she greeted me last night it was kind of distant and formal. Not what I expected--- or hoped for. And so," he declared slapping both hands on his thighs, and as he looked back over at E'marta an expression of confusion appeared on his face. "I'm not really sure why I just told you all of that," he chuckled. "I'm sure it was more information than you wanted to hear."
E'marta smiled warmly, and Jacen suddenly wondered what it would have been like to know his grandparents—apart from Darth Vader, of course. He doubted they would have had too many heart-to-heart chats.
"Well, that is quite a predicament for you," she said sympathetically.
"Exactly," Jacen agreed.
"Sounds like you have some decisions to make and two young ladies to talk to. Sitting around over-thinking a thing doesn't get a body anywhere. No, sir, you've got to make your mind up and then take some action. Yes," she repeated firmly, "you've got to take some action."
If all of Uncle Luke's stories were true, E'marta's wisdom could have rivaled Master Yoda's, Jacen mused as he hammered another nail into the unfinished dining hall. The quickly swelling number of refugees flooding into Camp Hope made the new structure an absolute necessity. He had been working with the construction crew all day, refusing to acknowledge the exhaustion in his body, continuing to push himself to his physical limit. Maybe this wasn't exactly the kind of action E'marta had intended, but it was working for him, nonetheless.
Spending hours performing manual labor had actually given Jacen time to think. He laughed out loud and shook his head. What would she say about that?
Several times throughout the day he found himself turning to share something funny with Tahiri only to remember she wasn't there. He wished she had been there to see little Gi'anni take his first steps and to see Big Yurik trip and fall into a giant mud puddle. He missed looking over his shoulder to see her smiling back, feeling her working right along side him, sharing a bottle of water during a break, and hearing her giggle at his silly jokes.
The hammer in his hand halted in mid-swing as he suddenly realized he had not thought about Tenel Ka since his conversation with E'marta earlier that morning. Funny--- there was a time when she had occupied most of his thoughts—especially those he had at night as his teenage hormones raged within. Now when he thought of her, it was different—like a fond memory of his former life. She was still one of the most beautiful females he had ever seen in his life. Still strong and smart and better than ever. But it just wasn't the same.
She wasn't Tahiri.
An instant calm washed over Jacen filling him with a peaceful relief—a 'knowing', of sorts. He had been struggling so desperately to find an answer, much as the boy Jacen would have done, not remembering that he wasn't that boy anymore. He was a man--- a man who knew what he needed to do.