Disclaimer: All belongs to J.K. Rowling. If there is something in a chapter that does not, it will be stated at the bottom of the page.

A/N: Inspired by a Buffy/Angel humour fic I read.

Enjoy!

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The-Boy-Who-Lived Vs. Nemo: Cocker Spaniel Wonder!

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With an annoyed growl, Harry rolled off of Luna and onto his side of the bed and stared at the ceiling. His handsome face was set into a scowl, his untidy hair falling into emerald eyes. Luna propped herself on her elbows and stared at him.

A lazy, very nice weekend morning had been going well until up to now.

"I can't do this with that thing watching." Grumbled Harry, arms folded behind his head. Luna raised an eyebrow and ran her fingers over his toned chest. "I can't!" He said again.

Luna looked over the side of the bed at Nemo, who sat staring at Her Most Beloved Mistress With Sunlit hair and The Vile and Scarred Creature. The black and grey Cocker Spaniel blinked and licked her chops before continuing to pant happily. Luna turned back to her husband.

"The Boy-Who-Lived can't perform in front of a dog?" She laughed. Harry scowled further. "You've played Quidditch in the buff, dearest."

"That was different!" Harry squeaked.

"How?"

"It was my bachelor party and we were all drunk!"

Sighing, Luna turned back to the dog.

"Go find your squeaky bludger, Nemo!"

Nemo turned two circles before easing herself luxuriously onto the carpet, preparing for a lengthy stay. She knew exactly where her squeaky bludger was. She his bludger from The Vile and Scarred Creature. The Vile Creature liked to steal bludger and throw bludger into strange places like the street in front of the house where the Giant Metal Rodents of Doom zoomed

Once The Vile and Scarred Creature threw bludger out in the rain. When she went out for the rescue mission, The Vile Creature locked her outside. She retaliated sensibly by peeing in The Vile Creature's shoes.

"The damn dog hates me!"

"You're being silly, darling. Dogs love people!"

Nemo despised The Vile Creature. He would tackle Her Most Beloved Mistress with Sunlit hair and rub against her until Her Most Beloved Mistress screamed. Nemo didn't understand why Her Most Beloved Queen didn't take The Vile and Scarred Creature to the Place of Pain like The Vile Creature did to The Shrouded and Tattooed Reaper. The Tattooed Reaper tried to rub against Most Beloved Mistress and pushed her down the steps and The Vile Creature took The Shrouded and Tattooed Reaper to the Place of Pain. But then why did The Vile Creature rub against Her Most Beloved Mistress?

Luna peppered tiny kisses around Harry's jaw as her hand snaked down to the hem of the sheet. Harry grabbed her wrist. "Not with that animal in here." He muttered.

Luna sighed and climbed out of bed and scooped up Nemo. The dog happily licked Her Most Beloved Mistress's face. They were leaving The Vile and Scarred Creature! Triumph!

Though Nemo did find it a bit weird that Her Most Beloved Mistress had no clothes.

Luna pulled open the bedroom door with a creak and set Nemo in the hallway and closed the door.

Nemo whimpered and pawed at the door. Defeat was unacceptable!

The Vile and Scarred Creature kept his precious Overly Large Wooden Stick in the closet by the door.

Sometimes they forgot to close the door.

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Harry skipped down the steps an hour later, showered, dressed, and ready to help his oldest sons work on their Quidditch tactics. He reached the closet and found a few wooden chips on the ground.

It took a minute to process as Harry flung open the door and looked at the chewed up Firebolt.

The roar of pain and fury could be heard for miles.

A/N: I own Nemo